Chapter 24: An Accidental Seduction
Fifteen minutes later, which felt like an eternity to Josh, the stallion found himself dragged inside Rarity’s boutique by none other than the building’s primary resident herself. He really should’ve been used to having his posterior kicked by now, but it didn’t make it any less painful; Josh was beginning to learn that these ponies were just as strong and stubborn as the horses back home, not to mention much more hot-tempered. What was shocking was that he felt almost more pain that he did when Applejack and Derpy had kicked his behind, despite his assumption that unicorns weren’t physically strong. Rarity defied that logic with the sound punishment she issued for the long, horrendous time Josh had spent outside the building.
After beating Josh’s brains out for insulting her butt, Rarity dragged the former human inside the boutique to not draw any more attention to herself than necessary. As soon as she closed the door, Rarity proceeded to unload on the stallion for another ten minutes in a verbal tirade on how rude he was and how her butt was not big and how he needed to get his act together or else she would see to it that Twilight wrote a letter to the princess about his behavior. There was also a few minutes of whining dedicated to the dent in her building that she was still determined to make Josh pay for.
Does…she…ever…shut…up? Josh had moaned inside of his head, forced to listen to the entire rant, since his body felt ready to crumble into dust from its recent demolishment at the hooves of the unicorn, This…is…freaking…torture. I would…almost rather…be water-boarded…or stretched on a rack…than have to suffer…through this nonsense…ugh, this freaking sucks.
“…and furthermore, Joshua, you are not leaving until we come to an arrangement about the damage you have inflicted on my home, not to mention my feelings!” Rarity concluded, pacing back and forth in front of the stallion, continuing to shoot him dirty looks the entire time, “The sheer lack of respect and kindness that you displayed to me were very unacceptable, not to mention you forced my hoof and you made me all sweaty due to that!”
“I…didn’t tell you…to beat my ass…you stupid broad,” Josh growled, letting out a low moan when his hurting jaw sent a sharp pain to his head when he spoke. Rarity had a nasty bucking that she must’ve learned from Applejack, or from previous relationships that didn’t go so well.
“I’d watch my tone if I were you, Josh,” Rarity warned, narrowing her eyes in disgust at hearing Josh’s recent insult, “Even though I REALLY need a shower to get this awful sweat out of my coat and get my mane back to what it should be, I don’t mind teaching another lesson on how you’re supposed to treat ladies. I let a certain prince off rather easy, but you won’t be so lucky a second time.”
“Goody…you weren’t even being serious…when you nearly killed me…” Josh continued to moan and writhe in pain, his usually quick-healing body working feverishly to get him back onto his hooves. “Please, by all means…have another go…you might succeed in your murder plans…this time around.”
Rarity let out a little giggle as she gave Josh a mock pat on the head. “Oh, please. I wouldn’t do something as crass as murder you, Joshua; that is beneath me. All I’m saying is that a little punishment can go a long way in teaching a valuable lesson that simply cannot be given in any other way. We tried talking to you, being nice to you, being mean to you, and everything else. What will it take to finally make you stop being such an obnoxious twit?”
Josh paused and put on an expression that made it look like he was thinking about it, before he mockingly smiled up at Rarity. “All of you ponies…tying yourselves up…with sticks of lit dynamite…would be a very good start…to improve my happiness. Oh, and I do really love cliffs…so going and jumping off a few…would do wonders for my ego, too.”
Rarity gave an exasperated sigh before her horn began to glow. “Why I simply do not ask Twilight to send you to the princess so that she might banish you to the moon, I don’t know. But, while you’re here, you’re gonna work off what you did to my home, not to mention work on approving that attitude of yours. Come with me, Joshua.”
Against his will, Josh suddenly found his tattered and bruised body gently being levitated off the floor, his limp form surrounded by a bluish-white light. Giving a little hum of nonchalance, Rarity slowly began trotting into one of her other rooms, her horn staying alit with its magical aura as she carried the annoyed Josh along through the air. For Josh, the feeling was very new and unnerving, and it made him feel very vulnerable. But, combined with his pained body and the powerful magic holding him up, he found that he couldn’t move an inch and was forced to accept being pony-handled so easily.
Stupid pony…stupid magical unicorn pony…once I get back home, I’m gonna rip up every picture I ever see of a unicorn! Josh thought to himself, letting out a weak yelp as his head struck the frame of the doorway that Rarity was carrying him through.
“Whoops! My apologies, Josh; that was a pure accident,” Rarity said sweetly, giving a smile that made Josh instantly see that it was no accident.
