I understand that this letter must come as a surprise to you, especially given the timing and the content. While I made sure to keep in touch ever since that fateful night during the Summer Sun Celebration, you may have noticed how I don't send you nearly as many letters as I did – and still do to this day – to my mentor, though I hope this did not lead to any "sister strife" between the two of you but tonight felt like an appropriate time to try and correct that.
I apologize in advance for the unusual nature of this letter. Unlike nearly all of my other writings, this one is not rehearsed or planned in any way. I'm pretty much doing this on the fly. And, to be honest, even I'm not completely sure why I'm writing this right now. It's late, well past the time any reasonable pony would have gone to bed, and I can barely keep my eyelids open. My hooves are practically screaming at me to just ball this up, throw it into the fireplace, and get some rest already.
And yet something just compels me to keep writing. To keep thinking of things to write. The only reason I'm awake right now is because I want to get this out of my system.
This feels so stupid
I wanted to put my thoughts and emotions on paper so I could see them. Raw and unedited. If I can read them back, then maybe I can make sense of them. That's why I left out any kind of forethought or rewriting. In fact, the very idea of addressing this to you came to me just moments after I picked up my quill...
On that note, I must confess another thing. I have selfish reasons for writing to you specifically. I originally had Princess Celestia in mind, but I didn't want to disturb her at this hour. She deserves better than that. At the same time, however, I didn't have the patience to wait for a reply in the morning either. So I thought of you instead. And once I'm done with this letter, I'll stay up for a while longer. Maybe you'll write back to me. Maybe not. I don't really care anymore
I'm not so sure about this anymore. This rant of mine is clearly not worthy of the time nor the attention of a pony who has far more important duties to take care of. I hope I didn't manage to disturb such a task. The way I send these letters doesn't let me check on the pony on the other end. I sometimes wonder what happens immediately after Princess Celestia gets the reports I send her, but every time I think to ask, it just feels silly. Does she read them right away? Do they ever land in her tea? Do they get lost in other paperwork for that day?
I don't know... I just wanted somepony else to read this once it's done. I'll wake up Spike and have him send it. The poor little guy. He shouldn't have to wake up so late (so early?) because of me. Feel free to answer whenever it will be convenient. Or not at all. I'll wait a little. Keep the lights on. Maybe grab another book. Perpetuate the rumors. The neighbors keep joking about how I tend to stay up so late. Most of the ponies I know bring it up every now and then.
"Went through another doorstop, Twi? One for every circle under your eyes?"
We all laugh of course. I'm not offended. The habit is indeed kind of silly. But it isn't always true. In fact, I hardly ever manage to read more than a few pages late at night. If the sky is clear, then I prefer to just gaze at the stars. They can comfort me. Reading does not. The mind doesn't work well when it's tired. I do it mostly when I can't sleep. Or when I don't want to for whatever reason. Sometimes, I find myself rereading the same page over and over again while hours tick by. I read and reread the words to stop myself from thinking. It helps, but it also keeps me awake.
I think it goes without saying, I'm in a terrible mood right now. But it makes no sense. Today was a perfect day. The sun came up, just like every other day. If the sun comes up at dawn and gives us warmth, then that day is perfect. Nopony should have to complain if they get to see it. Not if they get to live and breathe and walk and jump and talk and dance and sing in its light. We can hardly imagine how awful it would be to lose such blessings. But sometimes... I still feel like it's all just weighing down on me. I just retreat into the library and find a huge book so it will eat up most of my day, and I can forget about it as quickly as possible.
Even now, I didn't stay up to write. Not at first. I got out a book, as usual. But I didn't want to read. Now I want to tell somepony. I don't always stay up late just to read. I'm waiting for something. I want something to happen. I sit here and stare at the candle or look out the window and just wait. Why doesn't anypony ever knock on the door at this hour? Why are my closest friends the most frequent visitors by far? Some of them hardly ever read anything. Why does the town even need a library? Why don't I ever see some nervous pony begging me to be allowed to borrow a book because they just found out that they need one and couldn't wait until morning?
