Finding Her Place

by 97xxfastbike

Pieces

Abacus laid on his bed staring blankly at the bare white wall of his apartment, but he was still seeing a gray pegasus disappearing into the distance. Behind him, he heard Passion and Summer in his kitchen making him a bowl of what they called ‘Bachelor Chow’: the noodle soups that were inexpensive and quick to make. You can have a meal in three minutes, just add boiling water. At least that is what the soup packets advertised.

“Here.” Passion held a steaming bowl with a spoon in front of him. It must have been three minutes.

“I’m not hungry.” He said truthfully. But he knew he should feel famished. He had only eaten an apple since waking this morning, and now it was after his normal lunch time.

“You were out drinking last night, am I right?”

“Yes.” Abacus said, only because nodding seemed to require more energy.

“Then sit up and eat this!” Passion demanded. “You are dehydrated. That is why your legs were cramping up. These soups are nothing but water and salt, and that is exactly what you need right now.” Abacus didn’t move. She lowered her head to meet him eye to eye. “Listen, you are going to eat this bowl of soup, or you are going to wear it.” She raised the bowl over his head. “Are you getting it now?”

Abacus nodded and magically accepted the bowl from her. Then he forced himself to sit up and slurp a spoonful. Much to his chagrin, it tasted delicious, and he began to slurp spoonful after steaming spoonful of the vegetable broth. Passion sat on his bed next to him, stared straight ahead, and sighed. “I wish I had left you on the steps and ran ahead to stop Ditzy when you started having problems. I’m sorry you didn't get your chance to say goodbye.”

“It’s not your fault.” Abacus set the bowl in his lap and contemplated the floating peas. “Thank you…both, for everything you’ve done.”

Summer walked over and stood near Passion. “I read the note she left you. You should know that you gave her good advice, and she decided to not go back to Fillydelphia.”

“Did she tell you where she is going?”

“No.”

Abacus looked over and met Summer’s eyes. “You don’t know, or you won’t tell me?”

Summer stared straight back. “I don’t know. She only said that she was going to follow her…” Summer furrowed her brow in thought, “…’Promiscy’? Does that mean anything to you?”

Abacus needed only a moment to decipher the “Ditzy-speak”. “Prophecy. She meant to say: ‘Prophecy’.”

“Say Whaaat?” Passion stretched out the words in disbelief. “Honey, she doesn’t seem like the type to follow astrology or to get her frog read.” She used the tip of one hoof to point to the teepee-like structure that all equines had on the sole of their hooves and glanced between them. “Are you sure?”

Abacus sucked in a spoonful of noodles and nodded. “She ran into a unicorn last night who then said she had ‘triggered a prophecy’ which looked like a…magical puppet-show that flew out of his horn. Afterward, he told her that she would have something… terrible… happen to her, but that she should be encouraged to do what she saw in her prophecy.”

“Something… terrible…happened to her, last night.” Summer’s voice had taken on a horrified, detached tone that caused both Passion and Abacus to look over to her. “You…” Summer was pointing an accusing hoof at Abacus. “She didn’t sleep with you.” Her breaths started coming harder and faster while her features twisted into something hateful. “You raped her didn’t you?!” The only response Abacus could manage was to hang his head and close his eyes.

Passion stood up and twisted toward Summer too late to fend off her friends charge. Summer brushed her aside and threw herself on Abacus. “You colt-of-a- eeeyahh!” she screamed and pummeled him with her fore hooves. “Did you think that just because she was staying here that she was your property!?”

Abacus accepted her angry accusations and wild punches as his due. He absorbed all of her punishment until one of her hooves glanced painfully off his brow and out of reflex he raised his fore legs to protect his eyes. Summer’s next swing smacked the bowl of soup out of his grasp and sent it to smash against the wall. No other blows followed. He peeked out from behind his fore legs to see Passion had pinned Summer against the wall and was whispering soothing words into her ear, even as Summer continued to struggle against her.

Summer’s protests and attempts to free herself faded as she sunk to the floor. “He did it! You know he did it!” she whimpered. All the fight drained out of her as she cried into Passion’s neck.