While thinking violent thoughts on what a pony punching bag would look like, Josh’s emerald eyes scanned the room that he had been brought into. He noticed wooden pony mannequins organized in various corners of the room, along with dozens of clothes racks aligned with garments, dresses, hats, and random other clothing for females that Josh couldn’t place. There was a sofa, a dresser, a large mirror, a sewing machine, and piles upon piles of lace, denim, fabric, and every other clothing material that Josh had ever heard of stacked up wherever there was room.
Dear God, if you’re somehow hearing me, even though this is not your world…please, by your mercy, I pray that you don’t have her play dress-up with me, Josh thought, his throat tightening in fear as he heard Rarity shut the door behind them and click the lock in place. He didn’t like where this was going. In fact, he had had nightmares about this kind of thing happening to him and they usually resulted in him waking up and screaming in fear.
“Josh, I’ve been working on a new line of dresses that I am dying to test out before I try and patent them,” Rarity purred, gently dropping Josh onto the floor after the aura surrounding his body dissipated, “Using my wooden dummies are alright, but I would SO much rather try them on a REAL pony. Do you see where I’m going with this?”
“Er…can’t you just let that stupid dragon get on all fours and try your dresses out?” Josh gulped, the lump getting stuck in his throat as he saw the evil glint in Rarity’s gleeful eyes.
“Ooh, sorry, Joshua, but I’m afraid that Spike is not a pony.” The white unicorn giggled as she slowly stalked towards Josh once more, akin to the scene that had taken place outside not too long ago. “Now, be a good stallion and make Rarity happy, hmm? You don’t want to see Rarity mad, do you?” When dealing with Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle, Josh hadn’t been very scared of them, at least not literally. However, there was something about Rarity that was enough to scare Josh witless whenever she talked to him or began stalking him. He couldn’t refuse her.
“No…I don’t wish to see you mad again…creepy pony who has suddenly begun speaking in the third person,” Josh gulped, finding his four legs to be frozen as Rarity trotted right up to him a second later.
“Good! Now then, if you’d be so kind as to stand up straight, we can get started!” Rarity giggled again as she began to levitate nearly half a dozen dresses over while Josh weakly tried to stand up, despite his hurting body. “Now, I am going to have you try on each and every one of my new dresses, and you will pose in whatever way I desire for as LONG as I desire. Whenever you’re ready to complain or quit, I’ll remind you of the damage you caused to my home and the horrible insults you verbally assaulted me with. So, are there any questions before we get started?” She smiled and gave Josh a little tilt of the head, as though trying to be cute.
“Yeah…I think the saying that you can’t live with girls and you can’t live without them is seriously messed up,” Josh sighed, “I personally think females are evil monsters hidden inside beautiful bodies that are meant to lure others in to their web of horrors and lies before they devour our heads and drink our blood. Kinda like…uh…what’s the plural for succubus? Um…succubae or something?”
“Josh, please just shut up right now before you dig yourself into an even deeper hole.”
“Yes, you psychotic pony who I’m seriously questioning why fate stuck me with for this moment.”
For the next hour, Josh was put through intense mental and emotional pain that he never thought he’d ever have to suffer. Rarity made sure to bring out a large mirror that was as big as a sofa so that Josh could view himself with each and every dress Rarity forced him to wear and pose with. The fact that Rarity purposely prolonged Josh switching up his poses and changing dresses as she idly strolled around him and made slow and silent comments only added to the humiliation. Josh’s eyes seemed to be frozen as he was locked onto the mirror with each and every outfit he was forced to wear, despite the fact that he wanted to just clench his eyes shut and think about a happy place. The minutes couldn’t pass fast enough for the mortified former human.
Oh dear lord…why are you doing this to me? Josh’s mind wailed, his body shivering as though a cold wind was constantly blowing through his skeletal system, What did I do to deserve your spite? You didn’t create these ponies! At least, I don’t think you did. All you did was create planet Earth…right? Ugh, I don’t even know anymore. But, why do I deserve such horrendous abuse? Why did my life have to be like this? Why am I life’s scapegoat? Every day is another stupid time full of pain and misery, and this is no different. Oh God, not the red dress…please, not the red dress…I HATE THE COLOR RED!
“Okay, darling, let’s try this beautiful scarlet dress on next, shall we?” Rarity said, smiling as she levitated Josh’s current yellow outfit off and proceeded to manipulate the dress that Josh had thought was red towards him instead, “You have been doing such a wonderful job so far! Your body is actually quite skinny and feminine, which makes for a vast improvement over my lifeless pony dummies.”
