I know I wanted a sequel but man... this story.. I hugged my screen when Cheerilee closed the door on twist, and shouted that Cheerilee is a whore at the end of this chapter, I just hope nobody else dies in the next chapter... not that there's much chance.
And now, for some errors that I'm too lazy to specify: >The filly trashed her head about >and the excessive amount of competition >There’s only one place that I can think off in the entire area >Rainbow Dash and Rarity finally realised they had jumped into each others embrace >She paused for a moment until everypony(even Pinkie) had voiced their approval >It’d only take one fell swoop to wipe them all of the map, >making her breath in sharply as spots appeared in front of her eyes
My, my... I read through the first chapter and it was definately in the 'Saw' territory. This chapter is no different. I'll admit, there was some creativity behind some of Cheerilee's methods, in an incredibly twisted way. My concern here with this chapter though is that you seem to be very quickly killing off members of the Mane 6 now too? Now, I haven't read the final chapter yet but I feel there may be unnecessary killing off here depending on how it actually concludes (namely, if Cheerilee is actually stopped). Though, if she is to succeed I can't help but feel this might even be somewhat anticlimatic.
I'll give out my proper feedback once I have read through the rest of this. ...But for now, I really need to sleep!
I like this but I think you are letting the mane six get killed way too easily, they are the Elements of Harmony after all and was capable of defeating Discord, the lord of chaos himself, and managed to purify Princess Luna so she stopped being Nightmare Moon, a more demonic version of herself. I hope for your sake that you won't let Twilight Sparkle be defeated way too easily if you plan on letting Twilight get defeated. She is the brightest pony around and will probably notice that somethings are way ''off'' even for a place that can be considered very ''off'' even by the dumbest and most naive of ponies. Don't get me wrong, I like your fic. But you risk venturing into making Cheerilee a Villain!Sue if you make the defeat of the mane six way too easy, especially if Twilight gets defeated too easily. In short I like this even if it have a few flaws here and there.
* Sniff * It's violent as heck, but I love it. Poor Fluttershy... I don't want Rarity to die! Why not kill Big M, too? Lol He was probably ' tainting ' AppleBloom as much as AJ was.
''This is art'' That was so beautifully added in there, I may have to adopt that particular line into my current Fic-in-the-making. Well done. This is brilliant and now I must go watch SAW so I can stop fretting about the bloods.
I read the whole thing, just to see what would happen next. Let me first say that this Fanfic is one of my favorites of all time. I don't like gore, pain, and sadness. It's only one of my favorites because it had such a huge impact on me. I knew what was going to happen, and I still read it out of curiosity. You're a great writer and all, but this story has probably changed me for the worse. Your writing has power. Let's just say I thought it was disturbing before the last couple paragraphs. That part at the end will give me nightmares. When I read it, I felt like crying. That said, I don't cry often, and I don't read gorefics often. Keep up the "good" work. I hope to see more of your work in the future, just with less...gore. I would have loved an alternate ending, where, you know... But, no. This is a horror fic. Nothing good ever happens. Keeping it vague so I don't ruin it.
Sorry for the text wall. I just wanted to tell the author about how reading this effected me.
I'm slightly sadistic, and even I couldn't bear the feeling this story conjures fully. Your ability to fuck shit up is so amazing, it's almost inspirational. Except for the fact that I'd probably throw up if I even attempted to one up this in my mind...kudos, you've officially got the most fucked up ability ever...don't stop
Holy mother of everything Luna. This IS the god of all gore fics...... Yet reading this some how gives me the strength to push throught the hell I get my self into every Sunday.
785734 they would rather die than to live with grief... At least. Who wants to live when their dear sister/brother whom they never cared too much for just gets suddenly ripped away from them? Brutally, might I add. They would live with the guilt of "I wish I spent more time with them..."
Uuuuuhhhh...I honestly don't know what to say. I'm glad you kept the same creepy feel from the prequel and made it creepier, but I kinda feel you went off the deep end with the gore. Again, I'm not trying to downgrade this fan fiction or sound mean, but after reading the second half of the chapter and reading the gore it contained, I began to feel sweaty and ill. I'm going to consider weather or not to read part two, but if the gore is just as gruesome, I'm afraid I will have to back out. (But I will still keep the thumps up )
I did not quite like this as much as the first one because it felt as if the deaths were rushed and it did not really play with the idea of Ace High as much as you could have, but I loved that Cheerliee retconned reality by making the Mane Six responsible for the kids being horrible.
