Nopony ever said love was easy. For Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer, this has never been more true. Especially when dealing with the challenges of ending up between the ponies they love. Sequel to The Two Between
Not too sure how I feel about this pregnancy sub plot. I've seen this type of thing done before and it honestly makes me confused. I mean, making a magic penis for kinky time fun, sure. Making a magic penis with some semen just for that extra special touch, why not? Making a magic penis with semen filled with living, biologically compatible, fully functioning sperm ? Why? Why would Twilight ever cast a spell that did that?
In other stories it was always, "Oops! Didn't know the spell did that!" Which is silly. Twilight wouldn't cast a spell without knowing what it did(I'm looking at YOU season 3 finale! ). Ahem. Seeing how this is Lapis and Inky doing this story I have faith that if Sunset really is pregnant that they will have come up with a much better reason why than what I've encountered before.
Now, if she isn't pregnant...that opens a whole new can of worms right there.
On to other musings.
I liked that Sunset is in charge of the potions. Honestly, seeing her doing mostly cleaning feels like a waste of her abilities. It would be nice to see, by the end of this, Sunset using her magical talent for the benefit of all and hopefully not be regulated to a glorified maid(and Twilight's chew toy. )
It's cute to see Spike and Sunset come to a sort of truce. Lapis, I enjoy seeing one of your stories that actually has Spike in it. Sorry, couldn't resist.
I do feel concerned that Sunset isn't really getting better but is instead moving form one emotional obsession(gain all the power and rule the world) to another emotional obsession(Twilight is mine! No one else can be near her she's all mine!)
I really still don't get what Rarity did. Even after rereading the chapter, all I can see is Rarity pitying herself, and telling herself she doesn't deserve love.
Can anyone please explain what part of the things that Rarity said was bad.
Oh way that was great I do hope Sunset goes and talks to Nurse Redheart I also hope she tells Twilight about their foal coming eventually But I have a feeling it won't happen Untill it is almost to late I WANT MOAR SOON! If that is alright with you
I just have to say, damn. I'm impressed with the way you people made this story speed along at a quick yet perfectly understandable pace. I know I could never do that.
4631771 That end scene with Rarity wasn't all that clear to me either. It was heavily implied that Rarity wanted the same relationship with Twilight that Sunset enjoys now but was never brave enough to go for it. Thus, when Sunset came along Rarity ended up living victoriously through Sunset, what with the clothes, advice, and all that.
Hopefully we'll get a firmer understanding about what the problem is in the next chapter.
4632020 I know that, and I reread the first fic in preparation for this one and I don't get it.
Heck, I even opened that chapter as I was reading, so I could reread the specifics and I still didn't get it.
For a couple of months, I drew the conclusion that Rarity wanted what Sunset had, being a sub to Twilight. Either I'm right, and Sunset is just exaggurating A LOT, or I'm still wrong
WOW! Twilight's discipline was a pretty intense scene, nice going there, Lapis.
EDIT BOT, GO! ... ... ... ... DING!
The fact that Rarity had come to the meal wearing an incredibly sharp working suit that would’ve been more suited to a high-profile Canterlot business tycoon than the usual flights of fancy her friend indulged in had set the tone for the evening.
Holy run-on sentence, Batman! Again, this is a prime candidate for em-dashes. "The fact that Rarity had come to the meal wearing an incredibly sharp working suit--one that would’ve been more suited to a high-profile Canterlot business tycoon, than the usual flights of fancy her friend indulged in--had set the tone for the evening."
She clammeredinto the chair
1. clambered* 2. This is kind of a personal preference thing, really, but I would recommend "onto", here. Whilst you sit "in" a chair, you don't really climb into it, if you see what I mean.
Twilight knew this was a bad idea - it was such a bad idea that she was about to open her mouth to say so when Rarity lifted an imperious hoof and gave her a withering stare.
Ok, I have to admit, the hyphen is throwing me off a bit, but I feel there should be a comma where I've highlighted. Or another hyphen.
you come prancing it here like this!
in*
And I didn’t even have that much!
