Hat Games

by tomax3

The Suit, the Show, and The Staff

Author's Note:

Whelp I decided to write a story and this type seems pretty popular at the moment so lets see how things work out.

could use some editing help though. especially with spacing and punctuation never really figured those out especially in the end parapotomus because its to fat to be a paragraph ad I don't know how to split it out

that said first published story hope it's not shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So you want to know how it all began ehh?

Well oddly enough my tale begins with a suit and what a marvelous suit it was. But to know why this suit was made you must first know who I was back then.

I was born Thomas James Redding And I was born a showman. from the day i made my first friend I was always trying to learn new tricks new dance moves and generally the class clown group goof and general office wizard. That said I was also a not quit devout catholic with an allergy to hops and a 3.9 GPA from middle school up.

From junior year on though though in life I was a Metal Worker. Though not my first love metal fab turned out to be my true. for me there was no feeling more satisfying than bending a sheet of "Unyielding" steel to my will or carving out intricate parts from a dull block of metal. So by the time I had an associates in precision machining and AWS certifications in MIG, TIG, and Stick I was a quick hire at a small Custom fab shop in Indiana. That said being single in a new town with a new house and more income than I new what to do with when I saw an ad for the local theaters annual talent show I had a flash of Genius and I began my work. after procrastinating half a year of course.

And so two years later I had finished it. an absolutely stunning full Victorian style magicians ensemble dark silver silk dress shirt with poet sleeves and collar with french cuffs held In place by a a pair of stainless pirate coin cuff-links and thin stainless chains, A bright silver bow-tie that's knot was within a large polished stainless bead, a 16 gauge V necked Gothic breastplate in place of a vest and as well as an ingeniously stitched cloak of a patterned silk that looked like impossibly finely woven chain mail with sleeves that while hidden when your arms were withdrawn made it appear as a long split tail trench-coat when they were within and of course matching slacks and a pair of dark silver leather derby style shoes with stainless steel brogue wingtips and lace flaps held on my decorative rivets.and of course tap dance plates.

And then there was my crown a hand made brushed stainless steel Victorian style top hat with a velvet lining and an embroidered silver silk ribbon as a band.

and all except for the ribbon was made by my own hands. and I believe therein was the reason for my being here but enough about the suit you can see it from where you are no you came for a story.

well actually you came to and I quote "kick my flank" or "make me pay for my crimes" but you kinda fucked that up didn't you?

moving on then!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Once Upon a Time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was on fire that night up until my act this years talent show was looking like it would be the last. We'd had the girl who thought she had the voice of an angle but sang like a bullfrog, the guy who juggled bowling balls till he misscaught and broke his wrist, and the guy who lipsinced while fake playing a guitar.

then I got on stage and I brought that crowd to life I was doing tricks, dancing, joking, gymnastics, and pulling out every trick I'd e ever learned in my 26 years of being a ham and looking spectacular in my long luxurious bleached silver white but usually red hair and matching large mustache, pointy beard combo all real of course. and they were eating it up not a single flubbed trick not a single flat joke no missteps no mistakes and no problems. then i spotted my boss two rows back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"HEY!!! Look who's here! here's a trick I'm sure you all wish you could do some days. come on up Todd its time for more audience participation, as for everyone else this is my boss Todd and as for what I'm gonna do well Ima make him disappear. sounds Great amiright? all jokes aside though Todd here is a fantastic man to work for but still I'm gonna need some assurances that if this goes wrong hes still my boss"

pulling Todd close and turning away from the audience I whisper to him "once your in the box fold the sides in and step on the lever in the back. after I open the door and close it push the side back in place and the back opens go back through the curtains and around through the stage door then come in behind the audience" after he grunts his acknowledgement I spin back around and slide over to the edge of the stage tap dancing in place for a second I grab the dolly the prop is resting on and turn the old fashioned outhouse looking structure around to show all sides while grinning like a loon

"here it is folks the box of wonders!" I then shout as I drag it across the stage hamming it up like it ways a ton despite spinning it one handed seconds prior "well the good news is if he lives I wont get fired." I grunt out as I drop the handle of the box dolly and kick it to the side wiping my brow afterwards. "Now then if my 'Lovley' assistant will step inside my box of wonders I will make my boss disappear." as Todd steps inside I shut he door spinning around flaring my cape and jabbing my arms up through the sleeves in one quick motion as I skip back over to the hinge side of the door glancing down I see Todd's already signaled he's in place

