Chapter 21: A Lesson From Princess Twilight
“Did you hear? Rumor says he has something to do with Nightmare Moon!”
“He certainly LOOKS evil.”
“But aren’t Princess Celestia and Princess Luna the only alicorns in Equestria? How is he an alicorn?”
“Wasn’t he seen with Twilight Sparkle and her friends earlier?”
“He’s seriously freaking me out.”
“I think he’s kinda cute.”
“You don’t suppose he’s related to Zecora, do you? He looks just as creepy, that’s for sure!”
Trotting along the streets of Ponyville on his own, Josh’s sharp hearing allowed him to pick up on the whispers being shot around from pony to pony. Most of the rumors didn’t make a lot of sense to the former human, simply because he had only been in Equestria for one day and didn’t know a lot of its history. Several of the rumors included insults that left the stallion feeling very annoyed, and he had to contain his anger to prevent himself from going into a rage and pissing off the entire town again. The few whispers he heard that had positive things to say made him smirk; deep down, it felt good to be a stud, even if it only applied to certain onlookers over others.
“Is this what it feels like to be a celebrity? Or maybe a freak?” Josh muttered to himself, keeping his head low as he continued along the streets of the small town towards what he remembered as Twilight Sparkle’s home, “Humph…let them ogle me. Not like it’s anything new to me. I got this treatment all the time in school. It just means I’m better than all of them, that’s all. Yeah, they’re just gossipy because they know how much cooler I am…”
Grumbling a little, Josh reached back and brushed back some of his mane. All of his life, he was used to having very short hair. Having a slightly long mane made him feel uncomfortable. The hair kept tickling the back of his neck and getting wrapped around his shoulders when he dipped his head down. Plus, for possibly the first time since becoming a pony, Josh felt unnerved by the fact that he didn’t have any clothes on. He formulated a calculated guess inside of his head from observing Ponyville’s population and came to the conclusion that only about 10-20% of ponies wore clothes. Despite this fact, Josh still felt naked and very awkward being looked upon by curious males and females alike.
“So, this is what it’s like to be animal…it’s not as great as it’s cracked up to be.” Josh continued to talk to himself in a low whisper as he trotted along, only looking up to check on his current location to make sure he didn’t get lost. “I always kinda wanted to be a cat…when I was younger. Cats always looked so graceful and awesome. Plus, they don’t take crap from anybody. Ugh…but, this is just…terrible. This body feels warmer than my human body, I hate walking on four legs, I feel like a midget, and I can’t shake the feeling that everyone is looking at my butt.”
Passing Sugarcube Corner, Josh remembered that that was where Pinkie Pie lived. He was glad the pink pony didn’t see him walk past; he had a feeling he would’ve garnered an unwanted visit if she had. Inside his heart, a part of Josh could sympathize with Pinkie. When he was younger, and at least a LITTLE bit happy with his life, he acted a lot like the pink pony. He was always laughing and making jokes, being the life of the party and trying to make others smile. He loved to be random and silly, and tended to be the center of attention. However, when the fonder sides of his memories began to surface, Josh immediately remembered the negative ones that went along with them. The former human did indeed love to act like Pinkie, and while it made others laugh, it wasn’t always the kind of laughter that was nice. Half of the time, it was the bad kind of laughter, and Josh only got hurt from it.
“Dammit…stop thinking about such nonsense,” Josh growled, giving himself a slap across the face, “You are NOTHING like these idiotic ponies. They are nothing but bogus cartoon images of a female child’s prepubescent early years. It’s so disgusting to even THINK that I’m anything like these stupid creatures. I really need to get off this world and back to my own, and fast. This place is even causing me to talk to myself more than I usually do! Where IS that freaking library?”
Josh whipped his head around, trying to make heads and tails of where he was now. Ponyville wasn’t that big of a town, but he still found himself starting to become lost. It seemed that he was all alone as well, like the rest of the small town had spread their rumors far and wide and everypony was staying far away from him. This was nothing new for the former human, but he still felt his heart twitch slightly inside of his chest. He hated the ponies, but at least they entertained him and kept him amused. Being all by himself wasn’t a very good feeling.
“Goody…hell, maybe I AM already home!” Josh’s voice yelled out, purposely trying to draw attention to himself, “I was all alone there, and I’m all alone now. Un-freaking-believable; who would’ve thought that both worlds would eventually end up the same way? Hey, you stupid ponies! You have more in common with my world that I gave you credit for! CELEBRATE, WHY DON’T YA?”