You might want to consider some emphasis on one of these two words. It'll add strength to Sunset's emotion.
They were glued, inexorably to her lover.
Either slap an extra comma after "inexorably", or ditch the first one.
Twilight rushed around to make sure she wouldn’t try to punch Rarity again, but there wasn’t a need.
Should really be "any".
Go to see her.
Should either be: "Go see to her." or "Go see her."
far more complicated and’s going to take a lot
Hm. I take issue with this, mainly because I don't think this is something Twilight would actually say. Should really be "and is" to keep her in character.
But he wasn’t alone.
Better wording here would be "and".
I’m sorry your first night back home had to be like this Rarity.
Umm... you've already mentioned that Rarity has been back a few days by this point. Pick a point in time, fella.
She stopped to give Rarity a little hug then vanished up the stairs with Spike right behind her.
Needs a comma.
True, she had deserved
deserved it*
up in Mistress’s and her room
Clunky. "up in the room she shared with Mistress"
Just because she’d wanted to hit Rarity and had the ability to do so didn’t mean she should have.
Comma.
especially as creative as Mistress could be.
Again, somewhat clunky wording. Perhaps "especially given how creative Mistress could be" might work better?
.... no Spike.
Three dots, my main man.
Rarity couldn’t stay away from Ponyville anymore than you-.
You're interrupting speech, here, no full stop needed.
I mean maybe I set myself up…
Comma.
“Hush,” Fluttershy scolded her… in the firmest voice she’d ever heard Fluttershy use in her life.
This isn't the best way you could have written this. Aside from using yet another ellipsis, it doesn't carry the kind of weight you're looking for, in my opinion. An improvement would be: ""Hush," Fluttershy scolded. It was the firmest voice she'd ever heard the pegasus use." Something you need to be wary of is using ellipses in close proximity. It can cause flow to falter and looks generally messy, even if used in dialogue where characters are pausing lots. I say this with the best will in the world, but using them outside of the dialogue as well as inside it, really just craps everything up.
yanking her leg back away
Er, do you mean: "yanking her back leg away"?
She blindly descended into muttering over and over again until the word stopped and were replaced as she took her hooves off Fluttershy and nervously began rubbing them against each other.
I was going to point out your tense slip (highlighted in purple), but then I noticed you have more pressing issues, with regards to both sense and brevity. First of all, you've not specified with what her words are replaced. Secondly, this is way too wordy for its own good. Consider: "She blindly descended into muttering the word over and over again, until the repetitions blurred together and she began nervously rubbing her hooves together." Or something to that effect.
Fluttershy didn’t… quite yell
Lapis, what am I going to do with you and all these ellipses? :P You really don't need this here. Emphasis on "quite" works just as well.
She spoke softly, but in an almost… lecturing tone.
Again, you don't need an ellipsis here.
And although she would never admit it, she needs you to forgive her Sunset.
Comma.
I can’t promise more… okay?”
Despite the ellipsis, this doesn't read as though she's taking a long pause, neither do I think anyone would naturally pause for a great deal of time here, either. Just use a comma, in this instance.
She was not going to yell or scream (especially since she sincerely felt like doing those things), and she wasn’t going to pull an Iron Will either.
There's dem parentheses again. Consider: "She was not going to yell or scream--even though she sincerely felt like doing those things--and she wasn’t going to pull an Iron Will either."
I gave Rarity a black-eye
Yeah, you definitely don't need the hyphen here.
She planted her hooves in the ground
on*
I shouldn’t have hit her Mistress
Comma.
But she deserved that and more,
Get rid of this comma and replace it with an exclamation mark, because...
and I definitely had every right to call her every fou -!
...this is a no-no. Again, interrupted speech does not require punctuation besides the hyphen. Also, no space needed before the hyphen, either.
the gentle foal-gloves.
Doesn't "kid gloves" refer to gloves made of the skin of goat offspring? Not gloves made specifically for handling young children?
Whatever had gotten into her had to be dealt with and right now.
Comma.
She took another step forward, this one onto the edge of the chair and lifting her head up.
I think this should be "lifted".
