Story of a Lonely Guy
The wind was calm, the sun was shining, birds were chirping their glorious songs to the heavens and all was right in the universe as Spike traversed his way back home. As far as he was concerned, the most powerful tornado ever recorded could be tearing the town apart and he'd be happy.
Life finally seemed to be going his way and boy was he enjoying it.
Spike pushed open the doors and skipped inside, a goofy smile adorning his face. Nothing was going to ruin his mood if he could help it. Not the chilly temperature in the castle, not the very expensive vase he just tripped over, not the immediately recognizable voice of an obnoxious blue unicorn coming from the living room…
“Oh no.”
Spike sauntered toward the living area and sure enough, there she was. Instantly, he was faced with a dilemma of epic proportions. On one claw, he had a guest in his home and it was of his professional and gentledrakely obligation to make her feel welcome. On the other, however, he was in a great mood and he would be damned if he was going to let Trixie find a way to ruin it for him with her nonsense.
“Spike!” The blue mare called out. “Don’t think Trixie doesn’t see you there. Come hither. Trixie requests your presence.”
Sure enough, his decision had already been made for him. No shock, really.
Spike emitted a billowing cloud of defeat, walking into the room. Trixie and Starlight were sitting on the couch, fishing donuts from the nearby coffee table.
“Alright, what do you want, Trixie?” Spike glared at her before turning to Starlight. “And hi, Starlight. Didn’t know you were having guests of the annoying variety over today.”
“Hmph,” Trixie snorted out. “And to think Trixie was considering paying you a compliment today.”
Starlight frowned at both of the bickering individuals. “Spike, be nice. Trixie, remember the first person rule. You’ve already almost reached your daily limit.”
“Fine,” they both said in a perfect harmony of annoyance and dejection.
“Anyhow,” Spike spoke up, “What'd you need, Trixie? I’m all ears.”
Trixie swallowed her most recent munch of donut and turned to Spike with a smug grin. “Well, after hearing from Starlight about your, hm, shall we say, unique first date, Trix—, er, I just had to see how things went today, what with the apology and all.”
“Starlight! You told her?” Spike crossed his arms, boring his eyes into Starlight’s soul. “Was it not enough to laugh to my face about it, but you had to tell the most loud-mouthed mare in town, too? No offense, Trixie.”
“None taken. One need not feel ashamed of the truth.”
Starlight blushed and averted her eyes. “Sorry, Spike, it just kinda slipped during our usual conversation. At least I’m not making fun of you behind your back, right? I do that to your face..”
Both the mares snickered, much to Spike’s dismay. “Unfortunately,” he said. ”But, I guess now that it’s out, there’s no point in crying over it.”
“See, that’s the spirit, Spike!” Starlight nodded with enthusiasm.
Spike grinned. “But it’s not gonna save you from having Twilight find out about the trashy fanfiction you write and keep under your bed. You've made your bed there, Starlight.”
“Ha!” Trixie chuckled and reached over to give Spike a hoof/claw bump.
“Hrrm, fine, that’s fair,” Starlight huffed, “But, if we could please continue on and leave this petty squabbling behind us?”
“Right,” Spike said. “So, yeah, I had a screwy date, as I’m sure you know, Trixie. What about it?”
“Well,” Trixie said, “I find it quite entertaining, to be honest. But I have to respect that you tried to fix it, as Starlight told me you were attempting to do today.”
Spike blinked a few times. “Um, thank you. I’m not quite used to hearing compliments from you of all ponies. I’m not sure how to take it, to be honest,” Spike switched to a quiet murmur, “Or where it even came from...”
Trixie rolled her eyes. “Spike, by virtue of Starlight being my best friend, you’re my friend too. And given that, it’s only correct that I congratulate you on your accomplishments. Aaand, Trixie may or may not find it cute that you went through so much trouble to apologize for something so trivial as a first date.”
“Oh sweet Celestia,” Spike said, “Trixie is calling me cute? I must be doing something seriously wrong in life.”
“Spike!” Starlight shouted, berating him with a hoof.
Trixie frowned. “Or, Spike, you could just accept a compliment from The Generous and Charitable—”
“Trixie!” Starlight shot her other hoof at her.
