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Icing On The Cake

Even though Cup knows they won't be together long, her and her dreamy mysterious colt friend break up, leaving Cup heartbroken. What will her two best friends, Carrot Cake and Fanny Pack do to keep her spirits up?

Chapters (3)

Prologue · 13th Dec 2013 · 191 words
191
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Separated · 13th Dec 2013 · 1,552 words
1,552
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(Almost) Forgotten Memories · 21st Dec 2013 · 1,922 words
1,922
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Comments ( 6 )

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Mix-Tape Mare

Mix-Tape Mare #1 · Dec 13th, 2013 · · · Separated ·

Awww, a story about Cup and Carrot Cake's younger days? This should be fun!

Couple of things:

"Hey." He said, trying to get my attention one last time.
"No." I replied, even more annoyed.

Commas, not periods, and don't capitalize the first word after unless it's somepony's name (or the pronoun "I", of course.) Dialogue-plus-attribution is always considered a single sentence.

"Fanny" is an odd name for a colt; I thought he was a filly until you finally mentioned his gender about halfway in. (Also... in the UK and Australia, "fanny" is slang for the very-Not-Safe-For-Work parts of the female anatomy , so that's going to get you some odd looks from those of us who hail from those countries. We call those "bum bags" here.)