“Let me tell you about the mare who stood shoulder-to-shoulder with me when Changelings invaded Canterlot and didn’t hesitate once to put herself in harm’s way to save countless ponies she’d never met before.”
1. Comma here. 2. Possibly emphasis here to add weight.
She forced her voice into a normal volume.
back to*
She lifted her hoof of the chair
off*
but she needed a steely bite of discipline too.
the*
But you do] have
Oh, hello errant bbcode tag! One too many square brackets there, Lapis.
One of the hardest lessons of friendship is owning up when you’ve been a jerk.
owning up to*
We all sort of screwed up on that one.”
I'd emphasise "all", personally.
I will not have your friendship, and thereby your happiness, in risk of fracturing
at*
Phew! That was more work that I anticipated. I think you need to give Inky a very hearty smack across the back of the head for letting so much slip by.
Seriously though, my poor little Edit Bot nearly crashed!
EDIT: Congratulations on the feature, that lad! Brohoof for you! /)
4633014 Inky here, I don't want to spoil a lot of the plot tension, but in essentials, Rarity 'intruded' in Sunset's eyes on the relationship between her and Twilight. I don't wanna go into the motivations and thought processes behind this, as they are integral to the story itself. Read on! All shall be revealed!
Though I do have ONE little complaint The whole thing with Rarity at the party REALLY confused me Like... I didn't have a single clue of what was going on Now I know it was something very very bad.
Without going into plot spoilers, the very basic idea was that Rarity hadn't been wholly honest with Sunset about how she felt about Twilight, and when Sunset found out Rarity might've had feelings for Twilight, she had an epic-level freakout thinking Rarity would try to take Twi away from her and Rarity fled the scene because of it.
4636109 Was there? It's been so long since I read it, I can't recall. I should reread it from the beginning. Once I finish rereading Asylum for the umpteenth time...
This is going to be bad. If my time line is correct then sunset should be due in about three month's. You should make it so celestia and cadence are there when it happens.
Basically, Shimmer's... everything, at this point, is based on her love of Twilight. Love they share, and love of their special relationship.
Things that she felt Rarity was threatening. Which is a perfectly reasonable fear. When the most important thing in the world to you is being coveted and closed in upon by someone else, you move to defend it. It's natural, and the appropriate response.
The problem is just how complex the web of relationships actually is. To Sunset, she sees Rarity as wanting to either replace her, or to split Twilight's love and affections between them. Either way, the very core reason for Sunset's continued existence and her whole world would either be completely ripped away from her, or torn in half.
She is frightened. Rarity is jealous. Twilight is confused.
At this stage in the story I wanted to make a comment about its story structure.
I can see that you both have deliberately left out the inciting incident (Rairity's actions leading to Sunset's anger). The confrontation at the party in the last story is the first tip/confrontation to that.
I can't be sure if this is done for the sake of mystery, or what your actual plans for the reader are, but it has the effect of pulling the reader out of the story asking why anything is happening at all. Many times instead of being invested in the emotions of the scene I was just yelling out, "Why? Why are they acting this way?"
Your story is closely tied to emotions of the characters but the reader has no understanding of what these emotions are attached to. This leads to more confusion than inticipation.
With a story structure like this it can help the reader to have a character with which we can latch on to; who is going through the discovery of finding out what happened at the inciting incident. I thought that character was Twilight but Twilght would have to be part of that incident.
As such, unlike a murder mystery where we follow the descovery of the plot with the characters, we're left here as outsiders trying to fathom what,if anything, is going on while the characters themselves give vague and half hearted guesses to the reader.
It all ends up leaving myself, the reader, wanting to feel for the plight of the characters but unable to really do so. I reach for the context of the swirling maelstrom of emotions and I'm unsuccessful..
I'm going to continue to read and see what happens but I'm really yearning for as much closure as the characters seem to want.