“Shh, sh, sh, shhhh.” Passion shushed her and stroked her friend’s mane and cheek. “There, there. Take it easy, Honey.”

“They said he didn’t do it. They said I made it up, but you believe me, don’t you?” Summer lifted her head. Her eyes were wet, wide, and searching her friend kneeling with her on the floor.

“Yeah, I believe you, Honey.” Passion squeezed her friend close and held on as they swayed back and forth in their sea of emotion. “I always believed you.”

Abacus’ eyes flew open. Summer wasn’t talking about him. His realization made him feel sick again and he looked away to the mess on the floor. Vegetable broth and limp noodles dripped off the wall and joined the expanding pool that stretched tiny streams across the hardwood strips. He looked back to Summer and Passion still rocking back and forth against the opposite wall. Passion was watching him out of the corner of a narrowed eye. Again, Abacus found himself focused somewhere past his walls and far away, but now, he wished he could actually go there and escape all the pain he found surrounding him.

He heard them talking again. He didn’t want to be a voyeur, but he couldn’t help but overhear. “Hey, Summer?” Passion whispered. “I want you to go outside and wait for me for a minute, Okay?”

“Huh? Passion, no.”

“Shhh. It’s okay. You can wait right outside this door.”

“What are you going to do to him?”

“Shhh, I’m not going to do anything. I just want to ask him a question. That’s all.”

“But, then why--“

“Shhh, Honey, I know you’re already upset, and I want to ask him something that I believe will upset you more, but I want to hear what he has to say.”

“Just a question?”

“Mmhmm. So can you wait for me right outside this door, okay? I won’t take long. Can you do that for me?” Abacus caught Summer’s shaky nod in his peripheral vision. “Good, thank you, Sister.” Summer stood and left the room.

“So, are you going to kill me?” Abacus asked after the door closed.

Passion stood and walked directly in front of him. “No.” Abacus looked up to see Passion swallow. Her face was a clay mask sculpted by an artist who tried to model pain, compassion, hatred, and sympathy all at once. “I really do just want to ask you a question.” Passion said. In response Abacus only stared at her. “What happened last night?”

“I was drunk, I don’t remember.” He didn’t expect her to believe him. He expected her to reach out with her hooves and strangle him. Part of him wanted her to.

“Tell me what you do remember. You act remorseful. Repentant. I want to know what you remember, and what you think happened here last night between you and Ditzy.”

Abacus hung his head and stared at a shard of his broken soup bowl lying on the floor. He related the entire evening, his intentions, his actions and his anger at anything that went against his plan of lifting Ditzy’s spirits. He told her everything up to where the darkness took over his memory. Then he looked up and two tears rolled down his cheeks. “That’s all I remember. I saw her swaying in front of my bed. The next memory I have is, just seeing her the next morning. Broken. Hopeless.”

Passion’s mask hadn’t changed. “So, what do you think happened?”

“I raped her.” He felt something inside him die.

“How?” Passion shook her head in disbelief. “You were both drunk, and you’re such a pencil-neck that I have no doubt she could have fought you off if you tried to force her.”

Abacus felt a surge of conflicting emotions rush through him that left him dumbfounded. He never expected to have to defend his confession to his prosecutor. Indignation prevailed and he stood up face-to-face with her. “My—My clothes were piled up right there at the foot of my bed. Except for my undertail, which was apparently thrown or kicked to the wall.” He thrust a hoof toward the faded spot on his bed. “There was a bloody stain right there, and…” Abacus felt his face flush with embarrassment, which only served to embarrass him further, “and I was…leaking.”

“Congratulations,” Passion clopped her hooves in mock applause, “You popped your first cherry. You’re a stallion now.”

“Don’t you dare mock me!” Abacus saw his vision tint red. “You didn’t see her this morning, but I did! And she looked—“ Abacus’ voice broke and two more tears fell. He dropped his head and swallowed in vain. He knew he had no chance of clearing his throat. “She looked just like the rape victims at the Mares and Foals Center in Hockton.” He hated himself at hearing his voice squeal. It wasn't enough that he had confessed to being a rapist only to have his physical ability to commit such a crime questioned, but now he no longer possessed a stallion’s strong voice or stoicism. He collapsed to the floor and cried like a foal.