“I suppose I should take being called a girl a compliment,” Josh growled, giving Rarity a dark expression as the scarlet outfit was fitted onto his body, “And I HATE the color red! Aren’t you done making a fool out of me yet? It’s been almost an hour!”
“I’ve actually been enjoying it!” Spike laughed, sitting nearby as he dug his claw into a bucket of popcorn, “Keep going, Rarity! I think you may have found the perfect LIVE pony dummy!”
“…how long have you been sitting there, dragon boy?” Josh asked, turning his attention away from his newest dress as he glared at the seated dragon.
“Oh, I snuck in roughly about halfway through your first dress being worn and admired by Rarity.”
“…I wonder if this horn on my head would make for a good machete.”
“Hush!” Rarity scolded, giving Josh a stern look as she began strolling around his body for the umpteenth time, “Spike, as fun as this is, could you please leave the room? This is rather…a private showing that I’d rather do with only Josh. Did you finish cleaning up Sweetie Belle’s room? Josh, lift your left hind leg and your right foreleg, please, and turn your head to the left.”
“Of course I finished, Rarity,” Spike chuckled, giving a little pout when he noticed his bucket of popcorn was empty, “Aw, nuts…I even ate all the little raisin jewels I slipped in! Guess I was really hungry.”
Frowning to herself as Rarity manipulated Josh’s raised hind leg, the fashion pony continued to try and see something special in the scarlet outfit she had forced onto the angry stallion. “Uh-huh, yes…well, I think I am going to need a few emeralds for this dress, which I am all out of. Spike, could you please head out and dig some up for me?”
Instantly, Spike leaped up from his seated position and tossed his bucket into the nearby trashcan. “With bells on my feet, my dear Rarity! I’ll be back in a jiffy!” Giving a little salute to the white unicorn, the dragon quickly strutted out of the room and slammed the door behind his back, finally leaving the two ponies alone. Josh couldn’t help but give an audible sigh of relief.
“I guess you aren’t so merciless after all,” he muttered, glancing sideways at the white mare as she circled him for the third time.
“I wanted to make you pay back for your insults and the damage you inflicted onto my home, darling,” Rarity said calmly, “Humiliating you and displaying you to others wouldn’t solve a thing. If I had known Spike was over there, I would’ve sent him away sooner. I apologize for making you feel worse than I’m sure you already do. Lean your head back and stand up as tall as you can, please.”
Grumbling a little bit, Josh grudgingly continued to follow Rarity’s demand. The outfit made his body itch, and every time he stole a glance at the mirror, he wanted to poke his eyes out. However, hearing that Rarity honestly wasn’t trying to humiliate him in front of others made him feel slightly better. He still didn’t like her and he wanted nothing more than to brutally punish her in whatever non-physical way he could, but her rare, selfless words had sparked a rather curious emotion inside of Josh’s heart. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, he attempted to finally pick up a proper conversation with the mare.
“So…Rarity…you’re one of the best dressmakers in town, huh?” Josh asked in a casual tone, trying to sound like he wasn’t too interested or he didn’t care too much.
Almost immediately, Rarity gave a warm smile and seemed to move a bit quicker around Josh’s body upon hearing his question. “Well, I don’t mean to brag, but I daresay I am. But, that doesn’t mean that I can ever get arrogant. I am always trying to improve myself and make sure the customer is always happy and satisfied with the product that they receive. Dressmaking is an art, darling. It’s my true passion that burns within my soul and drives me to become a successful pony in this world. I know that there is always going to be somepony better than me out there, but that just spurs me on to do even better! Sit down and stretch your forelegs out like a bird, please.”
Once again following Rarity’s orders, despite having his forelegs ache and his rump still slightly hurt from the kicking it took via Rarity’s own hooves, Josh sat down and tried to continue the conversation. He hated to talk, but at least Rarity was a lot more tolerable this way. “I see…well, that’s nice to hear. I don’t care much for clothes-making myself. Back on my world, as a human, I rarely even wore clothes, except when I left the house. Seriously, I just enjoyed wearing the same things all the time; they worked, so why mess with perfection?”
“Because sometimes experiencing and trying new things will open up the door to new and better wonders that you’d never think was possible, darling.” Rarity sat down and rubbed her chin, frowning and contemplating inner thoughts as she stitched together all the information she had gathered from Josh’s recent attire and poses. “Yes…yes, I think that’ll do. Okay, Joshua, let’s get this dress off you. I think you’ve earned yourself a break.”
“Finally, we are in agreement!”