“Exactly!” she finished.
“No!” Starlight yelled out. “Both of you! Thought it might be difficult to fathom the idea, please find a way to act like respectable adults for the next few minutes.”
Spike and Trixie both nodded in affirmation; Trixie suddenly became very interested in the floor.
"Now, Spike, if you would, what we really want to know is how things went this morning with Derpy.”
Spike shook off his frustrations, replacing his grimace with a smile as he thought back to earlier. “Well, I’ll have you know, things couldn’t have gone better! Well, I mean, they probably could have, but I’ll take what I can get at this stage.”
“Oh, do tell,” Trixie said, sitting back and levitating another donut to her lips.
Spike smiled and began pacing the room as he regaled them with his tale. “So, there I was, questing across the vast city in my search for her. Harsh stone underfoot, the burning heat from the sun on my scales, the harsh winds on my face, but I pressed onward.”
Starlight rose her hoof and spoke up. “But Ponyville’s a village, and it was only like sixty-five degrees this morning.”
“Shh,” Trixie said. “It’s a story. It’s supposed to sound better than it was. Continue, Spike.”
Starlight rolled her eyes and slouched back in the sofa.
“Anyway,” Spike continued, “I looked all around town, but with no luck. Before long, I was beginning to wonder if this mare even existed at all. Perhaps she was just a figment of my imagination? Or worse, perhaps this was all just a sick joke devised by the gods. Whatever it was, though, I refused to be denied success. I left no stone unturned, no mailbox unopened.”
“That’s illegal, you know,” Starlight interjected, earning a quick set of glares. “Fine, fine, I’ll let you finish.”
Spike cleared his throat. “Now, right as I was nearing my wits’ end, it happened. The wind carried a voice to me, a distinct voice belonging to only one mare I knew. And then I saw her face. I wasn’t a believer in miracles before this moment, but I’m a believer now.”
“And then what happened?” Trixie asked, eyes wide, her mouth full of donut.
Spike smiled. “Well, as it would turn out, she was engaging in business with a shopkeep at the time. And, well…” Spike quickly decided that no good would come from telling them about the barrel incident, so he’d take his chances and hope they didn’t find out. “Well, I went up to her, threw caution to the wind, and told her what she needed to hear.”
“So, you managed to apologize to her, right?” Starlight asked. “Good for you.”
“That’s not all, is it?” Trixie asked. “What happened after?”
A smirk found its way onto Spike’s face. “Oh, now’s the part where it gets good. Because right after I apologized, we decided to go to the park and—”
“Spike! Amadeus! Dragon!”
“Oh no,” Spike said under his breath. “Um, yeah, Twi?”
Twilight stormed into the room, holding a piece of parchment in her magical grip. “There you are. I’ve been waiting for you to get home.”
“Ahh, come on, Sparkle,” Trixie stated. “You’re ruining the story.”
“Your little fun time can wait,” she said before returning her gaze to Spike. “Now, would you like to tell me why I not only got billed for an entire barrel of oranges but also was made known of a citation you received for personal property damage?”
Spike facepalmed. Can’t I just have one day?
“Well, you see, Twi,” he began. “It’s actually a really funny story.”
“Oh, I’d love to hear it,” she replied.
In the background, Starlight grabbed a donut and leaned over to Trixie. “Now this is what I call entertainment.”
“Well, you see,” Spike said, “everything was going great. I was out in the markets and then suddenly, this huge blast of wind literally lifts me right up off my feet. Before I know it, I'm inside this barrel of oranges! I swear, it really… happened... “
The look from Twilight instantly told Spike all that he needed to know.
“Okay, fine, I leaped in there on purpose. I went to go talk to Derpy today, freaked out and jumped into the nearest hiding spot.” Spike hung his head in shame, a move that was warranted by the muffled laughter coming from the mares behind him.
“Well, Spike, despite your painfully poor attempt at lying to me, I appreciate you telling the truth. Then again, I already knew what happened, because the shopkeeper's testimony was included with the citation.” Twilight held out the piece of parchment to Spike so he could see his undoing clear as day. “However, that doesn't solve the issue of what we’re going to do with an entire barrel of oranges or how you’re going to replace the cost of them.”
