Granny Daniels
Everything came crashing down again after Glarin made a passing mention of the mountain goat, three times to be exact.
In the same sentence. A feat within itself actually.
Apparently comparing her to the goat was a mistake. The idea of her hindquarters being not as muscular looking as the goats was the deal breaker.
He ended up sleeping in the hallway outside of his room with a single blanket in the wheelchair. Not that he minded it. Sleeping in the hallway solved a few uncomfortable problems he was having with his current situation.
Either way, Glarin awoke early in the morning as Big Mac traveled down the hallway. Glarin cleared his throat as he awoke.
“Morning Mr. Mac.”
“Uhh, morning Sir Glarin, trouble in paradise?” Glarin let out a soft chuckle with a yawn.
“I’d have to be in paradise before there could be trouble in it lad.” Big Mac just hummed.
“Why don’t cha try askin Granny Smith if her new drink is ready yet. You might like it, I know the feller who inspired it would of.”
“Drink? What kind of drink?”
“I’m not supposed to give away our Granny’s secrets, why don’t you just ask her when she wakes up with the rest of us fer breakfast.” Glarin grumbled to himself as he followed Big Mac toward the stairs.
“Alright, I just hope its worth my time.” Big Mac just laughed
“It will be. So uh, need any help down the stairs?”
“Yeah sure, take the chair, I’ll walk myself down.”
“Well alright...” Glarin got out of the chair and began to walk down the stairs while holding the rail. When they got to the bottom Glarin reached into his beard and took out a piece of chalk that he began to munch on.
“I’ve been meaning to ask, but why do you eat chalk?” mid chew Glarin responded
“For the Calcium of course! Need it so my bones stay strong and heal strong.” As he finished the piece and got back into his wheelchair.
“That sister of yers, I’ve taken a cannon ball to the chest before, never had it break my entire rib cage like yer sis did.” Big Mac let out a sigh
“Thats what working on a farm yer whole life does to a pony.”
“Hrm, maybe I should have all those guards work on yer farm then...”
“Well, we don’t need any help year round, except during harvest season. A little extra help goes a long way.”
“So whens harvest season then?” Big Mac looked up in thought for a moment.
“1st harvest starts in 3 weeks at the north field. Then 2 weeks after that in the east field. Then the south and west field need to be harvested at the same time a week after.”
“So in 3 weeks... alright, just send a letter or something the day before and I’ll rally the troops.” Big Mac nodded his head as they headed to the kitchen.
Apple Bloom was already starting breakfast up, Since Applejack made it yesterday. Tomorrow was Big Macs turn to make breakfast. Apple Bloom turned to face them and had a sad look on her face.
“D-Did you and Luna have f-fun last night Sir Glarin?” She asked with a worried tone to her voice that Glarin didn’t seem to pick up on as he told the truth.
“Na, it wasn’t any fun at all actually.” Apple Bloom perked up a bit at hearing that.
“So she’s terrible at it?!” Apple Bloom picked up the pace of making breakfast after hearing what he said. Leaving Glarin in a confused state with Big Mac chuckling to himself quietly. They were soon joined by Granny Smith and Applejack.
“Howdy do Everypony! Whats for breakfast today youngin?” Granny and Applejack just took a seat at each table end.
“Apple pancakes with a side of Apple bread and Toast with Apple Sauce.” Glarin grumbled to himself, so far living with this apple loving family left him with nothing to eat but apples apples, and more apples. As Apple Bloom finished explaining what was for breakfast, Daring and Star came down the stairs to join them. Taking seats across from Big Mac and Glarin.
“So where’s Princess Luna?”
“Sleeping I guess, not sure...” Said Glarin with a yawn.
“But didn’t she wake up with you?” Glarin just shrugged.
“I slept in the hallway so I have no idea.” Everypony turned to face Glarin, besides Big Mac, and looked at him a bit confused. As Luna came down the stairs everyone turned to look at her. To Glarin’s disappointment she had removed her glorious beard at some point.
