Ryan dropped to her knees, clutching her head, trying to catch the mad spin on her senses.
Gritting her teeth, she tried to clear her vision, but her sense of temperature beat her to it. It was freezing! Her bleary eyes darting around, she made out nothing but the whiteness of snow and ice, occasionally dotted by the dark wood of trees in the distance.
“Where…” she muttered. Realization of her lost-ness closing in, she twisted her head around, catching sight of the slab of ice she had come from. It was a sheer block in the middle of a wasteland, and it provided a pure reflection of the woman. However, she knew better; she was looking at the other side of the gate. Her side.
“I’m back on Earth,” she said, “But I have no idea where on Earth.” Taking one more glance about and seeing nothing, she decided on her course of action. Turning around, she planned to walk back to the gate, taking one more disorienting trip to report the problem, but any movement was cut short at what greeted her.
Not there a moment ago, a tall, slender being stood alone, his reptilian back leaning against the side of the ice slab. His mismatched arms crossed, he grinned smugly at the woman, seemingly unbothered by the frigid temperature. “Hello there,” he said casually, waving his paw.
Ryan stood wide eyed and mouth agape, taking too long to comprehend the turn of events. “Discord?” she finally reacted, “You? What? Why?”
“Whoa! Take it easy, dear,” he exclaimed, throwing his arms out in front of him, “One question at a time.”
Ryan gulped. “Discord? What are you doing here?” she almost yelled.
At that, the draconequus put on a sneer, bringing his head down to Ryan’s level. “Why, Ryan, I’m doing what I’ve been doing. As I’m sure you would put it, ‘saving your ass.’”
“What? What do you mean by that?”
“Look around!” he called, throwing his arm around her and pointing aimlessly with the other, “Do you have any idea where you are? Just what were you planning to do? Pick a direction hope it’s the right way? No, that’s what I would do, and what I would do is always the wrong choice.”
“I… I was going to go back and tell them,” she said.
“Then what? They certainly don’t know where you are.”
Ryan’s brow furrowed. “So… you’re helping me get home?”
He chuckled, saying, “Isn’t that what I’ve been doing?”
“Been doing…” she repeated. Suddenly, her eyes widened. “Wait, you planned all this? The door being locked? Being caught? Talking to Celestia?”
Discord pulled away, dropping into a knowing look, his eyes half-lidded. “You’ve been overestimating me ever since we met, Ryan. Tell me, do I really seem like a guy with a plan?”
“I… I…”
The draconequus looked to her, waiting for an answer.
“I… don’t know,” she admitted, “I can’t read you. I thought I could, but you’re a complete wild card… Just what are you?”
His grin returned as he responded, “Wouldn’t I like to know…” He suddenly clapped his hands together, announcing, “Alright! One one-way ticket to Raleigh coming right up!”
“What? I—”
“Excellent!” With a snap of his claw, the woman vanished in a simple flash of light. Watching the spot she occupied for only a moment longer, Discord turned away, leaning against the slab again. “Ah… Well, that’s finally over. What to do now? Hm… I think some tea would be enjoyable.” He grinned to himself before snapping, vanishing himself.
“—would like to say thanks… then…” she said, trailing off at the sudden shift in scenery.
Gone was the tundra, instead replaced with the industrial noises of tires on pavement and bustling city goers and everything in between. She gasped as she looked around her, her feet twirling in a circle as she took in the sights of the city. Everywhere she looked, she saw the people—the people! Actual humans! She couldn’t help but laugh at the normalcy of it all, not caring what the passersby thought at the sight of the joyous woman spinning around on the sidewalk. After over a week of living in a fairy tale, nothing they could say could affect her.
Pausing to catch her breath as well as here sense of direction, she surveyed her surroundings, and, to her excitement, found familiarity. She was home, one-hundred percent! Even more so, she knew this block. She’d passed it by so many times in her life, yet this time she really took a moment to appreciate it. Waiting only a brevity, she raced.
Her feet carried her across the pavement, weaving through the web of pedestrians and occasional cars. Ryan had one goal in mind, and nothing could stop her from getting there. She was exhausted by the time it was in sight, but she pushed forward, rushing through the doors and up the stairs; the elevators would be to slow for her rapid pace.
Finally, she slowed, throwing her shoulder against the hallway of the apartment building. Gingerly, she raised her hand, balling it into a fist, before throwing it against the door closest to her in succession. Heart hammering against her chest, trying to break free of her ribcage, she waited in unbearable anxiousness.
Then it opened.
“Hello…” said the young adult occupying the frame, trailing off at the sight of the disheveled woman grinning from ear to ear at his doorstep. His eyes widened as recognition set in. “Ryan…?”
“Hey…” she said, “Rae… Sorry to keep you waiting.” Not waiting for answer, she pulled her brother into a close, glorious embrace, the last remnants of stress finally being released in a grand gesture.
Now, finally, she was home.
What nice ending
Usually the human is stuck
Short of Discord popping over to say hello, I doubt she's ever going to visit Equestria again if the gate was located in the middle of nowhere-- which seems an awful lot like the tundra wastelands of the North Pole or similar desolation. If that's the case then Celestia might be waiting a long time for any human to 'stumble' across it.
