- Member Since 30th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen April 4th
FatMolly
I write True Equestria and Do the Plumpestria ask blog on furaffinity
FatMolly
Joined 30th Nov, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- gypsyfox · 15k words · 327 19 · 5.4k views
- zoruatrainer66 · 38k words · 353 67 · 11k views
- The Elusive Badgerpony · 16k words · 117 13 · 2.4k views
- GhoulDash97 · 22k words · 187 29 · 8.2k views
- Nova_Wings · 5.2k words · 180 12 · 5.7k views
- SkekSil the Chamberlain · 36k words · 825 75 · 17k views
- Klamnei · 23k words · 719 26 · 11k views
- Lighting Ace · 53k words · 146 13 · 2.1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.145 seconds
Total duration
952 users online
209,380 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
MOAR!!!!
You could stand to slow down just a little and add more breaks in the paragraphs and lines... but othere than that I very much enjoyed it.
3573326 Thank you! your support means a lot!
3574194
No problem I alwasy enjoy supporting authors who do good work and this mix of bbw ponies and various fetishes sees right up my alley.
Interesting tought there are two things I need to coment on.
First it feels very odd that none of the new characters have pony like names, so that is something you might want to change in the future.
Second I would recommend that you switch pockets to saddlebags as unless they are anthro ponies you don't often see them wearing clothes with pockets on them, conversely you do often see them wearing saddlebags.
Oh one last thing... you don't need to put he said or she said after every pony that speeks a line, most of the time it should be obvious who is speaking, for example here is how most writers do it
Celestia gazed hungrily over the mare before her "I'm glad to see you're finaly growing those curvs of yours Rarity."
"Do you really mean that princess?"
The solar mare smiled and ran her hoves hover her guests pudgy body "Oh certainly, you just feel so soft now, amost like a marshmallow."
See how that is still easy to understand and still flows nicely?
On a less critiquey not iteresting bit of plot development in this chapter, though you shouldn't forget what this story was originally supposed to be about, still I'm looking forward to seing where this go's.
3596418 Just in regards to the name, Belles Courbes is actually a pony styled name just translated into french. She as a character is from a French speaking part of Equestria. As for Dan, his parents had no idea what he would be good at. They didn't want to name their kid something that would seem hypocritical or ironic once he had discovered his cutie mark.
Even so, I am very glad to hear feedback about my story. Thank you. ^^
Oviposition... Yes.