Worthless

by mehperson

The story

When one is a filly, the only thing that seems to matter is your cutie mark. I do not blame them. I mean, it is your clarity. Your future. Most ponies' cutie mark is something they love and enjoy so of course they love it.

Most.

We don't like our cutie marks. Heck, we hate them to the bone. It represents being bratty, mean and acting like queens. Getting whatever we want without a challenge. Well, can't remember how we got our cutie marks but we know we got them. It just followed us around. The other foals seem to think we enjoy them, though. We act mean towards ponies who do not have them yet.

We were not always like this. Once, we were innocent and polite. Even meek. This is how we became the ponies you know now...

Being the rich filly, my parents did not allow me hang around the other fillies. They called them a bad influence because they are lower class. They feared that they will teach me bad habits. The lower class foals seem just fine to me! Some of them even offered to play with me. I declined politely, telling them that my parents didn't allow me to. They looked at me sadly. I must have looked lonely.

The rich fillies, on the other hoof, were older than me so we did not get along. They were interested in make-up and all that kind of stuff. I thought that I was going to be lonely forever when a miracle happened.

"Hi, my name is Silver Spoon. Nice to meet you,"a filly greeted, smiling awkwardly as she extended her hoof. I looked up to see a grey mare with thick glasses and her mane in a braid. I smiled meekly and shook her hoof.

"My name is Diamond Tiara. It is very nice to meet you, too,"I replied shyly. Silver Spoon gave me a wide smile that was from ear to ear.

"Wanna hang out?"she asked.

I was excited. I could finally be with another pony! I would not have to be lonely anymore! I nodded my head instantly.

"Catch! You're it!"she shouted.

Smirking, I got up from my seat and began chasing her. She hid in trees, tall grass, everywhere. I once accidentally hit her so hard when I tagged her that her glasses flung off! She scowled at me. My cheeks felt like they were burning from the inside! Was my first friend going to be my last? She tried to get her glasses. I tried my hardest, believe me, Celestia, I tried my hardest not to laugh but I laughed so hard that my sides hurt. I could barely breathe. I tried to stop my laughter, in fear of suffocating but it was impossible.

In a fit of rage, she tackled me into the mud. We threw punches and kicks at each other. Somehow, all the anger dissipated and was replaced by happiness.

"What are you two doing?!"a familiar voice called out. I froze. I slowly turned around. It was my father. His eyes were burning with rage. I gulped. I braced myself for an hour long scolding. I spotted a mare, whom I did not recognise but assumed that it was Silver Spoon's mother,with her mouth agape. Had it not been such a tense situation, I would have joked that a fly was going to enter into her mouth.

My father, as expected, gave me an earful about proper behaviour and all that fancy pants stuff. After he had finished his 'totally not boring' rant, he told us that he did not want us to stop our friendship but we had to behave. I smiled at my new-found friend and nodded. My family also had to buy Silver Spoon's new pair of glasses.

One of things we did together was try to find our cutie marks. They often ended in disaster.

Once, we thought that we could earn our cutie marks by cooking. We accidentally set the curtains on fire as we set the fire too high. We panicked. There was no pail nearby so even though we had water, we could not put out the fire.

We ran around like headless chickens, not knowing what to do. We met a dead end. We turned around. Our eyes widened. Red, orange and yellow flames were dancing towards us, as if beckoning us to join in and meet our Creator. We held each other, preparing for the worst when the sound of water splashing entered into our ears. We were saved! Lady Luck finally decided to be nice to us! The fire was put out within minutes. During that period of time, we were evacuated out of the building.

Our parents were there. We hugged them. I am not sure for Silver Spoon but I clutched onto them the longest and the hardest I had ever done before. I said that it was alright that they would give a rant. I shed a tear when they said that they told me that it was fine and all that mattered was that I was safe.

Only to do it later.

We went to each others' birthday parties, too. On Silver Spoon's sixth birthday, less than a year after I had met her, I gave her a wind-up toy that I had made myself. I was worried that she would not like it. It didn't even look good compared to the many expensive and beautiful gifts the others had bought for her. Hesitantly, I gave her the present. Her eyes widened. I looked down, embarrassed, only to be given a surprise by Silver Spoon. She gave me a hug. She told me that she loved it, even though it was cheap. She told me that it should be from the heart. I smiled.

One fateful day, however, we earned our cutie marks. We were so excited. We wanted to see what we could do. We learned that we could do absolutely nothing. We were angry and frustrated. We were nothing?! It was then that we noticed three blank flanks. Out of jealousy, we insulted them until they began to cry. It was then that we realised that it meant that we were brats. Despondently, we walked home.

The blank flanks got their cutie marks. Sweetie Belle is a singer, Scootaloo is a daredevil on her scooter and Apple Bloom became a famous chemist on growing plants. All their feat are amazing. It made them look dashing, charming and smart. However, we were stuck in a rut. Our cutie marks had nothing to do with the community. We were just fillies whose mouths were open and hoping that ponies would feed us. The moment they stop, we die off. The community will not be badly affected. I will bet that some would raise their nuzzles high and say,"Good riddance". All ponies have depth to their character, meaning that many words would describe them except us. Only one word could describe us and we both agreed that it is...

