Letters From a Little Princess Monster
When Life Gives You Lemons - Part One
In a hollow oak tree in the middle of Ponyville, The Great and Powerful Trixie regarded her eternal nemesis. She had fought many vicious battles against it before, and each conflict nipped a small notch out of her soul after hours of brutal wrestling and head-beating until finally the beast was subdued. The fight was supposed to become easier with time, but of all the lessons she had learned at the university and at the patient hooves of her mentor, this one was neither susceptible to magic or clever wiles. She avoided the conflict if at all possible, just as she preferred to avoid all conflicts she might lose, but this was one fight that she had to face and defeat.
Twilight Sparkle was depending on her.
Trixie raised her weapon and faced the enemy. Only one of them was going to leave tonight, covered in scars and blotches that concealed the wounds of their terrible battle to the death. She paused, hoping for some unknown distraction, before lowering her quill to the pristine blank sheet of paper.
Dear Princess Celestia. And Princess Luna.
I’m starting to worry about
MenaceTwilight Sparkle. Ever since her parents’ visit, she’s thrown herself into the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ wild schemes and epic disasters with an enthusiasm that borders on insanity. For starters…
“Cutie Mark Crusader Distillers!”
Trixie winced and tried not to look back at the library full of innocent little eyes which stared at her over an ordinary glass of amber liquid. She gave the glass’ contents a weak swirl while trying to figure out if the relative normality of what was supposed to be distilled spirits was a warning of dire devastation to come or maybe just… normality. After all, even a stopped clock is right once in a while, and even Cutie Mark Crusaders must have the occasional success. Still, she didn’t trust the ‘bourbon’ ever since it had been shoved into her hooves with a cheerful, “Here, taste this.”
For the third time, Trixie asked, “So, you think this is safe, right?”
“We followed all the instructions in the book and even had Twilight double-check our process,” said Apple Blossom or something like that, with her little chest poked out as far as it would go. The little alicorn in question held up a diagram of a distilling vessel and spiral condenser, each carefully labelled, along with a checked off checklist with one empty box at the bottom that still gave Trixie a nasty sense of foreboding:
☐ - Testing
“Well, what’s the worse that can happen? Bottoms up.” Trixie took a tentative sip, followed by a deeper, appreciative taste. “Not bad. Not bad at all. Doesn’t taste quite like apple distillate, though.”
“Well, we didn’t have enough rotten apples that the pigs wouldn’t eat,” said Apple Sprout.
“I found some mushrooms,” said Sweetie Something.
“And I cleaned out Rainbow’s icebox,” boasted Scooterloo.
“We helped collect vegetable scraps from the marketplace,” said Snips.
“And I cleaned off any of the gastropods from them,” added Snails.
… amazing how quick the hospital got out the stomach pump. It’s like they had a lot of practice with it. In any case, I tried to get them interested in a much safer project…
“Lemons?” asked Apple Bloom, squinting at the yellow oblong spheroids
“Lemonade,” said Monster, pointing at a crude drawing of a lemonade stand with two little ponies behind it. “Trixie said it was safer.”
“I can make the sign,” volunteered Sweetie Belle before dashing off in the direction of the boutique.
“I’ll go get more lemons from the orchard,” said Scootaloo, vanishing in a cloud of dust.
“Lumber!” squealed Apple Bloom. “I know where there’s a big ‘ol pile and some boxes of nails.”
“We going to need thugar,” said Twist. “I’ll go athk my thithter to loan uth a few bagth.”
“Advertising!” shouted Featherweight, darting after Sweetie Belle. “I can fly a banner around town.”
Looking around at the empty section of grass where all her friends had just been, Monster shrugged and headed for the library to do the most important part of the business.
…signed a few papers for her and she took off again. She never seems to slow down during the day any more, but she seems happy. I guess. Maybe this new project will help bring out the child in her again like you said she needs…
Sterling Silver had to lean forward to see over his desk and look at the little purple alicorn cringing in the other chair. “I understand you requested to see me, young miss? Did you need to withdraw another gem for some spending money? Perhaps some gum or a lollipop?”
“All of it.” A short stack of papers slid across the desk and Sterling glanced them over at first, then went back and began to pour over them individually.
“Miss Sparkle, are you certain you wish to risk this amount of venture capital on a project of this small a magnitude?”
A second stack of papers slid across the desk and Sterling Silver proceeded to read. “Interesting business precis. Market capitalization, I see… Listing on the Ponyville stock exchange, yes, we can do that. Power of attorney.”
“Needs notarized,” prompted Monster.
“Yes, yes. I see.” Sterling dug out his notary seal while continuing to read. “Subchapter S corporation, board of directors, all neat and organized. Very nice.” The banker finished going through the papers, signing where needed until he looked up and beamed. “Just to let you know, with every business account opened up with over a thousand bits, you get a free briefcase.”
