All That We Are
“This sucks.”
Spike laid on his bed, his eyes fixated on the ceiling. This seemed to be a common occurrence over the past few days . Him all alone with his thoughts, struggling to try to make the best out of things, but somehow making them worse than ever in the process.
Why’d it have to turn out this way? He had such promise. He was intelligent, charismatic, and not bad looking for a dragon. Creatures with those attributes were supposedly destined for success, not destined to perish in a hospital bed at a young age.
And he didn’t even want to imagine how Twilight must be feeling about all this. The pony that was honestly closer to him than any other in the world. The breakdown of sanity that was last night’s dinner was a full night’s sleep away, but he doubted the time lapse did anything to make it easier on her. She deserved so much better than this heartache.
And then, of course, Derpy was completely broken down. He had no idea how he could even look at her until all this was over. There’s something terrible about looking at the pony you love and having to tell them things aren’t alright. It was his job to make sure things were always alright. He was supposed to be the confident one. The one that made things better. The one that prevented them from being bad in the first place. The one who could know that things were bad but tough it out so she didn’t have to know they were bad.
Frankly, he had failed on all accounts. Things weren’t alright and he couldn’t do a single thing to help it. He couldn’t change his fate or protect Derpy from being sad. No. All he could do was try and protect her, but he failed at that as well.
Lucky for him, Rarity and pretty much every other pony in town was still clueless as to the whole shindig. The less Rarity knew, the better, of course. He loved her to death and vice versa, but with her dramatic flair, well… She didn’t need a distraction like that to keep her from her work. Assuming everything goes according to plan, she’d never need to know.
And last but not least, there was Starl—
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Spike shot up and looked toward the door. “Who is it?”
“Who do you think?”
He rolled his eyes. “C’mon in Starlight. It’s not locked.”
The door slid open and was quickly shut as she came in. She did her best to put on a cheerful face for the dragon, but the bags under her eyes and frazzled mane spoke volumes about how she was actually feeling. She trotted over and climbed onto the bed with Spike, perched at the foot of the mattress.
Spike let out a sigh. “So, you’ve come to visit the invalid, singing the anthem of his dying day, no doubt? Oh, how the mighty mock the weak.”
“Not quite,” Starlight replied. “I just came to check up on you. I know things didn’t really go over so well last night. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”
“I guess so,” the dragon said with a shrug. “I mean, I’m doing about as well as any dragon could given the current state of affairs.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she stated. “I’m honestly not sure how you’re managing to remain so calm about it.”
“Eh,” Spike said. “When you’ve lived with Twilight for as long as I have, you’ve seen your fair share of near death encounters. As far as I’m concerned, this is the same as any other villain we’ve fought. Just, this time, I’m fighting it one on one.” Spike let out a brief chuckle. “But hey, we managed to beat all the other bad guys we’ve gone up against. I don’t see why this should be any different.”
“Very true,” Starlight replied. “You even managed to beat me when I went full psychopath on you guys. That’s a feat in of itself.”
“Eeyup,” Spike said with pride.
“And not to mention the time you saved the Crystal Empire,” she continued. “They don’t have a statue of you down there just because of your good looks.”
“You’re dang right.”
“But most importantly, let’s not forget the time you took down that double-decker challenge from Curly’s.”
Spike licked his lips. “Three hayburgers, a pound of fries, an order of onion rings, two milkshakes, a gallon of root beer, and thirty minutes to finish it all. Oh, it tried to get the best of me, but it failed.”
“Truly a momentous task, but you beat it,” she said. “And if you can do that, I’m pretty sure a little heart trouble isn’t going to be too tough.”
“I hope you’re right,” Spike said. “You know, I can’t help but assume that the double-decker challenge in some way contributed to my health issues.”
Starlight let out a hearty laugh. “I’m pretty sure it didn’t help. Actually, I’m surprised you didn’t keel over right then and there.”
“Heh, at least if I died there I could have died with honor on the battlefield. That’d be much more preferable than in a hospital bed. Who needs that noise?”
“Agreed.”
The two shared a laugh together, the first honest laugh they’ve had in a good while. Spike needed that. He needed it more than anything.
“So,” Spike spoke up after the laughter died down. “Nice to know you’ve gotten over the trauma of everything that went down.”
She nodded. “Nah, I’m just really good at hiding my emotions.”
