A long but amazing adventure to the human dimension to help protect Mike Schmidt from animatronics! Funny, cool and 20% cooler! Nah its not... Its 20% WUB! - Vinyl
A long but amazing adventure to the human dimension to help protect Mike Schmidt from animatronics! Funny, cool and 20% cooler! Nah its not... Its 20% WUB! - Vinyl
Nah.
This entire.... thing is why I don't like Vinyl, nor people who like Vinyl.
You should set ANY dialoge in quotes. Its inconvinient to guess who was speaking, without quotes. If you change between "in story"-mode and "out-of-story"-mode then set one of the two modes in italics or anything.
The interest with the story is just getting killed with this ardous writing. There is no flow to it.
You seem to have an interesting angle at the characters, though. Although I wouldn't depict Vinyl Scratch so oblivious to others. But thats more a matter of taste.
Erm,..
5441345 thank you! I've altered it so you can tell it thanks for your advice!