Chapter 33 - The Spa
I had been packing since early morning. Today was Wednesday. Today I would accompany Rarity to Canterlot for the fashion show that was to be held there by Hoity Toity. Tonight we would take the sleeper train up the mountain and settle in on arrival the next morning. Rarity had booked a suite at one of the many hotels in the city. Unlike her previous visit, she could not stay in the castle. The show and subsequent events were to be attended by a number of diplomatic guests, who had naturally claimed the castle suites. Nevertheless, based on their brochure the hotel we were staying at was something equivalent to the Ritz.
Consequently, I was taking great care to pack everything I thought I could conceivably need. I would be taking my existing formal attire for both the show and subsequent reception. But as well as this, I had packed basic toiletries, a reserve of Bits as well as some ink, scrolls and quills and a couple books. For the third time, I checked that I had my pre-booked train ticket, a first class given to me by Rarity, who refused to travel in anything less. The small suitcase Applejack had lent me was now becoming quite difficult to close as were my saddlebags.
“Fancy taking the kitchen sink with ya too?” a voice asked behind me. I quickly turned around to find Applejack leaning in the doorway to my room.
“Ah’m just being prepared, ‘Jack. ‘Sides, at least ah’m only takin’ one case. Last count for Rarity was six.” AJ chuckled.
“Yeah, that sounds ‘bout right.” She smiled as I tried to force all my weight down on the case to seal it. “Here let me give ya a hoof.” With our combined effort we were able to close the case, though it still bulged a little, and it was heavier than sin. The clock on the wall read about five past ten. I wasn’t exactly rushing; the train didn’t even leave until six that night. I just preferred to be prepared and organised, a bit like Twilight. Well, a lot like Twilight actually.
The main reason I was rushing was that I had lots of other things to do in preparation. You can’t just wander into Canterlot in the condition I was in. My once shining grey coat was now quite matted and covered in dust and the odd bit of dried mud from working while my dark blue mane and tail were growing to a point my grandfather would have considered to be ‘hippy’ and my hooves were somewhat chipped and dulled as well. All in all, working on the farm had taken its toll on my mortal coil.
As such, Rarity had insisted that I make myself more presentable before we left. There was only one means of accomplishing this feat according to her; the spa. Dear Luna, how I loathe the concept of spas! I understand that females, particularly high maintenance ones like Rarity, require such care. Me on the other hoof, as long as I had a bath or a shower at regular intervals and had my hair trimmed when it began to make wearing my glasses a chore, I was happy. Nevertheless, Rarity had insisted that I accompany her and Fluttershy on their weekly spa date. I guess this was to be the death knell of my masculinity.
Applejack of course, in the manner of close friends, took great delight at my impending torture. Isn’t friendship magic, eh? As I prepared myself for what felt like walking the Green Mile, she continued to giggle behind her hoof.
“Oh, come on Bones. It won’t be that bad,” she said, still giggling.
“No,” I replied sarcastically. “It’s not as if Ah’m being forced to a place where most sane males fear to tread.”
“Oh don’t be such a stick in the mud!” AJ replied, gently poking my side. “It’s not that bad, and it’s just this one time.” I’m afraid that when she said that, I may have formed a cunning plan.
“If it’s not that bad, why don’t you join me, ‘Jack?” I asked, grinning. The mare quickly spluttered.
“Oh, erm, well. Ah’d love to but….” She couldn’t think of a reason to warrant her escape. Caught.
“Yes, you should join me. I’m sure Rarity and Fluttershy won’t mind. And you could use it too.” I continued to grin as AJ became more and more flustered. Eventually though, she caved, showing her true feeling regarding pampering.
“Fine,” she answered irritably. As we headed downstairs though, we both fell to giggling at our mutual misfortune. Grabbing a sack of bits to pay for my contribution, we headed out.
The Day Spa was actually quite a small building at a first glance. However, like my parents’ new home, it was a deep building, in contrast to the more equal shaped buildings surrounding it. It was to be expected that the spa was painted in a variety of purples and pinks. It wasn’t of course, that far from Carousel Boutique, and so Rarity was already waiting for us when we arrived, with her bags. Fluttershy was also just walking up. Rarity was expecting me, but the sight of Applejack caught her by surprise.
