83. Tripartite - Part One
Author note: Since the last posting on this was a year and a half ago, it may behoove you to go back and re-read from Chapter 80 of Letters (I would, it's really funny), but if you want, I’ll give you a quick run-down of the pertinent plot points:
-Princess Luna is pregnant the conventional way
-Princess Celestia is pregnant in a most unconventional way
-Discord is free. And no, he’s not responsible for the above two points (really, I’m shocked)
-Discord has set three tasks for Monster
— Extremely Pregnant Princess Cadence is missing
— Starlight Glimmer is about to launch her Harmonizing effort on Canterlot
— Trixie’s husband is about to become griffon lunch in the Frozen North
I was going to call this section Tempest Rising, but I restrained myself. Enjoy.
Letters From a Little Princess Monster
Tripartite - Part One
Somepony had to take control of this mess, and Trixie was just about the only pony qualified. Well, in her opinion, the whole thing should be dumped on Celestia while Trixie took a needed bourbon break, but the prim and proper princess probably had some bogus reason for passing the responsibility down to her student.
So it was Discord. Old Stoneface was out and causing trouble again, and with style. She could not help but cast a vicious glance at the three face-up cards that started this mess, sitting in the middle of the ice cream parlor’s table while her friends chattered among themselves in low tones.
Their friends. Not ponies that Trixie had to trick or bribe or force into doing what she wanted. Ponies who trusted Trixie. Applejack, who kept her honest. Fluttershy, who kept Trixie’s natural tendency to push and shove in check. Rarity to give her the support she needed, not the cash she wanted. Pinkie Pie to keep everypony from sinking into familiar despondency. Rainbow Dash to remind Trixie to keep her promises, because if the colorful featherbrain could, there was no excuse for her. And all of Twilight Sparkle’s young friends, who had not known Trixie long enough to be properly suspicious of her motives, except perhaps Diamond Tiara who suspected everypony. And of course little Twilight Sparkle, who still was bound and determined to think of herself as a monster even while a much more monstrous creature was toying with other ponies’ lives. Still, maybe a monster was needed to solve this dilemma.
“Discord gave you three cards, so that’s three problems,” said Trixie. “Seems simple enough. We’ve got Green Grass in the griffon aerie, Princess Cadence somewhere we don’t know, and Starlight Glimmer…”
“Near Ponyville,” said Monster quietly.
“Yeah, close enough for Big Mac to get some… To visit,” Trixie corrected. “So which one of the problems should we solve first?”
“Don’t know.” Monster nudged the cards while the conversation between their friends died out. Equal sign, crystal heart, and bloody unicorn horn. One of the infernal puzzles that Trixie hated, because the obvious answer only made sense after the solution had been revealed. “Test,” she murmured. “Can’t divide myself. Bad idea. Think they need solved at the same time or bad things happen.”
“And how did I teach you to solve problems?” asked Trixie.
“Cheat,” said Monster immediately. “Never meet strength with strength, or cunning with cunning. So…” One small purple hoof reached out and touched the equal sign. “Looks hardest. Actually easiest. Starlight steals cutie marks.”
The little alicorn motioned Trixie and Tallgrass nearer and whispered into their ears for a while. At first, Trixie thought it was a terrible idea, but in short order she could see the brilliance of the plan, with a few small tweaks of her own, of course.
“That’s perfect! I think I’ll talk to your bugfather about adopting you when this is all over to keep you out of trouble,” said Trixie.
“Not a chance,” said Tallgrass, who sat back down at the table. “That’s one solved. What’s next?”
“Candybutt.” Trixie tapped the card with the crystal heart symbol. “We don’t know enough about where she is to do anything, so…”
Trixie flipped over one of the ice cream store menus and scribbled on the back. “Most urgent. Where is Cadence? Need answer now! She could be in grave danger. Here you go, Spike.”
“On it!” Spike breathed fire across the menu and watched the green smoke waft off in the direction of Canterlot.
“Problem solved for now. Hopefully, she’s just in the doctor’s office, needing her hooves massaged or something. Which leaves…” Trixie picked up the last card, which felt cold in her magic even as it dripped blood onto the table. “We have an idiot magic tutor, an aerie full of griffons, and blood. I just wish Greenie would have sent some sort of message with all the historical papers he’s been sending to the library ever since—”
Realization flooded in like an icy bucket of water, and Trixie bolted to her hooves. “His letters! Be right back!”
