I do not, in fact, live on the internet. I won't give away my exact location, suffice to say that we get all four seasons where I live.
This is a crossover with the universe I invented in The Nine Labs, a novel I've been writing for a while now. Celestia uses her dimension-jumping abilities to meddle with another dimension's affairs in this tale of two powerful figures, one human, and one pony.
To read The Nine Labs, click here. I recommend this, but think that the fic can stand alone.
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Okay, well, I have to admit... You've got my interest.
But this made virtually no sense.
Let me start with the technical stuff, first.
Your prose seems to work well, but there are places where it's stunted. I don't know if it's because of the massive amounts of exposition and huge paragraph chunks, but something makes it hard to read. Putting dialogue tags in huge paragraphs doesn't work all that great seeing as how you're already dealing with huge information dumps, which usually involve lots of introspection. You also tend to use upper case letters a lot, and the story even started with a tag written in all caps! Using all caps is usually a sign of a writer still trying to get into the swing of things. Rely on italics, and in some cases (though I don't support it) use bold, but only within italics just for extra emphasis. You never have to use capital letters, and it's best you don't.
You do a lot of telling instead of showing, as well. Let actions take precedence over introspection. There's nothing wrong with explaining their history or feelings and whatnot, but don't let that be most of the story.
Also the intro chapter needs to be cut out, big time. If you want to introduce your story, use very, very few words, and keep it within the same chapter. 99% of the time, it looks better without any of that, period. People already know you wrote it. Why reintroduce yourself? That's more or less a complaint on my part and wouldn't reduce the quality of the story, but as for making an entire chapter just introducing the story? No, avoid that. No need for it.
Your grammar and prose work fine so far, but that's not really the biggest problem with your story. It's not even because there's no ponies in it.
I have absolutely no idea what's going on.
You wrote somewhere that this is a companion piece to a novel you're writing. I can only assume that's the best explanation to describe why it feels like I've just been thrown right into the middle of an on-going story. Personally, I have no problem with this and it shows bravado, but you need to do it with more finesse. After reading, I feel like I'm missing large pieces of detail that would've made the world I'm reading about more sensible. Why are there robots? Why is this girl working at a futuristic hotel-robot-magic-wand place? Why are they using wands? What the hell are wands? Why is that guy getting fired? Why is the secretary's name always spelled in capital letters? I cannot any sense out of this.
When you say you're writing a novel, this worries me a bit. I feel like you're still struggling to understand some basic things and I'd advise you spend more time practicing how to write. If you ask me, there's no better place to do that than FIMfiction. There's always people who are willing to give you constructive criticism (like me), just make sure you know how to take it without feeling offended or insulted. This is usually a really nice place and they'll spend more time pointing out what can be improved.
And one more thing: this story has no ponies. Aside from the description (which doesn't really match up well with the story), I see nothing that hints at any character from the MLP universe coming here. As far as I can see, this universe you built is capable of standing on it's own without the meeting of Equestria. I know crossovers are popular and people will rationalize doing them, but I feel like it would be weird for your established universe to do this. Just me saying.
Otherwise, I hope you continue this and good luck on your novel.
That's exactly what I needed to hear.
I'm going to make some changes before taking the story further, obviously.
Other than that, thanks for the advice and taking the time to read my nonsense.
As for the crossover bit, I'll do what I want.
'This page does not exist'
Woops! Sorry about that! I'll update the description.
Is it working now?