Giving a light, good-natured chuckle, Rarity’s horn glowed and Josh found the dreaded scarlet dress elevated off his body, once more leaving him bare. Josh immediately began to shake himself off like a dog, trying to get the feelings of having had the unwanted dresses attached to his body out of his mind. Rarity giggled to herself as she watched the annoyed alicorn step off his platform and try to brush himself off. When he wasn’t being a jerk or a rude, egotistical bully, he was actually quite interesting. Plus, Rarity was interested in knowing if Josh wanted to try chatting with her a bit more.
“Let’s head to the kitchen and I’ll get you a cup of tea, Josh,” the unicorn said, trotting over towards the door, “Without the use of harsh words or barbaric actions, I’d like to actually talk with you without fear of having a volcano erupt.”
Man…she really DOES have a big butt! Josh blinked, his eyes watching Rarity’s hips sway idly back and forth as she walked, She has some serious curves on her…damn she’s hot. Easy to say, if she was a human, she’d be the…the…uh, who’s the most beautiful female human from my world? Um…you know what…I honestly don’t know! Well, whatever; Rarity would easily be a superstar with a body like hers. Plus, she has the haughty and arrogant attitude to boot.
“Josh? Aren’t you…coming?” Rarity paused, glancing back and narrowing her eyes when she found Josh’s dazed expression staring at a rather curious area. “May I ask…what you are looking at?”
“Uh…I was…watching…the floor and the door…make lines…with my mind…”
“Darling, that wasn’t even a proper sentence, nor did that make any sense. Were you ogling me?”
“WHAT?!?! HELL NO! YOU CRAZY, WOMAN!” Josh quickly slapped his face twice with his hooves, then awkwardly rushed after Rarity to join her at the door. Rarity just gave a little roll of her eyes before she pushed the door open. Before she left, however, she paused once more and gave Josh a suspicious look.
“You go first.”
“As much as I’d like that, I always allow ladies to go first.”
“That is very noble of you, but I’d feel better if you went first.”
“Why?”
“Just because.”
“Just because why?”
“Josh, go, before I get angry.”
“Sheez…why do all females have such short fuses?”
Not wanting Rarity to snap out of her good move and deliver another beating to his already-sore body, Josh finally allowed himself to be coaxed out of the room first. Rarity closed the door behind their back and directed Josh towards the kitchen, making sure to walk at his side instead of in front of him. Despite his confusion at why he was doing so, Josh couldn’t help but continue shooting glances at the pretty white mare trotting at his side. The way she moved her body was so elegant and regal, the very definition of a queen. Josh had never seen royalty from his home, but he was sure he was looking at the next closest thing…in pony form.
“Here is the kitchen, Joshua,” Rarity said upon arriving in the illustrious room with Josh at her side, “I’ll make us some of my special sweet tea. Do sit down and rest while I get to the fixings.”
“Uh, sure…whatever you say, Rarity.” Josh glanced at the kitchen table and picked out a good seat before awkwardly sitting down, feeling very unnerved about being seated in the pony’s home, let alone her own kitchen, after they had only known each over for around a day.
Josh sat quietly as he watched Rarity’s every move through the kitchen. He tried hard to not stare at her butt or her other beautiful features, but it was almost impossible. Josh was in no means a pervert; he had never once bothered looking at a single woman back on his home planet in such a light. However, the fact that these ponies wore no clothes and were actually quite beautiful to begin with, despite how childish they seemed, was almost too much to handle. The way that they spoke was also beginning to lead Josh into believing that, real or fake, maybe they weren’t so much different from his home as he had once thought.
“So…Rarity…is Spike your boyfriend?” Josh asked, giving a little smirk as he went on the offensive.
Nearly dropping the tiny cup she was levitating down from her cupboard, Rarity gave a slight gasp of embarrassment before whipping her head around and glaring at Josh. “Why do YOU wish to know that? Why do you care if he is or isn’t?”
“Well…I’m just curious. I mean, he’s always making googly eyes at you and wanting to wait on you hand and foot, not to mention willing to make himself look completely and utterly moronic to the point of me wanting to puke my guts out, all for the sake of pleasing you. So, I was just curious if you two were actually a couple.”
Rarity gave Josh a hard look, trying to see if he had any ulterior motive behind his question. Satisfied that Josh wasn’t trying to mock her or insult her again, Rarity calmly placed two tiny glass cups on two equally-small plates and shook her head. “No. Spike and I…are just close friends.”
“Ah…but, can you picture him being your boyfriend?”