Remember Nightmare Night? Remember that costume I made? Well, I actually did start that history group after the festival. Only as an experiment. I wasn't expecting much of a stir. But, to my surprise, ponies did show up. Most of them stayed all the way until the end of the series of "Star Swirl" lectures. Then that was it. They left. Foals went back to school. Adults went back to work. Elders went back to... staying at home, I guess.
Nopony ever came up and asked me about it. Nopony went "Hey, Twilight! What are you planning next?" It was almost as though it wasn't the lecture they all cared about, but the pony behind it. Maybe I'll do things like this incognito from now on. Having ponies show up just because of a name and a role defeats the purpose of the event.
I know what you're thinking. "Why not tell this to your friends?" But I did that already. The response was always something along the lines of "taking everything too seriously." Life, according to them, isn't worth worrying about so much. Not when there aren't any monsters to fight or great deadlines to meet.
"When in doubt, just laugh. Take five. Embrace the day."
I keep seeing Pinkie Pie in my head. Even now, she makes me smile. But my curiosity gnaws at me relentlessly. And she wants me to just bury it? My friends want me to just accept the inexplicable as it is?
Maybe I didn't express myself well enough. I doubt my friends would ever ignore my concerns. I'm happy that they want me to be happy. They're right, I do worry too much. Still, none of what they responded makes any sense. Yes, it always helps to have a bit of respite. But it wasn't "carefree laughter" that stopped Discord. We didn't wrap up winter by "leaning back and drifting away with the current." We didn't free you from You get my point.
I don't have the heart to tell that to my friends, or any of Ponyville for that matter. On the other hoof, I can't help but feel that anything else I do here besides "learning about friendship" is pointless. I can never convince anypony how important it is to be inquisitive. To not ignore the questions our world places before us. If anything, it's only thanks to the efforts of those that "never rest" why so many others can now lie back, relax, and tell me to act like they do.
Actually, I take it back. They do ignore me. Once we're all in the thick of it, everypony is all ears. But when it's time to "take it easy," then it isn't convenient to bother with my "delusions" now, is it? That kind of thinking almost cost us my brother's wedding, not to mention all of Equestr No, I won't name examples. There exist those that make me equally guilty.
I'm sleepy and I'm making accusations. Silly me. It's very late. I should get some sleep. Everypony else is, and look how happy they are all day. Perhaps the night really is just a time for us to rest.
You know what this is like, don't you? Being ignored? This has been eating away at me for some time. For a thousand years, everypony had heard the same story. Even you had to apologize for it. You thanked me for stopping you. But I never once heard the story from your side, nor have I heard of anypony else who did. The whole story. The part that convinced you to take such action. This "gap" had led to a lot of speculation among your subjects. Most of what I've seen is rather convoluted, and some theories are just downright silly.
Looking at the stars now, I find that old ponies' tale impossible to believe. How could anypony ignore such a beautiful sight? Ignore it to the point that you once went to war with your sister over it? Unlikely. Or were ponies so much different back then? Was the night sky not as pretty? Is there more to this tale that got left out?
I can't imagine what it must have been. Jealousy? And if it was, then was it anything like how I feel now? I see my friends attract entire crowds with what they do. Their passions are the passion of the masses. Mine are the butt of friendly jokes or get ponies to worry about me. They inspire others to be carefree to avoid ending up how I sometimes do. And maybe they're right. And as long as I enjoy these things, why bother trying to impress anypony else with them? Then again, why bother having friends at all? Besides it's not like I can't find ponies here that share my passions.
Nopony is in the wrong here. I know a counterargument for every one of my own complaints. They all seem convincing enough. So why does it still bother me?
I guess it's time for one dweller of the night to ask for help from the other. Maybe if I were there back in that age and stayed up late like I do now, and you could have seen it, then you wouldn't No, that's me being silly now. I should probably stop writing. This looks about enough. I'm almost out of ink, my eyes hurt, and my head is about to hit the desk. I don't know what this had become, but I'll send it anyway. If nothing else, it will finally let me sleep well.
Pain stabs into my heart every time I look at Spike. Every word I write is a chore now. As soon as this is done, I'll have to wake him up. Poor thing. He had too much to eat. Again. His snoring makes me smile. He doesn't deserve this. I don't think I'll even tell him what he has to send and why, though I doubt he'd press for very long. He'll chalk it up to me being a "crazy night owl" and go back to his dreams.