Josh’s rage was masked by his inner sorrow, and it disgusted him to feel. He sat down on his haunches and shook his head. No matter where he went, no matter what he did, no matter what he said, it would always lead to the same outcome. The outcome of him sitting by himself in an empty area with not a single person giving a crap about him. Not like he didn’t know he deserved it. All he did was push everyone away who tried to get close to him.
He abused Applejack, who had actually seemed to finally show an interest in him. He wasn’t so kind to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, despite the fact he hated being mean to those still innocent to the pain of the world. He abused and mocked Rainbow Dash, a pony he could tell was very proud of her skills. He kept mocking Twilight Sparkle behind her back, he thought Pinkie Pie was a freak, he found Rarity to be the pony version of a female dog, and he just wanted to slap Fluttershy silly for being so meek. Josh knew that he deserved to be by himself.
“Josh? I thought I heard your yelling. What are you doing out here all by yourself?”
Josh’s ears perked up (an unusual abnormality he noticed were common in animals but obviously not in humans) at the familiar voice, and he lifted his head to find a certain violet unicorn peering at him from a few feet away. She was standing with her front right foreleg slightly lifted and bent in the air while she was stuck in her little stare. Her head was cocked to the side and she was giving Josh a curious look. Despite how much he hated the ponies, Josh couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Seeing Twilight Sparkle in such a cute position reminded him of the dogs back on his home world, especially with her right foreleg lifted a few inches off the ground for no particular reason.
“Oh, you know, Twilight…I’m just being myself,” Josh said sarcastically, “I love wandering into the middle of cities filled with ponies and start screaming my head off for no good reason. Yeah, I totally do this back home all the time, too. It really helps your stress, ya know?”
“Hardy har-har.” Twilight rolled her eyes, trotting over to the male and giving him a stern look. “Well, whatever the reason, I must ask that you stop doing that; you’re gonna scare the Ponyville residents even more than you already have.”
“Thanks, purple girl, I just LOVE hearing how badly I’ve screwed up and how I look like a complete loser in front of your stupid pony friends.” Josh grumbled and turned away; he didn’t feel like being scolded. Twilight was as bad as his mother, and she reminded him an awful lot of her, too. But, just like his mother, there was no way to avoid Twilight’s lectures.
“Josh, you only have yourself to blame for alienating yourself from Ponyville,” the purple unicorn explained, trotting in front of Josh and forcing him to look at her, “You do realize that the last time you were here, you basically caused a huge scene before you said that little embarrassing remark about Rainbow Dash and myself. How did you expect everypony to react to seeing you just trotting around like you were one of us?”
“It was your own damn fault, you nerd! If you hadn’t pissed me off so badly, I wouldn’t have had to call you out for your obvious crush on Rainbow Dash!”
“Josh, I did nothing to…I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON RAINBOW DASH!” Twilight gasped and held a hoof over her mouth, her face turning dark crimson as she whipped her head around back and forth, making sure that nopony else was around. Thankfully, since most of the Ponyville residents were staying away from Josh, Twilight’s shout went unheard.
“You so totally have a crush on Dash,” Josh sneered, pushing his face into Twilight’s and enjoying her angry expression, “Well, actually, I personally think all six of you ponies have crushes on ALL of each other, but it’s obvious that you and Dash belong together.”
Taking a deep breath and trying to calm herself down, remembering that Josh was just being a jerk and trying to rile her up, Twilight took the highroad. After quickly counting to ten inside of her head, Twilight gave Josh a frown as she crossed her forelegs across her chest. “Enlighten me, Josh. Why do you think that Dash and I belong together, hmm? I’m so very interested in hearing this.”
She looks so cute when she’s mad…man, she’s SUCH a nerd! Josh thought, getting a little chuckle out of the annoyed frown on Twilight’s face, I swear, if she wore some red-rimmed glasses and had her gothic hair tied back into a ponytail, she’d look just like some of the geeks from home!
“Uh…why are you looking at me like that?” Twilight blinked, waving her hoof in front of Josh’s face after the stallion had paused and proceeded to look at her like she was eye candy. “Is there something on my face?”
“Twilight…does your face hurt you?”
“Um…no, it doesn’t…why?”