"Now then for the magic words" I wave my hands at he box in a mystical manner before freezing and adopting a look of confusion. turnning back to the audience and stat scratching my chin and HMMing loudly for a few seconds before opening the now 'empty' shack "Hey Todd what were the mag-... Huh I guessed it worked anyway" spinning around and shutting the door I turn to the audience and say "Well the problem is Now I don't know here I sent him, alright people lets find my boss" stepping of the stage I start among the audience asking people to check there pockets 'finding' my keys behind a little girls ear's before returning to the stage and whipping my hat of my head and tucking it under my arm in a manner that 'inadvertently' showed the audience it was empty before siting on an invisible bench and making a 'thinking man' pose

I then jump up and shout "AH HA! I know where he is!" before whipping my hat around and stuffing my hand inside and dropping the weighted bundle of scarves out of my sleeve into the hat muttering to myself as I dig around for the end "I've got Him Now!!" I exclaim as I pull my hand out behind me trailing a line of colorful scarves "I'm Quite certain hes on the end of this line" and because holding a metal hat full of scarves steady is hard while puling said scarves I set the hat on the ground and make a show of hauling the line. two tugs in Todd walks in the back wearing shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and a Gilligan hat and yells "Hey James whats in the hat?"

"well I thought it was you"

"nope I wound up at Macy's"

"then whats in the hat?"

"Why don't you find out ?"

I give another tug expecting to pull out a silver pocket watch I had bought before the show. instead the scarves pull back almost hard enough to rip me off my feet "Whoa I gotta Big one guys!" is the last thing I manage to say on earth before the next pull hauls me over strait into my hat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An instant later I"m tumbling forward across cold marble, landing in a crouch I hop to my feet as my hat pulls itself out of thin air flipping to land on my head at a jaunty angle. turning quickly around and pulling my arms up and out of my sleeves I allow my cloak to billow around me. as the shimmering fabric settles it reveals to me a marble wall inlaid with gold to form a mural of the sun rising of a field frolicking horses.

I hear a gasp behind me and look over my shoulder eyes widening in surprise when I see two large winged equines cant really say horses they look more intelligent than that. that's not much of a feat, horses are dumb as shit you'l remember. sitting at an opulent dinner table looking both shocked and offended.

My surprise grows and my ears ring as the smaller blue one bucks the bench out behind her as she stands up, quite amusingly causing the white one to faceplant her cake, then opens its mouth and shouts.

"FOUL NAVE WHAT MANNER OF BEAST ART THOU? WHAT CREATURE DARES'T TO ENTER OUR PRIVATE DINING HALL UNINVITED?!!"

The shear strength of her voice send my cloak billowing out which turns me to face them. Holly crap what are those? I don't know I'v never seen anything like them. well whatever they are bluebottoms pissed. quick answer the question. i think teyr called alicorns acording to myth.

"well my dear, as for what I am I must say human. and you are?"

"THOU SHALL ADDRESS US AS YOUR MAJESTY CRETIN WHO ART THOU TO BREAK INTO OUR DINING HALL WHEN SUCH HAS BEEN STRICTLY FORBIDDEN!!!!!! screams Mighty Whitey as she scrambles to her hooves and spraying cake crumbs everywhere ick saying and spraying. these are the royals? and sending me sliding me back against the wall.

Oww volume control please. you got that right dese tings be loud! somebody stop the room from shaking.I mean Christ these critters are noisy and I'm the kinda guy with three fifteens in the trunk so i can handle some serious sound. They are also royalty in case you missed it so it would probably be safest to start groveling now. fuck that shit we're American! and these freaks are being total pricks i mean the just saw us fall out of thin air and hear they are screaming at us like its our fault I say flip the damn table on them! Okay those are both a little extreme lets stick with polite yet not subservient. Yay compromise!

pealing of the wall I address the white one in as proper a voice I can manage.

"Forgive me sir for I am new here and did not know that was so. and if you'l allow me to I shall will quickly remove myself from your presence and as for who I am" I pause and stepping forward spinning as I do once more flare my cloak cloaks are awesome! tophats are cooler!