With a blinding burst of pink light, Trixie vanished, only to reappear a few seconds later while surrounded in envelopes and smoldering sheets of notes. Patting out one small flame on her tail which indicated just how much more practice Trixie needed with her teleportation spell, she dumped the letters on the table and shoved one in each of their directions.
“Greenie is a nosy little snoop. He had to have written some sort of code into his letters. Everybody grab a stack.”
It said something that everypony in the ice cream shop, young and old, followed Trixie’s snapped command without argument, even the ones who might be considered innocent passers-by. She wasn’t quite sure what it said. Maybe that Trixie was sounding just a little off the wall, or that she had teleported twice just now without gloating about it.
“Presto,” she murmured, scanning down the sheet of Green Grass’ meticulous script. “It could take hours to figure out what he used. Maybe something with alternate prime numbers, or recursive integrals in—”
“What’s a windy-go?” asked Snails.
“Windigo,” corrected Sweetie Belle. “From the Hearth’s Warming play.”
“Oh.” Snails turned a page on Green Grass’ report. It was supposed to be used for some sort of advanced history degree he was working on, which made it obvious that the gawky young colt was just saying something random. Snips nudged a little closer to his taller friend and looked around his shoulder at the writing, which Trixie suspected they did a lot during test time at school.
“He wrote it twice on this page.”
“Give me that!” snapped Trixie, swapping her copy of Greenie’s incomprehensible historical writing for theirs. After a few minutes of examination, she was seriously beginning to doubt both of the young colts’ honesty, except for Twist speaking up suddenly.
“Thith one hath that word too.”
“So does this one,” said Featherweight.
“Where?” Trixie craned her neck to look over the shoulders of the bothersome students, although she could not see the word in question at all.
“It’s the first letter of the second word in each sentence,” explained Sweetie Belle. “See. W-i-n-d-i-g-o-y-o-u-d-u-m-b-b-i—”
“I see!” snapped Trixie, grabbing the research paper away from the young unicorn before she got more of an education than she needed. “This is bad. Really bad.”
“Ain’t that bad,” said Applejack. “Them Windigo got their flanks whupped well over a thousand years ago, and ain’t nopony seen hide nor hair—”
“Greenie’s up at Gilda’s aerie, isn’t he?” Rainbow Dash looked so pale she was nearly white. “I mean she’s cool and all that, but the griffons who run that aerie are all a bunch of horrid jerks and there’s blood on that card. Still, I can’t see them doing—” Rainbow swallowed and stopped talking, although her eyes remained locked on Trixie, who had to pick up the conversation before she thought too much about the terrible memory that the word ‘Windigo’ had brought up.
“He’s in terrible danger. And so is every creature in Equestria.” Trixie took a short breath, considered the young eyes of Twilight’s friends, and decided to continue despite the gruesome facts. “The Windigo were not some creature that invaded the pony lands. At one time, they were pegasi and griffons who… ate other ponies.”
“Gilda snuck a bottle of Minotaur rotgut into flight camp once,” said Rainbow Dash as quick as she could push the words out. “We both got blasted sick, and she told me all about it while we were throwing up. A group of griffons back then somehow thought drinking the blood of ponies would let them fly faster and higher. She didn’t say anything about pegasi, though,” she added with a quick glance at Trixie.
“Celestia told me.” Trixie took another short, gasping breath. “I made her tell me. I was trying everything I could think of to increase my magic, and she sat me down before I did something stupider than usual. Way back then, a bunch of pegasi and griffons got caught up in competition. There were murders. Bloody, terrible murders. She said it was the most frustrated she had ever been, because she was not an alicorn yet, and all she wanted to do was blast the monsters with fire.”
Twilight Sparkle took that moment to bump up against Trixie’s side, which sent a cold chill down her flank. She bumped back and leaned into the young alicorn’s side, which felt as hot as a stove and provided welcome warmth while she continued. “Princess Celestia, the tea-sipping, gentle voice of reason, who refuses to even step on a beetle crossing the garden path. Nopony alive realizes just what a terrible monster she can become. I only saw a few glimpses, and I was her student for ten years. The Windigo scared the shoes off her back then, so it would be stupid to put this off.”
“The founderth uthed the Fire of Friendthip to defeat the Windigo latht time,” said Twist. “We thee the play every year.”