Maybe I'll talk to him in the morning. I'll talk to all of my friends. I'll probably forget about this tomorrow. The sun will rise, I will be happy again, I can meet my friends, and we can embrace another perfect day.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it was worth your attention. I hope you can help me with what troubles me. Even I'm not sure what it is yet.
Your friend,
Twilight Sparkle
-----
The mix of gray smoke and green fire swiftly escaped through the window. The young dragon grumbled under his breath as he trudged back to his bed and pulled the blanket back over his body. Moments later, his faint snoring buzzed in the darkness once more. Twilight smiled, and her hoof reached out to stroke Spike's head gently. She then trotted back to her desk, opened one of her old magic textbooks, and browsed through its pages for a while, enjoying the nostalgic value more than its actual content. After a few more minutes of reminiscing, she closed the book, gave a long yawn, and trudged over to her own bed. Letting out a deep sigh, she collapsed onto the soft mattress and closed her eyes.
The letter still seemed like nonsense. Getting it done, however, was all the relief she needed. As she slowly drifted into unconsciousness, she felt comfortably empty.
A loud belch rang out behind her, accompanied by a brief flash of green light. The noise yanked her right back from the edge of sleep. Moments later, she heard the familiar sound of a scroll hitting the floor.
I really enjoyed this. Nopony really listens unless it's absolutely necessary, and most things go unnoticed or without thanks. Twilight is spot on here, and I particularly like how guilty she is about Spike. I literally have no qualms about this story, good job.
I may like it so much since Twilight, Spike, and Luna are all some of my most favorites as well as the characters I relate to the most. I have many of the same problems their characters do, as far as mental stuff goes and this is just how people talk about it. It isn't a comfortable subject so they struggle with their words, adding more believability to the story.
I hope that we continue to see wonderful works like this that make us think and reflect. There are too few authors that write like this, myself included. I wish I could write like this, but I think I enjoy reading it enough to make up for that. So anyway, thanks for this wonderful little gem.
Sometimes the best thoughts are pure and unfiltered, points of great importance are realized in the wee hours, and an unbiased ear is all we really need.
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Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad the story was enjoyable for you.
this was interesting. i'd really like to know Luna's reply, though... maybe a chapter two is in order? unless you wanted to leave the ending as kind of an open interpretation to the reader.... Am I wording this right? it's kind of late here, too. Or is it early? anyway, nice story and I hope this comment made sense. :)
5000191
I'm thinking about it. It will most likely require another sleepless night with a desire to write...
I've seen your name around a lot.
Maybe I should see what you're capable of.
*clicks read later button*
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mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3036-13296752782935.jpg
I can never use this picture enough times...
5000218 It would be great if you did do a second chapter. I shall be waiting/hoping for it from this day on.
This was a masterpiece it gave me a lot of feelings of sadness and also hope. When nobody listens to you and only listens to you when their in the thick of it and your friends do things that you can't you feel confused. The hope of the next day will be better then the day of tomorrow is amazing and pretty. Writers like you deserve followers.
i'm gonna cry from this
5000191
I agree. I would really like to see Luna's response to this.
While this was nice, I couldn't enjoy it. The characterization of Twilight's relationship with her friends just felt... Off. While at least one of them could have been guilty of... not treating one or another of Twilight's worries with gravity, I find it impossible to imagine that the rest would do the same. Especially after 'lesson zero'. For example, Rarity and Applejack would never be accused of
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It's more of an outburst based on a bit of an emotional low point for Twi. Or, at least, that's how I like to look at it. Also, while Rarity and AJ are indeed the most "serious" ("mature"?) among Twilight's friends, their approach to life as a whole doesn't seem nearly as... passionate, I suppose, as Twilight's own. The wedding episode is referenced for a reason, and there are several other examples ("It's About Time," beginning of "Luna Eclipsed," her worrying about the test in "The Crystal Empire") where Twilight's friends' reaction to her concerns is basically "Lighten up, Twi!"