She sat in the seat farthest away from Glarin and seemed to be ignoring him as she walked with her nose in the air when she passed him. As she took her seat Apple Bloom began passing around breakfast to everyone. Glarin received a plate of heart shaped pancakes while Luna’s plate had a grip of misshapen pancakes. They looked like the rejects of failed heart shaped pancakes, everyone else got regular pancakes.
Luna looked at her pancakes then at everyone else’s, then resting upon the ones Glarin had.
‘I think young Apple Bloom doesn’t like my presence here... and perhaps she isn’t so young anymore.’ Thought Luna as she looked over to Apple Bloom who seemed to have an aura of authority around her.
“Oye, why do Luna and I get deformed pancakes?”
“Yeah! Why didn’t I get heart shaped pancakes like Glarin aunty Bloom?” asked Star as Big Mac just smiled as he ate his breakfast with Granny Smith and Applejack. All three of them just had smirks across their faces.
“These are hearts?” ask Glarin as he lifted it up. “Doesn’t look like any heart I’ve ever seen...” As Glarin inspected his heart shaped pancake Luna began to eat hers as if it didn’t bother her.
“Well I uh, made some fancy pancakes just for you Glarin, I hope you like em...” Apple Bloom just blushed as she waited for his answer.
“Fancy huh? No reason to go and do such a thing. Unless of course they taste fancier.” Glarin shoveled the entire heart shaped pancake into his mouth and chewed it up.
“Doesn’t taste any different...” Glarin just shrugged and spread some of the apple syrup on the pancakes and began to eat the rest. “So then, what are Luna’s supposed to be?”
“Oh, those were just the failed ones that hit the floor when Ah tried flipping 'em in the pan...” Luna stopped eating as she set her fork down and gagged a bit.
Apple Bloom just gave her a smug grin. While Granny Smith muttered something about a hammer.
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“Ya can’t ground me AJ! I’m a grown mare now! Im 18, and If I wanna feed that mean ol’ princess floorcakes ah can, an’ ah will!”
“Apple Bloom! Ya can’t just go around feeding a Princess of Equestria Apple family style Pancakes that fell on the floor!” Apple Bloom just snorted as she turned her head.
“She shouldn’t be so mean to Sir Glarin then...” Applejack sighed. “... making him sleep in the hall when he’s all injured.”
“Are ya still in heat Bloom?” Apple Bloom looked down for a bit then sighed.
“No, ah’m not, but Ah do like him... even if he is a bit older than me.”
“He’s at least 300 years older than you if what he says is true.”
“Dwarves age well don’t they?” Applejack and Apple Bloom just chuckled, and sighed.
“Yer still grounded though.”
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While Applejack was ‘talking’ to Apple Bloom about what she did, Glarin took this chance to ask Granny Smith about the drink. She gave him a nod and they snuck away from the breakfast table and down to the cellar.
“So the special drinks in the celler?”
“Oh boy it sure is! It’ll knock yer horseshoes off!”
“Well as long as it tastes better than that tea Twilight made for me.” Granny Smith chuckled.
“That purple filly still can’t make a good cup of tea yet huh? Hrmm...” Granny Smith looked around for a bit before pulling on a string that was hanging down. “... theres that old light, now its right over here.” Granny Smith pointed to a line of barrels that were sitting on racks. Glarin’s eyes went wide.
He would recognize that type of barrel anywhere! It was a Keg! A glorious magnificent keg of magical alcoholic wonder!
“I-is that, what I think it is?” Granny smith just chuckled.
“Why don’t you get that mug over there and take a sip, I tried some yesterday and was out of it for a few hours! Knocked me down onto my plot it did!” Glarin reached over and grabbed the mug in a shaky hand and brought it up to the spigot and slowly turned the handle.
From the spout flowed a glorious yellow liquid. And it reeked of alcohol! This sip would end the longest dry spell he had ever been on.
He brought the drink to his lips, and ever so slowly, the liquid gold flowed past his lips and onto his tongue. It burned with the burn of fresh unaged/unfiltered alcohol. The small sip turned into a chug as he placed his mug down and placed his mouth onto the spigot and began to greedily drink it from the source. After a good 30 seconds, he stopped and burped.
“Granny Smith, you made all of this your self?”
