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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like it. Keep writing!
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That is all.
One: do paragraphs EVERY TIME a new character speaks.
Two: You don't have to describe the ponies if we already know them. Someone that doesn't know ponies doesn't have business reading a fanfic about them.
I'll pass on thumbing this for now.
Very good start!
For some reason, most people have their human characters either loved straight from the beginning, or indifferently treated. The (extremely natural) reaction to a potential predator of throwing him out of town.Very well written start to the story, please finish the next chapter soon. Also, I'd suggest finding a buddy to proofread your chapters before submission. Just to keep it straight.
You sir, need to keep doing this story. Moustache spike demands it!
Let's see how this story does on the cliche-o-meter:
Protagonist has memory loss (Cliché++)
Protagonist isn't a brony (Cliché-)
Protagonist faints or loses consciousness for poorly explained reasons (Cliché+)
Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (Cliché+)
That's 3 shots of vodka for me.
You actually write pretty descriptively ()but damn this reads like such a run of the mill throw away HiE fic it's painful. Is your editor/pre-reader not familiar with the HiE genre and the pitfalls that are quite prevalent in it? Also the reaction of the ponies to figuring out our fearless protagonist is capable of eating meat is both a bit extreme given how they act around other meat eaters in the series and impressive that they picked up on it since human canines are much less pronounced than actual carnivorous species (being an omnivore rules).
I'll take those 3 shots tomorrow and see if I can make it through the rest of your chapters.
well this is different but its good liking
Well written, but the way the characters react seems a bit odd. The dude doesn't seem even surprised about colorful, magical, talking ponies. He just seems blasé about everything.
The ponies... Well, the townsfolk I can understand, they always panic, but the mane six? They've dealt with manticores, dragons, ursas, sea serpents and gryphons, all of which are bigger than them and all without pissing themselves in fear. Sure, they've never even heard of something like a human, but fear of the unknown only explains so much. Except for watching the town he was polite, peaceful and non-threatening, which is more than you can say for Gilda, for example. *Shrug* Just seems odd.
Whatever. 's your story, Imma go read more of it now, m'kay?
Oh, and I like it.
Just starting here with an initial impression of this: The ponies freak out at a biped that has no natural weapons (ie: lacks claws or an extremely sharp set of teeth. I'll give you height but that's about it), but have no problems with a bird of prey/lion mix? (Griffon). Ya, there's something wrong about that but I won't hold it against you as long as it leads to interesting places.
3500314 The unknown is scary than any claws or teeth can be. Griffons they know, Humans they don't. However their reaction was on the extreme side, but not OOC as Zecora got a similar reaction therefore calling bullshit wouldn't work. As in fanfiction sometimes you have to take an extreme approach to get a different, and unique approach on a common situation that has already been written. Sometimes logic and feasibility must be cast out for something more unique. Honestly this is a beef I have with a lot of people (not you, I was just reminded of it.) people have to fight of a restriction of how far you can bend some ponies' personality off of feasibility. Sometimes it's just required to explore that idea or that conflict. Personally as long as it doesn't spread to th realm of impossibility, I give it a chance. Wooh would you look at that, wonder how many people will skip this?