“Thousand-year-old myths turned into entertainment versus eyewitness alicorns,” countered Trixie. “We need to use the resources of all of our friends to beat this, and remember what I told Menace about asking Celestia for help after your bunch scrambled Scootaloo’s brains?”
“Ask first!” said Diamond Tiara.
“It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission,” said Trixie just as quickly as she could. “Never show all of your cards, but peek at as many of your opponent’s cards as you can. Only ask if you’re fairly sure of the answer. And above all, never panic.”
There was a swirl of magic in the ice cream shop, and a blast of air followed when Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and a distraught Shining Armor appeared. The frazzled unicorn could have easily been the Prince of Panic, with his mane spiked in all directions, damp tracks of tears down his cheeks, and a look of pure terror in his eyes as he tackled Trixie in one long cat-like pounce.
“CADENCE!” he blurted out right into Trixie’s face. “Where’s Cadence! What did you hear? Is she here? Is she in labor? SAY SOMETHING!!”
“Perhaps if you let go of her throat,” said Princess Luna, moving forward through the rapidly scattering customers of the ice cream store. “We received your letter, and are looking for more information before Prince Armor takes the Royal Guard in search of Princess Cadenza’s kidnapper.”
“Urk!” managed Trixie in response.
“There are reports of an unnamed unicorn absconding with her at the Canterlot train station, with tickets to Yakyakistan,” continued Luna. “Orange in color, with a far darker mane, and a white blaze running down his nose. Oh, and white boots, although there is no report of his cutie mark, because he wore a dark cloak done up in stars.”
“Sunburst!” gasped Trixie through Shining Armor’s stranglehold.
“One of Starlight Glimmer’s friends,” said Monster quietly from underneath the table where she had gathered several of Green Grass’ notes. “She thinks he’s sexy. Never made a move on him. Other Starlight thought that.”
“He’s a hopeless geek. Runs a bookstore,” gasped Trixie once she could get a breath. “He’s as much a kidnapper as I am an alicorn.”
“It sounds like you have some information for us, my Faithful Student.” Princess Celestia slid into a seat next to Trixie and placed a gigantic bowl of ice cream on the table. Producing a spoon, she took a similar sized huge bite before continuing, “Shining Armor, please release my student.”
“We don’t have time, Princess,” managed Trixie. She shoved Shining Armor to one side and struggled back into a sitting position. “Discord has three tests for Twilight Sparkle. We’ve got one figured out, but Cadence is fairly minor… Well, I don’t think Discord does fairly minor,” she added as the facts swirled around in her mind. “You said Sunburst took Cadence to Yakyakistan. Is there anything else in that direction that could be some sort of world-ending disaster.”
“No,” said Celestia at the same moment her sister said, “Yes.”
“Only the Crystal Empire,” said Celestia before taking another bite of ice cream. “King Sombra dragged it into eternal shadow when he was defeated, so it can’t possibly be…” She trailed off with Trixie’s indignant glare and slowly added, “Well, we would know if the empire emerged again. My sister and I used the Elements of Harmony against Sombra, so we have a connection to the event. We did not realize Princess Cadence came from there until much later. Apparently, she escaped before Sombra sealed it.”
“Or after,” said Trixie. “Did you even consider she might return there to have her foal? Fluttershy told me some birds fly thousands of miles to return to their birthplaces, and Candybutt is about as bird-brained as they come.”
“I have to get there,” murmured Shining Armor. “She’s in trouble, I know it.”
“You have to get your armored idiots to the griffon aerie where my idiot husband is holed up,” said Trixie sharply. “The griffons are becoming Windigo, and if you don’t stop them soon, it’s going to get really cold around here.”
“Windigo?” A dollop of Celestia’s ice cream fell unnoticed back into her bowl.
Luna sat right down on the floor, her eyes as large as ice cream bowls. “Are you certain?”
“Green Grass is.” Trixie pushed one of the stacks of his notes over to her teacher. “He’s been writing me notes about it for weeks, and I didn’t notice until today. You two will need to take Prince Shining Britches and his flapping crew of armored idiots there before the whole world gets hip-deep in snow.”
“But… Cadence?” murmured Shining Armor. “What about Cadence?”