“Because it’s killing ME!”
Josh couldn’t help himself; Twilight had walked right into that one. The former human cracked up and laughed his head off while Twilight took a moment to process the insult that was supposed to be a joke. When she finally came to the consensus that Josh was basically saying that her face was ugly, instead of looking mad, she looked hurt. “Josh…seriously, not funny. That wasn’t nice at all.”
Josh stopped laughing almost at once, due to not hearing Twilight’s amusing angry lecture words as he had thought he would. “Twilight…it was just a joke. Why aren’t you yelling at me? It makes me laugh when you do that.”
“Oh, I amuse you?” Twilight snapped, pushing her face into Josh’s again and giving a little huff, “So, I’m just one big joke to you, huh? Everything I say makes you laugh? I guess I’m just too big of a nerd to really say anything worthwhile, right?”
“No, no, you got it all wrong!” Josh growled, rubbing his forehead with his hooves irritably, “I meant that it’s the tone you use when you get mad that makes me laugh. It’s kinda hard to explain. It’s like…well, pretend that your friend Pinkie Pie just ran headfirst into a tree. Now, if she said something like, ‘Owie, that hurt…I think I need a doctor’, then that wouldn’t be funny…well, at least not to you. But, if she said something like, ‘Ooh, you dirty tree, getting in my way like that! You just bonked me on my head!’, then you just couldn’t help but laugh at her, right? It’s just like you. You’re a nerd, but the way you talk just makes me laugh.”
“Um…I don’t really follow…” Twilight scratched her chin with a hoof, trying to follow Josh’s logic, “So, to you, sometimes I sound serious and sometimes…I sound funny?”
“Pretty much. It’s one reason why I laugh at most things, even if they’re not visibly or understandably funny.” Josh paused, glancing at the bookworm next to him, and seeing a familiar look that his mother used to give him. It was a look of slight annoyance, but curiosity and wanting to hear more. Josh was always smarter than his mother, and it angered her; she would always yell at him, but eventually have to give in and admit that Josh was always better. The same look was being given by Twilight.
“Would you…like to come back to my library?” the unicorn asked, “I’d like to talk to you some more while you’re still here with us. I haven’t heard back from the princess, in case you were wondering.”
“Humph…okay, fine…but please keep your lectures to a minimum, please.” Josh snickered and playfully poked the annoyed unicorn right underneath her horn. “You see, like I explained to Rainbow Dash, I have certain allergies. One is that I’m allergic to bullcrap. I fear I might get one where I’m allergic to lectures soon enough. I’m honestly shocked I haven’t developed one after living with my mother most of my life.”
“Uh, but those aren’t actual toxins or viral airborne objects that could logically result in an allergy.”
“You think and talk too much, you know that?”
“Gee, does that sound somewhat familiar to you, Josh? I can think of somepony who it sounds like…”
“Just shut up and move your purple ass before I start kicking it.”
Giving an amused giggle, Twilight gave a little flip of her mane and beckoned for Josh to follow her towards her library home. Immaturely blowing a raspberry at the back of Twilight’s head, Josh eventually began forcing himself to be led along the backstreets to the unicorn’s house. Despite the fact he wasn’t amused by his escort, Josh did say that he wanted to go visit the mare to try and learn some magic, so it seemed everything was working out perfectly. All he had to do was put up with Twilight and her excessive talking. Despite his warnings and pleas, they had fallen on deaf ears. Twilight began chattering almost instantly as they had started trotting along.
“So, Josh, Cheerilee said she saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders drag you towards Applejack’s farm last night. Did you have a good time over there?”
“I’d rather not talk about it.”
“I hope you can continue to remain patient until Princess Celestia finds a way to send you home.”
“Patience isn’t in my vocabulary, sorry.”
“Oh, and don’t forget that you should probably go see Zecora sometime, since I’m guessing you still don’t really like being a pony, huh?”
“Every time I try to not think about it, some idiot brings it back up. Thank you very much, Twilight.”
“Josh, I’m not trying to give you orders, but I think you should go visit Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie later today. You’ve been spending most of your time so far with AJ and Dash, both of whom are quite rough and rowdy, huh? Well, those three might be a good change of pace.”
“Do you have an off switch?”
