“A long long time ago in the land of old, a great pony once said that a great hero will come and save us all from a great evil. He will save us from the darkness.”
Twilight closed her book that she was reading to the flies in front of her. “Now.” said Twilght. “What do you think this evil will be?”
Scootaloo put up her hand. “I don’t care what it is Twilight! I’m tough and will beat it up!”
“Yeah!” say Apple Bloom. “Ah am’s the only one whos’ goin’ to beat em’ up Scootaloo!”
Twilight frown. She looks around her libary that she was in. “That not what I ask. What did I ask, Sweetie belle?”
Sweetie Belle looks around with fear in her one eye. Her gaze dart around like panther. “Um.” she say. “What did you ask?” She was not listening.
“What will the evil be?”
“It will be the blackbolts.”
“The blankbolts?” ask Twilight who was not giving herselves a facehoof in the face. It was hard to teach the flies about magic and old books. The old ones lived in the north where it was very cold and musty.
Scootaloo lift hoof. “The old ones are going to save us from the blackbolts? How?”
“Well…” Twilight started. But then we move to the outside and then into the sky. The clouds move apart to give us a better view of where we are going. Soon, we’re on another planet where a man named Gavin is sitting in a chair in Walmart.
“Gavin!” the maniger of the Walmart says as Gavin looks around. “Why are you sitting around??”
“I was just sitting!” Gavin’s eyes darted around. “I will get back to work!”
“You better!”
“I hate my life…” Gavin huffs under his breath. As long as he could remember he had been doing the same rutine. Eat drink, get money, Walmart, and then bed. His life was awful… And he felt like he needed something new.”
“Hey!” a customer walked happily over to Gavin, who could only roll his eyes as he saw her coming. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.”
Gavin sighed, “Get in line with everyone else who needs help, mame…”
“What?” She cocked her head to the side in confusion. “Is that a yes?” She looked around slowly. “Are you helping someone else? I can come ba-”
“No, no!” Gavin waved his hand. “Just… What’s your problem?”
The customer reached into her purs, and after rummaging through it for a short while, she pulled out a small flip phone. “I was wondering if you guys could fix this. I bought it here, so I thought I’d give this place the first try.”
“Yeah, I’ll help…” Gavin reached out and took the phone out of the woman's hand. She could feel somewhat annoyed as he eyed it, giving a faint disgusted look the old model phone.
Gavin sighed again, “What seems to be the problem?”
“Well, it isn’t turning on anymore.”
Gavin rolled his eyes. Great, he thought. The fool probably dropped it in some water and is trying to blame the store to get a new one…
“Did you drop it in water?” Gavin asked deadpan.
“Nope, it just stopped working today. Do you think it’s because it’s too old? I bought it a few years ago.”
Gavin reached out the hand that was holding the small phone. The lady raised a brow as he signaled for her to take it. She opened her mouth to protest, but was cut off.
“I don’t know how to fix phones.” Gavin stared daggers at her. “I just wanted to see the crap this store used to sell. Honestly, you shouldn’t even come here. Everything is shit.”
The customer gave him a weird look before quickly turning around to head to the front desk. Gavin watched her head shake in disapproval as she walked. “Fucking rude asshole…” he heard her say in all but a whisper.
“Yeah,” Gavin huffed as he too turned around. “Fuck you too.”
Gavin made his way to the bathroom and started to cry. His parents have been dead for 5 years. It’s been very hard for him to get a place to sleep. Most of the time he slept in a box outside of the Walmart. When it rained, he hid under some rusted cars in the junkyard.
“Why did you have to leave me?!” He cry into his shoulder. “Why?!?!?”
He stood back to his feet, wiping of the tears from his eyes. He took a step, only to fall face-first onto the ground.
“Fuck!” He yelled as he rolled on the ground in pain. He felt blood run down his face as he tried to cover up the pain. Suddenly his eyes wandered to some strange markings on the ground. They were written in a way in which he couldn’t read them.
He reached out a bloody hand to touch them, and when his hand made contact, sparks bursted into the air around him. The heat was got unbearable fast. And soon Gavin found himself passing out.
“Quid venistis ad me vitae meae?”
-------------------------------------------------
Gavin’s eyes flickered open. The pain in his noise was hurting really bad. But the grass felt different, and the sky was much bluer than he remembered.
“what’s going on?” Gain asked himself as he stood up to his feet. But they weren’t feet, they were hooves!
“What?!” Gavin’s eyes went really wide as he found himself eyeing his new body. “What am I?!”