“That I did, and judging by your reaction, I’m guessing you loved it!”
“Loved it? Granny Smith I... Are you single?” Glarin just gave her a grin as his face was beat red from the alcohol or maybe because he was blushing, it wasn’t clear. But one thing was clear as polished crystal.
He had found it, he found his paradise within this hell hole of a heaven.
“Now hold on a minute there sonny, I’m too old for a lively stallion like yer self.” Glarin just sighed as he chuckled
“Well then how will I get more of this glorious drink then?”
“I’ll show the rest of the apples how ta brew it so don’t cha worry, Little Mac already knows most of the process anyway. Besides, what about that there Princess?” Glarin just grumbled.
“I really had no say in the matter, she’s royalty, what can I do besides go along with it?” Glarin just sighed as he leaned against the wall.
“Just tell her no, its that simple ya know.” Glarin looked at Granny Smith like she had grown a second head.
“B-But shes a Princess!” Granny just shook her head.
“Shes a pony before shes a princess ya know.” Glarin sighed as he thought about it.
“Indeed she is still a pony... I need another drink.” Glarin took the mug and filled it to the brim.
“How many barrels of this stuff do you have?” Granny smith looked around in thought for a minute.
“Well lemmie see here... 1, 3, 5...” Granny continued to count while Glarin continued to drink from the barrel. “...got ourselves about 7 barrels that are ready to drink and 7 more in about a month or so. It takes about 3 years to complete. I had been perfecting it over the last couple years. I estimate a rough alcohol content of 48% in the finished product.”
“Only 48% huh? Well, it sure beats having nothing to drink at all. What do you call it?”
“Hrmm, I was thinking of calling it Granny Daniels, or uh, maybe Grannies Plot Kicker.” Glarin just chuckled as he drank from his mug.
“The second one sounds... funny.”
“Are uh, you sure you should be drinking so much being injured an all?”
“Yeah tis fine, I heal faster while intoxicated anyway. It’s a dwarf thing.” Glarin refilled his mug as he began to head for the exit.
“Alright, 5 mugs worth should be plenty for now.”
“Ya know, if a Princess doesn’t suit your taste, maybe a farm girl would.” Grannies sentence gave him pause. But he shook his head.
“Perhaps. A farm girl would be strong to my liking, but she would also have to be a dwarf, not a pony.” As Granny Smith watched him leave she looked over to the multiple barrels she had.
“I bet a couple a mugs of Granny Daniels will change yer mind... or at least make em look like a dwarf.” Muttered Granny Smith with a light chuckle to herself as she watched him stumble up the stairs back to his wheelchair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glarin had set up right outside the dig site like usual when it occurred to him he’s had these guards for almost a week already. And according to what Twilight said about pony muscle growth, they would benefit greatly from a single day off a week filled with a deep tissue massage.
Whatever the hell a massage was. But he was told the Spa ponies at the Ponyville Spa would be able do everything she had said they would need. Still slightly intoxicated from his morning drinks with Granny Smith, he barked orders to everyone to continue working while he went to arrange something for them tomorrow. All of the guards dreaded what he could possibly have in store for them.
As he began to wheel himself away toward the town, he ran into Apple Bloom and Nurse White.
“Where ya going Sir Glarin? Are they all done fer the day?”
“Na I have some business in town, you think you can keep an eye on em for me Ms. White? I’ll treat you one of those massage things Twilight suggested I give them. To uh, help increase their muscle growth or something.”
“Twilight suggested you give them all a deep tissue massage?”
“Yeah thats it, Deep tissue. Not sure how it works, but if its needed its needed.”
“Oh oh, mind if I come with ya Sir Glarin?” asked Apple Bloom, Glarin just shrugged
“Sure why not. Maybe you know where the Ponyville Spa is. Cause I sure don’t.” Apple Bloom nodded her head with great enthusiasm.
“Ah sure do!” as they were about to leave Luna seemed to come out from some nearby trees.
“Ah sir Glarin, are you heading into town as well? Would you mind if I joined you?”
“Uh, no?” Luna just nodded her head as she began to walk next to Glarin while giving Apple Bloom a grin, who in turn got a sour look on her face.