“Of course, I honestly wouldn’t mind if you spent some time with me. Despite your rudeness, you are still a fascinating person that I’d like to get to know better. Plus, you ARE an alicorn, an extremely rare breed of pony, so this would really help my research if you’d let me study you a bit.”
“Oh, goody! I found my calling! It’s becoming the guinea pig for a purple pony! Mom will be so thrilled.”
“Spike lives with me, in case you didn’t remember. Could you please try to get along with him? He’s like my little brother and I really care for him, so I really wouldn’t like you fighting with him. Oh, and I also have a pet owl named Owlowiscious that I’m sure you’d like to meet.”
“Say, Twilight? There’s this cliff I took a liking to from earlier; wanna go take a look at it with me?”
“Could you possibly explain to me what it feels like to be a pony and how it differs from being a human? A pony in town named Lyra has some odd human-like tendencies to her, but that isn’t enough to go on. If it’s not too much trouble, maybe you could explain to me what it’s like to have been in both bodies?”
“Where’s Jason Voorhees when you need him? He likes nerds…I think. Or was that drunken teens?”
“You know, Josh, you could actually try contributing to the conversation instead of constantly saying rude and evil things…some of which I don’t really understand.”
“Did you forget how I specifically asked you to not lecture me?”
“I’m not. I’m trying to have a casual conversation with you. There’s a difference.”
“I want to strangle you right now.”
“That’s not healthy thinking.”
“When I go back home, I’m seriously gonna consider no longer liking the Philadelphia Phillies.”
“Fillydelphia? Have you been there? But, you’ve only been here one day! How is that possible?”
“Dear God, if you’re hearing me, please, I pray for you to unmercifully strike down Twilight Sparkle.”
When Twilight Sparkle wasn’t struck down, Josh remembered that, in this world, Celestia was their God. Since Twilight was Celestia’s student, there wasn’t about to be any punishment issued onto her. The fact that the princess most likely didn’t hear prayers probably didn’t help Josh’s case, either. So, after whispering something blasphemous and having to do things himself, the stallion tried to simply tune out the rest of Twilight’s conversation. When they reached the pony’s home, for the first time in Josh’s life, he was beyond thankful to reach a library.
“SHELTER FROM THE ROYAL BLABBERMOUTH! IT’S A MIRACLE!” Josh gasped, bowing down in front of the large tree and inciting a frown from Twilight, “OH, THANK THE HEAVENS FOR TREES…THAT ARE IRONIC ENOUGH TO HAVE LIBRARIES BUILT INTO THEM!”
“Josh…this is my home…you’re not ‘safe’ from me in there,” Twilight pointed out, giving a little smirk as Josh’s thrilled praising came to a crashing halt. Very slowly, the angry stallion churned his head around and glared at the purple bookworm. Twilight looked very amused, while Josh looked ready to pull out his hair.
“You know what? I’m starting to wonder which I would rather endure: Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s brashness and physicality or your indirect verbal onslaught of abuse and torture.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment…although I don’t really know why. Now, care to come in?” Twilight smiled and trotted over to the large door of her library home, leaving Josh silently cursing behind her back. Once again, though, the thought of learning powerful magic and turning Twilight into a frog or something worse came into his mind, so Josh pulled himself off the ground and forced himself to follow Twilight inside.
Since during the tour Josh hadn’t actually taken a good look inside of Twilight’s home, this time he actually decided to examine his surroundings. As Twilight shut the door using her magic, Josh stepped away from the unicorn and took in everything with his emerald eyes. The large bookcases filled with books, the desk with stacks of paper and a pen well with a quill in it, an upstairs which apparently led to a loft or Twilight’s bedroom, another room which was probably a kitchen, and Josh could tell that there was plenty more upstairs, should he ever bother asking about it. When he attempted to go and grab a random book off the nearest bookcase, he was shocked to see one levitating off the shelf already. Turning around, he found Twilight’s horn glowing and the book moving towards it through the air.
“Showoff,” Josh grumbled, sitting down in the middle of the main room and crossing his forelegs, “You can’t just go over to the shelf to take off a book? You have to waste your magic on that?”
“What’s wrong with it? It’s a lot easier and it saves time.” Twilight gave Josh a puzzled look, trotting over to her desk and setting the book down with her magic, making the glow around her horn go away. “You can do it too, you know. It’s a rather simple levitating spell.”