“Applejack, darling? What are you doing here?” she asked perplexedly. “I was only expecting Blade Star.”
“Ah convinced her to join us, Rarity,” I replied. “We could both do with a treatment wouldn’t you say?” I hadn’t noticed that I hadn’t switched to my old accent. The look on Rarity’s and Fluttershy’s faces though, quickly notified me of this.
“Darling, what in the wide, wide world of Equestria has happened to your voice?” she asked. “You sound like one of Applejack’s relatives.”
“You haven’t gone near any of that Poison Joke have you?” Fluttershy offered. Before I had a chance to respond, Applejack jumped in.
“Well, Ah guess he must have been puttin’ on his old accent for you, Rare. Maybe’s he’s tryin’ to get in yer good books. Eh, Bones?” I had a full body blush at her comment.
“That’s not why Ah do it!” I exclaimed. AJ merely burst into giggles and I realised that she was merely retaliating for me making her come here. “Oh, lay off, ‘Jack!” I gave her a gentle shove.
Rarity was also tittering, though in a far more lady-like way. I swear that I saw her give a knowing smile as myself and the country mare continued to plot further retaliatory action. Fluttershy on the other hand, took refuge behind her mane.
“Well, since you are both here,” Rarity said. “Our appointment is in about ten minutes. So shall we go in?” The fashionista turned and headed inside, with myself and Applejack bringing up the rear. Well, ‘for what we are about to receive’ and all that.
The Day Spa’s exterior was, as I said, deceptive. The reception room into which we entered was large and spacious, in sharp contrast to the relatively small looking building. Standing behind the counter was one of the two sisters who ran and owned the spa. I was never fully sure until then which was which. Luckily, Rarity’s greeting allowed me a chance to cement in my brain, which mare was which.
“Good morning, Lotus!” she called as the blue coated mare looked up. “We’re here for our appointment at half-past. Do you mind if Applejack here tags along?” I instantly committed the mare’s identity to memory. Lotus was blue and Aloe was pink.
“Of course not, Miss Rarity,” Lotus replied. Her accent was similar to that which you would hear in Eastern Europe. Perhaps she was descended from the Equestrian equivalent of Slavic. “The spa is quiet for the moment. I will just go and tell Aloe. Please take a seat.” She gestured to a small seating area to our left.
We all settled ourselves in to wait. Rarity immediately picked up some gossip magazine and busied herself with the latest scandal to befall the nobility. Fluttershy selected a nature magazine from some conservation charity. As for me and Applejack, there were no copies of the Equestrian Guard, which was Equestria’s equivalent of the Daily Telegraph and the only publication the Apples cared to read, so we chatted idly for a while. I reminded AJ that she still had her Stetson on, which she promptly hung up in the reception.
After a short while Lotus returned accompanied by her much pinker twin sister.
“Alright everypony, if you would like to follow us,” Lotus said. I silently thanked Celestia that they didn’t do that disturbing ‘twin speak’.
The four of us followed the two mares into the back of the spa. As we walked Rarity outlined the schedule for this torturous session.
“All right, Blade Star, here’s what we shall be doing. First of all, we shall take a mud bath.” I had to stop her there.
“Rarity, Ah’ve got enough mud stains on me already.” I commented dryly. Applejack voiced her agreement. Rarity let out a sigh.
“This mud is highly purified though, darling. It will help cleanse your skin and remove any impurities. It’s nothing like the mud on Sweet Apple Acres. It’s actually imported here from the Crystal Empire.” I whispered in Applejack’s ear.
“Guess you were right about her and imported mud.” We both giggled, resulting in a glare from Rarity.
“After that,” she continued. “We will have a good bath to clean our coats, then a quick spell in the steam room, a massage then a quick hooficure and manecut.” This sounded extensive.
“Rarity, erm, how long is all that gonna take?” Applejack asked.
“Oh, no more than a few hours,” she replied as if it was the simplest thing in the world. The pair of us facehoofed. It was going to be a long day.
