Rainbow Dash gets a wing cramp while flying over Sweet Apple Acres, and has to make a crash landing. Good thing Big Macintosh is there to help! But things get a bit more heated then expected: pegasus wings are very sensitive to the touch...
I stopped following this fic and, as soon as i can, i´ll downvote it (i´m using a proxy program, isp at work have a lot of restritions and, for some reason, the program blocks the up/down vote code).
I greatly enjoyed the first chapters, your writing is good, the chars are interesting but the Mac outburst was completly off-char...this is not even the Big Mac you pictured from the beginning. If you started with a completlly different vision of Big Mag since the beginning, i could understand. But no, he was the same good oldie quiet and lovely colt and, suddenly, drama happens out of nowhere for no reason.
So, please, forgive me. You have talent, the story is good, but you´ve lost me completly at that point. I wish you luck.
5045476 You're completely right. He was completely out-of-character during that part, and I apologize for the inconsistency. I lessened the "intensity" of that part, and entirely revamped it and part of the next chapter. This isn't the first time I've messed up on a character's personality, then had someone point it out to me.
So thank you for pointing out the error of my ways. If you don't want to follow it anymore, that's fine, and honestly, I think I deserve at least a down-vote for that section of poor writing.
I can understand RD character, but Big Mac was Ooc, but that wasn't the problem, the problem was the sudden change, if you have given me a look at it, some chapters before or in a flasback I could buy it.
5047698 Well, nothing in my stories is set in stone (except the core plot and characters). I can always change them to be better.Think of these all as a "rough draft", open to suggestions to make them better.
As for AJ and AB, the idea just suddenly popped in my head after your last comment (thanks for the idea btw), and I decided to take that route.
I added a section to Chapter 4 explaining as to why Big Mac would be so upset over such a seemingly minor thing. Sorry for being so unclear in my storytelling, and making the conflict come up so abruptly and seemingly for no good reason.
Please feel free to let me know if this explanation makes more sense, and lets you understand the meaning behind the conflict more.
5050884 This is my headcanon version of her; that she's actually a very sensitive pony hiding behind a facade of bravado and pride. I developed it by watching the various instances of Rainbow letting her "real" side peek through in the show. For examples, watch mainly Sleepless in Ponyville and 1,2,3 Testing, but it's peppered through the whole show in general, multiple times.
Today I really cleaned up all the chapters, eliminating comma splices and run-on sentences to a minimum instead of the epidemic I made of them before. I also added a few more bits and bobs to various chapters to make them flow better, as well as to eliminate awkwardly phrased/presented sentences.
It's still not perfect, but at least it looks like an adult wrote it now...
5055488 Totally agree 5045476 Agreed, tis fixed now though. and after re-reading seems much better, Hopefully going to find another ending so its not a copy/paste of other chapters
Next chapter is up. Editor hasn't been on to look it over, so don't be surprised if there are a few instances of grammatical errors and whatnot. Enjoy!
Geez, can't those two get a room? Or, like, use the ones they already own? Fillies might see this stuff!
On a more serious note: too much melodrama here. I hate for my first comment to mainly be criticism, but I had to say something after this chapter. The conflict that was thrown into Mac and Dash's relationship was fine itself, but it left them each so emotionally devastated that it started to feel manufactured and shallow. What happened was a simple mistake and subsequent overreaction. They didn't have a real problem, a fight, or even really a disagreement. And yet, they acted as if their relationship had utterly disintegrated on the spot. They were both obviously so eager to make up and get over it that Applejack's intervention looked entirely unnecessary, if not actually gratuitous. You probably intended to present this as a couple overcoming a challenge in their budding relationship and loving each other all the more for it, but instead it makes them look emotionally fragile and desperate, which aren't normally traits associated with Rainbow Dash or Big Macintosh. What's going to happen to them when they encounter a SERIOUS problem or have an actual fight?
On the whole though, this is still going strong. Applejack was showing some mad big sis skillz with Apple Bloom, there.
I know I am extremely late to this party of sorts, but I had to say Big Mac's Pa's hat with the scar in it really piqued my interest in all the best ways, so please tell me that there's an explanation of how the hat came to have to the scar.
Next chapter's up. Hope you like it!
I stopped following this fic and, as soon as i can, i´ll downvote it (i´m using a proxy program, isp at work have a lot of restritions and, for some reason, the program blocks the up/down vote code).
I greatly enjoyed the first chapters, your writing is good, the chars are interesting but the Mac outburst was completly off-char...this is not even the Big Mac you pictured from the beginning. If you started with a completlly different vision of Big Mag since the beginning, i could understand. But no, he was the same good oldie quiet and lovely colt and, suddenly, drama happens out of nowhere for no reason.