“I’d rather not waste my MP on such wasteful actions,” Josh snapped, before slapping his forehead and sighing, “Oh, right…this isn’t Final Fantasy or anything even CLOSE its epic-ness. I’m guessing here on this world you can use your magic as much as you like?”
“Well, yes…what exactly does ‘MP’ stand for?”
“Never mind. So, what was that book you so effortlessly floated over to yourself, Princess?”
“Well, it’s…wait, Princess?” Twilight gave Josh another one of her usual confused expressions. “Um, Josh, I’m not the princess. I’m not EITHER princess. You haven’t met Luna yet, but she’s really…”
“Calling a girl ‘princess’ is a term of endearment, you stupid horse,” Josh interrupted, “Not to mention a somewhat sarcastic way to address a girl who puts herself on a high pedestal and thinks she’s better than everyone else. So, yeah, you’re Princess Twilight.”
“I’m not sure if I’m okay with that…after what you just said and all.”
“Tough.”
Twilight gave a sigh, but just decided to let it go; getting into an argument with Josh was like trying to figure out Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense, and Twilight wasn’t stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. “Okay, whatever. Anyway, the book I chose was on poison joke and other unusual plants and objects that are considered unique and strange. I was foolish to not look at it before when first meeting Zecora, but I’m going right to it this time. Maybe it’ll explain some more about poison joke and its effects.”
“Sweet. While you further educate and inflate your already-monstrously-huge ego, mind if I take a look around?” Josh was very interested in learning some magic, but by himself. Like in school, he preferred learning and studying by himself and without the aid of others. Learning from others made him feel stupid and moronic.
“Go ahead, my rude friend. Just please don’t destroy anything. Also, Spike is sleeping in late today, so he should be asleep in his bed upstairs. If you could, try not to wake him, please.”
“Well, since you said ‘please’…I’ll consider it,” Josh snickered, turning away from Twilight after hearing her usual aggravated sigh, “Enjoy your reading, Princess.”
“Thank you, Josh. If you need anything, feel free to ask me.”
“You wouldn’t happen to have some scissors, would you? Your mane looks kinda long.”
“Touch my mane and I show you the results of all my years of learning under Princess Celestia.”
“Touchy, touchy,” Josh mused, but takes the hint and slowly backs away from the bookworm and leaves her to her book.
The dark purple stallion idly strolled around the library, for the most part behaving himself. Like with Applejack, Josh at least had enough manners to not purposely destroy Twilight’s properly or home, despite the fact he still didn’t consider these ponies anything more than fake cartoon characters. Since he still didn’t know how to use his magic, and he wasn’t about to ask Twilight to teach him (despite his earlier thoughts of WANTING to ask her), he was forced to pull out books from the large bookcases filling the library with his own clumsy hooves. Easy to say, he was growing frustrated in no time.
Stupid hooves! Josh growled to himself, pulling out a book on some bearded pony in Equestrian history and finding it hard to flip the pages, It’s like trying to fold pieces of paper while wearing thick and heavy gloves. And what IS this crap? Ugh, I HATE history! Get this garbage outta here! Josh stuffed the book right back into its slot and quickly moved away from the area.
Next, Josh stood up on his hind legs and attempted to reach a higher book on another shelf, but couldn’t quite reach. He tried using his horn to tip the book off its resting place, but all that happened was him getting slammed in the face by said book when it crashed down on top of him. After receiving a quick and distracted lecture from Twilight on not to damage her books, Josh rubbed his nose and case the unicorn a dirty look before looking at the book that had struck him. It was about the winter solstice.
“As much as I enjoy the winter, this is useless!” Josh sighed, picking the book up with his two hooves and balancing on his hind legs, “Now to put this back…where it came from…ugh, come on!” Try as he might, the stallion couldn’t get the book back on its shelf. Either his hind legs wouldn’t steady themselves enough for him or he couldn’t quite reach the shelf again like he had the first time. Twilight had stopped her own reading for a second to observe the boy and looked very amused.
“…perhaps you’d like me to teach you some basic magic?” she asked, “I know you don’t plan on being here for long, but I could teach you a simple levitation spell. I can see that you’re struggling to really do things as an earth pony, and just wasting your horn isn’t doing anypony any good.”
“I don’t need your help, Princess! I’ve got this!” Josh tried again to return the book, but once again failed and this time ended up crashing over backwards and landing hard on his backside. The book came down right on top of his face again, too. Twilight stifled a giggle.