"I am Mercury the Magnificent!!!" somehow creating a thunderous rumble accompanying the proclamation

The white one looks shocked offended and her face turns bloodclot purple with rage

"SIR!?!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay the I think now would be a good time to stop and maybe explain exactly how I could mistake your beautiful benevolent ever young princess of the sun for a stallion. considering purple over there looks like she wants to bite me, Has she had her shots yet I'd hate to catch something it would be truly dreadful if blind fanaticism turned out to be contagious.

anyway back to Celestia and the whole gender bender confusion. first off I'm sure you can all at least agree that off the two sisters Luna has the more feminine face. right?

just nod.

okay then everyone but Twilight agrees. so you could all...
hold on.
...
there the muzzle should stop you from breaking her teeth trying to gnaw through chains. really what were you attempting to accomplish with such an act? do I need to put down some papers as well or will you quit acting like an animal.

so you could all understand how someone who having never seen a pony before, and having been brought up in which the title your majesty is relegated to kings and your highness queens, might have mistaken the pair before him as the ruling married couple. rather than ruling siblings which is pretty much unheard of since the founding of Rome.

and lets face it this was before the ethereal manes shtick so she had a light pink war-braid in not to mention that while shes all fat and curvy now. bac then she was a new crowned warrior queen who was built like a border fort. I'm talking big flat slabs of muscle topped with smaller slabs of muscle and those smaller slabs of muscle had even more muscles on top of them. combine that with her naturally squarer muzzle and a rough voice from traditionally screaming at her subjects it was actually a common mistake. as I found out latter.

Oh don't glare like that it was Starswirl who told me that.. oh so I've got your attention now do I? yes I knew Starswirl quite well in fact I helped him write most of his late life spells.
but enough of this aside where were we? oh yes that's right

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SIR!?!

oh shit you rolled a 1 on that diplomacy check not good ya dun fucked up kid

At this point The creatures in front of me were obviously beyond the point of talking it out a point further driven home by the white royals mane and tale going up like a river of napalm, as in literal flames, her mane and tail kinda just exploded.

WE ARE EMPRESS CELESTIA SUNFLARE RULER OF EQUESTRIA AND GODDESS OF THE SUN!!! THOU HATH INSULTED US MOST SEVERELY WRETCH AND NOW YOU SHALL KNOW MY FULL WRATH!!

at this point a pair of waist high horses burst through the door awkwardly holding scimitars in there mouths. and while I'm sure they would have given me pause any other day, even if only to fall over and laugh my ass off, they were at this point just a hurdle before the way to anywhere else but here.

so with speed born of unmitigated terror and a decade of track and field, coupled with the grace of three years both ballet and gymnastics I cleared the twenty five foot gap between me and the door in less than a second an in a single twist had leapt over the two guards hit the floor of the hallway slid into a wall and was off in flowing cloud of shimmering cloth.

and good thing to seeing as the next thing I heard sounded like someone fired off a spartan laser through an I-max surround sound cranked to 11. Glancing over my shoulder showed that the entire doorside wall of the dining room was now large molten gash as well as at least four walls beyond it.

STAND AND FACE IMMOLATION BEAST!!!

and hothead was right on my ass and gaining fast needless to say I was greatly relived when the next room was a mess of thick and sturdy support columns with which to slow her down. utilizing my agility I dodged around several before swinging into a n unlit braziers alcove about ten feet off the ground to catch my breath HOLY SHIT! that horse shoots lazers is it just me or our slacks suspiciously soggy? nope were good.

and that was all the time I had because at that point Celestia who had been tromping around in circles snorting like minotaur finally decided that if the columns weren't going to tell her where I was she'd just smash them needles to say when a three foot thick beam of light cut flashed over my head close enough to curl my hairs and hot enough to turn the golden sunbursts on the wall molten after vaporizing a s four foot thick pillar I was on the run again seeing as Celestia had gone down to the opposite end of the hall I made a break back the way I came . heading back into the hall with the destroyed dining room I heard Celestia roar and the sound of a drunk albatross taking off and I knew the chase was back on sprinting down the hall I saw a formation of ten guards coming my way so seeing as there was no way to dodge them i prepared to vault over and hope they couldn't set there spear's

they didn't. when i was less than sixteen feet out a volley of arm thick golden streams tore through my cloak setting it alight and carving football sized holes clear through the approaching guards holly crap friendly fire bitch.