Gavin took a step in his new body. lit felt nice with the new black fur and horn… HORN?!
Gavin did looked straight up only to see a bighorn sitting up top of his head. He fell backwards. But he soon felt himself floating off the ground. “W-WINGS?!” Gavin almost yelled.
“THIS IS AWESOME!” Gavin did a loop-de-loop in the air before flying off into the sky.
The possibilities were limitless to him. He could go anywhere, do anything! What was he to do first? He thought.
A cool little tree-house was spotted over a little village.
"Cool!"
This is a very bad idea........
I pray that the people of this site have mercy upon you...
Reporting this to the mods because it's not properly marked as a sequel to An Alicorn's Struggle.
Oh God please no...
NOT BADLY WRITTEN FIMFICTION! PLEASE ANYTHING BUT THAT!
Please, I beg you, don't add this to any groups without telling me. I really don't want this to end up somewhere it's only going to get downvotes.
This self gratifying, grammar impaired, alicorn OCed, badly written, unintentionally hilarious, cliche ridden, tedious mess would get downvotes in a kindergarten. Plan 9 from Equestria here we come... With or without your consent.
P.S Of course, it's hard to teach flies about magic & books... THEY'RE FLIES!!!!
P.P.S THANK YOU FOR SULLYING ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS FROM ONE OF MY FAVOURITE DISNEY FILMS WITH YOUR TITLE. ROBIN WILLIAMS JUST DIED RECENTLY... HAVE SOME RESPECT.
If this is a trollfic, then it ain't funny, and if it isn't, then it's crap
Beautiful derpicdn.net/img/2014/7/28/685678/large.jpg
I prayed for mercy on you, dear Author.
But alas, sometimes God says no.
PS: People will add stories to the groups that they think they belong in, you can't really stop them.
5193461
l.popoffka.ru/ponies/poster/BigMac.png
This was hilarious until I realised who the author was, then it became kinda meh.
Troll harder next time, Based Windlife.
AHAHAHAHA.
5193643 troll.me/images2/vin-diesel/exactly.jpg
If I knew how to add things to groups, This would in in Plan 9. And Plan 9: 2.
To be sung to the tune of you-know-what
I CAN SHOW YOU A FIC
SHITTY, SHAMEFUL, SHAMBOLIC
TELL ME, AUTHOR
CAN YOU HONESTLY
SAY YOU EVEN TRIED?
YOU HAVE OPENED MY BOWELS
MADE ME VOMIT EVERYWHERE
OVER SIDEWALKS AND UNDER
ON MY BRAND NEW CARPET... *SIGH*
A WHOLE NEW WORLD
A NEW, HORRIFIC PILE OF POO
WHY DIDN'T THE MODS TELL YOU "NO"
OR WHERE TO GO
PLEASE TELL ME, AM I DREAMING...
A WHOLE NEW WORLD
A STORY I WISH I'D NEVER KNEW
AND NOW WAY FROM WAY UP HERE
IT'S CRYSTAL CLEAR
A WHOLE NEW WORLD
NEEDS TO BE FLUSHED DOWN THE LOO..
(NOW I'M READING A WHOLE NEW WORLD)
UNBELIEVABLE SPELLING (unbelievably bad, that is)
INDESCRIBABLY BORING
SNORING, GRUMBLING, I'M REELING
FROM THIS ENDLESS CRAP. PLEASE DIE.
A WHOLE NEW WORLD
(PLEASE CAN I CLOSE MY EYES)
A THOUSAND WORDS OF TRASH
(HOLD YOUR BREATH IT GETS WORSE)
I'M SHOOTING DOWN TO THE BAR
20 BEERS SO FAR
I STILL CAN'T FORGET
THE HORRORS I'VE SEEN
A WHOLE NEW WORLD
(EVERY PARAGRAPH A NIGHTMARE)
NEW LOWS IN WRITING
(HOLD YOUR BREATH IT GETS EVEN WORSE)
PLEASE TAKE IT ANYWHERE
I DON'T REALLY CARE
JUST DON'T SHARE A WHOLE NEW WORLD WITH ME
A WHOLE NEW WORLD
A WHOLE NEW WORLD
BURNING IN PURGATORY
THAT'S WHERE IT'LL BE
WHERE IT'LL BE
OUT OF MY FACE
TO 'THAT OTHER' PLACE
PLEASE DO IT FOR... MMEEE...
My apologies to Alan Menken (rest his soul) and Sir Tim Rice, but some things must be done...
