Beacon of Hope

Scootaloo walked out of Sugarcube Corner, after Diamond Tiara’s cuteceneara, with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. As she got on her scooter, she raised her hoof and waved goodbye to them before speeding off. Once she reached Ponyville she slowed down considerably, so as not to hit anypony else. While the houses and shops sped by at the edges of her vision, Scootaloo kept her eyes focused solely on the path ahead of her. No matter what she would not let herself be distracted. Not this time.

She began to whisper quietly to herself as she went, "Ever since I was born, I’ve been pushed away by my parents. They never wanted me. Even though they don’t dare say to my face, I know that that is the truth. With how little they interact with me, I’m not sure why they don’t just fess up, and let me know how worthless they think I am. For the most part I’m just left alone, and told what to do. I’ve always obeyed even when I wanted nothing more than to escape that endless cycle. But no matter how hard I tried, something always brought me back, and I never knew just what that something was. Now, however, I think I might be beginning to realize what kept driving me to stay and continue to wait.

All my life I’ve been bullied everywhere I go. A lot of the time ponies won’t even talk to me before deciding that I’m not worthy of their friendship. After all, I am a flightless pegasus, and I don’t have my cutie mark yet. No matter how nice I tried to be, I was always driven away from the other fillies and colts as well as my parents. I don’t dare call them family since they have not acted as such. Families are supposed to take care of each other and be there when somepony else needs them, not ignore somepony just because they weren’t meant to be in this world."

Scootaloo’s wings kept flapping and propelling her forward even as her entire body shook. Two thin streams of tears began to flow down her cheeks, but she did not stop. "Every single day of my short life, I’ve felt trapped by the hatred. Trapped inside the walls that I’d built around myself when everypony seemed to want me gone from this world. Those walls were the only constant element in my life besides all of the resentment bordering on pure loathing from those around me.

But now, after so long left alone in the dark, something has changed. Now, I’m not really sure what to do with those walls, or how to react to having other ponies actually talk to me before judging me. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are special, and not just because they’re my only friends. For them to look past my physical shortcomings and see who I really am on the inside, signifies that they have true hearts of gold. Right now, they are the two most amazing ponies in all of Equestria even more so than the princesses."

Carefully, yet without stopping or faltering at all, Scootaloo took a hoof of the handlebars of her scooter and wiped away her tears. "It’s time for me to move on with my life. Somehow, I must find a way to push away all that has been done to me in the past, and emerge stronger because of those experiences. I will draw strength from my new friendships, and use that strength to drive away every last shadow of my past. I cannot continue living with those memories constantly haunting the forefront of my thoughts throughout every single one of my waking hours. They’ve been dragging me down into the depths of depression, but I vow that I shall sink no farther. My walls will slowly recede, and I will use the strength of my new friendships to climb out of this pit of sorrow."

The orange pegasus filly lifted her head up high as she began to speed up the pace at which her wings were propelling her scooter. Her voice began to grow a little stronger as she continued. "I remember when I was very young that I had a dream. A dream of rising above other ponies’ opinions of me, and showing them that they can’t hurt me. Recently, I’d begun to let go of that notion since the hatred I received was only growing. But now, for the first time ever, I think I’ve got a chance to achieve that dream.

Whether I actually mange to get there, I’m returning that dream to my possession, in a place close to my heart and soul. I know now that there’s always a beam of hope somewhere, which, when you find it, will guide you through even the darkest and most trying times of your life. I’ve found my light in the darkness; I’ve found my beacon of hope. My friends. I know that they will support me no matter what, and I will do the same for them. With them at my side, I won’t ever give up on my dreams again."

Scootaloo began to flap her wings harder as she turned off the main street in Ponyville. "No longer will I allow myself to be treated like a worthless piece of trash by my parents. That’s not what I am. I am a pony made of living flesh and blood. Together, with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, we will climb higher than the taunts. We’re all better than that. Words shouldn’t have the power to crush dreams the way they do. Ponies have abused them, and through those words, destroyed many other ponies.