So, please, forgive me. You have talent, the story is good, but you´ve lost me completly at that point. I wish you luck.
5045476 You're completely right. He was completely out-of-character during that part, and I apologize for the inconsistency. I lessened the "intensity" of that part, and entirely revamped it and part of the next chapter. This isn't the first time I've messed up on a character's personality, then had someone point it out to me.
So thank you for pointing out the error of my ways. If you don't want to follow it anymore, that's fine, and honestly, I think I deserve at least a down-vote for that section of poor writing.
I kind of don't like it at all.
I can understand RD character, but Big Mac was Ooc, but that wasn't the problem, the problem was the sudden change, if you have given me a look at it, some chapters before or in a flasback I could buy it.
The best part was AB and AJ XD
5047698 Well, nothing in my stories is set in stone (except the core plot and characters). I can always change them to be better.Think of these all as a "rough draft", open to suggestions to make them better.
As for AJ and AB, the idea just suddenly popped in my head after your last comment (thanks for the idea btw), and I decided to take that route.
5048542 yay I helped! Now my head is on the clouds, jut what I needed to go to sleep!
5048567 Goodnight!
I added a section to Chapter 4 explaining as to why Big Mac would be so upset over such a seemingly minor thing. Sorry for being so unclear in my storytelling, and making the conflict come up so abruptly and seemingly for no good reason.
Please feel free to let me know if this explanation makes more sense, and lets you understand the meaning behind the conflict more.
rainbow is so oc even if she was hurt from him chiding her she would never cry infront of anypony nor very loud.
5050884 This is my headcanon version of her; that she's actually a very sensitive pony hiding behind a facade of bravado and pride. I developed it by watching the various instances of Rainbow letting her "real" side peek through in the show. For examples, watch mainly Sleepless in Ponyville and 1,2,3 Testing, but it's peppered through the whole show in general, multiple times.
The resolution was kinda......meh.
5054846 Well, I'm not sure how I can make it better. Perhaps some fireworks?
On a more serious note; if you have any suggestions to make any of my story better, please do tell. You'll be credited for helping.
I don't care if this OOC or anything, tis my otp, and I will love it anyway ^^
Today I really cleaned up all the chapters, eliminating comma splices and run-on sentences to a minimum instead of the epidemic I made of them before. I also added a few more bits and bobs to various chapters to make them flow better, as well as to eliminate awkwardly phrased/presented sentences.
It's still not perfect, but at least it looks like an adult wrote it now...
5055488 Totally agree
5045476 Agreed, tis fixed now though. and after re-reading seems much better, Hopefully going to find another ending so its not a copy/paste of other chapters
MASSIVELY revamped the ending of Chapter 5 to not just be a simple copy-paste of previous chapters. This time it actually has heart and progression.
5058679
So awesome
5058731 Thank you!
Just because I'm too lazy to click on your profile, thank you for using my idea! The new ending so much better
5059056 You're welcome! it was a great idea, so I couldn't NOT use it!
Next chapter is up. Editor hasn't been on to look it over, so don't be surprised if there are a few instances of grammatical errors and whatnot. Enjoy!
Geez, can't those two get a room? Or, like, use the ones they already own? Fillies might see this stuff!
On a more serious note: too much melodrama here. I hate for my first comment to mainly be criticism, but I had to say something after this chapter. The conflict that was thrown into Mac and Dash's relationship was fine itself, but it left them each so emotionally devastated that it started to feel manufactured and shallow. What happened was a simple mistake and subsequent overreaction. They didn't have a real problem, a fight, or even really a disagreement. And yet, they acted as if their relationship had utterly disintegrated on the spot. They were both obviously so eager to make up and get over it that Applejack's intervention looked entirely unnecessary, if not actually gratuitous.
You probably intended to present this as a couple overcoming a challenge in their budding relationship and loving each other all the more for it, but instead it makes them look emotionally fragile and desperate, which aren't normally traits associated with Rainbow Dash or Big Macintosh. What's going to happen to them when they encounter a SERIOUS problem or have an actual fight?
On the whole though, this is still going strong. Applejack was showing some mad big sis skillz with Apple Bloom, there.
In. The. Feels.
img.4plebs.org/boards/pol/image/1386/34/1386340357753.jpg
I know I am extremely late to this party of sorts, but I had to say Big Mac's Pa's hat with the scar in it really piqued my interest in all the best ways, so please tell me that there's an explanation of how the hat came to have to the scar.