Flutter_Bat
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Wow
So pony name
Much good name
12/10 would name again
anokchan.com/anok/src/1388417661657.jpg
Some words of advice if this isn't a trollfic (which it looks like without actually reading):
-Never, and I mean NEVER, use a ponycreator image. It's better to go without that go with one. If you aren't an artsy fartsy type (like me) then there's a group for all your cover image needs.
-It's taboo on this site to have red-and-black Alicorn OCs and have chapter lengths that do not exceed a thousand word. Aim for a minimum of twelve hundred.
I apologize for wasting your time if this is a trollfic.
Ummm... OK Here we go, i guess...
3839579 sorry if my answers are a bit short!
)
) I fully intend the rest to be much longer 
1. Not a trollfic.
2. I'm actually working on finding a more suitable cover image. This is/was just a placeholder, and if it's taboo here, I'll change it.
3. The OC is a work in progress (mostly done- in my head anyway
4. Chapter length: The prologue was just a teaser, and was actually meant to be that short. As for the first chapter, I was aiming for around 1,000 - 1,500. (Note to self: name chapters after you write them
3837967
Thank you!
3838913
My first fic, and a work in progress. I will try to fix errors and take all suggested fixes into account!
Please do not hesitate to tell me what does and doesn't work! I have never written one of these before, and I wish to improve as much as I can!
D
3850441 Um, what exactly did you think was bad / did you not like about it? (If you did not like it) I am looking for feedback and wish to improve this story!
I really want to get good at this!
- Lack of character description.
- "Edgar Raven" isn't the sort of name a pony usually has, and as literary references go, it's obvious enough to be insulting to the reader.
- If you feel the need to clarify your narrative with a note like "(No, not literally...)", you're doing something wrong.
- There's a lot of telling and not showing. Example: "The mare was in pain, and wanted nothing more than to be anesthetized, but she was too far along at that point." This would be far more interesting if conveyed through dialogue.
- "Jack" isn't the sort of name a pony usually has.
- No transitions -- the switch from home to office is very confusing. Consider using the "horizontal rule" function.
- "Mrs. Nimbowitz" isn't very believable as a pony name.
- If I saw a banner congratulating someone, I would never assume that the pony being congratulated also threw the party.
- Quoting Rarity was gratuitous.
3863511 Thank you for replying. I will take your suggestions into account. I will not be changing the names, however, and believe it or not, I wasn't referencing anything with them. I can see why you would think that though... *gets hit with snowball*
Other than those, I will do my best to edit them, and any others i may have made thus far.
3867391
"Edgar Raven" wasn't a reference to Edgar Allan Poe and his famous poem "The Raven"?
I don't like it when my students lie to me.
3868344 I swear to Celestia it wasn't!
I'm just really bad at naming apparently... 
I was thinking more like Raven the bird- sinister, yet intelligent? Edgar was just a coincidence. If i were going to reference Poe, I would have gone with my favorite poem of his "the tell-tale hart". "The Raven" is too obvious for me, and doesn't fit the characterization I was going for. I"m bad, but not that bad lol.
What does Jack even look like?