“Well, if you don’t wish to learn any magic, that’s your prerogative.”
“Damn straight. Now, shut up already; you’re distracting me from doing this properly!” For the next five minutes, Josh tried his best to get the book back on its shelf. During these five minutes, Josh did a number of different things.
The former human attempted to leap up to the shelf to return the book, but failed. He tried to throw the book back onto the shelf and was met with another scolding from Twilight. He verbally assaulted the book and ordered it back onto the shelf with zero results. He loudly proclaimed how ironic it was that it was easy to remove something but it was always harder than heck to put it back. He took a break to chew out Twilight for no reason, also going into how it was all her fault with how poorly put-together her library was. He tried to climb the bookshelf, but his only rewards were a scolding from Twilight and a bad bruise on his butt when he fell right back down onto the floor.
Finally, exasperated and fully humiliated with having a single book outsmart him, a sweaty and angry Josh looked back at Twilight. “Could you…be my step?”
“Oh, you mean using me as a prop so that you can gain more leverage and therefore finally reach the required height to return the book without resorting to other destructive means?”
“Yes. Thank you for over-exemplifying my simple question and making me look like a retard.”
“I was just reiterating what you said in my own way to make sure I fully understood before I help you.”
“Whatever. Just get your purple butt over here and help me, Princess.”
“I didn’t hear a please out of you.”
“…would you please let me use you as a footstool…or hoof-stool…so I can return this freaking book and get on with my life?”
“That’ll do.”
Twilight chuckled and set her book aside as she trotted over to Josh. Sure, she knew that she could easily just return Josh’s book with her horn in two seconds, but doing everything for Josh wasn’t teaching him anything. At least this way would teach him how to ask for help and how not to be so cold and distant. Eventually, if he kept struggling with such simple tasks, she might even ask the unicorn to teach him some simple magic that even a filly could learn. For now, though, Josh had a book to return to its rightful shelf.
Siding up to the designated bookshelf, Twilight stood as tall as she could on all four legs. She pressed the right side of her body softly up against the bookcase to make sure she was as close as possible before turning and giving Josh a smile and a nod. “Be careful, alright? If you fall over backwards again, I’ll catch you with my magic.”
“Oh, shut up! I don’t need you babying me!” Josh snapped, his cheeks turning slightly red as he glanced from Twilight, to the book in his hooves, and back again. “Um…how am I supposed to…get on top of you? Ugh, that sounded…perverted.”
“Gently put the book in your mouth, then climb up onto my back. After that, just stand up on your hind legs, pull the book out of your mouth with your hooves, and return it to the shelf. You can do it, Josh. Just trust me.”
“This has nothing to do with trusting you, you idiot!”
“Yes it is, Josh. You actually asked me for help, and you even said please. Plus, you’re trusting me to stand still for you so that you can return the book.”
“…I feel like I’m in kindergarten and the teacher is talking to me in baby language like I’m a complete moron.”
“When you have friends, you help each other and rely on one another. This is nothing about you not being able to do something. It’s about knowing when to ask for help and taking what you get without letting it hurt or anger you. Now, come Josh, return the book.”
“…is it possible that you’ve had this book in your mouth at one point or another?”
“Oh, Josh, for goodness sake!”
“Alright, alright! Sheez, what a nag.”
Trying to pretend that he was just putting a large cookie in his mouth that he couldn’t eat, Josh quickly opened his maw and stuffed the book inside. He bit down softly without trying to damage the covers, and once it was firmly in place, he looked at Twilight Sparkle. Somehow, crawling on top of a female, even if it was just for something like this, unnerved him. He never had to do anything like this back in his world. He usually just whined to his mother to do things for him, or forced someone else to do his work, or just used a ladder.
Very slowly, Josh trotted up to Twilight and examined her back. As promised, she was standing up straight and it didn’t seem like she was trying to fool him in any way. Cautiously, the former human boy placed his front right hoof on Twilight’s lower back. Then, he did the same with his left hoof on Twilight’s upper back, right below the back of her neck. She felt so soft and delicate, just as he always imagined a female WOULD feel. Then again, he was dealing with an animal, so Josh was trying to think of Twilight as a kitty back home.
