How Life Changes

by The Zealot

Chapter 3: First Trip To The Palace

As I said before, I did not sleep that night. Rather, I spent my time reading and messing about in Twilight's lab. Yes, she did actually have one, which I found surprising. Maybe her lab is canon, I don't know, I didn't watch the show all that much. But anyway, I decided to mess around with some new found knowledge and lots of volatile chemicals.

Oh, by the way, never give me volatile chemicals. But anyway, after about an hour I had magical C4 and some napalm. What was I going to do with these two things? Absolutely nothing. For the C4 the reason was more an inability to use than a lack of will to. You see, just as with real C4, the magical stuff, which I had dubbed 'Sparkle Bombs', were incredibly... ah... what's the word? Inert? Hm, no, no, I got it, stable. Sparkle Bombs were incredibly stable and as such needed something like a blasting cap to make 'em go off.

Sadly, I had not yet found out how to make blasting caps. The minute I do however, mining operations shall begin. What? Did you think I was gonna blow someone up? I may be a cunt, but I'm not a murderer, geez. Nah, I was gonna do some Minecraft style shit and explode my way to any valuable gems and or ores.

The napalm on the other hand I just couldn't find a good way to use. I've always wanted to make some after a few questionable youtube videos, and now that I had, I just couldn't find a use for it. Maybe sometime I can make a flaming pentagram or something and freak everyone out with some ritual to Satan or somethin'.

Why no, I am not a Satanist, I just think it's funny. And yes, I know the pentagram has its roots in Pagan stuff, and is in fact to ward off evil spirits and shit, that doesn't change the fact that most people see it as a symbol of devil worshiping. Although, to be fair, Christianity did its damnedest to make it that way. Ah, religion, how we thank thee for fucking people over.

Not that religion is bad or anything, it can give people hope and a purpose, but personally I'm agnostic. Anyway, away from touchy subjects such as stuff and more on to blowing shit sky fucking high. If you didn't imagine that in an Australian accent, then there is no hope for you.

But yeah, until more research was done, nothing would be getting asploded. Anyway, seeing as the sun was rising and I didn't really want anyone calling me out on my love for things that go boom, I decided to hide away all my creations in the most secure place I could think of. No, not under the bed. I found a steel locker with a key, chucked all the stuff inside it, locked it tight, and pocketed said key.

*****

I got about thirty minutes of rest. Not sleep, rest. I don't fall asleep very fast or easily, so it was really just me relaxing and closing my eyes, listening to the sounds of nature and doing my best to keep the sun from hitting my eyelids. Seriously, I'm gonna have to talk to Celly about making that thing a bit dimmer.

So anyway, I say thirty minutes because after a similar amount of time Twilight gave a small knock on my door before barging in, turning over to look at her with murder in my eyes, I was met with her grinning face. It's smiles like those and cheery attitudes in the morning like those that make me want to kill people.

It's not just that I'm not a morning person, because I am if you consider how late I stay up, I just generally hate cheeriness and happiness. It's nothing against people, it's just like, if you can see that the rest of us a tired and annoyed, at least keep your damn smile to yourself, aye?

But alas, nobody ever listens.

"Hi Zealot, say good morning to your first new day in Equestria!" Oh my god she even has the overly cheery and energetic morning girl voice, gah, I need a gun and the knowledge of how to use it!

Sitting up upon my bed I brought my hands to my eyes and began furiously rubbing, whilst muttering just loud enough for her to hear. "If you don't wipe the smile off your face, and the cheer out of your voice, I'll throw something at you." Sure, threatening my host who was also a winged unicorn princess wasn't the best of ideas, but as I said, I am a cunt.

Also, they are not alicorns. An alicorn is a unicorn's horn, whereas the proper mythological term for the Princess is Winged Unicorn, from some mythology or other. Funny eh, I remember the proper term, but not where it came from. Le sigh.