Little did Glarin realize, he was now in the middle of a love triangle. One he would probably never quite understand unless somepony/griffin told him of it. A love triangle of unrequited love.
As they traveled through the town, Glarin ignored the slight bickering between both ponies. Both of them tried to keep his attention focused on whatever side they were on. Weather it was to look at a shop or some flowers. Probably the worst distraction was when Apple Bloom told him to look over at a wall.
Worst part was the wall wasn’t even made of stone, but of that flimsy material known as wood. Why anyone would make anything out of wood was beyond him. Wood warped if it got wet, it shrank and grew with moisture in the air if it wasn’t treated, and worst of all about it, was that it came from something above ground.
And Elves loved using it as well. Stupid tree huggers.
Anyway, they had finally arrived at the Ponyville Spa, they didn’t seem that busy. Which was good. It meant that he could get this over with quickly.
Glarin, Luna, and Bloom went up the counter and waited. After a bit Bloom hit the little bell on the counter making a ding sound.
“Coming!” A light blueish pony with a pink mane came out from behind some curtains and appeared behind the counter. “What can I...” as she opened her eyes wide and froze while looking at the Lunar princess. Glarin cleared his throat and spoke. The wheelchair made it so his eyes were barely looking over the counter. Much to his annoyance, he seemed shorter than he really was because of this.
“I would like to set up a time tomorrow for 31 ponies to get a, a uh...” Glarin thought for a minute while the spa pony just looked between him and Princess Luna. “...A deep tissue massage.”
“T-thrity?” Sudden realization hit the spa pony that they would have over 30 patrons tomorrow.
“Yeah thats what I said. How much is it gonna cost me to get all 31 of em in and treated tomorrow?”
“Uh, just one moment...” The pony left back behind the curtain in a hurry “...Aloe!”
“I’m a bit busy at the moment Lotus!”
“Aloe this is Important!”
Glarin could hear them talking to each other, unsure of what to do with so many patrons coming in tomorrow. Luna and Apple Bloom could also hear it, being ponies their hearing was much better than Glarin’s so they could clearly hear that they wouldn’t be able to service so many ponies in a single day. After a bit they both came out from behind the curtain and cleared their throats to speak.
“Well um, 30 is a bit excessive for a single day, perhaps we could split it? Half tomorrow and the other half the next day? We still would have other customers to handle and 30 in a day means we would work 15 hours between the 2 of us without breaks. That’s already more than we normally do...”
“Split the group so it takes two days? Hrmm... well I guess that could work. I’ll just have the other half continue to work. That’s makes the schedule I had planned out quicken by a week or so... Yeah that works perfectly for me, now... lets talk price.”
By the end of it, Glarin had been able to talk them down to the low, low price of 300 bits, for a total of 600 for all 31 of them. Much better than the original price they gave him of 3100 bits. All he had to do was promise he would be back once a week with all of them with another 600 bits. His smooth haggle game has once again saved him a small fortune, and his good looks and glorious beard probably helped with negotiating prices.
The rest of the walk back was also rather annoying once Luna learned the extra 1 Glarin had planned for at the spa wasn’t for her, but was in fact for the Nurse that had been helping him out.
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The rest of the day went by rather easy. Easy for Glarin anyway. He was making frequent trips to the cellar to grab a few drinks. Everything made more sense after a good drink.
The brick making ma-jigger had finally arrived and so they got to work on turning the dirt into bricks by mixing it with the cement. Once they figured out how to use the machine, they put Spike in charge of pulling the lever to compress it. As the first brick made it way out the back of the contraption Glarin picked it up and inspected it.
“Hrm... just gotta let em cure over the next week or two and they should be ready for usage... Make as many as you can and set em over there!” glarin pointed to the opposite side of the pit they had been piling all of the dirt. They all groaned at the extra bit of walking they would have to do but did so anyway.
Cheap and strong building materials, just the way Glarin likes it. Mixing the dirt with cement in a 5 part dirt 1 part cement ratio with a bit of water would ensure he had, quite literally a ton of bricks to start making his home with once they had finished digging the foundation of it.