“With a soul as dark and bottomless as yours, I’m sure you have plenty of hiding spaces.”
“That’s fair.”
Spike sighed. “I know it’s probably a stupid question, but how’s Twilight doing? Has she left her room yet?”
Starlight shook her head. “Nope. I was able to talk to her for a second. Apparently she had a message sent to Celestia that she needs to take a break from her Princess duties for the time being. So, yeah, don’t expect her to come out any time soon.”
Spike let out a soft groan. “Great. I catapulted my closest friend into a never ending abyss of depression right when she was starting to break out of her shell. How am I gonna live with myself?”
“Look on the bright side,” Starlight said. “According to the doctor, there’s a thirty percent chance you won’t even have to worry about living with yourself after the surgery.”
Spike deadpanned.
“Too soon?”
“Just a bit, yeah.”
“Okay, let me rephrase that,” she said. “Things will turn out okay. Twilight is just in a bit of a shock right now. I don’t even have to tell you how much she loves you. Living with you for all these years must have had some kind of an effect on her, I guess.”
“Who would’ve thought?”
“I know right?” Starlight’s lips curled slightly into a weak smile. “So, just give it some time, okay? Once the surgery is done and everything is back to normal, it’ll be smooth sailing from then on out.”
“I’m keeping my claws crossed,” he replied. “Starlight?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I tell you something? Something like… super personal that you can’t tell anypony ever?”
“Oh gosh. Please don’t tell me you got Derpy pregnant. That kind of drama is not something we need right now.”
“No, no, no,” Spike said, waving his claws. “Trust me, if she was pregnant, there’d be a whole ‘nother level of panic going on and the disease would be the last of my worries.”
“I can imagine. So, what do you wanna tell me then?”
He looked over to her, about to open his mouth before turning away rapidly. He could feel his palms getting shaky as he tried to form the words he wanted to say.
He never wanted to admit weakness, but admittedly, he was defeated right now. Every other obstacle he’d faced in life, he had some measure of control over. There was always something, some kind of action he could take to overcome it. But this… there was nothing he could do. He was helpless. And even though he obviously had friends ready to help him, friends who had his back, this was a battle he was having to fight on his own.
And that absolutely terrified him.
Spike steeled himself, closed his eyes and took the plunge. “I’m... afraid.”
Spike kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see her reaction. There’s a good chance she’d be loading up a sarcastic comment or two, or she might not even have been paying attention, but—
Spike’s thoughts were cut off as he felt himself pulled into a soft embrace. He opened his eyes to see Starlight right in front of him, her hooves wrapping him up in a tight hug.
Spike smiled and followed suit, wrapping his arms around her as well, burrowing his head into her shoulder for a moment.
“You’re not alone, Spike,” Starlight said through a pained gasp. “I’m afraid too.”
After a few more seconds they finally separated. As opposed to returning to her spot at the end of the bed however, she stayed within a hoof’s distance.
“So,” Spike said. “I guess we can both be losers together, huh?”
She snickered and nodded. “Yeah. That’s what friends are for, right? We stick together through the good stuff, the bad stuff, and the stupid stuff.”
“This definitely falls into the last category.”
“Definitely.”
Spike let out a sigh and pulled the covers off himself for the first time that day. He crawled out of his spot and sat next to Starlight.
“So, I have to admit, you made me feel somewhat better about myself.” Spike lightly elbowed her. “As per the usual, don’t tell anypony I said that. If word got out that I needed some kind of anti-depression support group to deal with my problems, I’d never hear the end of it.”
“No worries, I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“Excellent.” Spike dropped his eyes to the floor. “Now that all that lame, mushy stuff is over, I guess that leaves just one more issue that I’ll need to take care of.”
“What’s that?”
“Derpy.”
“Ooh, yeah, that’s definitely a thing.”
“Eeyup,” he replied. “And I have no idea what to do about it. You saw how she looked at me when she found out. How am I even supposed to talk to her about it? What would I even say? What should I do?”
Starlight rubbed her chin. “Here’s an idea, genius. You could try, you know, talking with her and having a mature conversation about everything.”
Spike waved both of his claws at her. “Nah, that’s crazy talk.”
“Well, what did you have in mind?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of ignoring it and hope the problem goes away.”
