This isn't my Garage!
The man stood dead on his feet, his emergency bag hanging on his arm. Everything about the man's body language spoke of exhaustion, not a physical exhaustion mind you, a mental one. Almost nonstop the man had been contacting gypsies, shamans, witch doctors, magicians, the few scientists that would speak with him, and he even attempted summoning a demon; nothing could even come close to explaining to him what had been happening to his home or how he could counteract it. In fact the closest he had come to getting some progress was a conversation with someone claiming to be 'The Magic Hobo' outside of a fortune teller's place, the hobo told him “To just go along with it and quit whining.” The man was not very inclined to listen to the supernatural vagabond.
With a sigh the man moved out his front door and crossed the short distance between his home and the disconnected garage; he had a meeting with another possible nutcase in just an hour. The man opened his garage only to let out a long groan and closed the door again. He'd have to see if he could reschedule his meeting with this 'Set' character, as his garage and the vehicle inside it were no longer present.
The orange earth pony trotted dutifully towards the large barn in the center of her family's apple farm. She had just finished treating a section of the crops that had been having issues with some of the more destructive insects and now she had to get to bucking, if she wanted to stay ahead of everything that needed done.
After adjusting the stetson atop her blonde ponytail of a mane the pony gave a great heave and slid the barn's doors open; she was going to need the cart from inside if she wanted to move all the apples she planned on bucking off the trees. Once the doors were fully open the mare simply stood before them, her brain trying to wrap itself around just what she was seeing; it was large, it was metallic, and it most certainly was not in her barn before.
After the initial shock of what was seen had worn off, the pony quickly charged into the orchard to fetch her brother, this could seriously affect the family business.
The man sat on his covered porch to wait. His appointment had been gracious enough to insist on coming to his home to witness the results of the phenomena firsthand rather than to rearrange their meeting. The man knew not what possible insight his contact could bring to the situation, but any insight at all would be welcome. Perhaps he should prepare some tea or lemonade or something, he would be having a guest soon after all.
A large red stallion with a mane to match the mare's coat and a yoke adorning his neck maintained a steady pace following his sister. Whatever was in the barn was troubling the mare and as the older brother it was his job to make sure everything was alright. The stallion's gait slowed considerably as the exposed interior of the barn came into view, the blood red monstrosity within gleaming from the small bits of sunlight shining upon it.
The stallion gave a low whistle at the sight of the strange object. It almost looked like a carriage, an oddly misshapen carriage, but a carriage all the same. The strange object took up nearly all of the space inside the building, leaving only a small amount of walking space between it and the tables laden with various tools lining the walls. As the stallion moved to the rear of the object it became apparent that there was indeed a bed meant to act as a cart for pulling material.
The stallion gave the object a firm push. It did not even wobble in response. With a deep scowl the stallion rolled up his metaphorical sleeves. He could already tell this wouldn't be easy.
A tall bipedal figured walked up the man's driveway. The figured had no distinguishing features of note, aside from a blindingly white robe hanging from his shoulders to his feet and straight black hair sticking down from a most absurd hat. The hat in question was made to look like an over sized anteater's head with unusually squared ears. Very few could walk up a driveway with the same amount of dignity as the figure possessed while wearing such a hat.
Of course, no matter how odd one might appear to be there will always be something just around the corner that is even odder. This law of the universe proved itself true once more as the figure caught sight of the man's front porch. There sitting on the porch, in an old wooden chair, was the man, idly sipping from a glass of lemonade whilst pondering the exact nature of the world. Mimicking the man's behavior was a multitude of creatures, feathered and furred, each with their own plastic or Styrofoam cup of lemonade. The figure approached the porch, breaking the silence as if he were the only one that could.
“You aren't a druid are you? Or some kind of nature spirit, because I know I said quite plainly that I will not associate with either of those any more.”
The man simply assured the figure that he was neither a nature spirit nor a druid before offering him a glass of lemonade.
“Thank you, but I'm trying to watch my citrus intake.” The man nodded and set the glass down. “So then, care to show me the location of the strange phenomena?” The man gave a second nod before rising to lead the way.