I quickly dance my way through the dead and dying soldiers before darting trough a servant door and dashing through a few corridors the ceiling so low I had to keep almost doubled over with my hands on the wall for balance my hat scraping along the ceiling in places in order to keep running. needless to say Celestia could not fit and judging by the unintelligible screaming and laser fire she was not happy after a half dozen blind turns I found a door out shouldering through and promptly falling almost thirty five feat from where it opened near the top of an underground dome.

I managed to keep my momentum and roll forward to prevent anything more than a bruised shoulder, rising to my feet i take the time to examine my surroundings

My roll had taken me To the center of the room directly beneath a relatively small opening directly above trough which moonlight shone forming a spotlight on me that was reflected by the room spanning golden sunburst to fill the chamber with a soft light though during the day I'd suspect it was blinding as it was my every shift of my cape sent eerie shadows across the mural covered dome unlike the rest of the palace this room seemed designed to be reverent instead of showy it felt like a vault or chapel its walls were covered in scenes of a white alicorn fighting of a monstrous chimera, leading small ponies out of a cave keeping watch over a city at night and other such things. the floor was covered in a sparkling blue fog and towards one end was a large golden staircase with a repeating sun motif on the instep and railing leading out into the night to the other stood two statues one of Celestia and one of the blue mare. both wearing matching torques with three large gems Celestias containing a large gem of well it looked pinkish purple but i new that was simply a failure of my eyes in the center with an Sapphire and a fire opal to the right and left set in gold that shone like a righteous flame. the other statue had a thin delicate looking necklace of silver from which hung a large ruby flanked by a flawless amethyst and a perfect light pink gem. both statues stand on either side and ahead of a large iron door set into the floor the door being the only thing not made of precious metal that wasn't structural.

I feel I've forgotten something important? what ever happened to the blue one? ten bucks shes behind us.

"We had a feeling thou had more planned than you had revealed." a beautiful voice spoke, soft as silk yet rich as dark chocolate with an almost sensual undertone and yet still caring the force needed to vibrate the floor. needless to say it was quite shocking to hear coming from absolutely every damn where.

I turn around looking for the speaker only to see the room as it was before but in doing so I notice something I had missed before, in every mural partially obscured by the white alicorn with the sun on its butt was a blue or black one with its flank blank.but when I went to look closer I found my feet bound in ghostly blue chains. this is not good

"Although we are loath to admit such a flaw our sisters temper is most as legendary as her strength and beauty"Snnrk! erg gig-hurrnope

...

'BWAHAHAHAH!!-eep"

"THOU DARE MOCK OUR SISTERS MIGHT!

oh hell we're already at rock bottom might as well keep digging Doomed and so i address my captor i n my most aristocratic voice although Ill admit it may have sounded quite mocking as well.

"oh no of her strength there is no doubt nor is there any towards her temper"

"Then why dost though laugh when we speak of it?"

"I was laughing about her claim to beauty"

"How can you say such when she is rightfully renown as the most beautiful mare on Equs? how can-NO! We shall not be distracted so easily. We have seen your true plan, for while it is clear that none but a fool would insult my sister as you did for no gain you planed to enrage her beyond the point of reason, making her easy to lead astray. Lead her astray you did we are sure she is tearing apart the castle looking for you which would leave this vault unguarded. What you failed to account for though was us seeing through your ploy. We know not what you hoped to achieve by stealing the elements be it power or money but YOU SHALL NOT CLAIM THEM!"
and with declaration the spread of mist suddenly formed a fast swirling nebula that spun the sparkles into a spiral galaxy before burting into a solid beam of light that shot out of the skylight like a beacon then coalescing into a dark blue cloud of stars from which stepped the blue queen appearing to form from the mists.

to which I merely cock an eyebrow and tip my hat to her. 'why am i so calm about this?' tell you later but trust me I can explain

"So is this it after all the strife ye caused ye shall surrender here? out of tricks are't thou?

"Of course not I was simply waiting for you to introduce yourself. after all tis rude to make such vile accusations without doing so."

" thy speak as if thou dost not know already. hmm? very well seeing as you have made it this far we shall grant you this small boon. We are Empress Luna ruler of Equestria in cooperation with our sister Celestia as the goddess of the Night and shepherd of dreams."

i think we might be able to get out of this but its a bit of a longshot. There seems to be some kind of preference towards her sister maybe we can turn them against each other. sounds like a gameplan.

" so you aid your sister in her rule?"