… so for the last few days, she practically vanished. All that she tells me is that she’s trying to vaccinate her mind, which I presume means she’s exposing herself to as many Ponyville memories as possible in order to be able to read through her family photo album. I hope.
“Lemonade! Get yer Ice Cold Lemonade at the 5F1C stand!” Apple Bloom’s voice filled the entire market square and a solid line of thirsty ponies lined up, each depositing their two bits and receiving one somewhat small glass of delectable lemonade with two ice cubes and a happy grin from the server. Two small earth ponies, groomed to an impeccable gloss, strolled up to the stand and sneered at the little ponies behind the counter.
“Oh, look Silver Spoon. The Cutie Mark Catastrophes are at it again? Have you blown anything up trying to get your cutie marks yet, Apple Blank?”
“It doesn’t look like it’s working, Diamond Tiara,” scoffed the second little pony. “They’re just as much blank flanks as when we left for Summer Camp. I’ll bet they don’t even get their cutie marks this school year.”
“And who is your new geeky friend?” asked Diamond Tiara, pointing at where Monster was dutifully scribbling away on a set of figures.
“You leave Twilight alone!” snapped Scootaloo from her position at the Lemonade Pouring Station.
“Yeah!” declared Sweetie Belle, using her magic to float another bag of ice over to the stand while eyeing the pestering pair and obviously considering using the ice for a secondary purpose.
“Well, at least she has her cutie mark,” said Silver Spoon, pointing at where Monster’s magenta cutie mark peeked out from under her red-and-yellow cloak. That cloak with the big 5F1C logo⁽*⁾ had become the unofficial uniform of the lemonade stand, and several extras had been cached on a shelf in case any additional little ponies wanted to help out.
“It looks like a blotch of red ink,” said Diamond Tiara, crowding forward to look over Monster’s shoulder. “Is that what your special talent is? Running a business into the gro—“ Diamond Tiara’s voice cut off abruptly as she looked at the columns of figures including such terms as Net Profit and Gross Margin, all of which had substantial numbers associated with them, and none of them in red ink.
“Could be better,” admitted Monster. “Needs work on Fixed Costs. Buying sugar in bulk. Space rent.”
“You don’t know anything about running a business!” spluttered Diamond Tiara. “Come on, Silver. We’re going to show these losers how a real business is run.”
(*) The logo design had been created by the board of directors of the Five Fillies and One Colt Lemonade Corporation, but actual production of the capes had been outsourced to a relative of the Director of Accounting Services on a no-bid contract with renewal options and performance bonuses approved by a board vote. It turned out to be one of the more profitable contracts Rarity had ever signed, even though there were no gems involved.
…but at least she has overcome her fear of showing her face in town. Her little friends have some sort of lemonade stand down at the market and they’re all wearing these matching capes. If you drop by town anytime soon, make sure to swing by and get a glass, but remember to bring two bits. They aren’t offering discounts for anypony.
“Get your lemonade here! Only twenty-five bits a glass. Thank you, sir.” Anston Greywithers carefully placed three ice cubes into a leaded glass tumbler and added lemonade until it came up to the appropriate distance from the rim, hoofing it over to the rather stuffy stallion standing in front of the booth.
“How do you like it, Daddy?” Diamond Tiara beamed from her place at the shelf on the lemonade stand, a sturdy oak structure with beveled edges and several coats of varnish, much as if a very wealthy pony had gone to a carpenter and used the phrase ‘Tomorrow, and money is no object.’
“Very nice, my dear.” Filthy Rich sipped at the glass while looking at the empty bit box in front of his daughter. “How many customers have you had today?”
“Counting you, Daddy? I’m not sure. It’s been such a busy morning, what with the setup and the lemonade pouring.”
“One, sir.” Greywithers added ice cubes to another tumbler and began to pour. “Two, if you count myself. I’m feeling quite parched.” Eyeing the empty bit box, he added, “That is if I can get a month’s advance on my salary, sir.”
... and if it wasn’t bad enough that Twilight Sparkle has converted all of the crumb-crunchers and rug-rats in this town, now she’s starting to spread her influence...
“Babs!” Apple Bloom darted out of the lemonade stand and gave her cousin an enthusiastic hug. “I’m so glad you could come to Ponyville for a few days. Things have been moving so fast I don’t know where to start.”
“Wow, cuz,” said Babs, flipping her forelock out of her eyes and looking at the busy lemonade stand. “Youze gots quite an operation here.”
“Twilight says we’re on track to break a mil by the end of the week. Whatever a mil is,” said Sweetie Belle, hoofing over a thick folder for Babs to leaf through. “We’ve had young ponies from all over drop by to see our stand.”
“Franchise,” mumbled Monster. “Two percent of the gross times the number of stands. It adds up.”
“Eww, math!” Scootaloo stuck out her tongue while continuing to pour. “She makes me add up the end of day numbers until I get ‘em right, and Sweetie Bell checks my work. I’m saving up for a new scooter out of my share of the profits.”
