When a young man gets into an accident and it changes his life.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 1st Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 14th, 2012
Tmurphy17
Brand new fan fiction writer! Criticism is always welcome!
Tmurphy17
Joined 1st Apr, 2012 ·
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This is the end? Is it? Well, that's fine I guess. This just looks like every other story like this in existence. Nothing new has been done. Not to say that my fic is so much different, but still; if you're thinking of writing this stuff and expect people to read it, don't do something so bland.
393423 Like i said, first fan fic. I appreciate the criticism.
What the ---
It's like... 80% Human style & 20% ponies... Too short.
And also.... for ponies to know a human instantly is.... weird tbh.
yeah too short....
I almost feel like its an April Fool's Day parody of the ponified human in Equestria concept......
This was actually pretty good in my opinion, great work!
>> ShadowFax
Humans are the equivalent to big foot or the lochness monster to them.
>> lanteanboy
If you'd like more i can add another chapter.. maybe going more into the adventures of equestrias new pony
393525
That would be much better. You shouldn't leave a lone chapter/complete story unexplained details, unless you plan to have a sequel. That's called a plot hole.
I have to agree with ShadowFax here
I liked this. I like this idea and I don't think you should add anymore chapters, in my opinion. I just think this is far too short. Not enough words to portray emotions, for example, the doctor walks and just casually says "You've been in a coma for two months" like it's no big deal. And the family at the hospital was also too short, could have done some kind of dramatic dialogue there, the same for the funeral bit.
It's all a bit too quick, basically, that's all I'm saying. But anyway, keep it up!
That sounds fine by me. It was rather fun writing this anyway. Going to take a break from it though. Need ideas. Expect chapter 2 up by Wednesday!
393587 You shouldn't mark a story as "Complete" if it is not complete. Just an FYI.
393870
Had no idea i was going to make additional chapters.
Fixed now.
To all those who are criticizing this story, this is my response:
Did you notice it's April 1st? You know, that day where everyone tries to prank one another? This is a joke.
...If, however, the date is just some freaky coincidence and the author is actually serious, I must say I'm very disappoint, son.
394307
Well that hurts a little bit.
394350
Hurt feelings are the nature of the writing game, my friend; I've had them too. Either get used to the heat, or stay out of the kitchen. IncoherentOrange is exactly right: there's no difference between this and any other HiE story ever. I could get past the cliche story line if it was well written, but it's mediocre at best. If you're going to use a contrived plot, you need to give it a unique gimmick; that's how you can fix this story.
It is pure coincidence, but this story has almost my story's title!
394507
Lol..
Regarding everyone elses statements and criticism. I guess i'll have to re-do this story. If i want to make it work. So i guess Chapter 2 is postponed til i revise/extend chapter 1. *sigh*
I would like it so much if you could use the regular names! Posey, Sparkler? WTF? Sorry, about that. Good work though! Cheers!
394664
He didn't do it. It's apart of the April Fools thing.
Every story that has G4 names now are replaced with G1 names.
394664
Its like a filter. So whenever someone types Râinbow Dash, it turns into Firefly automatically
394507 *gasp* Eternity! You better not be making assumptions again! Remember meeeee?
I knew I had heard it somewhere, and the comic was beautiful. my word.
Now that I've read it all, I must say that this was rushed. To the max, bru. That's right. Bru. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that if you slow things down, people will be more receptive. Let it be heard.
2.bp.blogspot.com/__jFgOqdirRY/SoBpTu8dCrI/AAAAAAAACiU/xnQflBUVRqs/s400/man-with-megaphone.gif
394838
XD
I really liked it! So now, he gets to be a pony :D I wonder if he'll become a holder of a new Element, maybe?
It reminded me an extremely large amount of this
i40.tinypic.com/m9y3o3.jpg
I'm not sure if it's an amazing coincidence, or you took the entire story without giving credit.
395391
im assuming you didnt read the beginning lines.. or your just trolling
395402
I misread, my apologies.
395418
no problem. I'd never steal something from someone and not give credit where credit is due.
[url=This is the original comic you are refering to]http://appleman86.deviantart.com/art/Comic-strip-eng-292765000 http://appleman86.deviantart.com/art/Comic-strip-eng-292765000