BattleMaestro
Joined 26th Apr, 2014 ·
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this story seems to have more detail in it
though i would love for longer chapters
All right... I have been reading the whole first story and I absolutly,possitivly, need to say this.
"HOLY FUCKING CRAP." Yes that was quite vugur but was worth it. Your first story is absolutly magnificent. The dialauge was great (few spelling errors here and there though...)
And the reactions were not was I was thinking about. But still awesome. I was shocked of how little views and thumbs you have. And I totaly suport you to continue this.
By the sake of my sanity though work on Celestias dialauge. It just seens sooooo... clihé the characters speech felt right. I specificaly loved how Discord was illistrated. Goofy yet wise... in some weird way...
Finaly, Good luck and keep it up!
*Ahem* Now then. LET THE READ BEGIN!
4742850 O_o wow...I don't know what to say. This is the most praise I received for my stories. I understand what you mean about Celestia's dialogue, but she is still mostly normal during the past points of the story. I honestly didn't think my writing was all that good. I guess I'm just too humble. Thanks for the motivation though! I'll continue to do my best, and try as hard as I can to improve
A sentence like this reminds me of how I "volunteered" to fill sandbags twenty years back.
Discord is held back by some sort of laws? Odd that, I would figure he would ignore laws when he chooses to. As for weapons, well if Luna had Katana's (not a fan of those, very fragile if sharp weapons) there must be more weapons hidden about the Castle.
5175613 I understand what you mean about katanas. However, I feel like the represent Luna very well. They're fragile, sleek, and fast. I typically associate those traits with Luna. As for the secret weapons...
Shhhhhhhhhhh.
Always figured her more as a rapier and buckler kind of gear with Celestia either favoring a huge broadsword or maybe a Polearm.
I like the appeal that the rapier/buckler idea gives Luna. I don't want to upset the continuity, so perhaps a change will be coming in future chapters. I had honestly never thought of that. I like it.
I also completly understand your thoughts on Celestia's weapons of choice. I was thinking like something of a Claymore or greatsword.
Okay, this is going to keep bugging me until I point this out, but I've noticed several times over the course of this story, and it's prequel, that you use the word "lied" instead of "lay". The former is the past tense for telling a lie, while the former is the past tense for setting something down, whither an object or one's own body.
Other then that, you're typos have been kept to a minimum, and it is a very enjoyable story. If ya need a proof reader, pm me. I'll be more than happy to help.
5230495 I actually did not realize I was doing that. Thank you for pointing that out.
5230829
Not a problem. Glad to have helped.
I think ya meant to there.
Need to put a space after the period.
and your writings not that butchered. I've seen much worse....... *shudders*
Funny, I was thinking of this story today and wondered if it had updated.
Wow, pretty dark. I guess Celestia's new qoute is Look upon me and Despair...so did she just burn all of Ponyville down or just the surronding barricades? its hard to tell.
5506761 Yes, but I suppose that may be a little hard to tell.
5508455 so she burned the barricaded, dropped Scoots and enslaved the remnants of Ponyville. Wow, you have sent Celestia truly off the deep end.