Worthless...

Author's Note:

Constructive criticism are appreciated.

I decided to do these two since they barely have character development so I decided to write about my headcanon. I also wanted to say that Scootaloo is a choreographer.

Comments

[sevenofeleven]

Good stuff.
There are just a few minor issues
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They often ended in disaster.

what is they?
What ended in disaster?

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Once, we thought that we could earn our cutie marks by cooking. We accidentally set the curtains on fire as we set the fire too high.

we set the flames too high

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We ran around like headless chickens, not knowing what to do. We met a dead end. We turned around.

Too many sentences starting with the same word.

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All their feat are amazing.

All of their feats

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"Once, we thought that we could earn our cutie marks by cooking."
One thing that makes a story grab readers more is showing what is going on. You miss opportunities to show events.

The cooking part would have been better if you had a conversation between Silver spoons and Diamond Tiara about cooking. After that have them talk about what to cook and how to cook it. This will show their characters more. You can make these chars come alive with dialog.

--------------------------
"One fateful day, however, we earned our cutie marks. We were so excited. We wanted to see what we could do. We learned that we could do absolutely nothing. We were angry and frustrated. We were nothing?! It was then that we noticed three blank flanks. Out of jealousy, we insulted them until they began to cry. It was then that we realised that it meant that we were brats. Despondently, we walked home."

Here is an example of how to make the first part more interesting.

One overcast day I got my cutie mark. We were on Horston street laughing at some of the cheap stuff they were selling. Some of these ponies have issues, most of that trash was worth only half or less of the bits they were asking for.

Silv suggested checking out Jay Jewelers. I saw this diamond tiara. It was so cool looking, I just had to wear it! I asked the salespony to let me wear it.
She gently placed the tiara on my head and did not mess up my hair.
It was kinda weird, I felt a tingling on the sides of my plot.
"Silv, what is going on?"
Her eyes went wide with surprise.
"Di, you finally got your Cutie Mark!"
I could not believe it, I have been waiting for that for like sooo long.
"What does it look like? Tell me tell me!" I demanded.
Silv waved her left hoof, "Chill Di, its not going anywhere. It looks like a Diamond Tiara."
"What, it looks like me?" I have never heard of a cutie mark that looked like its owner.
"Seriously? Di?" Silv started to laugh.

Apologies if I screwed up the first person thing, I don't do first person too often.
Also apologies on my lack of detail on Silver Spoons and Diamond Tiara.
I just want to show how a conversation here would be better than just saying "One day I got my cutie mark..."
Also maybe nicknames might be useful.

The paragraph at the start of this section could be more interesting if it was a series of conversations and action.
it is more work but you will get a more interesting story. It is interesting now but with the conversation, you have more chances to show what type of ponies your chars are.

[mehperson]

5138942
Thanks. I appreciate it. I might change the parts that you pointed out. I kind of wrote this story in a rush.

[ServingSpoon]

I think this is the saddest thing I have red today.

and I read a a fic where Diamond actually went insane and killed Silver Spoon and held her in her arms apologizing and Silver smiled and told her "i's okay." Diamond begged her not to leave her and Silver swore she never would with her dying breath.

THEN I read one where Diamond died and the CMC had to help her crossover by sorting out some daddy issues.

but this.. this is so horribly sad that they think they have no value when there are seveal goo interpretations of what their cutiemarks meant.

and what about Diamond making Silver a mechanical wind up toy for her birthday? I can't do that NOW let alone when I was 6!

[Mischievous Blue]

I see how this is possible. I now have a new view on them.

[Oak Sabletwist]

Hello! Honestly, I'm new to this whole business of critiquing, but I hope you'll find my review helpful. Since I'm a fairly new writer, I'm not sure how much my opinion is worth here, but I'll do my best!

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Worthless
Grammar Score: 6
Pros:
The concept for this story is brilliant; it's nice to see someone writing about both Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Most stories that I've read about Diamond Tiara and/or Silver Spoon never seem to focus on the friendship between them, so it was really nice to read about!
The ending was incredibly powerful and I loved the way you referred back to the title.
This story does a great job of transporting the reader into the mindset of the bully.
Cons:
There are a few issues with your grammar and spelling; though I'm hardly qualified to judge.
Your tense tends to alternate between past and present.
The flow of the story is slightly stilted at some points.

Notes Section:
This story is beautifully written! It's both powerful and occasionally comedic; a combination which isn't easy to get right. The relationship between Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon was well-developed and this whole piece was heartwarming overall. Well done and good luck with your future stories!

If it's not too much trouble, would you mind giving my story, The First Friendship a review? I would really appreciate it!

[mehperson]

5916693
It's appreciated! I'll try to review your story but I'm really busy with school.

[Oak Sabletwist]

5927722
No problem! Take your time.