Releasing a sigh of frustration at Josh’s persistence, Rarity very nearly slammed her ceramic kettle onto the stove as she began to boil the water for the tea. “That is a very personal question! I’d rather not discuss my love life with somepony who is still technically a stranger to me. If you are just trying to make a foal out of me like you attempted to do with your talks of ‘Twilight and Rainbow Dash’ in the town square, I suggest you think again.”
“Good grief, chill out! I was just asking!” Josh snapped, crossing his forelegs across his chest in annoyance at Rarity’s anger, “I wasn’t trying to be mean…for once. I was just wondering, since…well, you’re a very…um…” Josh paused for a moment before recollecting his thoughts and making sure he knew what he wanted to say. “You…are a very beautiful, talented, and incredible girl. I’m surprised you don’t have a ton of males and suitors rushing in here constantly and trying to win your hand…ugh, HOOF in marriage. So, I just assumed that you were holding out for having Spike one day pop the question.”
Rarity sighed again as Josh finished explaining himself. It wasn’t a sigh of anger or irritation. It almost seemed like a sigh of pain and sadness. The white unicorn stood and watched the kettle on the stove for a long, long time, as though waiting for it to start steaming. The two ponies sat in silence for a long period of time, with Josh idly kicking his hind legs back and forth and wondering if he had said something wrong again, and Rarity staring blindly at the kettle of hot water with her eyes closed and her head hung almost in a depressed manner.
“I…fear that I may be blind when it comes to love,” Rarity whispered, finally breaking the silence as she spoke in a monotone voice, “You see, Josh…I’ll admit that I’m rather picky when it comes to…many certain things. I once had a deep crush on the princess’ royal nephew, Prince Blueblood, and I desired nothing more than to have him ask for my hoof in marriage. I pined for him. I longed for him. Then, one day, I got my wish…it was during the Grand Galloping Gala.”
“Catchy name…not to mention cliché and totally lame…but, please continue.”
“He was NOT the stallion of my dreams…he was a selfish, self-absorbed miscreant who only cared about himself. He treated me like some commoner. Like some ordinary piece of clothing that he could use for a little while before growing bored and tossing it out for the next in line.” Rarity’s eyes began to shimmer as tears started to arise in her irises. “I let him have it, but…my dreams were crushed. I still had my friends, of course…and Spike…but, do you know how painful it was to have one of my lifelong goals to be shattered right before my very eyes, darling? It was…horrible.”
“Been there, done that…well, not in the ways of romance, but…” Josh coughed and stopped himself before he put his hoof in his mouth again. “Never mind…please, do go on, Rarity.”
“Spike…yes, I know that he has a crush on me…and, I really DO care for him…just, not like that,” Rarity went on, now staring at the floor as the tears were continuing to take shape in her eyes, “I just cannot see myself with him in that manner…I just can’t. I love how he pampers me and treats me like a lady SHOULD be treated, but…my heart just doesn’t crave his like his does mine. I know, I’m a complete and utter foal, but…I cannot lie to my heart. The heart is the one part of your body that you cannot lie to.”
“But…why? I don’t much care for this mushy junk, since it’s just disgusting a waste of time, but…why can’t you feel that way about him?” Josh gave a frown of confusion. Love was always a touchy subject to him, and even though he THOUGHT he understood it, this just drove him right back into the realm of confusion. “I mean…if he loves you and treats you like a lady deserves to be treated, not to mention virtually doing everything in his power to make you happy…why can’t you love him? What else is love if it’s not that? What, is it because he’s a baby dragon and you’re a pony?”
A whistling sound began echoing through the room, signifying the water reaching boiling temperatures inside Rarity’s teapot. Wiping some of the tears dribbling down her cheeks, Rarity sniffed and quickly used her horn to carefully shut the stove off and levitate the pot of tea towards a large coaster. After setting the steaming pot of water down, Rarity levitated the saucers with teacups over onto the kitchen table as well, setting one set down in front of Josh and the other set down in front of the empty seat across from him. The unicorn then proceeded to scour through another cabinet for some packets of tea to mix in with the hot water.
Rarity finally spoke again after a long moment of silence where the only sound was the gurgling of the settling water inside the teapot. “Love is…complicated, Josh. Spike’s species has nothing to do with how I feel about him. The spark…just isn’t there. I don’t wish to sound callous or rude, but…if you have not longed for love or have had your heart sing out in joy for that special someone…I don’t think that you’d understand how the heart really works.”
