I'm new to story writing, but willing to learn!
Scootaloo feels a tightness in her gut as she witnesses Rainbow Dash soar through the sky. The filly doesn't understand why she feels different when she looks at Dash today. Her usual demeanor of compassion for her role model has evolved into something much greater.
Page generated in 0.071 seconds
Total duration
1,078 users online
2,370,019 hits today, 2,829,583 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hope you like it. I'm new to this whole writing thing.
Hmm... Well first of all, Welcome new writer! I hope you get imspiration! (Its hard
)
)
As for the story, I feel that you have a good technique right now, but you could have drawn out this instead of jumping right ahead. I'm still intrested though! And i'm going to follow you so I can watch future stories. (Wow, I never write comments this long
~Lady
Why the dark tag?
while i did feel like this chapter could have been at least three to four, it's definitely peaked my interest. but may i suggest spacing out the dialogue and paragraphs??
This is pretty bad. The train of events makes no sense, each scene feels entirely separate from each other (waking up in the hospital was a particularly enormous asspull, and many of the scene transitions did not require a horizontal rule), and there are plenty of spelling, grammar, and conventions errors. Your characters are rudimentary and feel stupid, or at least inconsistent. You need more commas.
Online, the generally accepted format for paragraph delimitation is double-spacing without indentation. I have no problem with the conventional style, but others will.
I agree with razzle, there is more to a story then just writng scenes,there needs to bea connection between them, you have a loose connection of vingettes that make less sense as you go on. Especially that last one. Nothing that's happens has any logic to it.
4984537 Thanks for the feedback. I get what your saying and hope my next one will be more appealing. I kinda just wrote this before going to work at 4 in the morning and worked on it some more when i got home. Anyhow, thanks for commenting!