The stallion collapsed onto the ground, panting heavily. Sweat ran down his mane and coat until it began to pool beneath him. The large pony gave a small grunt of effort as he forced himself back onto his hooves, the mare giving him a small smile as she brought him a glass of water, somehow balancing on only three legs.
The mare gave a chuckle as her brother quickly downed the water, her eyes drifting to the rope that had connected his yoke to the odd carriage-wagon and was now two separate, and incredibly frayed, half-sized lengths of rope. Quickly the orange pony turned around and trotted off to fetch something.
The large pony set down his emptied glass before starting to remove both tied ends of the rope and tying the two pieces together, which was much easier than one could have guessed hooves were capable of. Whatever the red behemoth before him was, it was obvious that it would not be budged by brute force alone. The odd clinking of metal began to resound through the room, causing the stallion to face the door and the source of the noise.
The mare dragged in a length of heavy chain; it might have been too heavy for her, but she knew that it was nothing more than string to her strong brother. Her brother who always put family before all else. Her brother who could always be counted on in a tight spot. Her brother who has just broken through the nearest wall and was rapidly fleeing from the heavy metal links... With a scowl on her face the pony dropped the chain. Her brother would be getting an earful come dinner, that much was certain.
With a heavy sigh the pony looked at the red beast dominating the room, it looked less polished than it had earlier, more dingy. It was then that something called to her, something deep inside. Maybe it needed a good cleaning...
The man and the figure stood side by side looking into the interior of what could only be a barn. The barn-like nature of the room was made apparent by the large wagon and the bales of hay.
“So, it's not normally like this then?” The figure asked.
The man shook his head in response to the figure.
“Just checking, and I do have a name you know. Call me 'Set', not 'the figure'.”
The man couldn't help but to wonder what the fig- what Set was talking about.
“Don't worry about it too much, it wasn't directed at you.” Set calmly said. “Though I do have to ask you why you smell faintly of brimstone, incense, scrambled eggs, and sausage... Never mind. I think I know. You tried to summon a demon recently didn't you?” Set began to walk around the room, idly examining the contents and the air.
The man gave a small cough in reply.
“I can already tell by the faint remnants of aura around you, but I'm gonna ask anyway. It wasn't Tchernobog was it?” He looked away from a particularly cube shaped hay bale and towards the man.
A small nod was the man's reply.
“That. Was. Stupid. If it he had actually answered you wouldn't be standing here now.” Set resumed his examination of the room “I mean seriously. Do you even realize how idiotic it is for a mortal to try and summon a being of his standing with eggs and sausage?”
Giving one of the wagon's wheels a good kick he resumed his rant. “You have to offer him Cheerios. For the last decade he's been trying to watch his cholesterol and his first response to any fool who steers him away from his diet is to deep fry their soul.”
Set sat on a hay bale and began to make rapid hand gestures into the air. “It's a shame really. That habit is how he got the high cholesterol in the first place. Souls are about eighty percent cholesterol. Not sure about the rest though, probably fat.” As he finished his last hand gesture the whole of the room seemed to wobble for half a second before abruptly stopping. “For future reference, if you do attempt to summon a being beyond your grasp, I suggest making a nice turkey sandwich and trying for Armaros. He'll do about anything for a free meal... Unless it involves the top of a mountain, not sure why.”
Despite the incredible information he was receiving about the nature of supernatural entities and the human soul, the man couldn't help but wonder what it was Set had just done with his hands.
“First of all, I was setting the groundwork to stabilize the space around your home. When it's done there shouldn't be anymore room swapping, or if there is it'll only be a little one before it's all done. Though I couldn't figure out who exactly caused it, but it probably isn't important.” Set stood up and began to remove the hay from the back of his pants. “And secondly, stop doing that thing where you convey information without actually speaking. It's starting to creep me out.”
The man was somewhat confused, but assured Set that he would try his best.
“You're still... Never mind, I've got the groundwork all done in here so if you could show roughly the center of your home area I can finalize the process and get your spacial area normalized.”
The man did some thinking for a moment before asking Set to follow him, he had an idea of about where the exact center would be.