"NAY WE RULE AS EQUALS FOAL! how is it thou know the castle well enough to elude my sister and traverse passages not even ourself had been made known and yet cannot grasp the basic workings of our government? thou art an enigma Mercury. and a trickster"

"you say you are equals? if so could I assume this is your sisters palace and yours is elsewhere or mayhaps still being constructed"

"what meanest thou speak clearly for we desire answers and our sister shall be here soon!

"if you are equals where are you in all these murals were you simply absent for each event or is there another chamber? up the sun emblazoned stairs perhaps?"

this gives her pause and while her face remains firm and regal a look of hurt appears briefly in her eyes as she examines the walls.

"we-We are to there in each of them besi-beside our sister as is our rightful place" her voice falter s as she speaks her composur crumbling
dear god she sounds on the verge of tears is her sister neglecting her so thoroughly that as single comment can affect her like this? the more I learn of this Celestia the more despicable I find her hey its working the chains are fading out damit i dont want to do this anymore but shes rite if Celestia gets her we're fucked royaly fucked that was bad you should feel bad for that joke not the time shes recovering!

"beside? is that how you see it? you are behind her. your always behind her if that's even you?" she reels as though struck her eyes beginning to glisten the as i shift my feet the chains tug slightly before shattering into motes of stardust.

walking over to the wall i gesture at the image of the small black alicorn made of a single pieces of inlaid slate behind the golden ornamentation and precious gems that makes up the rest of the scene. slate?! she's fucking blue you pricks! what the hell?! look! Celestias made of a single honkin huge diamond and that pony in the front row is made of ruby and sapphire? this is just fuckin wrong guys.

she seems to realize I'm free and binds my feet again 'danmit girl don't make me continue, please this is just despicible'

"And if it is you what does that say. Slate? a common gray stone?! and yet she gets white diamond and gold with a mane and tail of two large pink sapphires! they didn't even get your color right in the recording of your greatest triumphs? equals?, clearly not." the chains once more turn to dust i walk along the wall tapping the focus of each mural in turn they all the same a small slate shadow to Celestias radiant form.

tears are openly visible on Luna's face face shes not even attempting to restrain me now. i just thought of something... if shes the younger sibling? what do tyrants usually do to siblings who share there power? dear god Celestias going to kill her i have to warn her

i pause as i reach the stairs hesitating before i press on to the next mural.

"you know these images paint a disturbingly familiar picture. no not of the events within for they are all foreign to me, but of the events without. they tell me of a pair of siblings sharing power until bit by bit the balance shifts. tell me Luna deny it say to me that it could not happen when it has a hundred hundred times before its always the same one light grows dim while the other shines ever brighter, one climes higher and the other gets swept under the rug? tell me that is not what these walls are saying!"

Luna's face speaks of horrendous emotional conflict before settling in a steely gaze

"you are wrong! she and I have shepherded the day and night for three hundred years a mere forty of ruling shall not shatter that bond so easily... i-it couldn't!" once more here confidence falls to a look of worry
damn they really are goddesses aren't they and how well do divine families work out once they involve themselves with mortals? shit your right.

"so you truly are goddesses aren't you in that case I pity you" is say sadly as I step up onto the large iron door, in doing so reveal that there is an image of a large tree hammered into the surface, and turn standing directly between the two statues. " I pity you because while a mortal could be swept aside and forgotten a goddess must be turned you will not quietly fade into the background you will become a villain to the public. it will has already started first you are removed from all glory cut away fro all your good deeds, next the whispers of the populace shall change you, change you from the lesser princes to the strange one, the scary one, then no longer will you be the guiding light of the stars or the watchful eye of the moon! you will be the mother of all that lurks in the dark. queen of the horrors and monsters that prowl the underplaces. NO! from that point on the Shepard of dream shall be the shaper of nightmares ON THAT DAY LUNA SHALL BE NO MORE AND YOU SHALL BE NAUGHT BUT A NIGHTMARE MOON!! and I pray that you are ready or she will strike you down to the cheers of your stolen people."

next thing I Knew i was laid out like a drunk with my head reeling like I'd hopped in the ring with Bruce Banner and Bruce Wayne. when my vision cleared I was nailed to the door by her dagger and her sword was pressed into my neck and her mane and tale had turned to platinum sheets of flame that radiated bitter cold the rage on her face far beyond that of her sisters. 'shit!'

