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err... a Freddy's Pizzeria quest?

A long but amazing adventure to the human dimension to help protect Mike Schmidt from animatronics! Funny, cool and 20% cooler! Nah its not... Its 20% WUB! - Vinyl

Chapters (2)

Stuff happens first like WUBS! · 29th Dec 2014 · 1,542 words
1,542
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MUFFINS MUFFINS AND MORE MUFFINS! · 31st Dec 2014 · 825 words
825
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Comments ( 5 )

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ShadowblazeCR

ShadowblazeCR #1 · Dec 30th, 2014 · 2 · 1 · Stuff happens first like WUBS! ·

Nah.

re- Yamsmos

re- Yamsmos #2 · Dec 30th, 2014 · 1 · 1 · Stuff happens first like WUBS! ·

This entire.... thing is why I don't like Vinyl, nor people who like Vinyl.

Pankrazius

Pankrazius #3 · Dec 30th, 2014 · 3 · · Stuff happens first like WUBS! ·

You should set ANY dialoge in quotes. Its inconvinient to guess who was speaking, without quotes. If you change between "in story"-mode and "out-of-story"-mode then set one of the two modes in italics or anything.

The interest with the story is just getting killed with this ardous writing. There is no flow to it.

You seem to have an interesting angle at the characters, though. Although I wouldn't depict Vinyl Scratch so oblivious to others. But thats more a matter of taste.

Stiggerzz