Brotherhood is Magic

by Yang96

1.1 The Curse Upon the Young Prince

It was that night, when Royal Coral would get his Emblem, that’s how it is named for boys, Cutie Mark for girls, now, we all know that the Emblem/ Cutie Mark is what makes special a pony, but since the filly receiving his Emblem was a persona of Royalty, he didn’t had much option, he would receive a temporal Emblem that with time, would fuse with his own original Emblem.
“It’s today, it’s today!!!!” The young prince was running through the halls of his castle, awaiting for the great delivery.
“Coral! Go to sleep now!” His mother was the kind of parents that don’t really care about what are they children doing, but instead, the care about them stopping doing it, unfortunately he couldn’t help it, getting the Emblem was a big day for any child, it meant that he was ready to learn magic, how to fly, or the works of the family, depending on the kind of pony he was.
“Coral... must we be here? You’ll get your emblem in the morning anyways” Royal Shark, Coral’s big brother, was there with him, since he made a bet and Coral won, but he would rather be in bed dreaming about some beautiful mermares, since he was in the age of having a different kind of fantasies, and yet, he was getting one, falling asleep while he was standing up was something he could do without trouble, in classes at the Royal Hall of Education, commonly known as Classroom by the peasants, he had at times to stand up and wait for the teacher to give his speech about honor, loyalty, kindness… and something else he couldn’t remember since he was already asleep by that time, Coral was a light orange filly, a unicorn to be precise, so his brother, but Shark was more a gray filly, he already had the crown that was going to be part of the Emblem he’d carry with honor and pride.
They were waiting at the docks, and waited, and waited, and waited more, but no ship was insight, until Eris’ hour came up, in Equestria exists an old legend, that an hour a day, the gap between Eris’ realm and this one was weakened, since it’s an hour that finishes the day, but at the same time starts another new, Eris is the spirit of Chaos, a Chimera, a mix of various animals, and, since they are children of Chaos, no one could know what kind of animals would be a new Chimera, you may be asking yourself, why you mention the Hour of Eris, Chaos Hour or the Hour of the Chimeras? Simple, there is a superstition about this hour, it is said that before Eris’ was vanished by Princes Celes and Aster, she casted a curse over everypony, those, who got their Emblems or Cutie Marks at this hours, would become a Child of Eris, Son of Chaos, Demons of the Discord.
“Here it is!!!” shouted Coral with a childish excitement, waking up his brother.
“What in Celes’ name is happening?!”
“My Emblem is happening!!”
“Don´t make a big deal out of it, it’s just an Emblem!!”
“I’ll be a big guy!!”
“Immature!!”
“Dumb!!!”
“Shut up! You still pee on the bed!!”
“Good night your majesties…” the two children were abruptly interrupted by a cloaked pony “is any of you the Prince Royal Coral?” the little Prince raised his hand like he would do while at school.
“Present!” Shark snorted a little.
“What a Pure, Innocent and Bright soul you have your Majesty” he said while getting near the two children and taking out the sticker and started pasting it “stop shaking milord, it’s much more difficult to paste it that way” his voice was soothing and calmed, but something was off and Shark’s mind started working.
“Wait… where is your uniform?!” The pony smirked and finished pasting the Emblem to Coral
“I am wearing it… good night your majesties, may Eris guide your way” Coral mind suddenly had a revelation and saw his little brother, and rushed to take off his Emblem, his brother screamed and started crying “it is too late your majesty” the screams of sadness were changed into screams of pain while a lot of cracks were heard “but you were really lucky, the curse wasn’t completely casted upon your brother, he’ll maintain his pony body, but yet, things will change on him....” with a roar and extending the wings of a falcon he flew up to the Night Sky, while the screams and cries of two Princes filled the night, making Nightmare Stallion himself feel sorry for those two fillies.

Comments

[DuqFedora]

Uhh, that description... Is it supposed to make sense, because it doesn't.

Also, pacing is non-existant and there is punctuation mistakes everywhere. The chapters aren't long enough and it's a big wall of text without aeration.

I wanted to leave a clear reason on why I'm disliking this so that I don't become a mindless hater.

[La Barata]

3903500 He's functionally illiterate, it's not quite mindless.

[Yang96]

3903500 well sorry about that nwnUuu its just that its my first fanfic written in English (I'm from Mexico and normally use Spanish) but well... I really want to improve my way of writing since this site won't accept spanish nwnUuu so... any tips?

[DuqFedora]

3915075

As somebody who understands your predicament (I'm french), I just say : find what your good at and train. Example, my forte is HiEs and I've been training for about two years. My tip is to write until you find your place.