I don’t understand how the heart REALLY works? How dare she say that! Josh thought, anger surging through his body as his usual scowl began to reenter his facial expressions, She knows next to NOTHING about what my heart has been through! Okay…maybe not in the ways of…romance. But, still, I TOTALLY understand how the heart works! How can I not? It’s simple to understand how to “long for love” and “have your heart sing out” for that special someone. It’s such a stupid cliché that I hear all the time in the movies. Despite what people say, life IS just like the movies. Humph, love…how pathetic. Love is for the weak-hearted and weak-minded.
A faint smile playing at the edges of Rarity’s lips, the unicorn gently walked over and sat down in the chair opposite Josh. Continuing to be the polite and generous host, Rarity poured both herself and Josh a cup of the hot water from the teapot before adding the tea to each cup. “Oh dear, I forgot the spoons to mix them…sorry, Josh. I fear that I’m feeling a little winded.”
“It’s probably the heat,” Josh suggested, glancing down at the steam rising from his cup of tea and from the teapot on the tabletop.
“Yes…the heat…of course,” Rarity whispered, her voice flighty as her heart was pounding into her throat. The conversation she had had with Josh had left her feeling weak and pained. Very slowly, she pointed her overworked horn towards one of the kitchen cabinets and the usual aura engulfed the unicorn feature. While Josh watched in silent fascination at how effortless magic was used in this world, and how he couldn’t do it just yet, Rarity levitated two small spoons over to the table and allowed Josh first pick over the silverware.
Tugging one of the spoons over to his cup with one of his hooves, Josh awkwardly dropped the piece of silverware into his cup and, after a moment of silent cursing, used his mouth to begin stirring the mixture of tea into the hot water. The two ponies sat in silence for another period of time, Rarity being the first to take a sip of her tea, using her magic to once again levitate the cup up to her mouth. Josh honestly still despised tea, as he told Zecora, but once again he didn’t want to act like a jerk inside of a lady’s home. When he tasted the tea himself, after very dauntingly using both hooves to lift up the cup, he had to admit that the special tea mixture Rarity used was perfect, and the hot water was searing.
Glancing across the table at Rarity, Josh muttered into his greenish-brown tea and tried to think of what to say next. He really just wanted to get out of there, since he had felt incredibly awkward the moment he stepped into Rarity’s home and boutique. However, being able to read emotions quite well, Josh could tell that Rarity had been deflated. A quick recount of the previous conversations led the stallion to realize that he had most likely somehow saddened the unicorn. Josh didn’t like seeing others sad. He enjoyed getting them angry and pissed off, but not sad. He figured he would try to fix this.
“Hey…Rarity…why so serious?”
“Um…what?”
“Never mind. Look, what’s eating you?” Josh casually set his cup down, licking his lips to clear any excess droplets of tea still lingering, while staring across the table at the dejected unicorn. “You seemed so full of life and vigor a moment ago, and now you’re acting all sad and stuff. I don’t like you ponies, but I suppose I should ask if something’s wrong with you…since it just seems like the right thing to do.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “And since when do you insist on doing the right thing?”
“Touché, Rarity, touché.”
Groaning a little bit, Rarity levitated her teacup down and shook her head. “It’s just…talking with you made me think about…stuff. You see, Josh…my parents are quite wealthy, and they never paid me the attention I craved as a filly. That’s why, at this age, I do whatever I can to make sure my friends are happy. I suppose this explains my element of generosity. But, all the same…I crave love, darling. Prince Blueblood was not the answer. Spike is sweet, but I just don’t feel that way about him. No, what I want is…for somepony sweet, understanding, and romantic to sweep me into his arms and let me know just how beautiful I am…on the inside, not the outside.”
So much for thinking she’d be good with Applejack, Josh smirked to himself.
“To feel soft, warm kisses pressed against my cheeks and my lips…to moan in bliss as my body gets caressed by loving hooves that desires no other pony but me…to have sweet nothings be whispered into my ear, while my ear perhaps gets a nibbling…to be treated like a lady and not a piece of rubbish…to know that there will always be my Prince Charming waiting for me in the shadows, to rush to my side whenever I might need him, and to show me the passion and love I lust for without a moment’s hesitation. Oh, it’s what I desire almost more than anything in the world.”
Rarity swooned and leaned back in her chair, the steam rising from her teacup blurring her vision as she daydreamed about the perfect stallion for herself. Josh knew that most boys would’ve probably “felt” something from Rarity’s steamy speech, but he didn’t feel anything other than uneasiness and slight guilt. A lot of what Rarity said made no sense to Josh; it sounded like a corny romantic movie or a stupid kiddy bedtime story. Romance was about as real as friendship, in Josh’s mind; both were fake and they would forever be fake. But, as he stared at the deep-breathing unicorn clutching her chest across from him, Josh felt the need to say something.