Why did everypony expect ponies like Rarity or Twist to just get over a huge fire like that in a couple weeks? I don't know if you were playing with the idea of Ponyville being seriously fucked up at its core, but that is really unrealistic. "Oh your sister died? You'll be makibg dresses again in a month!"
"It was supposed to mark the target’s location with a red cross, but there was nothing there. Even deceased ponies would show up, their cross’d just be green instead."
One question did I miss something here because if that's the case why could they not use this spell to find the other kids bodies? If I overlooked something could you kindly explain what it was.
Yea, this is the second time I read this...... Yep still pretty fucked up. I consider myself a very sick individual, things of this nature do not usually bother me and THIS was hard to read. Dude, I've seen a lot of things IRL that would scar others for life and never so much as batted an eyelash, this shit..... wow. Good work is all I can say. Oh and I hate and admire you.
Honestly, this is by far my favourite fic I have ever read. It was beautifully written, the characters were IN character and actually made me feel emotion. I hope you can write another fic with the same gore level. Thank you so much for writing this.
I don't mind the rest, but..... Fluttershy...... You monster. Other than that, though, this is really well written. Kind of disturbing that I enjoy these fics.
There, up there. A pony in a garden with a watering can. She's looking at me kinda funny like. I wonder if I should say hi? "Oh he... AGGGGHHHHH, what did I e-ever do t-t-to you?" Yeah, sorry 'bout that. Just kinda creeping me out, being alone in a dark room... Read later list.
Read this in a dark bedroom, I have a feeling Cheerilee's going to pop out of the closet and kill me, Unahim, you're a cool but scary guy, and I hope Cheerilee gets what's coming to her.
627196 I'm afraid man, i'm going to read it tomorrow night, but, IF CHEERILEE DOES NOT FACE JUSTICE, I WILL LITERALLY SELL MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL TO GET INTO THIS DAMN STORY WITH MY SHOTGUN AND CHAINSAW HAND AND FUCK HER SHIT UP@!
It updated?
i1207.photobucket.com/albums/bb461/LegionScavenger/tumblr_ll5xqftFR11qbua2oo1_250.gif
What the fuck, man.
This story... It's so wrong, but... I love it.
>inb4 insect fetish
FUCK YES
*Before reading* files.myopera.com/haru18/albums/260354/thumbs/victory.gif_thumb.jpg
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/297/160/f66.gif
boourns.cjb.net/thumb/pics.1254316234723.jpg
I know I wanted a sequel but man... this story.. I hugged my screen when Cheerilee closed the door on twist, and shouted that Cheerilee is a whore at the end of this chapter, I just hope nobody else dies in the next chapter... not that there's much chance.
>very likely innocent ponies
Nope dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png
And now, for some errors that I'm too lazy to specify:
>The filly trashed her head about
>and the excessive amount of competition
>There’s only one place that I can think off in the entire area
>Rainbow Dash and Rarity finally realised they had jumped into each others embrace
>She paused for a moment until everypony(even Pinkie) had voiced their approval
>It’d only take one fell swoop to wipe them all of the map,
>making her breath in sharply as spots appeared in front of her eyes
You're a fucking monster.
I love it!!!
619765
This. I would like to say I have a decent gore tolerance but about half-way through I'm feeling sweaty and ill.
Grats, author. You broke me.
My, my...
I read through the first chapter and it was definately in the 'Saw' territory.
This chapter is no different. I'll admit, there was some creativity behind some of Cheerilee's methods, in an incredibly twisted way. My concern here with this chapter though is that you seem to be very quickly killing off members of the Mane 6 now too? Now, I haven't read the final chapter yet but I feel there may be unnecessary killing off here depending on how it actually concludes (namely, if Cheerilee is actually stopped). Though, if she is to succeed I can't help but feel this might even be somewhat anticlimatic.
I'll give out my proper feedback once I have read through the rest of this.
...But for now, I really need to sleep!
Oh my, this is probably one of the Darkest fanfictions I had ever read!
I applaud you!
Awesome
I like this but I think you are letting the mane six get killed way too easily, they are the Elements of Harmony after all and was capable of defeating Discord, the lord of chaos himself, and managed to purify Princess Luna so she stopped being Nightmare Moon, a more demonic version of herself. I hope for your sake that you won't let Twilight Sparkle be defeated way too easily if you plan on letting Twilight get defeated. She is the brightest pony around and will probably notice that somethings are way ''off'' even for a place that can be considered very ''off'' even by the dumbest and most naive of ponies. Don't get me wrong, I like your fic. But you risk venturing into making Cheerilee a Villain!Sue if you make the defeat of the mane six way too easy, especially if Twilight gets defeated too easily. In short I like this even if it have a few flaws here and there.
* Sniff *



