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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i lost it at the moment about the sound proof spell. and got glared at, thanks.
sex change spell, huh? we gonna get to see any of that?
4845374 was thinking about a one-off story about it. Something along the lines of 2-4k words.
Maybe call it
TiM: Shower Fun...
Just as an idea
4845396 yes. just....all of my yes.
And then later on the shit hit the storm...cant wait to see how you turn this one with the mysterious pony who controlled blood dawn and gave him his power, im sure he chose Auroras kid for a reason instead of say...one of the hundreds to be born, so its simple that this pony is aiming out for Twilight and Rainbow adsacly.
And well done on writing this, im really enjoying the series.
4849059 finally caught up huh?
Trust me there is a lot more to come, probably not this month though...
4849486
Nah, i realised it on the chapter, i just dont comment much, but damn bro, this story is awesome
Twidash you always keep me amazed on what you write, and that is only putting it mildly. Out of all the stories that I have never read nothing comes close to this chapter. It is just amazing on how you fit so much information and detail in only in just one chapter, and keeping it in one pony's perspective. Speaking about that even though it was your first time, it seems that you already have the experience!! I have said this time and time again you know how to keep everyone wanting more with the good the bad and the ugly. Can't wait for more and I hope you have a great end of summer!!!!
comma after "sickle" should be a semicolon, and I think there should be a comma before "though" as well as after.
Like, I feel that the 2nd sentence might need to be reworded because otherwise I don't feel like there should be a period there, and there's enough commas in that sentence as it is. Not sure what you'd rewrite it to, but...
On the other hoof, you were quite clearly corrupted and not thinking straight.
here a comma instead of a period definitely looks better to me.
naturally
I think that's all supposed to be hyphenated. "Son-in-law."
Probably ought to have a comma before "mom"
kidnapped. Two "p's"
Probably more Truth in Television than we realize: If there are two people with possible romantic interest in each other, and one has the more obvious crush on the other, the crushed on is more likely to not realize that their girl/boyfriend (typically girl, but it can be on the guy's side, too) is interested until it's pointed out to them.
"it had been" would be better, I think.
"In his...death. No, that wasn't true, he had died months ago; she could take..."
Should be a comma instead of a period.
Considering this usage seems to be in the same vein as "anyone" or "anypony", you'd be fine in saying "anygriffin"
Needs to be a comma.
Was this all supposed to be outside the...box, or whatever that thing's supposed to be called?
Just saying "I could not just leave my daughter's new kingdom in such a sorry state" is good.
Also slightly Truth in Television, related to the first one.
PFFFFFT
Also, your closing quote's at the end of this paragraph. Need to move it up.
Oh, hush. Just clop for yourself if you're that desperate.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.
(I'd suggest using a dash instead of an ellipse, and perhaps cutting "slave" short. That's just me, though.)
If you're writing clopfics, they are.
also, "some things"
Alrighty, skipping here.
Figured they forgot something.
4877250
Changes posted, thanks!
Don't worry, only one more clop scene planned (you know the one), but that wont be for a few months.
WOW where have I been..... well as usual I got alot of catching up to do
4880808 Trust me, it's worth it.
4880946 oh I know, I had taken a break from mlp so I wouldn't get tired of it and today's the day and the first thing I decided to do that involves mlp is getting caught up on your series
4880983 How goes it?
4902316 Just dealing with the shit life is throwing at me right now
4902316 trying to find my kindle charger so I can start reading again
4902327 You'll be alright, just keep moving foward.
4902382 I know I'm keeping my game face on showing that I mean business
4845413 how did you like it?
4907906 while i didn't like the interruptions from the intimate parts, over-all it was really good! exactly what i would expect from you.
4907932 sorry about that, I wanted to have some humor in it as well as have something happen that would be relevant to the overall plot.
I guess in that regard I failed at writing a simple clop fic lol.
4909005 I bet you thought Twi would never get her memories back :)
Little warning, read 5, 6, and 7 in one go, if you can.
4951131 I did warn you...
4951199 But I didn't know it was going to do severe
4951199 you should change the genre's of the story to tragedy, sad, and dark
4952505 it has all 3 of those. But it's also an adventure and romance
4952943 haha you didn't understand what I meant
Haven't diamond dogs bodys were burnt? At least i thought so
_____________________________________________________________________
Comma shouldn't be within (hope you'll understand what I'd said, dont know how to say it correct).
Something seems wrong for me with that "am".
forgot.
Or it should be "drop-kicked", or "dropped" isn't needed. At least i think so.
tried.
I thought i've seen some others, but after awhile i can't find them, thought
And, also, i need to say:
THIS WAS AWESOME wew. this was hell of a coding
4902382 error?
I'm not sure but I think putting seconds in there would make more sense. Just a thought.
6883552 edited
I have one quibble with this chapter, because it throws a wrench into the mind of anyone with a musical background. Which you probably shouldn't do in the middle of an epic sex scene. You know. For reasons. o_O
D minor is not a note. It's a key, which is a set of notes.
And C flat doesn't really exist...because it's usually written as B. In music, B to C and E to F are half steps. There is no B sharp/C flat, or E sharp/F flat in between. An easy way to remember this is to look at a piano keyboard. The two spots in each octave where a black key is skipped? Those are B to C and E to F.
Now, if the intent is a joke that Rainbow is too not musical to know that, okie doke. But from a musician's perspective, you could say...it fell just a little flat. ;)