On a positive note, Twilight did stop smiling so widely. However, she did not get the cheer out of her voice. "Oh, come on Zealot, you gotta get up and moving. There's a lot you need to do to get ready for Canterlot, wouldn't wanna be a mess for the Princess, would you?" She just does not catch on, does she? She didn't even phrase that as a question, more like a statement but with that annoying enthusiastic voice I just hate. Argh, I'm gonna become the embodiment of loathing, aren't I?

"Twilight, I've told you once I've told you a thousand times. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn about your pony princess. Anyway, other than a shower and some food there isn't anything else I'm going to do to 'get ready' for going off to Canterlot. Also, since when was I going over there, eh? Nobody told me fuck all about that." With my eyes thoroughly rubbed clear, I was now blinking the blurriness from them as I once more popped absolutely every single joint in my body.

"Oh no, you've got a lot to do before you go. You need to read up on proper etiquette when addressing the Princess and the noble ponies, we also need to make sure you look your absolute best for the Princess, can't have you looking like you were dragged off the street. And the Princess told you herself that she wanted to speak with you in a more formal setting, you would do well to listen." She did have a point about my looks. I was a teenager, and as such hormones were a bitch. Thankfully acne wasn't a problem, thank you pharmaceuticals. But my hair was rather greasy, and I was a tad bit grimy from my walk through the woods. Also, my hair was just not right at all, it had gotten too fluffy and wind dried, and I didn't like it. A shower would do me good.

"Don't care about proper etiquette, darling, and I can clean myself. If you try and say or do otherwise I will punch you. Right in the face. I swear. Just show me to a shower, give me some shampoo and conditioner, and I'll be fine. Also, if you can just magic off the dirt on my clothes while I'm in there, it would help." She didn't seem to be too happy with being told to fuck off about her lessons, but after a bit she just gave a longsuffering sigh and nodded. Pointing out my room to a door across from it, she went off to get shower supplies.

Stripping down while she was away, I walked over to the door and opened it, revealing a rather nice bathroom, although obviously a guest one. Strangely enough, everything inside seemed just the proper size for me. Well, okay, a bit small and short, but then, many things were for me. Ah, the downsides to height.

Closing the door behind me I began to fiddle with all the things inside said bathroom, making sure I had towels and that the water was of a bearable temperature, stuff like that. Some few minutes later Twilight was knocking at the door, which I opened to receive a bottle of shampoo, a bottle of conditioner, a bar of soap, and some brushes... some brushes that were for cleaning one's coat... Goddammit Sparkle.

Telling her of my clothes and receiving a grunt as reply, I stepped into the lukewarm water of the shower. Which I promptly turned up to being actually hot. I was a nice house guest though, I didn't take any more time than I needed. Which was about twelve minutes. Before turning off the water, stepping out, and using four damn towels to dry myself. At the end of that my hair looked like Billie Joe Armstrong's. From some 21st Century Breakdown and up, not American Idiot. I was actually supposed to get my hair cut the day I wound up in Pony Land. Le sigh.

Receiving words from Twilight that my clothes were clean, I wrapped some towels about me and retreated back to my room. Getting dressed in my familiar shirt and jacket, along with my jeans and socks, I got to work messing about with my hair. At the end of five minutes, I stepped out looking damn good.

After a bit of shock at my dramatic change in appearance, Sparklebutt asked if I was ready to leave, and whisked me off to the Palace.

*****

You know, teleportation isn't as bad as everyone says it is. Sure it's a tad jarring to suddenly be falling a bit, and onto a new surface no less, but there isn't any sickness or the like that you see in so very many stories. Or I was just a really lucky motherfucker, that's also a possibility.

Oh, did I forget to mention that Sparky popped us right into the middle of court? The court that was in session. With lots of now wide eyed and shocked ponies. Whom then proceeded to either faint or run about screaming of monsters. No? Well, she did. I've got this strange feeling that throughout my time here I'm going to end up damning every single person I meet at some point or another.

Putting my hands in my pockets and doing my best to lean back on nothing I surveyed the havoc around me. Amidst the panicking, dear Tia was trying to calm everyone down, and upon failing spectacularly, resigned herself to facehooving furiously. Geez, that does look painful.