As Glarin looked out upon everyone working on building his house Nurse White came over with Luna.
“Glarin, we noticed that you’ve been consistently making trips back to Sweet Apple Acres, any reason in particular for that?” questioned Nurse White.
“Oh, Granny Smith made this wonderful drink, If I could, I’d bring the barrel up here, but alas I can not with my ribs the way they are right now. But another week at this pace and my bones should be knit back together in no time at all! Haha!” Glarin let out a bellowing chuckle in Luna’s direction. Luna wrinkled her nose at the smell of his breath.
“Are you, drunk? Your breath reeks of strong Cider!”
“Drunk? Bah, I’ve got twice the liver of any creature! I barely have a head buzz right now. I wont be drunk until half my blood becomes alcohol!” Luna looked at Glarin with a bit of worry until she remembered something he had said the night before.
Something about how he only slept with that goat because he was ‘really drunk’. With a new plan in mind, Luna decided to help him get drunk.
For Science of course.
“Wait wait wait, your getting drunk when you should be relaxing and recovering? As a nurse I can not allow you to drink anymore Glarin.” Glarin scoffed
“Maybe to you ponies! But dwarves actually heal faster when they drink!” Glarin just gave the nurse a glare as he pulled a large flask out of his pocket and took a swig.
“Where in Equestria did you get that huge flask!?”
“I always had a drinking flask. It was just empty when I first got here is all...” Glarin slowly screwed the lid back on and put it into his pocket.
“Heal faster? Are you positive dwarves heal faster when they drink?” Luna raised an eyebrow with Nurse White.
“Check on me in a week and I’ll be fit as a fiddle I will...” Glarin let out a burp “... assuming the drink lasts that long.”
“There’s no proof that alcohol has any healing effect what so ever on anything! Disinfectant yes, but healing? Thats a big no. Never in all my years as a nurse have I heard of alcohol being used as a, as a medicine!”
“Well, I’m the first dwarf you’ve seen. So it stands to reason, dwarves use different medicines.” Glarin brought the flask out of his pocket again and began to unscrew the cap.
“But...!” Nurse White watched as Glarin took another drink from the flask, all the while he didn’t break eye contact with her. “...Fine! But the 1st sign of it having a negative impact upon your health, I’m taking it from you! I’m still in charge of making sure you heal properly! Even though... I seem to be more of a drill Sargent now.” Glarin put the cap back on and smiled at her.
“And a damn fine Drill Sargent you make.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rarity was knocking upon the door to Fluttershy’s cottage when Discord popped his head out the door.
“Well Hello Rarity, friend of my best friend Fluttershy! What brings you here?” Rarity put on a half smile at seeing Discord.
“Oh Discord, well I uh, I had told Fluttershy I wouldn’t be able to make it to the spa today because I had fallen behind on my work, but I just received a letter telling me to push back the due date and uh, Well never mind that. I just came to get Fluttershy so we may go to the spa together today.”
“Oh Goodie a Spa day! Do you mind if I join you?” Discord clasped his eagle claw and lion paw together with a large grin upon his face.
“Well I uh, suppose not. Yes, why don’t you come along. I don’t see the harm in it, but where is Fluttershy?”
“Oh, she’s out back with Henry the Bear. Apparently a dragon decided to take residence in his cave and he’s out of a place to stay for now. Fluttershy is just making some space for him to sleep until he can find a new home.”
“Oh dear, a dragon you say?”
“Oh yes but I wouldn’t worry about it. Henry doesn’t seem all that bothered about it. Besides he’ll never be late to another tea party again!” Discord let out a joyful chuckle at that “I’ll go let Fluttershy know that the days plans have changed a bit.”
Rarity stood in the doorway slightly uncomfortable. The idea of Discord joining them on the Spa trip was a bit unnerving to Rarity. Even though he has been reformed for years now, she was still rather uncomfortable around him just like the rest of her friends. Well, with the exception of Fluttershy, she had somehow taken to Discord as a best friend and he would commonly visit her on a bi weekly basis. After doing whatever it was he did while not in ponyville with Fluttershy anyway.
The door soon opened with Fluttershy walking out followed by Discord.