And so we were lead to the mud baths. I can only describe these as horrid steaming vats. From where I was standing, imported or not, the only difference between this and the mud found across Sweet Apple Acres was that this stuff was heated. There were half a dozen of these baths in the room, and each was clearly designed for one occupant. So, after a quick sigh of resignation, I descended down the small steps into the mud. Rarity instructed both AJ and myself to allow the mud up to our necks. The ooze was thick and certainly didn’t make me feel ‘cleansed and rejuvenated’, as Rarity had promised. The girls fell into idle natter, as women tend to do in these situations, while I just tried to will this ordeal to be over. I wouldn’t mind a bath, but this just felt horrid.
Luckily, after what felt like an eternity, Lotus and Aloe came to fetch us. I once again committed to memory the fact that Aloe was pink.
“Alright, we can move on to the mineral baths now. A quick shower to remove any excess mud first though.” I had noticed the shower heads directly above each vat. The mud quickly drained away from each vat, revealing all of us, covered in the thick, slimy and uncomfortably warm mud. In a moment though these shower heads began to spray warm water down onto us. We all quickly scrubbed the partially encrusted mud off our coats and skin before climbing out of the now empty bath.
“There, was that really so bad?” Rarity asked. AJ looked about ready to speak her mind. Looking at a nearby clock, I could see that that whole nonsense had taken just under an hour. Sure I felt clean now, mainly because I had just washed all the mud off. My coat now had some of its original shine back. I leaned over to Applejack.
“Patience, ‘Jack,” I said calmingly. “That’s gotta be the worst part done, a decent bath will do us any amount of good.” We both again buried our irritation at being here.
Our procession was lead to another room. This time, there were several large Jacuzzi like tubs, filled with clear blue water. They were clearly intended to be shared, bringing us all nicely to our first awkward situation.
“Right, in we get,” Rarity proclaimed happily, quickly setting herself into the bath. AJ, Fluttershy and myself exchanged somewhat uncomfortable looks.
“Erm, Rarity,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Maybe Blade Star should have a separate bath?” I nodded perhaps a little too eagerly. Evidently Fluttershy had picked up on some human culture and its strong differences with that of Equestria.
“What ever for, Fluttershy? There’s plenty of room for all of us.” I was now beginning to blush brightly.
“Oh, well you see…” The rest of Fluttershy’s explanation came out as an inaudible mumble. Seeing where this was going, I decided to take a leap.
“Rarity, except for a few select situations, it is improper in human culture for this situation to occur,” I stated in my old accent, lacking emotion. Rarity seemed to cotton on, and then, disregard it.
“Oh don’t be such a prude, Blade Star,” she replied. “I assure you, there is nothing wrong with you joining us. Right girls?” She turned to AJ and Fluttershy who shook their heads hesitantly. And since none of the other baths were filled at the moment, it seemed I was fated. Of the four of us, only one really enjoyed her bath. The rest of us revelled in the awkwardness.
The last group based part of this seemingly never ending debacle was an hour or so in a steam room. Were I on earth, this would have been the most awkward part. However, since I had not really worn clothes of any kind since I arrived except for the waistcoat Rarity had made, and combined with Equestria’s lack of a nudity taboo, it was actually quite relaxing.
The sauna was like any other that you would find on Earth. It was about ten by ten with a stack of hot coals in the centre. Lining the walls were benches for us to sit on. Of course, despite their design, we all sat in the typical equine way, lying down on our stomachs. I couldn’t understand how Lyra put up with the pain from the way she sat.
Rarity and Fluttershy had both taken spa robes when we left the mineral bath, Applejack and myself on the other hand, preferred the simpler method of simply shaking ourselves dry, much to Rarity’s disgust and Fluttershy’s amusement. Aloe led us to the sauna and gave us two newcomers a quick safety lesson on the sauna, just in case we had a dizzy spell or something from the heat.
“Aloe, me and ‘Jack are more than used to workin’ in hot weather. Ah’m sure we can take an hour in the steam room,” I assured her. With that, the pink spa pony left us, closing the door behind her.