Eventually I got annoyed with all the screaming and decided to get people to quite down. "Will all of you shut the fuck up!" I am still amazed, to this very day, that upon my saying that every single thing in the throne/court room stopped immediately. Everyone stopped running and yelling, people rose from their faints, fuck, even the Princess was looking at me with wide eyes.

"Now, I don't know what's the problem with you lot, so I'm gonna assume it's about me," taking the looks of fear and whimpering into consideration, I surmised this to be correct, "now, I'm hearing lots of stuff like 'monster' or 'terror' and, besides being very angry at you all, I would like to point out that I have done literally nothing." I began to gesticulate with my arms to drive home my points. "I've not attacked anyone, I've not eaten anyone, I've not tried desecrating that decor with bodily waste. So, if you could all calm right the fuck down and be reasonable, that would be appreciated." Again to my everlasting surprise, everyone did what I said.

They picked themselves up, dusted each other off, gathered up the mess of papers that had been thrown about, and offered a sincere apology, well, sincere for stuck up entitled nobles, anyway. Although that one earth pony with an apple on his ass actually seemed genuine. Jesus, how big is AJ's family?

"Now. I would personally like to apologize for this intrusion by my colleague and I. This being said, the two of us have business with the Princess that is relatively urgent, so I would ask that you all calmly exit the room and begin planning your schedules for an appointment at a later date. Thank you, and I am truly sorry." I must be much better at convincing people to do stuff than I remember, that or I'm a commanding person all of a sudden. But anyway, the lot of them filed out with minimal fuss, although there was some grumbling and cursing, but that's to be expected.

Once everyone left both Twilight and Celestia looked at me, mouths wide, mouthing something. "What's that? Can't quite hear either of you." I prompted, which was the cue for the two of them to get their shit back together.

"H-how did you do that?" Twilight asked me, still befuddled as to my amazing speech skills. Well, to be fair, I'm still amazed as well.

"Gift of the silver tongue my dear. Or something like that, fuck if I know. So, Sunbutt, what'd ya want from me?" I glanced up at Celly whilst rolling my shoulders, she had composed herself far quicker than Twilight and was now looking down at the both of us with a bemused smile upon her face. Snout. What the fuck is a horse's face called?

And thus began a very long winded conversation about how the Equestrian crown would work to get me back home, questions on what I would do until then, some questions about me home, personal questions like favourite pastime. Of course, the answers to their questions led to more questions and eventually wound up with me explaining the internet. That was not fun, by the way. Mostly because Twilight decided it would be a fantastic idea to tackle me.

Oh, and I was denied a room at the palace because Twilight wanted to 'get to know me better', I'm gonna end up burning her house down sometime, I just know it.

Author's Note:

Yeah, I don't really know. I never had a plan for this chapter, just, go to Canterlot. I liked the whole speech bit, but other than that I didn't really have anything planned. I don't know where I'm going with this story, in case you couldn't tell, mostly because I'm a very boring and lazy person and I refuse to write the show. What I mean by that is, I'm not going to write out alternate versions of the episodes from season 4 or whatever resulting from my being there.

Maybe I'll come up with an idea laying in bed listening to Green Day, maybe not. I've got an encounter with the CMC I kinda wanna do, and then something else with me actually learning to play guitar.

Oh, and I posted a comment about this since this chapter wasn't out at the time, but; I see there are six like and six dislikes, and whilst I don't mind the dislikes I would prefer that you also include a comment telling me what it is you dislike, so that I may fix it and in the process become a better and more entertaining author. Thank you all, and goodnight. ~Zealot

Comments

[Spc jacko]

Please don't let the CMC find the explosive. And I really like this, I've often wondered among other things just how come no one sidesteps Dash. Keep them comeing.

[The Zealot]

4867897 Do you think i'm mad? And no, it was cheating on their cutie marks.

[Blaze the draconic mage]

More pls