Spike huffed and kicked the ground. “I’m sorry, Twilight. I’ll pay the bill back to you. As far as the oranges go?” Spike scratched his head before offering a sheepish smile, “I suppose we can have a lot of orange juice?”
Twilight sighed. “I suppose so. But Spike, please be more aware of your surroundings in the future? You may not be royalty but you still reside at the castle and associate with all the princesses, so it looks terrible on all of us for your name to have any kind of criminal history attached to it.” Twilight rolled her eyes, walking away and leaving Spike alone with two smiling mares.
“So, Spike, what was that about jumping into a barrel?” Starlight asked as Trixie erupted in laughter.
“Ha, ha, ha, very funny,” Spike said with a scowl. “I got nervous, fine. Who doesn’t?”
Trixie rose her hoof with a cocky grin before having it smacked down by Starlight.
“That’s true, Spike,” Starlight agreed. “But for most creatures, jumping into a barrel of fruit isn’t the first plan of action during a fight or flight response.”
Spike grumbled. “Yeah, well, if you ever actually get a coltfriend, come back and talk to me, alright?”
Starlight opened her mouth to retort but produced only a wordless flap, realizing that no amount of words could properly ice the burn she just received. “Fine, let’s just hear what happened at the park.”
Before Spike continued, Trixie reached out her hoof, beckoning once again for another hoof/claw bump. “Nice one, Spike.”
“Hey, whose side are you on?” Starlight asked, her jaw slacked.
“Trixie prefers to be on the winning side of any argument.” She chuckled and winked at Starlight, relaxing back in her seat.
“Now that that’s over,” Spike said, “here’s what happened. We were just chatting, you know? You doing good, how’s the weather, that kind of thing. We talked a bit about the day before, what happened and so on. Turns out… I have no idea what she thinks of me.”
Starlight raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I mentioned the word ‘date’ to her, and she seemed almost shocked. And then, I corrected it to ‘friend date’ and she seemed depressed!” Spike was vaguely aware of the waving of his arms, “Like, I don’t know what she even wants.”
Trixie and Starlight both turned to each other, meeting eye to eye, then proceeded to nod in mutual understanding.
“Go on,” Trixie said.
“Well, that’s pretty much it,” Spike shrugged. “She said something about wanting to do it again, but not much else happened. No biggie.”
The sound of Starlight’s hoof colliding with her face echoed throughout the walls of the castle. “Are you serious?” Starlight rose from her seat and marched up to Spike, bringing her face inches from his. “She said that and you have no idea what’s going on?”
Spike cowered back. “Umm… yes? I mean, ponies hang out all the time. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Starlight turned to Trixie. “Trix, you’ve been around. Are males in other towns as stupid as the ones here in the Castle?”
Trixie nodded. “Yes, I’m afraid so. One is just as clueless as the next.”
Starlight rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the confused dragon before her. “She just asked you on a second date! Well, not asked, per se, but practically begged you to ask her. Did you guys at least go do something after she said that?”
Spike shook his head. “Uhh, no? I told her I had some things to do and left.” Spike thought back to the encounter; his eyes darted to Starlight in newfound panic. “Is that okay?”
Starlight sighed. “Are you serious? Spike! Please, for the love of all things good and holy, tell me you at least set something up for the future and didn’t leave her hanging.”
Spike gulped down a large breath before responding. “Well, uh, I said we could talk more tomorrow if that counts. Does it count? Please? I hope so.” Spike awkwardly glanced to Trixie and back, “...Don’t hurt me.”
Starlight pulled herself back and rolled her eyes. “It’s not ideal, but I suppose it counts. Did you have any specific place or time?”
Spike wiped the suddenly present sweat from his brow. “Uh, yeah. I asked if we could just talk at the park, same time. I thought it sounded like a good idea.”
Starlight nodded. “Okay, that’ll do. You saved yourself at least some mockery for the rest of the night.”
Spike smiled. “It’s the small victories, right?”
Starlight chuckled and nudged him on the shoulder. “Sorry if I was a little tough on you. Just, deep down, I care about you and I want you to be happy.”