“Oh Rarity, I’m glad you decided to let Discord join us on our weekly Spa trip. Come, let us hurry before it gets any later, well if you want to hurry... and if its ok with you.” Rarity just shook her head.
“But of course darling, I simply cannot go another minute without a trip to the Spa.” Discord simply floated along next to them as they walked toward the Spa. In an effort to break the silence Rarity decided to ask Discord a question.
“You know Discord, yesterday, I remember you saying something about seeing Dwarves before, how true was that statement?” Discord raised an eyebrow and he righted himself upward and began too walk along side them in the air.
“Well it was very true, I said it was around 3 millennia ago. You see, they had made these stone portal things that made it a one way trip here. It took them awhile before they fashioned together some more portals to make return trips. They were quite interesting creatures, so I kept an eye on them.”
“Oh really? What were they like?”
“Boring, very boring, they had so many rules and laws they followed, I quickly got bored of watching them. However, after I found them boring, it wasn’t long until I began to fear them.”
“Fear them? Why would you, a god of Chaos fear some dwarves?” Rarity raised an eyebrow intrigued while Fluttershy just calmly listened.
“Well you see, after I found them boring, I decided to play a little prank on them, I had found their supply of their favorite drink, Stout I think is what it was called. Anyway I set fire to it! It made such a fascinating blaze, and the explosion was a bonus. They didn’t take kindly to my prank, its not like I killed any of them. And there were so many pretty colors!”
“Oh my, you set fire to that drink called a stout, and they got mad at you?”
“Mad doesn’t even begin to describe it my dear, I was hunted. Hunted for years, It was then I learned that they were highly resistant to magic, even my own. Half of the things I tried to use were simply cast aside or fizzled before my eyes! The other half had significantly reduced effects.”
“Oh my, so they hunted you for years? Why didn’t you just simply leave the continent?”
“Oh well, I was having fun for the most part, avoiding detection and hiding in plain sight was always a fun game for me. It wasn’t until he showed up...” Discord made a shudder as he looked over to Fluttershy. “...did Glarin ever mention what kind of dwarf he was?”
“Oh well um, I think he said he was a berserker of the Ungard clan. I’m pretty sure that’s what he said...” Discord let out another shudder.
“Remind me to never get on his bad side, I’d hate to fight another Dagvar Corlar, as they called him anyway. I never understood what they were saying, It must have been their native language or something.”
“W-what do you mean?”
“I used to have 2 tails you know, Dagvar cut it from me and I never could get it to grow back...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glarin just sat in his wheelchair under the umbrella Luna had been using yesterday, next to the barrel of Granny Daniels that Luna had went and got for him. Her excuse was that it was to apologize for her sudden outburst last night. Glarin brushed it off and said he was also probably partly to blame for it.
Probably
Anyway, as he sat under the umbrella in the shade Spike came up to him, wearing his vest and all.
“You guys finish making those bricks yet?”
“Not quite were just taking a bit of a break is all. What have you been drinking this whole time?”
“My new favorite drink, Granny Smith made it. Wanna try some?” Glarin held out the flask so Spike could take it.
“What is it? Some kind of Apple Juice?”
“I’ve taken to calling it Granny Daniels. That name seems to stick rather well. Try some, it beats the crap outta Twilights tea and water.” Spike took the flask and took a sip, then started coughing.
“Oh sweet Celestia, it feels like my throat is melting!” Glarin let out a laugh as he took the flask back.
“That’s unrefined alcohol for you! Take a couple more swigs and it will start going down like an expensive version!” Glarin also took another swig from the flask before putting the lid back on.
“How much of that have you had already?”
“Not much, the barrel isn’t even half empty yet! Go grab a mug and enjoy your break for a bit.” Spike went over and decided to do just that. He’s had hard cider before, but it didn’t really affect him like it did the ponies, maybe this stuff would get him as drunk as Twilight was a year ago.
They never did find where she teleported her bed too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Yoou know what?”
“What is it lad?”
“I uused to has a crush on Rarity, buts she turned me down so, so many times. I gave up on her.”
