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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Don't need two "mights".
alicorn's
mighty.
See, Night? This is what fucking happens when you DON'T LEARN TO READ THE DAMN ATMOSPHERE AND EMOTIONS OF YOUR PARTNER!
Regardless of how big it was, it was no match for Rainbow Dash.
Also...if it wasn't a grief-and-rage-fueled Ataxia, I'd believe it. But Ataxia isn't Blood Dawn. She's above him. And Grim Night, too, really.
Y-Axis
Comma instead of a period.
The dragon screamed out in rage in pain at how something so small, so tiny could do this much damage, cause it this much pain.
dodged each and every swing and repaying in kind with
nose. Not even Dash can stand on soundwaves.
Comma instead of a period.
Well, stupid was really an understatement; it was just that she did not
revealed
As in, both legs on the right side? Or was that supposed to be "leg" singular?
also, first comma should be a period.
Missed a "she" in there.
I guess if Ataxia isn't any more than an animal working off base instincts, then she's not worse than Blood Dawn. They're equal, then, really.
aunt and uncle's funeral.
balked
I think "erupted" would work better instead of "proceeded"
sheer
Steel
Wait, when did Rainbow show up after the break?
totally? I'd go with completely, myself, though.
Comma after "pull off"
comma instead of a period.
Comma instead of a period.
planet
comma instead of a period (though in this case you could probably do without either there), and "lest"
Period instead of a comma, and you don't really need that "so"
I think they would appreciate keeping their privacy, thank you very much. If they want your opinion, Cadance, they'll ask.
What, your foalmaker? How does that stop you from having sex? Or do you not have a partner or something?
renowned
Tremors.
No idea how trimmers would work on the ground, anyways.
shuddered.
I wonder if this is due to Ataxia, Grim night, or from when they took that bit from Dawn.
no apostrophe.
Wait, what? When did that happen.
(Twidash, if you do to Twi like you did to Firestar and Aurora, I swear...)
Also, I take it "Col-" was going to be "colon", or?
confirmed.
waitwaitwaitwait...
You mean that one-shot where Ataxia accidentally hit Twi with a spell?
...Okay, I think I get it now.
embedded.
peeling.
...She does? Where's Twilight Plain?
(you meant plan, though.)
crawl
ATAXIA'S A SAIYAN!
space.
...
GODDAMMIT, NIGHT! WHAT DID WE JUST GET DONE YELLING AT YOU FOR?!
5115641
Changes posted, thanks!
Ataxia's more like doomsday, the more times you kill her the more dangerous she becomes.
wait wait wait wait wait. so twilight does what needs to be done in order to give them enough time to fix the stupid bitch, her dumb ass daughter drastically shortens the amount of time they have to fix her, and twilight's the bad guy? what kind of fucked up logic is that?!?!
5116420
Twilight was sending Ataxia to the moon. ala Nightmare moon.
They wouldn't have seen her again for almost a thousand years
5116507 except she was using her own power to do it, which implies that she can reverse it too. and even if it was a thousand years, they are all immortal! a thousand years would have given them more than enough time to figure out what was wrong with her, and fix her. or at the least, figure out how to contain her while keeping her on the planet so that they could figure out what was wrong with her. instead, they got two weeks because Night couldn't just trust her mother to know what she was doing.
5116517 I never said it was a smart move.
And none of them are immortal, although some will live a lot longer then a thousand years.
Side note... Another down vote? wow... I don't even know what to say to that anymore...
5116525 Isn't Night immortal? She is Gaia's daughter, a half-god or full god, depending on how you have gods reproduce. Also why couldn't Twilight have Night use the spell/power? She is a GOD, or half-GOD, and as shone, so much more stronger than any of them. Couldn't she just... Boop, and turn her back instantly?
5116664 Night's a half-god, a demigoddess. Think along the lines of Hercules. (So no, not immortal.)
And in terms of her abilities she is very young and still discovering everything she is capable of. She's unsure exactly how she is doing the things she does (it's been more reactionary up until now), much less able to use her abilities to their full potential. (aka. She has the ability but not the experience.)
Twilight even commented, the spell is very complex. it would take months to teach it to Night. Time they just did not have. (Anyone who has a steady hand can perform a heart transplant, but without years of study and experience, I don't recommend it.)
5116664
No, demi gods can be killed.
5118450 It all depends on the lore/world, which is why I asked.
5118698
True.
This chapter just threw all logic out the freaking window and banished it to Tartarus (speaking of witch, what is that place like now that Tartarus is gone?)
Twilight: Use full power!
Night: K.
...oh no I killed her. Sad.
Twi: Well shit don't use full power.
Night: K. Oh shit she's back
Twi: Oh noo
Night: Grr I'll kill her. Oops I killed her.
Twi: STAHP I'll do thing!