5193548
HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE COULD BE SERI--
lh6.googleusercontent.com/-l9H5hPoS7bo/VE7JQaVX8GI/AAAAAAAACcY/YvqBCqUMp5c/w335-h269-no/Windlife.png
^ good song
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-oREhfHe9IaQ/VE7J0yUc3qI/AAAAAAAACco/RMiRTBrR2f4/w964-h627-no/Windlife%2BPage.png
^ funny song
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-0pYEbtpCFsc/VE7KnKPvpEI/AAAAAAAACdE/Bfc8fKGV-BQ/w336-h789-no/Windlife%2BStories%2B1.png
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Jn5bxrNP9EY/VE7KnLsokaI/AAAAAAAACc8/omVXLJfPt8A/w335-h516-no/Windlife%2BStories%2B2.png
^ funny, yet poorly received stories that indicate ironically bad author
HE'S SERIOUS GUARDIAN TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY
5193524
5193491
5193635
imgflip.com/readImage?iid=412211
5193701 You, my friend, should be a Comedian!
I've never been sitting in my house, all alone, laughing at the top of my lungs!
Well done, lad, well done.
Beautiful fanfic, well planned characters, superb plot. I recommend this to everyone on fimfiction, this story is deep and engaging with perfect worldbuilding.
You deserve a thumbs up my friend.
Who liked this?
(Other then the Author)
toplel
mememaker.net/static/images/memes/3850101.jpg
i711.photobucket.com/albums/ww118/AAKRON/tumblr_m8om6hKD4Y1rwcc6bo1_500.gif
i711.photobucket.com/albums/ww118/AAKRON/06a.gif
If this isn't about Batman, I'm out.
5193861
I do not think it should like this. My Oc is going to get better so please stop acting like a child.
5193701 I find this rude, can you please remove it?
5193761
I think people with taste will like mmy work. It's better then most of th stuff around here.
LOOK IF YOU ASSHOLES DONT STOP THIS IM GOING TO LEAVE THE SITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The chapter name was cool!
Apart from that... It really wasn't that good. The character was bland and generic, your narrative isn't that interesting, and 1000-2000 words isn't a chapter, it's the first few pages. Your character also looks lame. Red and black does not go together, and never will.
Finally, if you have to use "Tragically" in a story's description, that's not a good sign. Show, don't tell.
5194054
Can you people just give me a fucking brake? I don't under stand how I supposed to tell my story if all of you keep downvoting it!
ITS GOING TO GET BETTEER!
5194064
5194064
5194064
Didyou downvote my post? Wow, r00d.
Anyway, it's spelled break.
Finally... It gets better? How so? Epic fight scenes? Deep character studies? Character development? Complex Xantos Roulettes?
Also, your character looks like a badly ponified Zoroark from Pokémon. Zoroark is kinda lame, there are better Pokémon out there.
5194096
Im sick of people likje you.
5194094
It get's better, fool.
I can't tell you how without soiling it for everyone WHO WANTS TO READ IT!
5194119
5194119
I'm going to politely ask you to not call me a fool.
And if it's really that much of an "It gets better" story? Post somewhere a spoilertagged "The next twenty episode synopses" thing. That's what I'm tempted to do, considering how my fic was added into a "Did not read, and is not worth following" group within a day of being posted. I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for him to say he didn't read it, and I'm not sure why anyone would. But at least the people here have the common human decency to tell you why we think your story could use some improvement. That makes these people better than the one who added my story to that group. The guy who composed a Whole New World parody song, that was cool. You rock, song parody guy.
5194119
Wait, you said soiled instead of spoiled. Sorry, but I need to make this joke:
How can you soil it, when it's already crap?!
*Ba dum tss*
But in all seriousness, I hope you improve as a writer, and come back with something gloriously epic.
5194172
I dont think I need to improve if I'm already good enuf.
5194182
He's going to fight the evil attacking Equestria! How is that not cool and fun to read? I don't get why people downvote EVERYTHING I DO!
5194281
Wow, everything you just said was wrong! HAHAHA!
Try thinking about something better then that! when you try to insult someone! Your very bad at this aren't you?
Background for the Main Character needs more and better description than this....
5194292
Sounds like he's been pretty bang on the money so far
The main character is a douche, and unless that's what you were going for, it's bad.
Again: Losing your parents at a young age is not that bad. Were they gunned down in an alleyway by some punk mugger? Did they get murdered in front of him? No? Then it isn't that tragic, and you've lost writer points.
Wow....I-I can't...sorry...just wow...