“Rarity? That fancy white pony? What was so good about her?” Spike looked thoughtful for a moment as he looked into his near empty mug.
“You know, I can’t really remember. But thas fine! I dun care anymore! I had a thing for Sweetie Belle for awhile, but she seems attached to that Button Mash.”
“Button Mash? What a strange name for a filly.”
“N-no no, Button Mash is, or uh, was a colt. He’s a stallion now. Hardly though, he still acts like a kid. I don know what she sees in him!”
“Maybe she likes em young?”
“Na, they were child hood friends for awhile... hey what about Apple Bloom? She’s looking pretty cute now.”
“Why you so intent on a pony lad? Why not find a nice Dragoness or something?”
“Bah, I tried to join the great Dragon Migration years ago when I still a hatchling. Dragons are all jerks. Because I was raised by ponies I’m seen as soft, or not a real dragon, they would never accept me in a million years...”
“Not a real dragon... Not a Real Dragon? How can you not be a real Dragon?! You’ve got scales, the breath weapon, that is extremely versatile and useful by the way. Then there’s your dragon like fangs and teeth!”
“Its because of my soft spoken personality that they didn’t consider me a true dragon.”
“Bah, the only thing that matters is that you don’t break under pressure. Just gotta show them your resolve, your pride, and your undaunting courage!” Glarin took yet another swig of the drink, this time emptying his flask.
“Bugger’s empty again...” As Glarin went back to fill his flask, Spike just sat down in the grass.
“So, you’re living with Apple Bloom right? What’s she like?” Glarin furrowed his brow in thought for a minute.
“Annoying. Talks a lot, and sometimes does unnesacary things. Like this morning, she made heart shaped pancakes just for me. No idea what that was about.”
“What?! She made you heart shaped pancakes?!”
“Yeah? What’s so special about em?” Glarin moved back to his spot in the center of the shade as he sipped from his freshly filled flask.
“Glarin, dude, she likes you, like A lot...” Spike rubbed his head. “...Man, I’ll never get a Mare friend at this rate...”
“She likes me huh... well that would explain a lot of her annoying qualities. She keeps trying to outshine Luna... Which isn’t that hard in my opinion. Princess or not, she’s rather annoying. Actually, the only one who isnt annoying is her older sister Applejack. Boy did she have a powerful kick...” Glarin seemed to be day dreaming about something. As his half lidded eyes looked up to the sky, he continued to sip.
“Do you have any ideas on how I could get a mare friend?” Glarin just laughed as he pointed over to the keg.
“Take a couple more a those, then go talk to Apple Bloom. I’m sure it will turn out well. I think she’s cleaning out the barn right now as a punishment.”
“Punishment? What for?”
“She fed Princess Luna pancakes that fell on the floor this morning for breakfast.” Glarin and Spike let out a roar of a laugh. In the Middle of their laughter Luna came over to see what they were having so much fun with.
“I see that you are enjoying the drink with Spike now Sir Glarin.” Glarin spun his wheelchair around to look at her while Spike fumbled his mug a bit.
“Well hello there Luna, what brings you here?”
“The sounds of joyous laughter from you two actualy. Is this drink really so much fun?”
“But of course it is Luna! Have some, be warned it has a kick to it, unless you’re me of course.” Glarin passed the flask over to Luna. With a bit of worry she took the flask in her magic and sniffed the flask.
It smelled of apples and also had the scent of strong alcohol.
“This drink is an apple liquor? I thought my sister had banned the creation of Liquor.”
“Liquor? Luna my dear, this drink is simply a glorious apple drink of magical greatness. Not some simple liquor.” Luna sipped from the flask, it did indeed taste like apples. With the strong scent and flavor of what was unmistakable as a large quality of alcohol. She promptly gagged with a cough as it burned her throat.
“That’s the Spirit! A few more drinks and you won’t even notice the burn!”
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Blasted, blitzed, boogaloo, canned, hammered, kippered, leathered, loaded, mashed, pissed, plastered, razzled, schnooked, sloshed, smashed, tanked, totalled, and trashed.
Everyone was some kind of drunk, After Luna had a few more drink’s her laughter and shouts brought over some more ponies, and even the guards who should of been working. They even went and got a second barrel when the 1st ran dry.