“Okay, maybe not Shining Armor,” admitted Trixie, looking at the way the powerful military unicorn she had known for years was just sitting in one place, rocking back and forth slightly while Twilight gently patted him on the back with one hoof. It was a touching moment of long-lost sibling togetherness which would have been just fine at any other time in the world, but did not face the problem at hoof. “Just take the Royal Guard with another commander. If there are wanna-be Wendigo there and they can’t beat them, two princesses ought to be able to melt the whole mountain down on top of their tufted ears. I’ll lose my husband, but…”
There was an unexpected hitch in Trixie’s chest, but while she was trying to figure out what was going on with her own physiology, Princess Celestia lurched to her hooves, darted across the dining area, and stuck her face into a trash can to be noisily sick.
“What in the…” Trixie turned to Princess Luna, who looked… conflicted, a mix of happy and sad and terrified that did not become her at all. “What’s going on with Celestia?” she asked. “I’ve never seen her throw up before.”
“It is the reason why we will not be able to accompany our Royal Guard to the griffon aerie,” said Luna in a very slow and deliberate tone of voice. “We are pregnant.”
Ignoring the rising ‘squee’ of joy from Rarity and Pinkie Pie, Trixie said, “I know you’re pregnant. I still get the castle newsletter. What’s wrong with her?”
“We are pregnant,” said Luna, slightly more forcefully. “I became pregnant the usual way, and Celly… It is complicated,” she added. “And we really need to speak with you and your husband about this, because there is a small chance he… Well, it is complicated,” she said again. “We cannot risk our foals. I’m having twins,” she added with just the faintest proud indication of scoring points in her eternal game of sibling rivalry even while Applejack fell over in a dead faint behind them.
Trixie wanted to argue, but she was distracted by the way Menace had worked her way around so she could rub up against Trixie’s foreleg and still pat her brother on the back. After all, Discord had challenged her with this crazy simultaneous challenge, and it wasn’t a coincidence that not one, but three things that could throw the world into chaos had happened at exactly the same time.
How could a being of pure chaos get this organized to happen all at once? Three world-threatening disasters, two pregnant alicorns, and whatever else was lurking in the wings.
Menace prodded Trixie with one hoof and looked up with those dark violet eyes, seeming even darker with the determined squint she was wearing. Wings unfurled slightly, the little alicorn swallowed, and spoke in a slow but clear voice with only a few hesitations.
“Take brother… Shining Armor to the north on the train. Follow the same tracks. Take all my friends. Save… Cadence. I’ll go back to Canterlot with… Luna and C-Celestia. Find a commander for the guard. Save your husband.” Menace looked up at Tallgrass, who nodded and trotted out the ice cream shop door, then the little alicorn turned back to Trixie. “Trust me?”
“I don’t even trust myself,” admitted Trixie.
“I trust you.” Menace swallowed and looked at the floor. “Keep my friends safe.”
“What?” Apple Bloom promptly came scurrying over along with the rest of the destructive horde, and they all proceeded to talk at the same time until Trixie could not hear herself think.
“Wait!” Trixie shooed away the little annoyances and took Menace behind the ice cream store counter for a private conversation. Lowering her voice and getting down on her knees to be at the same level as the tiny alicorn, Trixie managed, “Why am I supposed to take your friends north to deal with Prince Shinybritches and his wife while you go deal with the Windigo—” Trixie’s voice caught in her throat, and Menace whispered one word.
“Chrysalis.”
“Oh,” said Trixie, then, “Oh! Oh, no. You’re going to blow their whole mountain— No, I’m not going to let you do that again,” she added, feeling like the world was slowly drifting out of her control.
“Won’t,” said Menace. “Not unless I have to. Have a plan. Good plan. Use C-Celestia. Luna. No, ask them. Need their help.”
“That’s all I need,” said Trixie abruptly. “I trust you. Go with the Princesses and beat some sense into those griffons before they turn into Windigo. And if they already have—” Trixie swallowed “—be careful. I’ve only got one of you, after all.”
She tousled the little alicorn’s mane and nudged her back out into the ice cream shop where her friends promptly swarmed her. While Menace was busy nuzzling and chattering with her small friends back at the table, and Trixie’s other friends were trying to revive Applejack where she had fainted, Trixie took Luna behind the counter for a quick and semi-private discussion.
“Do you have any idea about what Twilight Sparkle has planned to deal with the Windigo?” whispered Trixie.
“No,” said Luna bluntly. “What are your plans if you can find the Crystal Empire?”
“Not a clue,” admitted Trixie. “I work better without planning.”