Rereading the party scene, it is still very unclear. It seems Rarity thought she might make an attempt for Twilight's affections, but ultimately felt she didn't deserve it, and couldn't hurt Sunset like that. She drinks a bit, kisses Sunset on the cheek, and runs off in shame and/or depressed worthlessness and misery. Sunset is not angry, because "Rarity's her friend", but feels hurt that she had considered breaking her trust, even if she did chicken out at the end. Rarity's gone for months, and sometime during that time, Sunset became enraged at what Rarity couldn't bring herself to go through with, to the point where she detests even the mention of her name, the idea of her ever returning, and can't stand to be in the same room with her; then loses control, and hits her in the face. For what essentially amounts to thoughtcrime. For the desire to act, even when no action is taken. It simply doesn't match up; the perceived transgression, and the hatred that seems to stem from it. If I'm interpreting it correctly, dreadful overreaction is a gross understatement.
4931115 it may have something to do with the whole ... pregnant thing ... as well as the fact that Sunset seems to trust and revere Twilight to an extraordinary degree, possibly equal to or greater than Twilight's original, more-than-likely cannon reverence of Celestia. Those factors, alongside perceived cowardice from Rarity, may all be factors that contributed to Sunset's feelings
The one thing that keeps throwing me off in this story and the prequel, is the timeline. Rarity got to Ponyville a few days ago, but it's her first night here. The fall-out was at Sunset's party just weeks after she arrived in Ponyville, but Sunset has been here over six months now, but Rarity has been gone about two months...
It doesn't really change the story and I know I'm not the first who should complain about it, but it really kinda adds up in this story. Not to mention the several times where it seemed to be sundown again just a few hours after morning, but that for several more hours.
6897378 It's different perspectives that caused that although not sure about the party and 2 months thing although we never really know how long a couple weeks are because "a couple" is a perception thing a couple weeks ago could mean 4 months ago/ approx. 16 weeks ago but it just felt like less time had passed by. Applejack only knew of Rarity getting back that day making it her first day back Fluttershy had seen Rarity a couple days before and Twilight saw Rarity the day before 4639250 Yay I'm not the only one who thought Sunset's reaction made sense
ITS HEEEEEERRRRREEEEE now to read it
A sequel?!?! Insta-fave!
Yay! Sequel will commense read soon
My, my. THIS is off to a roaring start.
Not too sure how I feel about this pregnancy sub plot. I've seen this type of thing done before and it honestly makes me confused. I mean, making a magic penis for kinky time fun, sure. Making a magic penis with some semen just for that extra special touch, why not? Making a magic penis with semen filled with living, biologically compatible, fully functioning sperm ? Why? Why would Twilight ever cast a spell that did that?
In other stories it was always, "Oops! Didn't know the spell did that!" Which is silly. Twilight wouldn't cast a spell without knowing what it did(I'm looking at YOU season 3 finale! ). Ahem. Seeing how this is Lapis and Inky doing this story I have faith that if Sunset really is pregnant that they will have come up with a much better reason why than what I've encountered before.
Now, if she isn't pregnant...that opens a whole new can of worms right there.
On to other musings.
I liked that Sunset is in charge of the potions. Honestly, seeing her doing mostly cleaning feels like a waste of her abilities. It would be nice to see, by the end of this, Sunset using her magical talent for the benefit of all and hopefully not be regulated to a glorified maid(and Twilight's chew toy. )
It's cute to see Spike and Sunset come to a sort of truce. Lapis, I enjoy seeing one of your stories that actually has Spike in it.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
I do feel concerned that Sunset isn't really getting better but is instead moving form one emotional obsession(gain all the power and rule the world) to another emotional obsession(Twilight is mine! No one else can be near her she's all mine!)
I look forward to seeing how this plays out.
I really still don't get what Rarity did. Even after rereading the chapter, all I can see is Rarity pitying herself, and telling herself she doesn't deserve love.
Can anyone please explain what part of the things that Rarity said was bad.
Oh, I am so psyched that this is out. I am already loving this!
Oh way that was great I do hope Sunset goes and talks to Nurse Redheart I also hope she tells Twilight about their foal coming eventually But I have a feeling it won't happen Untill it is almost to late I WANT MOAR SOON! If that is alright with you
I just have to say, damn. I'm impressed with the way you people made this story speed along at a quick yet perfectly understandable pace. I know I could never do that.