Half the town was drinking Granny Smiths drink now known as Granny Daniels. Except most ponies reached the drunk stage after a single mug, with the second mug leaving them comatose upon the floor if they didn’t pace themselves.
The only two who could keep drinking after more than 2 mugs, was most obviously Glarin, Spike, and surprisingly Luna with Twilight Sparkle.
“I didn’t take you fer a drinker twi-*hic*light!” said Glarin, his blood had finally become more alcohol than blood.
“Yous kiddin Glarin? Twilight has her own store of vari-ous ciders in the libraries basement! Why she even started brewing her own ciders recently.”
“What ish this Cider you keep speakin of?”
“Cider ish a light alcoholic drink dat ish legal within equestria because da highest concentration is 4 purr-cent.” Said Twilight in a matter a factlly tone.
“4 percent?! Why, you might as well just drink cleaning water! Or your tea!” Everyone burst out into laughter besides Twilight who got a bit of a pout on her face.
“In my defense, Spike usually makes da tea, so I hardly ever get da chance.” Glarin looked over to Spike.
“Speaking of Spike, hey, hey, hey Spike...”
“Wha-What is it?”
“Did you talk to Bloom yet?” Spike began to blush because he brought it up around Luna and Twilight.
“N-No! I was gonna, but then I kinda forgot...”
“Apple Bloom? What happened ta Rarity Spike?”
“She was jus usin me Twilight and you knows it. Besides, It would be better if I do somepony my own age, right?” Glarin just stroked his beard in thought for a moment.
“What would a dragon pony hybrid look like?” Muttered Glarin giving pause to Twilight and Luna’s own thoughts. They also began to look thoughtful of it for a minute Before Twilight spoke up.
“Go talk ta Apple Bloom Spike, for Science!”
“Yeah! Don’t beat the bush, gently hold both her hooves in yer claws and ask her ta be yous marefriend! Tis as simple as that!” Luna looked at Glarin with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh, tis it really that simple? Could courting be as simple as that?”
“With the help of a good drink, everything is at lest 20% simpler. It’s a proven dwarven fact.”
“Is that so?” Questioned Luna and Twilight.
“Thousands of years of testing concluded that after a couple stiff drinks, everything is easier.” Glarin took another sip from his flask and effectively blacked out.
Glarin and Spike awoke that morning covered in Mares.
Apple Bloom and Luna were not among them, however, Pinkie was. She actually started it, something about a herd starting party.
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Oh Pinkie, you're so random! Also, First!
But was Bloom among them? That be the real question!
Apple bloom's a bitch in this. but that's alright cause I don't like her anyway. also yay Discord!
4227222 Lol, how so? just cause she fed Princess Luna floorcakes?
4231269 Eeyup
Christian, I know that you're reading this.
You're welcome.
Beserkers...
(Recalls Thibbledworf Pwent, Dwarven Berserker of Mithril Hall....)
RUN!
(Maybe I can find Drizzt!)
4237713 ah yes, His spiked armor always sounded like such a fun thing to wear. Reminds me a bit of Wolverine from X-Men with the spiked gauntlents as well lol
4240001 To do what the Beserkers do requires a certain amount of.... crazy.
Of course, it's easier to feel safe when no one wants to touch you. 
4208315 It says that she wasn't.
I officially love this fanfic. Dwarf in Equestria is simply a glorious premise... For the love of all that is epic: MORE!
4271729 Well you're in luck. I'm working on a triple chapter release at the moment. 1st one is ready to be published, almost done with the second chapter and the 3rd part is about half way done. I didn't wanna leave any cliff hangers and decided to just not have one by doing a triple chapter release!
should be done in about 2 more days. As its flowing rather nicely.
4272047 I'm grinning for miles in anticipation.
this story is great!! It should be better known... and only 65 likes?! what up with that, this is hilarious!!
4275384 My guess would be that my writeing style caters to a very small group of individuals. Also I could probably use better story discriptions. lol
Gutbuster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You forgot cock-eyed.
Applejack is kind of a total bitch.
I was wondering were that bed came from.