I don’t care what happens to any of those ponies who’ve insulted me in the past. This is my chance to prove who I truly am to the rest of the world. No matter what happens I won’t back down." Scootaloo spotted a piece of wood propped up against a box. Her eyes narrowed in determination as she sped toward it.

"Giving up isn’t a part of my character."

As her scooter launched off the top and went high into the air, Scootaloo let go for just a moment, and spread her wings. "And I will soar toward a new, better future."

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2006midnight

2006midnight #1 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5086957 You're really good at picking quotes.

EquesTRON

EquesTRON #2 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · 1 · ·

About the only thing I could really criticize here is that Scoot's inner monologue seems much too introspective and mature for a 10-year-old filly; children don't normally think or talk like that... but I have a soft spot for the little orange tomboy, so I'll let it slide.

(Oh, like you didn't have me using a bunch of nerd words in your story too?)
(Okay, fair point... but only because you'd been hanging around Twilight so much by then, that all that "egghead stuff" kind of rubbed off on you.)
(Heyyyyy...)

One suggestion, though: When a character is monologuing, and their speech continues from one paragraph to the next, the convention is that you leave off the closing quote at the end of the first paragraph -- which you are doing correctly -- and to place a quote mark at the beginning of the next paragraph. Like so:

"Every single day of my short life, I’ve felt trapped by the hatred. Trapped inside the walls that I’d built around myself when everypony seemed to want me gone from this world. Those walls were the only constant element in my life besides all of the resentment bordering on pure loathing from those around me.
"But now, after so long left alone in the dark, something has changed. Now, I’m not really sure what to do with those walls, or how to react to having other ponies actually talk to me before judging me. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are special, and not just because they’re my only friends. For them to look past my physical shortcomings and see who I really am on the inside, signifies that they have true hearts of gold. Right now, they are the two most amazing ponies in all of Equestria even more so than the princesses."

Another way to do it would be to have her thinking it, instead of whispering it out loud, and placing her inner thoughts in italics, like so:

Ever since I was born, she thought to herself, I’ve been pushed away by my parents. They never wanted me. Even though they don’t dare say to my face, I know that that is the truth. With how little they interact with me, I’m not sure why they don’t just fess up, and let me know how worthless they think I am. For the most part I’m just left alone, and told what to do. I’ve always obeyed even when I wanted nothing more than to escape that endless cycle. But no matter how hard I tried, something always brought me back, and I never knew just what that something was. Now, however, I think I might be beginning to realize what kept driving me to stay and continue to wait.
All my life I’ve been bullied everywhere I go. A lot of the time ponies won’t even talk to me before deciding that I’m not worthy of their friendship. After all, I am a flightless pegasus, and I don’t have my cutie mark yet. No matter how nice I tried to be, I was always driven away from the other fillies and colts as well as my parents. I don’t dare call them family since they have not acted as such. Families are supposed to take care of each other and be there when somepony else needs them, not ignore somepony just because they weren’t meant to be in this world.

That way, you don't have to worry about placing quote marks, since the italics indicate inner dialogue (silent thoughts of the character in question) without needing quote marks to set them off.

2006midnight

2006midnight #3 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5087316 I originally had them italicized but it failed moderation that way so I had to chane it. I will fix the quotes when I get to a computer though.

EquesTRON

EquesTRON #4 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5087478
Really? That's kind of an odd thing for them to fail you for... Did you ask why they felt the use of italics was incorrect? Because italics as thoughts is a pretty common convention, even when the character is monologuing to themselves...

2006midnight

2006midnight #5 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5088225 They just said that having most of the story in italics was compromising readability.

EquesTRON

EquesTRON #6 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5088272
Seriously?

Considering some of the atrocious grammar, spelling, and hideously-malformed paragraph formatting they routinely allow to get past moderation, they've got a bit of nerve complaining about "readability"...