SunsetSprinkles
Joined 16th Jan, 2012 ·
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I wrote this for fun. Do not take it seriously.
Took me a month to write because I'm so lazy.
Do not know how to use italics and bold on here because I'm an idiot.
Massive amount of grammar errors abound most likely.
Barely edited. Might edit later.
Oh, and first fic. I know it sucks.
Kk. Bye.
I'm going to put aside my hate for gore fics, especially cupcakes ones, to help you.
Spacing could do with some work. As could the description. Other than that it was good for a cupcakes fic.
I have one peeve though: How could Fluttershy yell at Pinkie without her tongue?
Sunset, what did I tell you about doing this? *sigh* I'll have to punish you when we return to the cabinet, no exceptions. Also, for future reference, reapers have a list of purposely assorted numbers, so it would make sense that the Elements would be together, but at the top of the list? I think not.
Many errors to be found and you cannot use the 4th wall as an excuse to hide the speaking clearly with no tongue. That's just sloppy and lazy writing. that aside...
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2645-relevant.jpg
Saving this for future reference
Fluttershy did not die...She just came back as a fucking hellish demon and raped pinkie pie endlessly but left her only with her heart and with no fucking tongue then TEARED HER FUCKING LIMBS APART WITH A
I N J E C T I O N
312047
Exactly.
311775
That's why I made that 4th wall joke. I do know there are a lot of plot holes in this. I just couldn't go back and change them when I noticed them. I do admit I am a bad writer.
It was all for laughs.
317514
What?
Sunset, as your friend, Princess, Cabinet Leader, seasoned Grimdark Writer/Reader/Pre-Reader, you must try something different instead of this. Maybe a Slender Mane sequel? Nopony has made one of those yet and had it passed to Equestria Daily. (Hint-hint, try it!)
312157 For the right reasons, I will write it, however horrifying. Three good reasons and you will have satisfaction guaranteed.
Disclaimer: I don't approve of the events in any Cupcakes fanfic, but like to analyze them as an adult reader.
Well, I must say that your fanfic is an extreme flip flop between Cupcakes and Le Petite Four. While the goal of the latter was to answer a lot of the questions that Cupcakes left answered, it also proposed unintentionally a new, sadistic, calculating version of Pinkie Pie focused on psychological rather than physical torture, in contrast to Cupcakes' fun loving and morbidly playful Pinkie Pie. Your Pinkie Pie seems to return to the playful Pinkie and focuses on physical torture (though I don't approve of her breaking the fourth wall). In addition, you also break away from Le Petite Four in Fluttershy's initial escape as that Pinkie Pie would have taken precautions against that.
I must say that adding Pinkie biting off Fluttershy's tongue was a great idea (though completely messed up). I was about to quit on you when Pinkie started kissing her, but then you surprised me with that, and really brought in a shock. Additionally, while I was at first skeptical about Fluttershy being angry, I think that you kept her in character here.
My only qualm was that it was a bit short. A suggestion that I have (maybe I'll do a rewrite of this in the future) is that you could expound upon Fluttershy's timid nature, and show her brokenness more.
327513
Uh, actually one of those was made a while back: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/story-slender-mane.html
330582
Well I enjoyed writing it, but at the same time I hated it. I love ponies a ton and in my first fic I include torture and gore. I would honestly enjoy writing a ship or comedy/normal. I just had some ideas so I had to write it. The thing that was most hard for me was actually keeping Fluttershy in character. I thought maybe she should cry more, squeek more, etc.(I really believe if it actually happened she'd just pass out entirely from extreme fear) So hearing your compliment made me really happy. Also, at the end when Pinkie was taking out Fluttershy's organs, I was really rushed and that's why I skipped right to Fluttershy thinking instead of just writing what Pinkie's doing. That, andI just wanted to really show just how sad Fluttershy was for loosing a best friend.
And the kiss...I honestly hated myself so much for writing it, but I wanted to do it because I wanted the story to be more sick.
Flutterhsy didn't die silly! Angel reanimated what remained of her corpse the next day and she exterminated the Pinkie Pie threat. That's what really happened.........I'm not asking, I'm telling you. Okay? Good
Is it wrong that I enjoyed reading this?
349870
Nope!
Well that was something. To me honestly, it has to be one of the better remakes I've read thus far.