It's violent as heck, but I love it.
Poor Fluttershy...
I don't want Rarity to die!
Why not kill Big M, too? Lol
He was probably ' tainting ' AppleBloom as much as AJ was.
Poor
,
, And
! why, Why, WHY!?!

NO no fuck this.......
619765
I agree. *Folds chair and skips away to a happy ending fanfiction*
The fu... I don't even... God damnit, what did I just read?
ya no ever since i read cupcakes ive been afraid of cupcakes now im afraid of acting in plays
Mah boy, this piece (of fanfiction) is what all true warriors strive FOR.

Now I wonder what's for dinner (I'm guessing beetles)
I say, I think this has more gore than Cupcakes.....
''This is art''
That was so beautifully added in there, I may have to adopt that particular line into my current Fic-in-the-making.
Well done. This is brilliant and now I must go watch SAW so I can stop fretting about the bloods.
Anyway, KUTGW.
I expect MOAR at some point.
Well, this was rather brutal. Poor Flutters
Machine God, I beseech you, grant me the strength to endure one more chapter . . .
Why is this so hard to stop reading? It's so gory, brutal, disgusting, and descriptive but I just want to keep reading! How do you manage that?
Only thing I don't really like is sometimes when Cheerilee speaks. Like “Shame, really”, she mused, “I bet she was a wonderful kisser...”
I read the whole thing, just to see what would happen next. Let me first say that this Fanfic is one of my favorites of all time. I don't like gore, pain, and sadness. It's only one of my favorites because it had such a huge impact on me. I knew what was going to happen, and I still read it out of curiosity. You're a great writer and all, but this story has probably changed me for the worse. Your writing has power. Let's just say I thought it was disturbing before the last couple paragraphs. That part at the end will give me nightmares. When I read it, I felt like crying. That said, I don't cry often, and I don't read gorefics often. Keep up the "good" work. I hope to see more of your work in the future, just with less...gore. I would have loved an alternate ending, where, you know... But, no. This is a horror fic. Nothing good ever happens. Keeping it vague so I don't ruin it.
Sorry for the text wall. I just wanted to tell the author about how reading this effected me.
Why do I enjoy reading these?
MUST KILL CHEERILEE
The gore is okay with me but... I feel so incredibly sad now...



I'm slightly sadistic, and even I couldn't bear the feeling this story conjures fully.
Your ability to fuck shit up is so amazing, it's almost inspirational.
Except for the fact that I'd probably throw up if I even attempted to one up this in my mind...kudos, you've officially got the most fucked up ability ever...don't stop
Now THIS is art.
Holy mother of everything Luna. This IS the god of all gore fics...... Yet reading this some how gives me the strength to push throught the hell I get my self into every Sunday.
785734 they would rather die than to live with grief... At least. Who wants to live when their dear sister/brother whom they never cared too much for just gets suddenly ripped away from them? Brutally, might I add. They would live with the guilt of "I wish I spent more time with them..."
Uuuuuhhhh...I honestly don't know what to say.
I'm glad you kept the same creepy feel from the prequel and made it creepier, but I kinda feel you went off the deep end with the gore. Again, I'm not trying to downgrade this fan fiction or sound mean, but after reading the second half of the chapter and reading the gore it contained, I began to feel sweaty and ill.
I'm going to consider weather or not to read part two, but if the gore is just as gruesome, I'm afraid I will have to back out. (But I will still keep the thumps up
)
I did not quite like this as much as the first one because it felt as if the deaths were rushed and it did not really play with the idea of Ace High as much as you could have, but I loved that Cheerliee retconned reality by making the Mane Six responsible for the kids being horrible.
Why did everypony expect ponies like Rarity or Twist to just get over a huge fire like that in a couple weeks? I don't know if you were playing with the idea of Ponyville being seriously fucked up at its core, but that is really unrealistic. "Oh your sister died? You'll be makibg dresses again in a month!"
Next on my list of people/ponies to kill:
Cheerilee.
Reason: Responsible for the death of fluttershy.
(Grabs machette and skips away)
*Starts screaming uncontrollably and keeps on whacking the keyboard screen in disgust of this grotesque story*
"It was supposed to mark the target’s location with a red cross, but there was nothing there. Even deceased ponies would show up, their cross’d just be green instead."
One question did I miss something here because if that's the case why could they not use this spell to find the other kids bodies? If I overlooked something could you kindly explain what it was.
Yea, this is the second time I read this...... Yep still pretty fucked up.
I consider myself a very sick individual, things of this nature do not usually bother me and THIS was hard to read. Dude, I've seen a lot of things IRL that would scar others for life and never so much as batted an eyelash, this shit..... wow. Good work is all I can say. Oh and I hate and admire you.
I have a VERY high gore tolerance, and I'm hungry. How much for some pickled tongue?
Honestly, this is by far my favourite fic I have ever read. It was beautifully written, the characters were IN character and actually made me feel emotion. I hope you can write another fic with the same gore level. Thank you so much for writing this.

I don't mind the rest, but..... Fluttershy...... You monster.

Other than that, though, this is really well written. Kind of disturbing that I enjoy these fics.
There, up there. A pony in a garden with a watering can. She's looking at me kinda funny like. I wonder if I should say hi? "Oh he... AGGGGHHHHH, what did I e-ever do t-t-to you?" Yeah, sorry 'bout that. Just kinda creeping me out, being alone in a dark room... Read later list.
all the feels
What the literal flutterf*ck?
Dude I love this story and Cheerilies Garden. I love Gore themed movies and books. But when you killed Fluttershy it made me sad.
Read this in a dark bedroom, I have a feeling Cheerilee's going to pop out of the closet and kill me, Unahim, you're a cool but scary guy, and I hope Cheerilee gets what's coming to her.
627196 I'm afraid man, i'm going to read it tomorrow night, but, IF CHEERILEE DOES NOT FACE JUSTICE, I WILL LITERALLY SELL MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL TO GET INTO THIS DAMN STORY WITH MY SHOTGUN AND CHAINSAW HAND AND FUCK HER SHIT UP@!