The sauna was actually quite enjoyable I must say. It was not the uncomfortable feeling I was expecting. I figured that it would just be like sitting in the noon day sun. In reality, while it was warm, it also felt quite cleansing and relaxing. Applejack too seemed to be enjoying herself. And then, Lady Smug piped up.
“See Blade Star, I told you that you would enjoy this. And it has worked wonders on you, darling.” I had to give her credit. My coat was clean and shining like a rook’s wing, and the mineral water had removed all the odds and ends from my mane. All that remained was the massage, hooficure and manecut. The mane cut, I needed, but those other two options seemed to indicate more tedium.
Nevertheless, I would endure. I may not be enjoying it as much as the girls were, but I could hardy pitch up in Canterlot in the state I was in. It would embarrass me, and it would embarrass Rarity, and probably my species as a whole, as well as lowering the reputation of Ponyville in the eyes of the nobles. Social politics eh?
The final three stages of this spa treatment would all be accomplished in one room. A massage to relieve tension, which I have always seen as an oxymoron, then the equivalent of a visit to the farrier and finally, a manecut. For obvious reasons I requested that Rarity not to let the twins style my mane. As long as it was cut and neat, I was content.
The massage for reasons you can perhaps guess, I am not going to describe or mention ever again for as long as I draw breath. Nor will any of the girls as I ensured that they Pinkie promised to remain silent. They agreed to keep quiet in exchange for me not bringing up any equally embarrassing incidents for them, such as ‘Tom’, Iron Will’s assertiveness training and AJ’s breakdown in Applebuck Season. Suffice it to say though, an unfortunate biological reaction occurred. Let’s leave it at that.
The hooficure was not as bad as I thought it would be. Looking at my hooves, they could use some work. Even by my standards, the fore hooves in particular were chipped and in general looked a little unsightly, a consequence of hard work. Lotus though was very talented and evened them out and shined the exposed hooves, doing her best to repair any further damage. My right back hoof had got badly splintered, but as it wasn’t causing me pain, it was simply sealed up.
Lastly, the manecut. Except for the mineral bath, this was the only part of the treatment I admitted that I actually needed. Both my mane and tail were getting to the point of being out of control. Okay sure, there was nothing wrong with the ‘rugged’ look, aside from the fact that I couldn’t pull it off, but I was going to a formal event. Consequently, I fell back into old habits, and had Aloe trim it in a somewhat militaristic style that was low maintenance and would last me for a good month or so.
With that, I was released from the spa. Rarity and Fluttershy stayed on to have their manes more thoroughly styled. Both did have complex manestyles. As for me and AJ, we paid our dues, or rather I did, since I was the one who roped the poor mare into this, and we headed back to the farm. I’d pick up my suitcase and saddlebags and then head down to the train station. I’d then meet Rarity there and we would board the overnight train. I hadn’t had a chance to look at the clock until we exited the spa.
Firstly, it was now getting on for dusk, Celestia’s sun just hanging onto the horizon. Secondly, I could see the overnight train just pulling into the station across town. And third, the clock on Ponyville Tower read half past five; the train left at six. Me and AJ had ourselves a bit of a race.
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His crush on AJ probably didn't help the Situation-that-shall-not-be-discussed.
4112984 They should all drop off around chapter 15.
yay lol and loving the chapter
4116586 If it is, it was not my intention, there's an explanation by a few users in the comments below on SHIELD.
4137215
What? Its a classic here, there its new.
Besides who dosen't like a jokey?
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zx0-NGNTVzE]
My brother tankbuster needs to get his head out of the gutter don't you agree blade star
Well, let's look at the evidence. The massage was preformed by 1 or 2 mares. Massages are generally relaxing. The reciver of said massage was a stallion. With that evidence we can draw the conclusion that he-
Oh...
Oh my...
The only part of the spa that males will like would be the steam room. Also, oh, joy...
6778383
The worst part was: The judge let him go for "insufficient evidence" (based on an old Rodney Dangerfield routine)
Bring watermelon!!
Edit 12/9/2018:
Edit 12/15/2018:
You didn’t let Spike see you get changed did you? Or at first...
Lmao, aww kinda wish you had gone into more depth with the massage