“It must be real deep down then because I’ve never seen it,” Spike said with a snicker.
“Oh yeah,” Starlight said. “So deep the fish at the bottom have never seen sunlight. Can’t start looking mushy. Might ruin my image.”
“And nobody wants that. If it makes you feel better, you’ll always be a heartless dictator to me. And Trixie,” Spike said, looking past Starlight to the mare stealing the last donut. “You’ll always be annoying, but we love you anyway.”
Trixie put on a proud smile and hummed happily as she partook of her savory sweet snack. “Trixie can live with that.”
“Anyway, Spike,” Starlight said, “Trixie and I were thinking about hitting up the bowling alley today. You wanna come with?”
Spike put his claw to his chin for a moment but ultimately shook his head. “Nah, not today. I”m feeling pretty tired. One of those days, you know?”
Starlight opened her mouth to push the issue but quickly shut it. “Alright Spike, it’s cool. Get some rest, alright?”
He gave her a thumbs up and walked over to the stairs. Despite all the chaos that had transpired that day, he had a smile on his face.
Life finally seemed to be going his way.
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Good stuff
You are not alone, Spike. Great job!
Spike's middle name is adorable :D
media.tenor.com/images/f8cf2cf3807fba574f368caa7c677047/tenor.gif
Starting to get a little meta there, aren't ya?
oh come on let her have that.
To be honest depending on which person we talking about I really believe not every behavior has to be so obvious, or every actions has to be meant like that.
However I thought it was pretty clear what Derpy wanted, or wanted to try out there.
I like it that they get back at Starlight now and then, I wouldn'T like it if she would completely dominate those talks. The mix makes it look better.
Nice chapter.
Wonderful interaction between Spike, Trixie and Starlight! And now we know why Spike is so good at playing the piano.
I hope there isn't some underlying reason that Spike's initials spell out S.A.D...
Honestly, I love how Starlight is the one giving him mare advice. She's so outside the norm that—wait... all mares are outside the norm... nevermind.
Seriously, though, I do like how Spike attempted to turn his day into a massive quest, and Twilight just comes in and chucks a wrench in it.
Goddammit
Missing first quotation mark
8544136
Someone got it!
I loved this chapter. It made me laugh. So Spike is not a prince in this story? Is Celestia still his mother? Interesting....go on.
im not sure how i feel about this I mean will spike have little kiron with derpy or will he crash and burn
8544659
As SpiKe himself said, he refuses to accept defeat.
Amadeus?
8544683
That's always been my headcanon middle name for Spike.
8544669
well that would make for a intresing sequel
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his last name isn't sparkle?
Why does every author feel like they have to invoke murphys law in at least one of their stories?
Communist pony using capitalist measurement? Something doesn't seem right here....
You went there. I can't believe you went there. Smash Mouth would be proud (and glad for the royalties). Brohoof on, author.
Spotted a stray period. That's all.
And then, in a tragic twist of fate, Spike died of anvils.
The End
The three-way dialogue is fantastic here. Kind of surprised Spike's getting a citation though, isn't paying for the barrel enough?
I think if Trixie is going to refer to herself as "the X and Y" she should call spike "the saviour of the chrystal empire."
" .Now, Spike, if you would, what we really want to know is how things went this morning with Derpy.” " you need a quotation mark in the beginning instead of that period.
" And then I saw her face. I wasn’t a believer in miracles before this moment, but I’m a believer now. " feel like you could combine the two sentences with a ; after 'face'.
would have loved spike trying to explain that ending bit if he bumped into ditzy or she heard word of it.
Seriously, I love this character interaction.
wait im alive IM BACK FROM THE DEAD
That's a SAD full name to have.
8679089
You should be punished for that one.
8679375
that's not really punny, you know
lol i saw the opportunity and i couldn't help myself
8712644
Maybe all the jokes could have been avoided if Spike would stop dragon his feet in this relationship.
I think you meant to put a quotation mark at the start, not a period.
8725045
Now that's embarrassing. Thanks so much for catching that!
Yep. Spike is gonna die next chapter.
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Farenheit, Celsius or Kelvin?