4631771 the main incident that caused this debacle happened in the second to last chapter in the previous story
4631771
That end scene with Rarity wasn't all that clear to me either. It was heavily implied that Rarity wanted the same relationship with Twilight that Sunset enjoys now but was never brave enough to go for it. Thus, when Sunset came along Rarity ended up living victoriously through Sunset, what with the clothes, advice, and all that.
Hopefully we'll get a firmer understanding about what the problem is in the next chapter.
You've been featured!
twilightscratchbassmasterpichost.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/feature-betweentwomore.png
4632020
I know that, and I reread the first fic in preparation for this one and I don't get it.
Heck, I even opened that chapter as I was reading, so I could reread the specifics and I still didn't get it.
For a couple of months, I drew the conclusion that Rarity wanted what Sunset had, being a sub to Twilight. Either I'm right, and Sunset is just exaggurating A LOT, or I'm still wrong
4632126
The way you describe it, with Rarity living through Sunset, now that makes much more sense. Thanks a lot
Enjoying so far. Still disappointed in how vague Rarity and Sunset's relationship is. If this is jealousy, then damn, it's serious. Jeeze.
Second chapter in and shit already went south.
Nice.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Commence read!
...
Done!
WOW! Twilight's discipline was a pretty intense scene, nice going there, Lapis.
EDIT BOT, GO!
...
...
...
...
DING!
Holy run-on sentence, Batman! Again, this is a prime candidate for em-dashes. "The fact that Rarity had come to the meal wearing an incredibly sharp working suit--one that would’ve been more suited to a high-profile Canterlot business tycoon, than the usual flights of fancy her friend indulged in--had set the tone for the evening."
1. clambered*
2. This is kind of a personal preference thing, really, but I would recommend "onto", here. Whilst you sit "in" a chair, you don't really climb into it, if you see what I mean.
Ok, I have to admit, the hyphen is throwing me off a bit, but I feel there should be a comma where I've highlighted. Or another hyphen.
in*
You might want to consider some emphasis on one of these two words. It'll add strength to Sunset's emotion.
Either slap an extra comma after "inexorably", or ditch the first one.
Should really be "any".
Should either be: "Go see to her." or "Go see her."
Hm. I take issue with this, mainly because I don't think this is something Twilight would actually say. Should really be "and is" to keep her in character.
Better wording here would be "and".
Umm... you've already mentioned that Rarity has been back a few days by this point. Pick a point in time, fella.
Needs a comma.
deserved it*
Clunky. "up in the room she shared with Mistress"
Comma.
Again, somewhat clunky wording. Perhaps "especially given how creative Mistress could be" might work better?
Three dots, my main man.
You're interrupting speech, here, no full stop needed.
Comma.
This isn't the best way you could have written this. Aside from using yet another ellipsis, it doesn't carry the kind of weight you're looking for, in my opinion. An improvement would be: ""Hush," Fluttershy scolded. It was the firmest voice she'd ever heard the pegasus use."
Something you need to be wary of is using ellipses in close proximity. It can cause flow to falter and looks generally messy, even if used in dialogue where characters are pausing lots. I say this with the best will in the world, but using them outside of the dialogue as well as inside it, really just craps everything up.
Er, do you mean: "yanking her back leg away"?
I was going to point out your tense slip (highlighted in purple), but then I noticed you have more pressing issues, with regards to both sense and brevity.
First of all, you've not specified with what her words are replaced.
Secondly, this is way too wordy for its own good. Consider: "She blindly descended into muttering the word over and over again, until the repetitions blurred together and she began nervously rubbing her hooves together." Or something to that effect.
Lapis, what am I going to do with you and all these ellipses? :P
You really don't need this here. Emphasis on "quite" works just as well.
Again, you don't need an ellipsis here.
Comma.
Despite the ellipsis, this doesn't read as though she's taking a long pause, neither do I think anyone would naturally pause for a great deal of time here, either. Just use a comma, in this instance.