“Then our success is assured,” said Luna. “Sister, are you about done?”
“Almost.” Celestia spat into the trash can a few times, wiped her face with a napkin that the store owner provided, and gave a short huff of breath. “Now I’m hungry again.”
A few moments later when the store was again empty of alicorns (and a large bowl of ice cream, to go), Trixie took a deep breath, considered all of the trusting ponies (and one dragon) watching her, and made the announcement she was dreading.
“Looks like we’re headed to the Crystal Empire. Anybody got bits for the train?”
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In order to calm the frantic quarantined people, I'm going to release the next four chapters in this arc ahead of schedule, one per day. Schedule? Heck, this isn't really a schedule. It's a giant pile of snails moving in all directions. Enjoy.
Finally Trixie reads poor Greenie’s letters properly.
As we say on our 4x4 convoy trips... “Charging off like a herd of geriatric turtles through a pool of peanut butter”.
"Chaos is always found in greatest abundance wherever Order is being sought. It always defeats Order, because Chaos is better organized."
Let the games begin :D
Great update
Whee!
True story: the sociologist Kate Fox, regarding various British clubs and groups in a parade, commented that the anarchists were not just the MOST organized group, they were the ONLY organized group.
10143901
Folklore says that Peter Alekseyevich Kropotkin once bombed an anarchist group on the grounds that "If they were really anarchists, they wouldn't have formed a group"
Man, you almost feel sorry for Starlight Glimmer. She's been relegated to the "Easily solved problem" label and while dangerous, the lowest priority on the stuff acting up.
I can't wait to see how Trixie and Twilight do on these missions!
Oh this is looking to be a fun ride. So much going on. I had forgotten Sundance ran off with Cadence. Looks like I'll have to reread the old chapters, but I didn't want to wait to read this one, lol.
10143771
I thought there was only one Snails. Although I bet he's a bit directionally challenged...
10143994 But a center of zen-like tranquility.
10143956 I telegraphed it. Trixie is really a bad influence on Friendship Studies.
10143930 10143901 "I am not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat." --Will Rogers
10143841 Anybody who doesn't believe the natural tendency to chaos has never seen my house.
10143812 Hey, they had to get through censorship, so he had to be so subtle that only a child could spot the code.
... I see what yer doin' there. I like it. I'm not gonna risk any specific mentions on any part of this story I may or may not be seeing accurately. But I definitely like it. Here's to 3 more days of entertainment!
10143771
I appreciate it. What was the initially planned schedule? Not till the entire three card hand could be played out?
10144035
Honestly I don't know why he never thought to direct a letter to his students, this is his fault as much as anyone elses.
10144035
10143771
Does that mean we'll be getting more because you're stuck at home?!
Thought this was dead. Fortunately not.
Out of all these sentences, the last one seemed to the only proper, etiquette lesson (for kids).
10143930
Pfft...snerk...HA HA HA!
10144593 The first one is the way to deal with multiple layers of bureaucracy when you have a Princess to forgive you ex post facto. The second will put you through college playing poker. The third ensures you are a successful attorney when cross-examining witnesses on the stand. And the last makes you a successful comedian.
10144352 Merely pining for the Misty Mountains Aerie.
10144235 No, I'm smothered at work. Most of the rest of the bunch is on mandatory teleworking, and some genius didn't buy enough VPN slots so they can all be online at once.
10144078 Originally, yes. Probably twelve chapters with the epic fight between Tempest and the griffon king, Stargazer giving birth, etc in the Crystal Empire, King Sombra/Spike/Trixie in the Crystal Empire, then the wrap-up chapter with Monster and Starlight.
10144846
Dang... my respect for Trixie suddenly gone up a level or two.
10144846
Tempest goes from most wanted to most revered in no time flat, nice.
And hey, there'll be no need for a batpony to become aerie master this time, so that helps.
I love Trixie in this story...
Simply glorious. Curious to see what wrenches Discord will be throwing into the works. He can't help but stir the pot after all.
Looking forward to more!
Nice to see this back again.
Is nice to see Trixie shaping into a Guile Heroine.
10144035
Evil Overlord Rule #12:
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
Clearly, the griffons do not employ children in the outgoing mail censorship department.
Been a while, forgot that Celly's got a Sun wisp in her. Yikes. What a day to be "alive" for the wisp... As chaos unravels across the land and needs to be solved, and heavy hitters are "bed-ridden".