Game Master

by SargentBryDog

How It Started

Author's Note:

This is my first story so tell me how it is, and what should happen in the future.

It's a regular day for Bryce Bennett, and you are bored out of your mind. You try and think of stuff you can to do, but cant think of anything.

You've beaten all your video games, and all your friends are out of town.

Your mom walks in, and looks at you noticing you're bored out of your mind. "Do you have any plans today son?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"Nope. I've already done everything in this shit town." You say agitated.

She rolls her eyes and says. "Well me and your father are going out so we'll be back in a few hours."

You say goodbye and continue to think of something to do.

It's been about one hour, and you're still bored. "Oh my God!" You yell knowing there is no one home to hear you. This is so damn boring.

You glance out the window, and it looks like a great day. The birds are singing and the neighborhood cats and dogs are up and about.

"I guess I could ride my bike." You mutter to yourself.

You stand up from your chair and go to yourself closet. You put on a red T-shirt, a black hoody, a Flexfit hat, and a pair of Nikes.

You walk outside and take your bike out of the garage.

You don't call your parents because they really don't care as long as you have your phone and you're back within the day.

They may not be the most responsible, but they are nice and let you get away with things.

You ride your bike to the park and are about to go down the hill. Its a straight road but is very steep. Most people crash but you hate the pricks anyway.

You go down the hill your attention is drawn away by the coolest rainbow ever.

"Wow." You mutter to yourself. "Wait why am I so excited about a freaking rainbow." You think to yourself.

All of the sudden the front wheel starts jerking back and forth causing you to lose balance.

You look forward just in time to see your knees flying past the handle bars. Your eyes force themselves shut, and your entire body tenses. Air rushes past you. You think to yourselves why you haven't hit the ground yet, but then it literaly hits you.

Everything is black and you cant feel anything.

You start to open your eyes, and see an unfamilier seroundings. You stagger up and try to keep your balance.

You began to remember the epic face plant that your friends would have laughed themselves to death had they witnessed it.

Dear God the Goat Lady got me! Wait urban legand. Maybe it was.

Predator! No thats just a movie dumbass. Plus if he was real he would only hunt in tropical jungles...I assume...and desperately hope.

You look up and scan the tree tops for his tell tale shimmer.

Okay nothing there.

You continue to argue with yourself about why your in some random forest which only makes you anxious.

"Ok i'm safe." You assured yourself until you were torn from thought by a low growl from the bushes.

You look in that direction and see a pair of illuminated eyes.

"Not safe." You say aloud as the bushes rustle more violently, and a creature that looks like a wolf made of sticks and leaves (Timber Wolf) emerges from the bush and stalks forward.

You wave your arms and yell. "Stop!"

It stopped and stared at you for a few seconds then growled and continued forward.

"Shit!" You yell as it kept coming closer.

Three more of the creatures emerge from the woods. You turn and began to run just to have two more of the creatures cut off your only escape route. They growl and snap at you.

"Shit shit shit shit!" You yell as you turn to see the other four within five feet of you.

You look around for something to fend them off with. The only thing you see is five fist sized rocks.

You throw them at the two blocking the path.

It distracts them for just enough time for you to slip past by them. They howl and start running after you.

You keep sprinting for about 10-20 yards as you think of what to do.

You skid to a stop at the edge of a small cliff. It went about 15 feet down into rushing water. You turn and try to go in a different direction, but the creatures blocked every possible escape route.

You back towards the cliff and dive off. The water wasn't as deep as you anticipated. Your head struck a rock on the bottom of the river. Your vision darkens into pitch black and the sound of rushing water fades away.

You come too in a black room. The only light is from an old oil lantern. You sit up and the only thing you see is a man in fancy clothing sitting in a padded chair.

"Were am I?" You ask the man. He puts a hand to his chin as if in deep thought.

After a minute of silence he answers your question. "You are in fact nowhere." He said this in a calm voice.

"What?" You ask even more confused.

"Shut up and listen." He says calmly. "You said you were bored right?"

"Yes." You reply.

"Well I am too." He says with literally no emotion on his face.

Uh no offense but I don't swing that way.

He stares at you and you assume he's agitated.

All of the sudden your head jerks to the side and the other side of your face stings.

Did you just...slap me?

"Shut up." He says relaxing into his chair.