There's dem parentheses again. Consider: "She was not going to yell or scream--even though she sincerely felt like doing those things--and she wasn’t going to pull an Iron Will either."
Yeah, you definitely don't need the hyphen here.
on*
Comma.
Get rid of this comma and replace it with an exclamation mark, because...
...this is a no-no. Again, interrupted speech does not require punctuation besides the hyphen. Also, no space needed before the hyphen, either.
Doesn't "kid gloves" refer to gloves made of the skin of goat offspring? Not gloves made specifically for handling young children?
Comma.
I think this should be "lifted".
1. Comma here.
2. Possibly emphasis here to add weight.
back to*
off*
the*
Oh, hello errant bbcode tag! One too many square brackets there, Lapis.
owning up to*
I'd emphasise "all", personally.
at*
Phew! That was more work that I anticipated. I think you need to give Inky a very hearty smack across the back of the head for letting so much slip by.
Seriously though, my poor little Edit Bot nearly crashed!
EDIT: Congratulations on the feature, that lad! Brohoof for you! /)
4632949
You know, my Fungeon! My.. fun Dungeon, look it's a play on words!
Can someone remind me what's up with Rarity?
4632316
4632314
But seriously though, if one of the two writers could pitch in and clear things up, that'd be very much appreciated
random ass brackets invading the sentence? Yeah, I know that feeling.
4633014
Inky here, I don't want to spoil a lot of the plot tension, but in essentials, Rarity 'intruded' in Sunset's eyes on the relationship between her and Twilight. I don't wanna go into the motivations and thought processes behind this, as they are integral to the story itself. Read on! All shall be revealed!
4632983 it's awful. Awful play on words and you should be ashamed of yourself.
4633032
We have no shame my friend. We lost that writing the first story. (And I, Inky personally was born without shame. 'Tis awesome.)
4633038 that sounds awesome in a surprisingly unhealthy way.
4633025
Wait, so you want us to read about Sunset being mad at Rarity, without knowing exactly why she's mad?
Seriously though, if you'd just tell me what I'm supposed to get from the scene in the second-last chapter of the previous story, I'd be grateful
IT RETURNS
Though I do have ONE little complaint
The whole thing with Rarity at the party REALLY confused me
Like... I didn't have a single clue of what was going on
Now I know it was something very very bad.
4634196
4633056
Without going into plot spoilers, the very basic idea was that Rarity hadn't been wholly honest with Sunset about how she felt about Twilight, and when Sunset found out Rarity might've had feelings for Twilight, she had an epic-level freakout thinking Rarity would try to take Twi away from her and Rarity fled the scene because of it.
4634267
Oooooooohhh okay
...
4634284
No one ever said emotions were rational, and Sunset has some seriously strong emotions and instability.
4634259
Might want to tone it back juuuuust a little.
I stand by my comment on the first chapter about the shit hitting the fan.
Huuum, not the track I was expecting at all.
*grabs popcorn*
Still good though.
24.media.tumblr.com/8535a906fb81c0687cf1d53f24e9f1c1/tumblr_n0hxvvtJkZ1sqry8zo1_500.png weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
Didn't you mention that Twilight was considering making sure Sunset saw a shrink. I can definitely say that she needs to see one ASAP!
go spike only one action and thinking like a adult in my book
4635508
4633056
Read the reply to the other comment that linked here
YEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!!! THE SEQUEL IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!
4634259
...Jesus, dude.
~Skeeter The Lurker
4636109
Was there? It's been so long since I read it, I can't recall. I should reread it from the beginning. Once I finish rereading Asylum for the umpteenth time...
This is going to be bad. If my time line is correct then sunset should be due in about three month's. You should make it so celestia and cadence are there when it happens.
4636888 If she was due in 3 months she would be showing already by a lot.
4631771
Basically, Shimmer's... everything, at this point, is based on her love of Twilight. Love they share, and love of their special relationship.
Things that she felt Rarity was threatening. Which is a perfectly reasonable fear. When the most important thing in the world to you is being coveted and closed in upon by someone else, you move to defend it. It's natural, and the appropriate response.
