Sunset Shimmer is Back!

by muffin

Sunset Shimmer in the Crystal Empire

Oof!

It was a long time since I'd used the portal. The sharp edges of my suitcase poked my forelegs as I tried to pick it up. My magic wasn't very good at all, as studying at Canterlot High made my magic weaken. Heck, we didn't even use it in the everyday lifestyle! The room was somewhat dusty, as it had not been used for thirty months - two and a half years. I opened my case and was upset about what I saw - the portal only changed living things, not inanimate objects, which meant that my clothes only fit humans!

There was nothing I could do but weep. The portal had closed behind me, I was stark naked and I had no money. "Why is the world do cruel?" I kept asking myself over and over again.

"Hello? Who are you?"

I looked up and saw the glossy locks of Princess Cadence, as well as the candle being held in mid-air. She did not recognize me at first, but as the flame was held closer to my tear-stained face, her face expressed sheer awe. "Sunset Shimmer! How in Equestria did you get here?" she exclaimed.

"I wanted to take a break from studying, and go back in about a week, but I left too late and now it's closed. I am not planning to steal anything - just, please, let me stay here until I can find a living."

"Oh, of course! You poor thing. We do have a few guest rooms open, but I'm afraid I'll have to get my husband and sister-in-law's consent first."

Sister-in-law? Oh, that Twilight Sparkle! I had wanted to murder her ever since she humiliated me in front of the whole of Canterlot High, but she is next in line for the throne of the Crystal Empire, and if I did, I would be immediately hanged. Cadence helped me up and led me out of the cold, dark room.

---

The guest room that Cadence had led me into was decorated with dazzling artifacts of the Crystal Empire. "Please, don't break them, Sunset Shimmer. Princess Celestia will be mad at you." said Cadence as she placed my new clothes in a drawer. Twilight Sparkle was generous enough to lend me some of her old clothes which she could not fit into anymore because of her wings. "You'll need these for decency in Canterlot, so remember to use at least a nightgown when you go out." explained Princess when I stared, confused at why I needed clothes. I flopped down on the bed cuddling the comforter, rubbing the soft material against my cheek. Oh, how I missed my comfy bed at home, and my cat Ms. Glare! "Cadence," I whispered as she sat down beside me. "Do you ever miss your old home?"

"Well, Canterlot Castle was my home, it's just that no one knew about me since I shut myself in my room every day. My parents died in a car crash so Celestia took me in."

"I'm sorry. For your loss."

"It's fine, I've gotten over it a little. Anyway, dinner will be in about five minutes or so. What would you like to eat?"

"Oh, I'd really like a beef burger - extra meat!"

She was pretty surprised by my response. "Erm, Sunset Shimmer - remember, we are vegetarians here, and you're a pony now."

"Right. Maybe a salad would be fine."

---

After dinner, Princess Cadence brought me around town.

It was a bit more different than expected - I thought that they would still be cottages from when I was a filly, but the shops are now concrete buildings with exquisite decorations. I had a pouch of 200 Bits generously given by Cadence on my back. I had to spend it carefully as she had not gotten access to my late parents' bank account yet. I approached a store that said 'Rarity's Fine Fabrics' in bold lettering. I see that she has opened a tiny shop here, I thought to myself. Maybe she could make me a pair of saddlebags.

The bell rung as I entered the store. "Welcome to Rarity's Fine Fabrics! What can I get for you toda- Sunset Shimmer?" trilled the white pony, but was stopped mid-sentence. "What in Equestria are you doing in Canterlot?"

"I wanted to take a little break here but the portal closed behind me. Please, Rarity, make me a pair of saddlebags - I need them."

"When you stole Twilight's crown? Never!"

Tears started to escape from my eyes. "Please! Living here for thirty moons is not a very easy task for a human like me."

"Oh, alright - but it'll cost you extra."

"How much?"

"Well, my saddlebags usually sell for 25 Bits per pair, but I am expecting 50 Bits from you, Sunset Shimmer. Come back to my shop after I've finished." Rarity said as she scanned her line of fabrics and picking out a dark shade of brown, similar to my coat color. I laid 50 Bits down on the counter and walked out of the shop, a sigh of relief escaping from me.

I could smell delicious apple pie - oh, how I loved Mum's apple pie at home! I licked my lips and followed the scent. It led to a shop which sign said 'Premium Apple Pie - Only 50 Bits!'. I gagged a little. It was very expensive for apple pie, and I was starving. I approached a small cafe and ordered an Espresso. Hopefully it would keep me up for the rest of the day.