To a person who is emotionally tense, one of the worst kinds of responses is to ask them to just "lighten up," even if it is the appropriate course of action. It's antipathy, even if unintentional, because the disturbed person desires, above all else, compassion from those around them. It isn't unlike how tension grows between Rarity and friends in the Manehattan episode: they don't take her ambitions seriously enough despite knowing how much the contest means to her.
That said, I didn't wish to imply that Twilight thinks this way of her friends. This is merely a snippet of a "bad day" in her life, where she finally decides to vent to somepony.
5000218
If that's the case, here's to insomnia
A good little bit of late night ramblings. It's understandable why she'd reach out to Luna when all her usual friends and mentor aren't giving her the advice she feels she truly needs.
5001655
Maybe it was just a few instances of word choice and phrasing that caught me off and left a sour taste in my mouth.
Like I said, it wasn't bad... Just didn't sit right with me.
I feel like this a lot but it has nothing to do with insomnia...
Also...sequel...?
This is really top notch, Dav. I was wondering while reading if you had gone really far into character when writing it, and your previous comment confirms it. Staying up late, are we?
I have the same positives as people have already mentioned, but I just wanted to say kudos to you for going first person for a character from the show. I think it's tough to interest readers that way without offending their opinions of the narrator. I can see a few spots where it didn't come off perfectly, but on the whole I found it very believable.
I'll cross my fingers for a response.
5000218
It's not a "maybe". You left off with a cliffhanger. :P
5004040
Thank you very much for your comment! I'm glad it was a worthwhile experience.
One must walk the path in order to tell a story about it...
Then again, there have been times when I've written about stuff I've never experienced, yet people told me my description was more or less accurate...
5005106
On its own, that wouldn't guarantee a followup from me...
But yeah, I'm thinking of something already...
Well, I read this.
Very melancholia. I like it. Grammar was good, too. Nice style.
The letter did feel like it dragged on for too long, if I'm honest. You could have made all the same points, had the same gravitas as with half the words, but reading it in Twilight's voice did make it feel authentic in spite of that.
Not a bad read at all. Suggested here.
Have a like.
5005908
Thank you very much!
Yeah, the length may indeed be a little excessive, although not entirely unintentional. As others here have observantly pointed out, I "got into character" while writing this, so there wasn't any planned length or anything like that involved. I stopped it pretty much the way Twilight describes she did: when it felt like going on would be silly...
is there going to be a response letter that we see?
5005355
Karl May begs to differ. Nobody ever heard of Winnetou, right?
Or if you prefer more modern example, Tom Clancy...
so what was the reply?
I liked this. I empathized with this. I would love to see Luna's reply.
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Stay tuned...
5006449 Tom Clancy certainly would have begged to differ. I will give you that one.
5006449
Did you not read what I said immediately after that line?
But yeah, it's not a "universal law" or whatever. All it takes is good imagination, and one can write well about pretty much anything...
Although I doubt that Karl May or Tom Clancy could ever be mentioned as "the zenith of prose," so maybe the "law" still applies...
5007404
Sometimes. Sometimes thoroughknowledge of the subject matter can get in the way of enjoyment.
Do you think Indiana Jones would be half as enjoyable if it was firmly based on actual job of archaeologists?
5007549
Well, if it was about doing archeology in a place where you don't have permission to enter from the government... and maybe there are drug cartels nearby... and a secret military base... and a UFO crash site...
Seriously though, certain "boring" jobs get pretty intense when one is supposed to go to a ridiculously dangerous place to do it, and that does happen sometimes...
Quite the drawing story we have here. Very interesting. Very interesting.
5007404
A good imagination works wonders in being able to tell a very good story. Personal experience helps, but if you lack creativity and a knack for writing, all that experience will do nothing for you.
I find that research helps as well, to some extent, to fill in the gaps in some cases.
Will there be a response?
it is 4 in the morning, i want to sleep, to go to bed.
the words I read are waking me, the music in my head is cheering me
I am of the night, I have not slept in 60 hours straight... maybe when I reach 100... that should be fun...
...
...
...
Ponies
Okay, I'm interested. Let's see where this goes...
5067642 Welcome to the herd