Coyote Mustang
Joined 5th May, 2012 ·
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Nice.
What a piece of tripe. This should have a dark tag at the least.
I was expecting this to turn into sort of a business scandal when Mr. Wisp showed up,
but to my surprise it turned into that bastard running for dear life out of that spa! 
3895420 I'm sorry you feel that way. I will say I don't understand why I would need a dark tag on this story as it ends on a reletivly happy note. If you could explain and tell me why you didn't like this i'd really appreciate it.
3896367
It needs a dark tag due to the fact that it contains sexual assault.
There are a lot of reasons I didn't like it, but the most prevalent would be something I call 'character murder' where the story drives the characters at the whim of the author, rather than the other way around.
3896463 thanks again for your reply. I must admit I've never heard of character murder Before, but with a quick search I found out its meaning. While I can see why you see that in this story, I must admit I don't think I could have avoided it. I know the spa twins are suppose to be one way but in a situation that has never been dealt with before for them I found it easier to go with that to show how they will protect what they own and those that work for them. I'm sorry you didn't like this story and I appreciate that you have given me feedback. I hope to learn from this and progress as a writer.
3896910
First thing I would recommend: Find somebody you trust and sound out your ideas with them. Friends will often tell you if the mental gymnastics you're performing for your story are okay or not.
3896910 would you mind if I copy this, fix the errors I see, and then send it too you? Cause I truly did enjoy reading this and would like to help perfect-it.
This was good
, real good story.