“Hey…uh…just don’t give up?” Josh attempted, leaning forward a little to try and get Rarity to look at him, “Look, Rarity, you’re…a beautiful girl. I still find you ponies to be pathetic and fake and just a figment of my imagination…but, all the same, you are very attractive. What boy…er, stallion…out there that wouldn’t want you is either gay, blind, stupid, or all three! In this creepy little world of yours, let me just say that…if you really desire this…romance…you should keep trying. They say that good things come to those who wait. Maybe your…eh-hem…’Prince Charming’ is closer than you expect?”
Rarity’s eyes fluttered open, her blue irises locking onto Josh’s emerald ones as she gave him a curious look. “Do you really think so, darling?”
No, not really…but, since I’m trying to make her stop being creepy, I need to SOUND like I know what I’m talking about. Josh cleared his throat, then continued talking to the mare. “Yes, really! Look, you would honestly be…a perfect girlfriend…or mare-friend, whatever. You are intelligent, you have a job and you’re very good at it, you’re clearly able to stand on your own two…um, four hooves…you have a body that’s to die for, your voice is like liquid honey, your eyes are like a gentle ocean waiting to drown its victim with love and affection, your mane is…”
Josh realized that he was leaning closer and closer to Rarity with each word that rolled off his tongue, to the point of him nearly crawling on top of the kitchen table. Rarity’s eyes grew wider and wider with each word that Josh rattled off, her white cheeks soon becoming fused with a dark pink. The unicorn’s eyes fluttered a few times as she leaned closer to Josh as well, silently begging for him to go on; not even Spike complimented her in such in-depth ways. Her heart was rocking so hard inside her chest that she feared it would burst with any passing moment.
Why is he saying such nice things to me? Is he mocking me? Rarity thought, leaning even closer to Josh’s face, Is this maybe another one of his rude tricks? He wouldn’t say such things to the likes of me, especially since he’s not even a real pony. Humph…I should give him a good slap for this…and yet, I can’t stop staring at him...and wishing for him to go on.
What the HELL are you doing, you idiot?!?! Stop seducing her! Josh’s mind screamed, trying to slap some sense into him, Yeah, she’s hot, but you heard her! She wants to be loved for what’s on the INSIDE, not outside! Besides, why in the world are you even THINKING such things? This is a FREAKING PONY, YOU WEIRDO! YOU…ARE…A HUMAN! There’s SO many things wrong with this that I can’t even think properly! You don’t know the meaning of the word “romance”, for one. For two, you’re still a human on the inside, so don’t even THINK about doing anything stupid! For three, you HATE these horses; you can’t love ANY of them for what’s on the inside, since you HATE them! Seriously, stop this right now. Hurry before it’s too late!
His mind screaming at him, Josh froze as he continued to lean across the table towards Rarity, and quickly blabbed the first thing that came into his head. “Rarity…you have a very…hot…butt.”
Nice…you did it again. Smooth. Real smooth. Nice way to let a lady down. It’s a good thing you never HAD a girlfriend back home…it would’ve been ugly, and she easily would’ve been charged with assault. Well, good luck with your next beating…can’t say you didn’t earn it.
“Ooh…I do, do I?” Rarity sniffed, her eyes narrowing into the same slits as before after hearing Josh’s words. However, while Josh was expecting another thrashing, which he honestly WANTED instead of continuing whatever he was doing…Rarity’s cheeks turned dark crimson and she shyly glanced to the side. “Well…I do go to the spa three times a week. Maybe you’d like to see my…posterior…up-close and personal?”
WHAT?!?! OH DEAR GOD, YOU DID IT NOW! YOU IDIOT! YOU JUST SEDUCED A PONY! RUN AWAY, NOW! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
As always, listening to his mind instead of his heart, Josh screamed in fear and took off running through Carousel Boutique. Crashing through the kitchen door, the frantic stallion never looked back. When he came upon the front door, he lowered his head and charged right through, accidentally bursting the hinges and breaking the door apart. Josh, however, didn’t even care at this point. He continued to charge away as fast as his four legs could take him. Behind him, Rarity soon appeared in the doorway of the boutique, looking sad as she watched the stallion race off.
“Josh, why do you run away?” she whispered, sadly glancing down at the ground as her mane drooped, “I thought you…no, it was stupid…I’ve only known him for a day…I’m just too weak at heart…” Rarity’s eyes began to shimmer again as she watched Josh racing off in the direction of Sugarcube Corner. “Yes, I’m much too weak…maybe I should just…stop. Maybe…love just isn’t for me.” The unicorn gently sat down in the doorway and hung her head, not caring about the busted door. It would be easy to fix the door. Fixing yet another broken heart would take a lot longer.