" LIAR!! YOU HAVE GONE TO FAR!! TIA WOULD NEVER BETRAY ME SO YOU MAY HAVE SWAYED ME FOR A SHORT SPAN BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE FLED WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE I MAY NOT BE QUITE SO BELOVED AS HER BUT MY SISTER WOULD NEVER HURT ME!!

and in a rather fortunate bout of the universes dark humor that was the moment at which her head was struck by the a falling stone arch as Celestia blasts through the ceiling the blow dispelling her blades and sending her sliding to the bottom of the door.

"SO THIS IS WHERE THE LITTLE RAT HID!!! AND YOU HAVE THE GAUL TO STRIKE DOWN OUR SISTER!!! COWARD YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR SINS FOR NOW YOU FACE A TRUE WARRIOR!! BRING FORTH WHAT EVER TRICKS YOU DARE FOR THEY SHALL NOT AVAIL YOU THIS NIGHT!!

now crouching on a door unarmed and concussed I grab the first thing in one of my pockets which turned out to be a bag of metal cutting saw chips that I was using as glitter-dust to add some sparkle to my act opening the bag and dumping them into my hand i hold a handful out in front of my face like i was about to blow her a kiss.

and immediately feel as though every limb has been raped in crushing steel bands my breastplate starting to crumple in and restricting my breath as I'm surrounded by a golden light.

"this was your final trick? your last act of defiance some measly dust? what material is this that you think could match the might of the solar goddess? Celestia said mockingly her voice feminine but gruff, husky if you were feeling generous, as she sauntered over to me well she may look like a stallion but she doesn't walk like one is she trying to be sexy? if so that an epic fail shut it you two I'm trying to think!

"its a powdered crystal from the old kingdom it nullifies magic when inhaled." I gasp out trying to inhale as much air as I can

"What a fascinating toy I'm sure the archmage would love to study it once we remove it from your corpse. alas for you it proved futile she said leaning in to look at the large pile of silver particles

which I promptly blew directly into her large pink eyes

"NEYAARRRRG!!!!

she reeled back releasing me as she pawed at her eyes rubbing them hard and only driving the metal flakes deeper in to gouge the flesh of her corneas as I leap sideways she unleashes a massive kinetic blast towards where I had been crushing the door now revealed to be almost four inches thick like a sheet of tinfoil seeing her charge her horn once more leap back into the hole only for Lunas teeth to catch my pants leg rolling me onto the ground she stands above me straddling me with her forelegs as she summons her longsword for the killing blow lashing out I kick her in the knees of her back legs causing her to fall on me but lose her blade once more.

"unf" oof shes allot lighter than I was expecting. wow her fur is really soft! as she falls she tries to grab me again but gets distracted by Celestias blindly fired giant spiny laser attack slicing through the air her head was just in and cutting a trench in the wall. during her shock I rolled her off me and took of down the newly opened corridor unlike the rest of the palace this corridor soon gave way to a natural cave before it opened up into a large chamber said chamber was occupied by a six limbed crystal tree growing in the center of a large wheel of gold around the wheel stretched a vast expanse of iron and silver rings of arcane symbols radiated out towards the edges of the disk and right in front of the tree suspended by abyssal black chains that seemed to drink in the light beetween to gold and steel statues of alicorns wearing full plate. hung a gleaming silver cane. the ball of which was a gem whose color and beauty would surpas the Arkenstone of middle earth and a haft made from an alicorns horn finely inlayed with strips of a metal so pure it made platinum seem dull.

