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One Last Smile

A father scavenges for medicine in a post-apocalyptic world. His daughter is ill and he will stop at nothing to make her smile again.

Cover image is a shameless recolor of Sweetie Belle in front of a google result for city ruins made with Paint.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Zaid ValRoa

Zaid ValRoa #1 · Jul 26th, 2014 · 1 · ·

I liked it.
However, it doesn't really have a conclusion, it feels kind of abrupt.
And the main character's daughter is never seen, nor do him and Rarity talk about her, but that's just my opinion.
Either way, good job.

hailspider

hailspider #2 · Jul 26th, 2014 · · ·

It honestly needs to be longer to be emotional.

Best Name Ever

Best Name Ever #3 · Jul 26th, 2014 · · ·

4756201
Thank you for the feedback.

>it doesn't really have a conclusion, it feels kind of abrupt.
The story is purposefully vague to allow for freedom with interpretation which is amplified by the restrictions of first-person present tense narrative. After all the protagonist has limited knowledge and it would seem strange if he'd narrate excessively for no apparent reason. To counteract this I tried to spread many little hints so that the readers can come up with the conclusion themselves.

I guess it didn't work out as I planned.