Starlight facehooved with extreme force. “No! That’s is not an appropriate course of action. I don’t mean to kick you while you’re down, Spike, but you can’t keep running away from your problems! I mean, this whole mess got started with finding out you were sick and trying to pretend nothing was wrong anyway, so why would you want to continue pretending that everything is hunky-dory, and let everything blow over when you, actually, want to do something about it! The Spike I know wouldn’t want to live a lie!” She stood up in front of Spike, her legs shaking as she spoke, “And I swear on Celestia’s subscription to Fancy Cake Monthly, if you just leave Derpy behind because you’re too afraid to have an adult conversation with her… not only will I lose a lot of respect for you, but I will personally see to it that your entire stash of rare comic books gets repurposed into coasters at the Canterlot Bar and Grill!”
Spike blinked a few times at the unicorn who was now gasping for air. “Woah. That was intense.”
“S-Sorry,” she replied. “Just, trust me on this one. I can’t tell you what to do, but you need to talk to her about this. You can’t just leave her hanging. You love her, right?”
“More than anything,” Spike replied.
“Mhm,” Starlight said. “And considering everything I’ve seen between you two, I can guarantee she loves you just as much. And if you think you’re scared about all this, imagine how she feels.”
Spike rubbed the back of his neck. “I, uh, I think I see your point, Starlight.”
“Remember when I told you that you were stuck with her, for better or worse?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Well, this is part of what that entails. When things are tough, you’ve got to work together to make them better. Now, go make them better!”
With a forceful nudge, Starlight pushed Spike off the bed and onto the floor… to which he collapsed on immediately.
“Ugh.” He slowly pushed himself back onto his feet. “A little warning there would’ve been nice. I am sick and dying, you know.”
“Psh, save the pity party for somepony who cares.” Starlight chuckled and used her magic to open the door. “Now, go find her, talk to her, and get all that romatic-y, fluffy stuff out of the way. Your surgery is in just a couple days, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then time isn’t really something you have a whole lot of.”
Spike looked at the open doorway. He knew she was right and he knew he had to go find her. It would be difficult. It would be awkward. But he had a duty to her, and it was time to have a mature, adult conversation.
...As uncomfortable as those words made him feel.
He took a few steps to the door before turning around. “Thanks, Starlight. I owe you one.”
She winked at him. “I’ll make sure to cash in on the favor once this whole sickness thing is over with.”
He gave her a thumbs up and walked out the door. He was on a mission to find his girlfriend.
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8909738
I gotta have my metal references, bro.
Me too! Poor Twilight though.
this chapter makes me wish I had emotions to register it with. Good work on the story.
8909644
Well, what I mean by that is that she has so much raw magical power that casting something like a heal spell should be pretty easy for her. Even if she doesn't know any healing spells surely she can learn. I mean she's basically a god that can make other smaller gods.
And now we wait for Rainbow Dash to give him a heart attack with a thunderbolt because she doesn't know... I am actually worrying about that thought now.
And then Trixie pops out of a time machine from the future to give Spike effective heart medicine. Afterwards, both of them go off to fight androids.
I just hope he doesn't die. That's what I'm hoping
Shame that it had to be under these circumstances, but it's nice to see Spike and Starlight being good friends. Spike's illness is taking a big toll on everyone.
Wow, so now Spike is going to need to get his affairs in order. Imagine what he’d have tell Dinky! I don’t think my heart could take it.
I somehow doubt that
But I still trust waifu horse
Oh wow ending already? That was sooner than expected. Even if Spike does enviably die at the end, I just hope it's together with his friends and family. (That time machine spell looks tempting hmm Starlight?)
Oh god, I swear to Celestia if the bandanas have something to do with the final climax of the story I'm going to eat someone.
8910166
Don't forget that the androids later become good guys and Spike's son has to fight basically god
8910282
Yeah, after a year I'm nearing the finish line. It'll be like watching my kid go off to college or something.
We need The Doctor right now. We need a timelord right now. We need to make Spike look like a teen dragon. And last but not least, we need a Derpy and Spike wedding.
Space between days and period.
That's really all I saw for errors.
Can't help but wonder what Derpy's gonna say about all this.
Says the one who wanted to drop the topic, making it the least of his worries...Oh god, that's secret code for Derpy being pregnant, isn't it?
P.S. That was sarcasm.
I find myself hoping that Spike's other friends will be told about it. They deserve to know.