"You." He gestures towards you. Are going to play my game. You will survive in a place called Equestria.

"What the hell is Equestria?" You ask the man.

"You'll have to find that out on your own." He says snapping his fingers and all of the sudden your in front of the man.

I am the Game Master.

Nice to meet you I guess.

Rule one. If you die you restart the game. Rule 2. If you get hurt it will hurt.

"Obviously." You say

Shut up. Rule three. You cant run from shit you have to play my game or you will be stuck in Equestria...forever.

Wow you are just so...ominous.

Meh. Now any questions?

When I wake up will those creatures still be there?

The Timber Wolves? No they gave up for now.

"For now?" You ask making sure you heard him right.

"Yes, so have fun." He syas snapping his fingures again.

A strong wind started to blow, and was pushing you back. As this was happening the lamp grew brighter and brighter until the was a Huge flash of light.

You open your eyes and you notice your in a house. You start to sit up but freeze when you hear people talking.

"So what in tarnation is it?" A female voice with a country accent speaks out.

"I think i've read about something like it somewhere, but i'm not sure." A different voice said.

You turn your head and see six colorful horses. You stare dropped jaw at two pegesi, two unicorns, and two earth ponies.

"Well i've gone crazy." You think to yourself laying back down and keep listening.

"So Fluttershy were'd you find this thing?" The blue pegasus asked.

Well I went out to feed the animals, but then I saw that a chicken got out. After fallowing the trail I just found it on the river bed.

"Hm? Well I know one thing it has absolutely terrible fashion." The white unicorn said poking your shirt.

"Lets go to the library, and figure this out." You hear them leave the house.

You get up and crawl out a window and run along the tree line.

You ran until you could barely see the cottage. You lean against a tree and rest.

You sigh. "The fuck is going on?" You say aloud.

"Your playing the game." A voice comes out of nowhere.

"Who's there?" You ask aloud.

The Game Master duh.

What do you want?

Remember what I said about the wolves?

"Ya." You say on the brink of freaking out.

They found you.

"Dammit." You say hearing a familiar low growl.

Comments

[KamiyaItsuno]

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/90/CaptainN.jpg/220px-CaptainN.jpg

Couldn't help myself when I saw the title

[Green Bird]

Seems like a pretty good story. I'm interested.

A few grammar mistakes here and there, and I'm a bit confused whether or not they are talking.

I am the Game Master.

Hard to tell whether or not it's the person saying something, and I still can't tell.

[SargentBryDog]

4130198 sorry im just new to this i'll try better next time

[Bloodfin Wulf]

So I do have a few questions, the story is about Bryce, yet it's written in first person. Is the Reader Bryce? If so you can leave out the introduction and replace any references to the name with a generic filler ([MLP], [Reader], etc...) If not the story would be best rewritten in third person. You don't really need an entire line to separate sentences, it's actually best to group sentences that aren't divided by dialogue into one paragraph. Contractions are our next stop, try remembering to put those apostrophes in their places. Always put dialogue in quotation marks, no exceptions. Your sentences are rather short in terms of descriptive words, a little more description can not only make or break the story, but it can actually slow everything down(the story feels a bit rushed and that would make it better) and make the story much longer. Of course your grammar isn't quite the best but I can't drill that in without a full on re-edit, same thing with the spelling. My recommendations is to finish the next chapter and let it sit untouched for a day or two, then reread it yourself and pass it along to someone else, if neither of you find any issues publish it.

As for what should happen next he clearly needs to be rescued by the 6 elements, as the story progresses without him returning home he slowly becomes more and more like a pony, both physically and mentally. The final Chapter is a split ending, one where he goes home and one where he stays because he's fallen in love with Ponyville's resident DJ.(or any pony really.)

But that's just my opinion.

[Bloodfin Wulf]

4130297

Meant to add this.

[SargentBryDog]

4130297 actually he will be rescued because The mane 6 will try and help him get home. As for split ending I do plan to use that. And the Game Master. We will see him again as he throws perals at the main character. And if he does fall in love you will decide who he yerns for.

[defunct321]

4130297 *Second person. If it was first, than it would be 'I woke up and I went to Equestria.' Also, WHY IS GAMEMASTER NOT SECRETLY DISCORD!!!???

[SargentBryDog]

4130696 oh my God great idea!