Okay…just climb on top of her and return the damn book…why the hell is this taking so long? Josh wondered, looking at Twilight’s mane and blinking a few times, I should just force her to return the book herself…no, then I’m just opening up the door to being teased about not having magic when I have a freaking horn on my head. Curse my proudness…but, that’s who I am, baby! Hmm…Twilight would be hot…IF she was a human. Shame, really…also a shame that I hate this freaking world.
Letting out muffled mutters through the clenched book in his jaws, Josh gently leaped up so he got all four legs on Twilight’s back. The pony verbally grunted and seemed to sag a little with the extra weight, but otherwise she didn’t move or comment. Josh wobbly balanced on top of Twilight’s backside with all four legs before gently placing his front hooves on the bookcase and climbing upwards. Twilight’s body seemed to shake slightly from underneath him, leading him to believe that she might not hold for long, so he had to be quick. Josh was soon standing with his hind legs on Twilight’s back, and he was easily right in front of the gap in the bookcase where the book on winter solstice went.
There you are…now to put you back, you little devil of a book! Josh thought, proudly spitting out the book and catching it with one hoof, balancing the book in it while using his other hoof to balance against the bookcase, Back into your hole, stupid book. Ha! I knew I could do this without using stupid magic. See, Princess Twilight? You and your magic can kiss my…
“Gah…Josh, you’re heavier…than I expected…” Twilight gasped, her legs twitching underneath her body as she strained to keep the stallion on top of her aloft, “I…don’t have AJ’s strength…I think I’m gonna…” Letting out a loud cry, Twilight’s legs flew out from under her and Josh found himself flying.
Forgetting to open up his wings, and probably just not used to them being there to begin with, Josh growled and closed his eyes. He was bracing himself for a rather hard and painful landing on a hard wood floor, which would easily put a few more bruises on his body, not to mention forcing him to have Twilight Sparkle endure some more of his wrath. However, after a split-second of falling, he let out a grunt as he landed on something soft instead. A second grunt echoed out almost instantly after his, and he froze when he realized just what he landed on. Opening his eyes, he saw Twilight Sparkle underneath him, her face sweaty and a deep red.
“Uh…”
“Er…”
Josh’s larger stallion body easily pinned Twilight’s smaller unicorn one. The purple pony blinked half a dozen times as she stared up into Josh’s face, her front hooves accidentally pinned to her sides by Josh’s. The stallion’s emerald eyes locked with Twilight’s violet pupils for a moment, each one taking this chance to fully examine the other. Both of their faces were now a deep red, either from exhaustion or possible embarrassment. Twilight was used to accidents, sure, but she had never had a stallion on top of her before. Josh was also used to accidents, but he had never been on top of ANYTHING in his life. The situation was new to both ponies.
Her eyes…dammit…she’s so…pretty, Josh thought, unable to pull away from Twilight’s eyes, Applejack’s eyes…were green, just like mine…and they were so…peaceful. But, Twilight’s eyes…they’re my favorite color, purple. And…she’s purple, too…and so is her mane…kinda. What…what are these feelings…what are these butterflies…what the hell IS this? Some kind of trick? Some kind of magic? All I’m doing is staring down at a stupid pony! I’m a freaking human being, not a pony! Dammit, this is just stupid…I’m getting up. But, he didn’t get up. He stayed atop Twilight, his face only inches from hers.
His eyes…they look so cold…but, I can feel…warmth…emanating from somewhere deep, deep inside, Twilight thought, squirming only slightly and not really making much of an effort to get away, not to mention not bothering to use her teleportation, I…I’ve never felt this…from any pony before. All of my friends…Spike…Princess Celestia…none of their eyes are like this. I can feel their love just by staring at them…I can read their hearts. But, Josh…his eyes are glazed…they’re hurt, and alone…and possibly scared? What…what is this…who is this…Josh?
For once, his heart speaking in place of his brain, Josh found his right hoof rising towards Twilight’s face without his consent. His body stayed put atop the smaller purple female pony, and he still didn’t seem all too pressured to just lift himself away. Likewise, the unicorn herself wasn’t moving to get away, either. Both ponies could feel their hearts gently beating against one another as their chests were pressed together. The heat resonating from their breaths and bodies calmed the two, and when Josh felt his hoof brush against Twilight’s left cheek, the heat rose to an inferno.
“Twilight Sparkle…”
“Josh…”
“HOLY CELESTIA! W-W-W-WHAT IS THIS?!?! EW, EW, EW, EW, EW!”