A pity. I would have liked to have modern humanity encounter Equestria. Maybe the ponies could be a little proactive about it too since Discord has no trouble with his magic on the human side of the gate. Send over a few letters or such to the local government with irrefutable proof of Equestria (cheap gem with a light and/or illusion spell on it replaying the message like a hologram from a scifi movie).
Depending on how badly the US panics, our pony-phobic girl might get grabbed sooner rather than later to be interrogated- er, asked everything she knows about the ponies. This is assuming Discord doesn't do something silly in the meantime, but then... an entire world of managed Chaos? It's like Christmas came early for the draconis!
But, as it stands, alls well that ends well.
That was a great ending! But I must ask the much wanted and obligatory question. Can we get a sequel? :3
5392423 Read this blog post
5392437
excellent ending to a really good story .
sequel?
I can't weight or even guess ware it will go.
harts fire.
Yeah, that was good. A little sad she couldn't get GPS coordinates,but such is life.
Keep going! ;)
Gotta say, this was a really great story. It is mustache worthy.
WHAT IT'S FINISHING!!!??? When I am finished reading, I DEMAND A SEQUAL!
(Haven't read last chapters yet.)
5392331 Hey now, it's the Tundra. That's Canada or Russia. Maybe Greenland.
5392533
Um... adaptive camouflage! Yeah, that's it! Adaptive camouflage. Like the Predator or something...
Yeah, I figured that may be a problem.
Ha! Yeah...
All is well that ends well. Great fic, 10/10.
All in all, this has been a decent character piece. You did a pretty good job of portraying phobias, particularly in light of your statement about how you had to research them to get it right.
You could use some practice on making your prose a bit more compact, though. In the end, not a lot actually happened over the course of the story, certainly not enough to require slightly over 95,000 words to get through it.
100/10 a good hie story on multiple levels. It makes sense, the plot was consistent and was not left alone in a closet to never be opened again and ponies got yelled at!!
I give it 10/10, would read again. I loved this story through and through, and absolutely can't wait for the sequel. Well, if I do have to wait for it, to be quality work, then I shall gladly do so.
Dear Ryan
We all loved hearing about your adventures, and wish we could be on Earth with you. But now you have returned back to your world and we might never see you again. So from all of us ponies here in Equestria, have a great life and remember us.
You will be missed.
Not a bad story! Plus now Discord can tell Celestia about the non existent Human horde waiting on the other side. Or tell her the truth. Good planning though.
Why do I get the feeling that Celestia is going to suffer in the next story?
5397446 Thanks for feedback, but I honestly don't see where some of these things are coming from. Ryan's questionability in general is understandable (trust me, I'm well aware of it now) as well as some mediocre dialogue here and there.
But missing/out of order words and poorly constructed sentences? I would imagine those being big issues, yet you're literally the first person out of a few thousand readers to bring this up. So... yeah. I admit I write like a speechwriter (prose at the price of grammar), but I was making sure not to drown the story in purple prose.
As for the perspective issue, the story is always in omniscient narration but focusing on whichever character is the star of the moment, which I know can make it look like a closed perspective. I understand confusion it could cause, but I assumed the differences in names and stuff each character uses in speaking would imply who's being focused on. I do admit it could've been clearer.
By the way, there's no jumping around in time. Aside from Fluttershy's flashback, it is always chronological.
In any case, sorry to hear you didn't like the story, but thanks for what you did read and the always-appreciated feedback.
Wonderful, simply and truly wonderful.
5407673 The only way to overcome the language barrier in this whole fic is the translation spell. There's no attempt to learn Equestrian or English whatsoever.
5393039 I say Greenland, because I'm from Greenland.
5408107 I rewrote the Empire's history to better fit the story. Hence the alternate universe tag.
5408228
5408488 Yes but we never got any pre-information about those changes.
What I mean is, before Celestia explains the entire story to everyone, there are no hints or a simply mentioning, that the Empire was not lost for a thousand years, or that it was not as old as the series stated in general.
Alternate universe is just fine, just don't drop a bombshell on the readers as you did, let Twilight, Celestia or Ryan, or anyone really mention that the Crystal empire was not gone for a thousand years, and that it is much younger than any READER would expect it to be, in opposition to the canon.
The way Celestia gave out her information, it leaves the impression on the readers, that you expected them to already know all that. It just seemed as a plain contradiction. You should have written, when Celestia talked with Ryan for the first time, that all this took actually place 300-200 years ago, instead of saying nothing and let the readers wrongly assume it had happened 1000-1500 years ago, just as according to the original series.
5410618 Still in it, currently almost Life rank?
Good story. There were some pacing issues here and there, some bad grammar, and awkwardly phrased sentences, but overall enjoyable.
5429629 ... I'm sorry what?
5411776
Hey keep at it and don't give up aim for Eagle! I'm an Eagle Scout and even though I'm over 18 I've still been active in my troop since then, scouting helped me overcome so many fears!
5438549 You got me at Bill O'Riley
5431138
What he means is in reference to The Doge of Venice, or in other words, The Duke of Venice.
5452051 Hah, was talking about the race of a specific canine called "Doge" but whatever!#
I totally loved reading this story, couldn't put it down when i should have been sleeping
Good work. I enjoyed it :)
THIS STORY WAS JUST FANTASTIC !!!!! I couldn't stop reading.
Do I look like a guy with a plan?
Thank you!!! That was just ewpic!!
5591559
Same.