It was only a matter of time until I collected my saddlebags, which were sewn terribly. I could do nothing but sigh as they were made out of strong fabric. I'd have to fix them back together if they broke.

---

The night there was cold, and the comforter was very thin. I shivered most of the night and even at one point gathered my clothes and laid them over the comforter in an attempt to warm me up a bit. I couldn't really do anything, Cadence was already doing me a favor by letting me stay in the castle.

I'd thank her the next morning.

Author's Note:

This is literally the longest story I will ever write.

So if you happen to find this cancelled on the 15th chapter, don't be surprised. You'll die writing it. I'm a procrastinator, so don't expect the next chapter to come so soon. Believe me.

-muffin

Comments

[StormyVenture]

Err, seriously? The basic premise sounded of her returning sounded okay (even if that vacation bit sounded suspicious), but this story needs work.

Why exactly did Sunset Shimmer return to Equestria? I don't see a particular reason. Is she really looking to take a vacation, or just trying to avoid being humiliated regularly? Also, what relation do you have in mind between Equestria and this other universe and how much knowledge does each world have of the other? Why on earth would Sunset Shimmer purposefully break things? It seems like her chief crime was stealing the crown, but also wanting to be a Princess without earning it (at least beyond the sense of magical schooling). Twilight's done worse things to whole towns by accident (see 'town consumed by parasprites', 'discord allowed to take over', and 'want it, need it') and yet everyone hates Sunset Shimmer.

As Cadence is a Princess she would talk in a slight more refined manner. Why are there cars in Equestria/Crystal Empire?

I can get Rarity refusing to do work for someone she detests, but this seems out of character with her supposed generousity. Charging someone double your normal price is ridiculous. I would say that Rarity out of character here. Besides, even assuming she'd be that mean Rarity wouldn't produce crap. It might be shiny, gem studded pair of saddlebags but it'd be functional, durable, and at least moderately stylish. What's with the super expensive apple pies?

As Cadence is a Princess she would talk in a slight more refined manner. Why are there cars in Equestria/Crystal Empire? I'm also a little confused, I though Sunset Shimmer was a pony, so who's her mother? Is home the other world? If so, why would she have ever been in Equestria. I'm having difficulty seeing how this lines up with canon.

Admittedly Sunset's character as far as show canon seems a bit thin, but that means that there is all the more reason to make her more than a flat one sided stuck up pony/human with too much ambition and power to back it up.
---

Generally when you need to put a number in writing, you should spell it out. For example:

"Well, my saddlebags usually sell for 25 Bits per pair, but I am expecting 50 Bits from you, Sunset Shimmer. Come back to my shop after I've finished."

should be written this way:

"Well, my saddlebags usually sell for twenty-five Bits per pair, but I am expecting fifty Bits from you, Sunset Shimmer. Come back to my shop after I've finished."

Further it's probably okay, but unnecessary to capitalize the word "bits". The Equestrian Bit as a unit of currency would be capitalized because it is a proper noun, but an individual bit is just one thing. As an ordinary noun it doesn't need to be capitalized.

[Xanderfox]

I don't think Sunset Shimmer would really think of herself as a human, or that since EQG that her magic would have deteriorated, it might take her a few moments to "remember" to use her magic instead of her now non-existent hands . As to clothes, well she wouldn't really need them, even in Canterlot she wouldn't have needed them. For the ponies clothes are treated more as a accessory than a requirement, Cadance's parents killed in a car crash? Sounds more like what would have happened to the Human Cadance's parents. In the Crystal Heart Spell book it's mention Cadance's real origins are unknown and she had earth pony adopted parents, the explanation that they died of old age seems reasonable. I think you should have spent time explaining to the reader the real reason Sunset Shimmer returned, as her miscalculating the portal cycle so badly that it closed right after she came in when she thought she had a week seems unlikely.

[Thesecretsbehold]

Uhm,last i checked,her name was sunSHINE shimmer, not sunset shimmer...oh well,25% of us don't know that....

[silverMEGAlicorn]

3509581

Not sure where you're getting your information or if you're just messing with ponies, but it most certainly is Sunset Shimmer. Trust me. I've seen the movie five times and watched the ending more than a dozen times

[silverMEGAlicorn]

I like the premise of the story, but I do agree with the other reviewers. There are many plot holes here in this story that need to be better explained. I can see this story working, but I feel some aspects to the story need to be altered a little bit. I'd be willing to beta for you if it's okay with you.

[calinjc]