Night: No I won't let you thing! I'll save her!
Twi: Noo
Seriously Twi and Rainbow don't even give a single buck that Ataxia is alive and found, and Night doesn't really seem to care either. She just kills her. Twice. No tears, no real confrontation other than a physical fight... I expected night to be like:
"Well shit this is my bestest friend ever that I possibly have feelings for, should I actually fight her? It's my fault she's like this (guilt trip)"
But, I'm sure you have your reasons. I still eagerly await the next chapter.
5119024 That bad huh?
IT was more like
"You're just an alicorn, I need you too hit her with everything you can."
'Well... this one trick worked that one time let me try it again'
"HOLYSHIT!!!!"
"Ahh... dont do that again unless someone is going to die."
"YOU HURT/KILLED MY MOM!!!"
"I'm going to use your own power to send your friend away, forever."
"NO! I WON'T LET YOU!!"
Tartarua is gone, it doesn't exist anymore.
5119054 Sorry, I accidentally posted that comment before I was done writing it. I fixed it.
But yeah Night's emotions are all over the place, and not in a confused way. It just seems like really awkward mood swings. I swear, she's knocked up.
5119079
Night wanted to talk to Ataxia but her parents told her no.
She's used to following what twilight tells her to do. Twilight was the one who told her to attack the first time. When she did and killed Ataxia, it left Night in a state of shock. she never really had time to think or act on her own after that. (Other than her knee-jerk reaction when Rainbow was injured) ~something that has happened before when her family is threatened~
She took what Twilight did at the end as a form of betrayal, so yes, things will get very interesting as she comes to accept that her parents don't actually have all the answers.
5119024
as far as twi and Rainbow... well when Rainbow figured out who she was her plan somewhat backfired and accidentally killed Ataxia. Yes she felt awful about that and I did show that. Afterwords she simply did what Twilight told her to do.
When Twilight arrived Ataxia had just come back from the dead and was threatening their lives and all of equestria. She focused on stopping that threat. (She had no idea her daughter was that powerful and did not intend for Night to kill Ataxia with that blast.) after that her focus was Rainbow's safety.
After she verified that Rainbow was alright she tried to lock Ataxia up in the moon as she did not have enough power to save her and to leave her as is would be too big a danger to everyone.
5119120 Fair Enough.
I can't help but feel like Ataxia would still escape somehow. Just because she's Ataxia. She came back from the dead three freaking times.
...speaking of which, what will her rockleg be like if/when she goes back to pony form?
5119158
Oh it would be like normal. Her healing in her other form would have taken care of it.
Situations like this are always hard to do right, I try to take into account the emotions the characters are going though, their reactions to the events that happen around them, and their life experiences they went through before this. (all of which effect their responses in any given situation.)
It's not easy to do right, sometimes I strike gold but other times, not so much.
If you see something you don't understand feel free to ask. I'm always willing to go farther into detail. And i'm not perfect, I do make mistakes that i have no problem correcting. And if you suggest a better way to word something, I'll gladly make the change.
Am I trippin or did you use the ultimate SparkleButt comment? AND COLOSSAL??? I believe you have made up for Chapter 10.
BTW: Anyone having some fucking Dragon Ball Goku vs Piccolo scenes going on in their head right now? Because that's all I'm thinking of. Maybe it's because I'm in the middle of the last Volume.
5119079
5119098
Also, I gotta agree with this guy, Matt. Night is in the shithole right now, I think we all understand that. But this is almost becoming too much, she's becoming a fucking annoying wack-job.
5124901
I don't think I did a good job identifying Night's emotional state in this chapter, I'm gonna make a few changes
Her fiend (who she accidentally killed when she did not know the full extent of her power) tried to kiss her, went missing for two weeks after losing her entire family and then became a huge threat to all of Equestria, did you expect her to be in a good state of mind?
I don't know if it's ever been asked before, but while reading this chap I had the thought.
Would you ever consider writing some side stories about when the kids were young?
I love the badassery, but 40 years is a hell of a time skip, and I liked it when you wrote cute and adorable.
5125928
I've been rolling around a few ideas in my head for side stores, before anything else though, I want to finish this one. I don't like having two projects going at the same time.
didn't know now.
what.
continent.
her.
too wrong.
now.
5124965
Missing quote marks. This can be a common occurrence, some people miss this, though that's why I'm pointing it out.
I think that could just be Ataxia, though I'm not entirely sure, but that makes much more sense.
I'm pretty sure this should be begin not began. So I'll put it in the sentence;
what do you think?
I think that should be too.
I'm not sure what that's supposed to say, but that makes no sense.
6912099 Edited
Hm. I thought for a moment, "titanic, world devouring dragon, trapped in an enchanted sleep in the moon. Is Ataxia actually Kerafyrm?"
Muahaha!