Passion stood watching over him until she heard him sniffling with no sign of letting up. She went looking for a box of tissues. Finding none, she returned with a kitchen towel and dropped it in front of Abacus, who still laid sobbing on the floor.

Abacus grabbed the dropped towel and used it until there were no dry spots left. Still sobbing, he stood and walked into the kitchen and got another towel. When he returned his eyes first flew open in shock, but then they clenched shut and he jerked his head away and he hid behind his towel. “Why are you still here?” he demanded of the two mares fully seated on his bed and reclining against each other.

“I had something I wanted to say before I left.” Passion said. “And Summer came back in to check on you.”

“I also wanted to apologize for hitting you.” Summer said, “I…I didn't know…”

“Oh, God!” His voice squealed again. “I’m a stallion in body only. No—as you pointed out, I don’t qualify that way either. I’m a stallion by age and gender only!”

Abacus could hear Passion roll her eyes as she sighed. “We aren't leaving till you stop.”

Abacus had been crying so long that all his facial muscles screamed painfully, and yet it was only his deepening humiliation that made him want to stop crying at that moment. With great effort he brought his breathing under control. Once more he dried his swollen, bloodshot eyes, and then once more he blew his nose into the towel. He took a deep cleansing breath and walked over to Passion and Summer on his bed, but lost his confidence halfway there and stopped, knelt down on his knees and averted his eyes.

“What?” he asked the wall.

“I suppose it’s too much to ask for you to look at me?” Passion asked. His face waxed in their direction, but his eyes remained fixed on the wall. “Abacus, look. At. Me.” He fixated on the hollow spot of her neck where it met her chest.

Passion stood up from the foot of his bed and knelt in front of him, forcing eye contact. “I know you feel like shit right now, and you probably should, but you are not a rapist.” She spoke in a rapid even-toned staccato that didn't allow any chance at interruption.

“I. Raped. Her.” Abacus forced the words past the painful lump in his throat.

“Yes,” Passion’s agreement left him dumbstruck. “You raped her, but you are not a rapist.” Abacus’ head floated around on his neck. Passion reached out and placed her hoof against his cheek. “You and Ditzy had a train wreck.”

“A what?”

“A train wreck,” Passion said, “Train tracks carry traffic both ways, but sometimes, mistakes happen, bad decisions are made, and two trains collide, resulting in massive damage, and loss of life or property. Likewise, you and Ditzy both made some bad decisions and--like a train wreck--the consequences are far more severe than the bad decisions that you both made. You and Ditzy both are responsible for what happened last night. I’d bet anything on it.”

Abacus’ eyes swam around in their sockets, “So, what happened?”

“I’m not sure. You’ll have to ask Ditzy.” Passion stood up and turned for the door. “Com’on, Sister, it’s time to go.”

Summer stood, walked over to Abacus, and rubbed a hoof over his shoulder. “I’m sorry I hit you.” She kissed the welt over his eye and turned to leave.

“Passion, wait.” Abacus looked all around him like nothing was familiar. “What should I do now?”

Passion looked over at the spilled soup and broken bowl still littering his floor. “You start by picking up the pieces.” She gestured with her head. “Then you go back to class, do your homework and graduate.”

“I don’t think I can.”

Summer turned in the doorway. “I know it’s hard, but you can do it. One day at a time. Make the choice, every day, to do what you can.”

Passion nodded after Summer left. “There are two types of ponies in situations like this: Victims and survivors. Ditzy made the choice to be a survivor. I know she would want you to choose to be a survivor too.”

Abacus nodded.

“Good, now pick up the pieces.” Passion said, “You deserve to survive.” and she shut the door behind her.

Comments

[Blaze]

I can't help but feel that those two are prostitutes...

[97xxfastbike]

4465450 Hmm. I didn't have that in mind when I wrote them. I just wanted two struggling actresses trying to make it in a very tough city.
What made you feel this way?