• Member Since 16th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen May 21st, 2012



<<======================IMPROVED VERSION======================>>

Princess Soul Symphony arrives in Pony Ville, along with her pet fox and many secrets. Why is she here? Did the Princesses send her? After continuously overworking herself back in Canterlot, the Princesses force her to take a break in the secluded village of Pony Ville. But surely that isn't the only reason she was forced to go, is it?

Princess Celestia has something up her sleeve, something involving the lovable Rainbow Dash...but how will Princess Luna feel about allowing Celestia to expose their sister to such strange ideas, will the irresistible pull of temptation distract Princess Soul Symphony from her duties? How can she possibly be a filly-fooler?

Follow the Mane 6 and their royal companion as life becomes a game in which they each have a very unique role, but who has the key to the treasure of Soul Symphony's heart?


Please go easy on me with the criticism, kindly say what is wrong and how to improve it. I will thank you, and reply. Please don't leave any comments on how much you hate it, being negative won't help an pony. Any suggestions or further ideas will be greatly appreciated, PM me about them. This is my first story on FIMF, please be gentle. :3

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 2 )

All right, but there are better ways to make an audience dislike a character then to make her an Ultra-Mary-Sue. Make her personality irritating, make her a jerk, make her antisocial. Really, almost anything is better than just making her perfect. And honestly, if you REALLY want to keep the alicorn and exotic pets thing, I would suggest moving in the other direction. Don't re-edit to make her LESS Sue-ish, exaggerate it MORE. If it's ridiculous enough, the audience will realize she's a parody character that's supposed to be hated, at least in the beginning. Also, you say you want her to be "redeemed", and that her "personality will change", but right now, she's a Sue. Her personality doesn't need changing, because she's perfect. She's sweet, quiet, and everypony loves her. That's my problem with the fic right now.

EDIT: Well apparently the comment that I was replying to got eaten/deleted. If FimFiction got it somehow, bad luck. If you deleted it, shame on you. Deleting critiques you don't agree with is the fastest way to get your readers to hate you.


Please do not worry, I am deleting it as I am rewriting my story. I agree completely with you, I have taken your criticism on board and I am using it to change my plotline and my character. I appreciate your concern and ideas on how to improve my character. I will be sure to use them in some way. Also, I am going to try making the Mane 6 and the Princesses sound more like themselves. :pinkiesmile: Please do not think I am embarrassed of your criticism, I just deleted it because my story is now far more different and they no longer apply. If you wish to continue this conversation, please PM me rather than post publicly. Any thoughts on how to develop my character and story alike are much appreciated. :twilightsmile:

Thank you, I will soon be deleting both comments because this story will soon be updated with dramatically changed chapters and I wish for it to have a fresh start. Thank you.

EDIT: I as a writer am ashamed to have created a mary sue, I am certainly not proud of it. I will soon submit her altered character, please be sure to re-read and PM me on your opinion and how I can adjust her further. :)

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