The problem is just how complex the web of relationships actually is. To Sunset, she sees Rarity as wanting to either replace her, or to split Twilight's love and affections between them. Either way, the very core reason for Sunset's continued existence and her whole world would either be completely ripped away from her, or torn in half.
She is frightened. Rarity is jealous. Twilight is confused.
At this stage in the story I wanted to make a comment about its story structure.
I can see that you both have deliberately left out the inciting incident (Rairity's actions leading to Sunset's anger). The confrontation at the party in the last story is the first tip/confrontation to that.
I can't be sure if this is done for the sake of mystery, or what your actual plans for the reader are, but it has the effect of pulling the reader out of the story asking why anything is happening at all. Many times instead of being invested in the emotions of the scene I was just yelling out, "Why? Why are they acting this way?"
Your story is closely tied to emotions of the characters but the reader has no understanding of what these emotions are attached to. This leads to more confusion than inticipation.
With a story structure like this it can help the reader to have a character with which we can latch on to; who is going through the discovery of finding out what happened at the inciting incident. I thought that character was Twilight but Twilght would have to be part of that incident.
As such, unlike a murder mystery where we follow the descovery of the plot with the characters, we're left here as outsiders trying to fathom what,if anything, is going on while the characters themselves give vague and half hearted guesses to the reader.
It all ends up leaving myself, the reader, wanting to feel for the plight of the characters but unable to really do so. I reach for the context of the swirling maelstrom of emotions and I'm unsuccessful..
I'm going to continue to read and see what happens but I'm really yearning for as much closure as the characters seem to want.
4669128 THANK YOU! Glad somepony said it.
Sunny Skies? Do I detect a reference to another awesome Twilight unusual relationship fanfic (the one with Trixie, Cheerilee and Spitfire)?
Wow...this was intense.
4742300
Yeah, most likely the ones written by Wrabbit, but I'd like to think this one:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/20685
Rereading the party scene, it is still very unclear. It seems Rarity thought she might make an attempt for Twilight's affections, but ultimately felt she didn't deserve it, and couldn't hurt Sunset like that. She drinks a bit, kisses Sunset on the cheek, and runs off in shame and/or depressed worthlessness and misery. Sunset is not angry, because "Rarity's her friend", but feels hurt that she had considered breaking her trust, even if she did chicken out at the end. Rarity's gone for months, and sometime during that time, Sunset became enraged at what Rarity couldn't bring herself to go through with, to the point where she detests even the mention of her name, the idea of her ever returning, and can't stand to be in the same room with her; then loses control, and hits her in the face. For what essentially amounts to thoughtcrime. For the desire to act, even when no action is taken. It simply doesn't match up; the perceived transgression, and the hatred that seems to stem from it. If I'm interpreting it correctly, dreadful overreaction is a gross understatement.
4931115 it may have something to do with the whole ... pregnant thing ... as well as the fact that Sunset seems to trust and revere Twilight to an extraordinary degree, possibly equal to or greater than Twilight's original, more-than-likely cannon reverence of Celestia. Those factors, alongside perceived cowardice from Rarity, may all be factors that contributed to Sunset's feelings
The one thing that keeps throwing me off in this story and the prequel, is the timeline. Rarity got to Ponyville a few days ago, but it's her first night here. The fall-out was at Sunset's party just weeks after she arrived in Ponyville, but Sunset has been here over six months now, but Rarity has been gone about two months...
It doesn't really change the story and I know I'm not the first who should complain about it, but it really kinda adds up in this story. Not to mention the several times where it seemed to be sundown again just a few hours after morning, but that for several more hours.
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It's different perspectives that caused that although not sure about the party and 2 months thing although we never really know how long a couple weeks are because "a couple" is a perception thing a couple weeks ago could mean 4 months ago/ approx. 16 weeks ago but it just felt like less time had passed by. Applejack only knew of Rarity getting back that day making it her first day back Fluttershy had seen Rarity a couple days before and Twilight saw Rarity the day before
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Yay I'm not the only one who thought Sunset's reaction made sense