The mare wiped some moisture from her brow, her first task completed. The freshly cleaned and waxed vision of red beauty sat on four wheels before the mare, a certain amount of pride humming within it. The orange pony gently laid her head onto the front of the object, listening quietly to a voice only she could hear, a presence taking hold of a part of her mind.
She was confused at first with what she was asked to do, but dutifully she went over to a nearby wall and retrieved a small set of keys from the metal peg they were hung on. Looking back towards the source of her instructions the mare carried the keys to the side of it and, after a small amount of scrutinizing, inserted one of them into a small lock on what was now apparent to be a door and unlocked the mechanism.
The interior was a thing of wonder. Two large seats dominated most of the space while facing an array of knobs, buttons, dials, levers, a large wheel like structure, and all manner of tiny lights and numbers. There was only one issue. The seat was pretty high up.
Not one to be so easily deterred, the pony retrieved the keys from the door and took several steps back before performing a flying leap onto the seat. Her front half made it just fine. Her rear end, however, hung miserably from the side of the seat, hooves just inches above the ground. With some scrabbling the pony managed to pull herself fully into the carriage section of the vehicle and shut the door.
The mare's ear gave a slight twitch as she received her next set of instructions. Her first task was to sit properly in the seat. Setting a hoof on the large wheel the pony used it to support herself as she turned around to face forward.
BWWEEEEEEEERRRRP!
A loud roar filled the room, shortly followed by a small thud as the head of a mare collided with a thin ceiling. The equine rubbed the freshly tenderized spot on her head, wondering what she was doing, when the instructions were repeated to her. Her eyes dulling, she began examining the distance between herself, the floor, and the wheel.
Her first task was to somehow use the strange rectangles on the base of the seat to alter its location. It took her some time, but she managed to figure out how sliding the rectangles would move the seat and guided it into a lower and much more forward position, just like she was instructed to.
The next command was a somewhat simpler one. The mare had to grasp a thin length of some odd yet sturdy material and draw it across herself to connect a little metal bit that was attached to it into a small holder. It seems that even ponies being controlled by trucks with a recently developed magical sentience are not excused from using a safety belt, but that's because there is no excuse for not using one.
The truck was excited. Soon it would be allowed to move, it could feel it. Sure it was allowed to move nearly every day before, but today was different; today it would be in control of where it traveled, today it would use the pony to guide itself wherever it wanted!
The truck instructed the mare on how to start it up, told her what to do to get its engine roaring and its gears in drive. The truck started up with great noise and excitement as she listened and obeyed.
Now to fully understand how inevitable the final outcome of all these events was, one must be aware of two facts. Firstly, trucks are completely lacking in the optical receptors department, that is to say, they have no eyes of any sort. Secondly, apple farms tend to have an incredibly high number of apple trees planted within them.
The truck had made it a full forty feet from the barn before it slammed into an apple tree, destroying its front end and rendering its captive driver unconscious. Fortunately, the pony was unharmed in every way, thanks to the valiant efforts of her safety belt, and was dozing somewhat peacefully on an inflated bag of air that had shot out of the wheel in front of the seat. Unfortunately, the truck was most likely never going to be going anywhere again. Neither fortunate nor unfortunate but simply odd, all the fruit from the tree had fallen and landed neatly in the bed of the vehicle shortly after impact. All in all it wasn't too odd a day for the apple farm.
The man could hardly contain his happiness, after all this time the end was in sight. The man was so excited he allowed to small to grin make itself present on his face.
“Alright then, it's all done.” Set clapped his hands together, his ritual finished. “You should be in the clear, for the most part. You might experience one more small swap, so don't let your guard down, but aside from that in roughly three weeks time you will be in all clear and can go about your life as normal.”
The man expressed his extreme gratitude and inquired just how much this had cost him.
“You're.. you're still doing that thing with the not talking.. Never mind. It doesn't cost you a thing. I've already taken my payment, the coordinates of this world your rooms have been switching into. That's more than enough payment for this kind of small task.”
The man was slightly confused, but saw no reason to complain.
“Well then, if this concludes our business I shall be going. I have other appointments I must get to.” Set turned and walked back down the man's driveway, departing for his next client.
