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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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poor, poor, poor Ataxia, losing both her parents and having her heart broken, in the span of (in the story itself) about 10 minutes. who knows what she'll do now
Methinks Night might not be wholly truthful with herself. Just a guess, though. Poor Ataxia, though.
my god, it's like the alicorn daughter of twilight sparkle is an idiot! i mean come on! the mare just had her heart ripped out, and you stomp on it?!? at least wait until a later date!
Huh, so this is the Twilight love story again, a mare who doesnt know her own feelings with so much power and knowledge being kissed by a mare who is so sure of herself, a bit arrogent and all that...did i ever tell you i love these stories
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I'm curious if anyone remembers Twilight's flashback of her conversation with Night from Sorrowful Truth?
5020150 .....nope, sorry.
5020342
It's right before the scene break to the Crystal Empire (about 1/3 the way in the story). It's in italics, you can't miss it.
5020150
Oh shit...now i remembr, thats why?
5021347 found it! oh....
5021835
IF you want the answer to that question...
Yep. The prejudice she faced growing up, it effected her on a deeper level than the surface and while she saw the good from simply having someone to love (her parents) she internalized a lot of the teasing she received, She does not think less of filliyfoolers, however,on a subconscious level, she believes something is wrong with it. After all, if it was normal she never would have been teased about it. It's so ingrained in her that she even denies her own emotions and feelings.
5021885
Thats what im talking about...im loving this story.
Comma instead of a period.
She and her mom.
each of these need to be commas, and the ellipsis after "truth' needs to be a colon.
Here, if you just get rid of the ", it", it flows a lot smoother than if you include it.
2nd "calm down" probably needs to be emphasized more. Either with italics or with "?!" instead of a period at the end.
Similar to the edit above, just get rid of "Since then" and join them with a comma.
Normally I'd kinda just call this being melodramatic, but I've never lost anyone as close to me as my own mother (and thank heavens that'll never happen anytime soon), so I'm absolutely not commenting on it beyond this.
Comma instead of a period, and it's "lest", not "least"
"It's been an honor" sounds better to me.
Comma after "Well"
happened.
And ohhhh shiiiieet. That door's not the only thing turning to firewood tonight.
Night bucket?
...
...
(I'm sorry, I don't know where I was going, either.)
speaker's
Comma instead of a semicolon
This kind of list should be separated off by dashes ("--", which'll usually be merged into one longer dash in most word apps.)
tail
Wait. How the hell do you miss?!
Comma instead of a period.
Comma instead of a period.
line of sight.
"Devolved", "evolved", or "developed"? Because "devolved" is synonymous with regression, not progression.
...FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NIGHT, THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU FUCKING SAY!
Oh, no, I'm not saying it's not something you say, period, but for crying out loud, there's a time and place for that! And immediately denying her heart a rock to rest on is NOT. IT.
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!
5021885 WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT SELF-DENIAL?! YOU JUST DON'T SAY THAT RIGHT THEN AND THERE, PERIOD!
GOD, BOOKWORMS, WHY MUST YOU BE SO EMOTIONALLY DUMB/OBLIVIOUS?!?!?!
Also, period instead of a comma.
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Changes posted, Thanks!
Yeah, that… that was rough on her.
Night meant it in the best possible way but…
Needless to say, Rainbow and Twilight will not be too thrilled when they find out what happened.
Oh gawd the things I would do to destroy this chapter are un-bearable. Matt, I think I'm ready to do another rant
5045792 just think, we're only at the half way point too.
5045897 Hell with you! I'm gonna read some Crossover stuff because why not
WHAT IS THIS GLORIOUSNESS?!?!?!?
Dear Luna I should have started this series when Frozen told me too!
I... might be gone for a few days reading this series.
5056486 Oh, you're in for a treat.
Fair waring, the first story is a little rough (Editing wise) it does get better though.
Awesome writing, awesome story. I'm not sure I'm OK with you killing off everyone I like in the story , but I guess it's fine, as long as Twilight and Rainbow Dash stay together.. I guess. XD
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Twidashforever!!!
*Psst* Chapter 10... Must be burnt in a fire
I... but.... the feels.... Ataxia and Night.... Spike....
Sounds familiar. Didn't Blood Dawn think something similar about Rainbow? Also, I've said this before and I'll say it again: Rainbow was going to be the grim reaper until intervention from Twilight. Spike technically has met the grim reaper in my book.
I just realized how that could be taken in two different ways.
Oh, you're a badass, inserting jokes in very-very sad place when it's not yet over
__________________________________________________________________________________
wielder.
Lost "to".
He didnt speak much, did he (i think, correct there will be "tried")?
nose.
"momentarily", i suppose.
five?oO
I don't think first "a" is needed.
Night? Ni-ight? ni-i-ight, commere for a second... Ni-i-i-ight? We have something-something to talk about...
pp.vk.me/c413431/v413431068/6462/Haf4JIww_-o.jpg
Oh, i see what you did there, at least i think so
Oh my god.... this chapter actually made me cry. Damn good job dude. But now I also hate you! Haven't these characters suffered enough? I know the whole thing in that we can only truly enjoy the highs because we have experienced the lows, but damn man.
6552554 I agree with you, this did make me cry, this was a bad and good chapter in one. Also how do/did you like the series as I'm still only reading this for my first time since its upload to this site.
5020150 yes I do, as Twi had indeed seemed to know what Shimmering Night was thinking and feeling towards Ataxia, although Night may not know that, she has shown enough signs for others to put the peices together, a few of them are indeed Twi, Rarity and maybe a few others, like Luna and maybe Rainbow. Also great work for the emotional side of things for this story, as this was a combination of great and emotionally draining for some people, though not all see this and can read on without crying, though I did and wasn't fun.
5046106 wow, although I don't have much of a say here, but I do have just one thing to say and that is; wow, there done. It has been said. I do also have to agree with you on the chapter being burnt in Ataxia's magically imbued dragon flame, as that would be the best course of action
I think I am done here, that's all I need to say.