Josh froze, his hoof still pressing gently into Twilight’s cheek. Twilight froze as well, her pupils slowly moving to the left and slightly upwards. At the top of the stairs, staring down at them in horror and disgust, was none other than Spike. Having been awoken thanks to the loud thump of Josh landing on Twilight, not to mention Twilight’s soft squeak upon being landed upon, he had decided to investigate. What he was viewing wasn’t sitting well with his fragile mind. When Josh finally snapped out of his momentary trance and cast a glance up towards the stairs, he groaned and rolled his eyes.
“REALLY should’ve seen that one coming.”
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Oh dear...
Cliffhanger inbound!
114580
Captain! Our cliffhanger defences are failing.
What do we so liutennant?
I dont know sir maybe we should just brace our selves for the upcoming cliffhanger.
Dat end of the chapter
Oh damn.
Indeed
Oh dear. Well um... this is awkward.
Ha I love Josh , he's bloody hilarious oh and Josh , this is the way the universe puts on the best troll face ever and says : Sorry you went trough Hell so we decided to turn 180 completely to piss you off even more before you will finally be happy [ and then we send you back in said Hell ] *troll-face* U JELLY ?
So the way I see it is the Josh's body is a pony, yes?. Therefore the chemicals his body produces lead him to be attracted to ponies while the human part of him utterly rejects the idea. Am I close to what's going on?
JUst those moments where things are going so well,then someone else comes and interrupts it.
Hmmmmmm *Checks tags* DEAR JESUS CHRIST! ITS A ROMANCE!??? FAWK BUKIN YES!
COOOOOL! On one hoof I really enjoyed reading this chapter, on the other - I hate cliffhangers. Overall: 5 stars :). MOAR!
Y U DO DAT!?
More please!
DAMMIT SPIKE!!!!!
I had to wait a little longer to get this chapter...
Totally worth it!
BU-BU-BU-BUZZKILL!
-Glassed
(CLOP)(CLOP)(CLOP)(CLOP)(CLOP)(CLOP)(CLOP)
Now THAT's certainly an improvement!
Have fun Josh!
AWKWARD MOMENT IS MY FAVOURITE MOMENT.
Fantastic, now AJ and Twilight will fight over Josh
spike ".well hello thar"
Luck is professional troll.
Suddenly, absolutely no baby dragons were badly beaten.
How dare you make Spike intrude upon their special moment!?!?!
NEHHH!!
Meanie!
5/5 stars!.....poopyhead...
Four words (or one):
OurCliffhangersAreDifferent
oh god spike.
also Twillight and josh. me gusta :3
I'm having a ball trying to figure out what mental disorder to diagnose Josh with. I was originally leaning towards narcissistic personality, but the history of child abuse conflicts with that diagnosis. We believe that at some point Josh DID have friends, however in his current state I doubt he could hold down a job much less make friends. Did Josh suffer any recent injuries to the head or neck? Damage to the brain might explain sudden changes in personality. Does he have any obsessions, ticks, compulsions or other aberrant behaviors? We could be looking at a case of undiagnosed autism. However, that still doesn't explain his extreme antisocial behavior. I also have to keep in mind that a lot of the information we're getting about his past is coming straight from his mouth, and Josh doesn't seem like the kind of person who would be honest about it. For example, he consistently claims to be well-educated and of unusually high intelligence.Not only have we not seen anything to suggest that these claims are true, but we have seen circumstantial evidence to suggest that they are false.Take his low vocabulary for example.
122677 he's mentally scarred- probably self esteem issues.
123274 and so, he lies to cover himself up and keep the illusion of intelligence
122677 I think he just suffers from Chronic Jackass Disorder.
omwow
124651 oh god lol xD
"...churned his head around..."
Well, time for some good old fashioned brain butter!
115805 EXACTLY!!!!!!!! that's why i made my OC, fifty-fifty, the one who controls luck :3
*banging head into wall multiple times* BAKA *wham* BAKA *wham* BAKA *wham* BAKA *wham* BAKA *wham* BAKA *wham* BAKA *wham* BAKA *wham*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The voice of Josh could be Jason Marsden (who is the voice of Max Goof).
Boner....No.....NOOOO.....No...Stay..........Stay.....NO!!!...NOOOOO....fuck....
im just saying he can fly soooooo y cant he put the book back....