The man bid a simple farewell to the one with the strange taste in headgear, before making his way back into his home. He'd have to make a few calls to secure himself a temporary mode of transport until he could find a new vehicle, but at least it was beginning to look like the weirdness would finally start to be left behind him.
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Dat title pic. Dat description. Dat vote count. I will be reading this at some point. Just...not 2:15 AM.
Ouch, whiplash. One more swap huh.
Poor Man. I guess he had it coming, though, if he was trying his hand at demon summoning.
I can only Imagine how this will end, can't wait to see it.
Oh my god you're alive. I cleaned out my favourites and kept this out of respect. I am a little curious about a few things though, why didn't you mention the living room swap? You mentioned the animals but not the room. Who is this guy? Why do I get the feeling that he will end up summoning Discord a lot? And finally, if the ground is stable, does that mean he won't get his living room and garage back (And that the animals are stuck with him? Meh, Flutters has TV)?
Oh. My. GAWD!
That was bloody hilarious!
I've never been the type to laugh really loud, even when watching or reading or listening to something
that seems to do that to a lot of people. But this... I got really close, in fact, I just might have if I had to be
quiet right now, seeing as how my family is asleep.
i remember this was the first fimfic i read glad to see it's still alive
Damn, son, this is good! An update!
Hopefully you'll keep on going!
It reminds me of I story I wrote about Applejack being turned into a truck.
Willie Nelson was involved.
If the universe messes with this guy, he'll mess with the conventions of the story. Wow.
XD I gotta say, I love this Set character. Too bad this is all we'll see of him.
Also, I have to wonder how Fluttershy is doing without Angel and the rest of her critters. She's probably completely torn up about it.
Lemme guess... next chapter will be Canterlot palace, no?
That must have been a well needed break, because you came back with quite possibly the best chapter in the story.
OH GOD!
i.imgur.com/MXSC1.gif
ITS BACK! HURRAH! In all seriousness though, great chapter. Its amazing how you can put in so much description with next to no speech.
Glory be, the story has returned!
Poor truck, at least it got one last wash and wax before it went.
Hey Treg!
Oh, how they grow up so fast! I remember when we were newbie's together, you and I were one of the only comments!
Now look at you, once featured on EqD!
Still waiting for that Stone-Turner update however...
2013350
I'm working on Stone's next update, but there have been things. Things like Borderlands 2 and Steam sales and such.
The man is going to be so mad when he finds his truck totaled.
One more swap you say. well this should be intresting.
Very nice, original, funny and interesting concept. In this chapter, it's a pity Applejack didn't do a tour in Ponyville with the truck before crashing it into a tree.
. . .
Did he really contact the Egyptian God of the Desert, Darkness, and Chaos?
Poor Truck.
Instead of this Set person, you could've used G-Man. I mean, you're already crossing over worlds, so why not? It'd be interesting what G-Man would do with the coordinates of this other world. Though I guess an Egyptian god (or an eccentric follower) is interesting in it's own right.
Watch it turn out that Set was G-Man.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/225/378/sweetie%20belle%20that%20is%20beautiful.jpg
Update? How exciting!
Glad to see you'r back, and I have to agree this chapter is one of your best.
. More like he cracks it.
I like this Set character, he has an interesting way of breaking the fourth wall, sorta but not quite
Apple Jack is a Truck whisperer! I call it now, that's the title of the next fimfic story of the month.
And I knew that 'The Man' wasn't just some average joe. He doesnt speak,he Makes the Universe do the talking for him!!!
Always like your chapters, and will be sad when this story ends.
Looking forward to more!
So basically science has no idea what's happening and magic basically says "It's happening, just deal with it".
Set? As in the god of chaos? THAT Set?
Didn't anyone else notice that APPLEJACK is the first and ONLY equestrian car wreck? boy don't she feel special...
3692001 That's what I was thinking too... The Egyptian god of chaos (And maybe the underworld... Wait, no, that might be Osiris...)
2014263 Hey, Set was clearly acting professional, eccentric yes, that's due to his line of work remember, but he was clearly acting professional, at least the man didn't make the mistake of trying to contact one of the Olympians.
This next swap... will be gloriously awesome! XD hahahaha, its beautiful XD NIce job man, nice job