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I'm not sure if I'm afraid of or looking forward to a catfight between 2 ponies for the honor of Josh's attention.
The way he's going, it's gonna some crazy 6 way brawl, if it happens.
...YOU SON OF A GUN! YOU GET YOUR BUTT BACK TO THE BOUTIQUE AND APOLOGIZE (and possibly make love) RIGHT NOW!
Also, great story thus far, I'm looking forward to seeing Josh change slowly. Seems he already is.
Josh... You are a terrible person and should be ashamed. I hope you step on a thousand legos.
I don't even know. I've hated Josh since he threw AJ and RD off the cliff, but at the same time I feel bad for Rarity...
Great chapter though! Keep it up!
Josh is starting to feel the magic. This pleases me
I still think he's a major ass but I can tell he's getting better whether he likes it or not. Running away from Rarity instead of opening his big fat mouth again is probably the smartest thing he's done in this whole story. Great chapter!
This is hilarious. Shame I can't laugh because my brother is sleeping.
I especially like the part "Well…I do go to the spa three times a week. Maybe you’d like to see my…posterior…up-close and personal?”
Wow. Josh again behaved, well, um, less than a appalling onager and more like an affable stallion. For a moment at least, before he got cold fe... hooves and ran away from the good things. His mind is adamamant on one thing about himself, but his heart knows the real truth
By the way, notice a trend here? He's inadvertably seducing the mares. AJ, Twi, and now Rarity. I can't wait to see how it will go with the rest, especially Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie cupcakes seduce?
Thank you
Josh finally (Sorta) changed his tone, and even seduced a pony
:D
HOoo! That's some heavy shit Josh! You done it nao!
JOSH! IF I WERE YOU! I would definitely examine Rarity's posterior up-close and personal.
#1: Good, he's changing.
#2: How's Sugarcube Corner gunna help him?
And #3: WHY DID YOU NOT ACCEPT HER OFFER?!
You have displeased the marshmallow, therefore you have displeased me, Josh. I hope you get your heart broken. (Not really... That'd be suck.)
Smooth Josh bwahahahahah , oh man . And that is how you break someone you hate without hurting them physically , even though unintentional GOOD JOB MY BOY *EPIC CLAP TO YOU CLAP CLAP CLAP* !
josh, we need to talk...
you always reject gayness and you refuse "Maybe you’d like to see my…posterior…up-close and personal?"?
MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
Oh come on Josh, just drop the attitude
-Glassed
Ya dun-goofed right there Josh.
DAMMMIT JOSH!!!!
Go back there and make her happy again!!!
166371: That would be Fucking AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHA GJ JOSH GJ
*Updated tags*
Oh my...
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/228/680/1237917779613a.jpg
NOOOO! DO NOT SHIP WITH RARITY!!!!
Let's see here. I've seen Josh with
Josh and
and Josh and
Who is he being shipped with?
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-dat-flank.jpg
166957 If this story is to remain funny NOOPONY
Wow, I'm actually impressed with the serious turn this fic took, and how much it worked. Keep at it!
Goddamnit, Josh!
Now I REALLY can't wait for the next chapter
Josh:
img.ponibooru.org/_images/55368b98507e81a6c6e1a29298a61c51/4902%20-%20angry%20macro%20twilight_sparkle.jpg
Get your hating ass back to Raritys right now
he needs to tap dat flank
Obviously hes going for the herem ending
http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5524259
my comment
Fat Bottomed Raritys, you make the rocking world go round!
HATE DETECTED
TRAGET: JOSH'S MIND
Engineer: Sir, are we ready to fire the Orbital Friendship Cannon?
Me: FIRE
3...2...1... FIRING
...
...
HATE ELIMINATED
MISSION COMPLETE.
Sorry, I had to.
“Josh? Aren’t you…coming?” Rarity paused, glancing back and narrowing her eyes when she found Josh’s dazed expression staring at a rather curious area. “May I ask…what you are looking at?”
NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER LEAVE A BUILDING WITHOUT SUNGLASSES
"not to mention work on approving that attitude of yours" - Change "approving" to "improving".
"new and better wonders that you’d never think was possible" should be "never think were possible", as "wonders" is plural.
"Josh was in no means a pervert" Don't you mean "by no means"?
“Hey…Rarity…why so serious?” haha