as soon as I laid eyes on the staff I forgot all else. there was me and the staff ,just me and the staff all sound ceased my hear pounded in my ears and I could feel it pulling me towards it, I hear strings and other instruments building a crescendo as I nearly sprint across the disk the music suddenly exploding into a climax as I wrap my hand over the top of the staff and with the song my senses explode outward in a glorious symphony the void black chains of Adamantium fall from the staff like droplets of water and where they hit the metal beneath them follows suit splashing and flowing around me forming a swirling vortex of metal all different kinds and all of them were singing I could here the sweet thrum of gold with the low rumbles of iron and steel the brassy call of copper and tin with the airy whistle of aluminum and the jingle of silver as the angry staccatos of Adamantium and lead all playing there part in a glorious cacophony of sound and motion whirling, dancing, flowing, glimmering, and shining as the shot towards me as I wave the cane like a conductors bato the could feel the inlays of the palace above me the veins of crud iron below me the very core of the planet sat there like a constant companion at the edge of my senses all the while the metals danced over and through me my i could feel those same chains wrapping there way up trough my bones encasing them in unbreakable strength as steel wires grow inside my muscles as they ought to. and my cloak, my cloak once ragged and burned now became flowing mass of shining silver running like mercury over my shoulders and billowing around me as though caught in a swirling wind my pants were no longer ripped and stained as the silk was destroyed and replaced by liquid metal my breastplate straitened itself and increased in sine as my shirt turned to such finely woven chainmail that it proved even softer than silk. Bowtie was straitened and converted to metal my cuffs took on a new shine and my beard and hair fell out and grew back in perfectly styled except now my "hair" was very fine platinum and white gold wires. and as the music came to a close and the metal had all found a place with me or had fled deep underground I touched to the ground and as my cloak formed a split tailed double breasted trench coat, i reached up caught my now scuff free hat set it on my head spun around to face the entrance and set my cane to form a perfect devilish trickster pose with matching grin.

and was engulfed in a rainbow of light.

Comments

[val]

not going to be turned to stone

[Ssendam the Masked]

Dude, get an editor.
There's a good fic that's struggling under the weight of poor punctuation and spelling.

[tomax3]

Where do I get editors at? i know I'm bad at spelling and punctuation I'm dyslexic and all I own is a Bork as fork netbook and a Samsung Mega add in fimfiction's weird upload style and I really need an editor.

[Blazing Shadow]

his song would be Ken Ashcorp's Supernatural

[the monkey ninja]

4005575
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/202107/league-of-humans-acting-villainous/thread/95025/listen-to-this

[tomax3]

4012280 Thanks I had turned off group notifications I'll go find an editor then

[Firelightflash]

that and i say it needs a little more emotion from the speakers that you have in this

[tomax3]

4012805 Noted thanks for the feedback

[Firelightflash]

4012847 yup. i actually think its a good basis . so keep it up and just try your best

[Whiteeyes]

4004709 Agreed. Go onto the forums and post for an editor.

[tomax3]

4026856 I did post to three of the editing groups linked to from the LoHAV group that
4012280 directed me to. all I got was some (impolite term for an individual synonymous with male genitalia) telling me and I quote "You don't need an editor you just need to learn to not write (impolite term for feces) stories." the another one linked me to an online group for learning how to write better which mostly just confused me and I got no reply on the third.

and then the fimfiction ads directed me to the webcomic Girl Genius and two days disappeared that said I am about 2k words in to chaper two unfortunately there are only three periods at the moment. so whuke you wait feel free to go read a much better story about adventure, romance and MAD SCIENCE! apologies for the delay.

[the monkey ninja]

4032124
Wow. I've personally never looked at those sites, but that's awful. Those groups were meant to help authors write better, those groups should be some of the nicer ones. Okay, let's try this again.

Perhaps you can go onto the LoHAV group and check to see if there is a pre-existing group thread specifically for asking for pre-readers. If there isn't, go to one of the other main threads (I recommend trying the General Discussion thread) or try to make your own (least recommended option). Also, on one of the sites not filled with (impolite term for an individual synonymous with male genitalia) if there is a place where it says "rules". The place/way you asked may not conform with their rules, so they just ignored you. I personally have never typed a story on here, so none of this advice is from previous experience. Hopefully round two of advice might help.

[tomax3]

4034124 actually Looking for Editors was the one who directed me to the writers workshop so it wasn't to bad don't remember the other two and like I said I was off of fimfiction for two days after I got distracted.

[Blaze the draconic mage]

Ethics story is amazing plz make more

[BorealStargazer]

A good, if somewhat messy, story struggling with punctuation and stylistic errors. Still, if one manages to make way through this, one will see an interesting version of that old "Human in Equestria" idea, full of potential.
Sadly the author seems to have dropped it. A good editor could help a lot, making this rough gem truly shine.

[Shadowshame]

" this was your final trick? your last act of defiance some measly dust? what material is this that you think could match the might of the solar goddess? Celestia said mockingly her voice feminine but gruff, husky if you were feeling generous, as she sauntered over to me well she may look like a stallion but she doesn't walk like one is she trying to be sexy? if so that an epic fail shut it you two I'm trying to think!

I'm getting serious deadpool vibes from this

[Shadowshame]

Please continue this story I need to see what happens next please???¿¿¿