“It’s in the packet,” mumbled Monster. “Floorplans for the stand, operating instructions, recipes, an employee guide, and tax instructions.”
“No money down,” said Twist, bringing out another bag of ice. “You can make up any thtartup costh by the end of the firthth week, and be in deep profitth before thchool tharth.”
“I’m putting together a newsletter!” exclaimed Featherweight, waving a thin sheaf of notes. “It’s going to have funny stories and employee pictures.”
“All you need to do is sign,” said Apple Bloom, hoofing over a pencil.
…getting sick of apples and cake. And applecake. In the event that I need to purchase groceries before I go crazy, perhaps you could sneak me a few bits on the side that don’t show up in my stipend. The banker here in Ponyville is keeping a pretty keen eye on me, as if he thinks I’m going to skip town before paying off the repairs on the town hall…
“I’ll get these papers run off to your tax preparer, Miss Twilight, if you’ll check over the figures on the charitable donations.” Sterling Silver left the bank conference room with the aforementioned stack of tax receipts, returning in a few minutes with a second pony dressed in an identical immaculate business suit, but with a vibrant splash of crimson in his mane, and a certain look of anticipation of a substantial increase in his net worth that matched his bit-related cutie mark.
“This is Sable, our International Bank of Equestria representative,” said Sterling Silver. “He’s new, as we have never needed an international banking specialist before…”
* * *
The little griffon cocked her head sideways as she read through the packet of information, stopping at the franchise agreement with a frown. “I don’t know. How am I going to get supplies of lemons up here on the mountain?”
The young pony smiled and produced a second folder. “5F1C Lemonade has diversified by gaining controlling interest in several freight services. If you want, we can set up regular deliveries for your business from our production facilities, at a substantial discount from regular freight.”
* * *
The young Qilinese dragon looked rather suspiciously at the cup presented to him by the smirking Ki-rin. “Expressions of suspicions over motives. Realization of recent prank very similar. Sauce of hot peppers reluctant to be purged.”
The Ki-rin bowed, lifting the cup in her own magic field and partaking of a relatively deep sip. “Absence of investment brings the foolish very few Yuan when comes the time for the division of spoils. Wisdom says a load shared by many backs weighs little. Partake, Friend Phong?”
The dragon considered the cup for a time before lifting it to his lips and taking a small sip, followed by a long drink that drained it dry. “Considerable pleasure at the composition of the beverage. Possibility of harmonious business relationship high. No money down, you say?”
* * *
... I just wish I knew where she was getting her new pen pals. The library has received dozens of letters for her written in some foreign language, and Twist has been collecting the stamps. You said you wanted her to make friends, but it seems she may be taking this to an unhealthy extreme…
“Lemonade. Get your lemonade here. Only two bits a glass.” Diamond Tiara slumped in her tidy 5F1C red cloak, poking ice cubes into little paper cups with all the enthusiasm of Scootaloo going into a spelling test. To her side, Silver Spoon was pouring lemonade just as fast as she could into the glasses and hoofing them out to the thirsty customers.
“I just about have the next pitcher ready, girls,” announced Filthy Rich, the red 5F1C cape only coming about halfway down his back. “How are we doing on supplies?”
“Daddy!” wailed Diamond Tiara. “This is torture! I don’t see why you’re forcing me to do this!”
“Two shares of 5F1C Preferred Limited stock from the original IPO for your college fund, my dear,” chuckled her father. “Money may not grow on trees, but lemons do, so get back to work before I dock your allowance.”
“It’s kind of fun too,” said Silver Spoon, passing out another cup of lemonade and putting the bits in the cashbox.
* * *
“Good afternoon, President Zecora. Iron Will’s the name and selling lemonade’s my game.” The brawny minotaur shuffled uncomfortably on the front step of the hollow tree, a shy yellow pegasus at his side. “Is the CEO at home, ma’am? Miss Fluttershy was wanting to see if she would go with her to the photography session. It would make her feel a lot more comfortable.”
Zecora smiled and looked Iron Will over. “My little Flower is at the lake. In her schedule must be a mistake. I’m sorry she’ll miss your photography session, but I’m sure the experience will teach her a lesson. While she and her friends cavort in the water, may I escort you two in the place of my daughter?”
A small smile crept onto Fluttershy’s face as the zebra joined the dissimilar pair to trot along to where Photo Finish had set up her equipment. “Thank you, Miss Zecora. I’m so happy to be modeling for Twilight and her little business venture. Fashion was just so stressful! It will be so much nicer to just have my pictures used to help little ponies.”
… traffic seem to be settling down since your visits to the town have tapered off, with the exception of tourists. There must be some sort of ‘See Historic Ponyville’ campaign going on, because there are ponies from places I’ve never even heard of walking around…
Two ponies of somewhat muted yellow tones walked down Ponyville’s main street, little puffs of dust coming up from around their hooves as if they weighed a considerable bit more than they appeared. The tallest of the two had a brilliant red and orange mane that flowed down his neck like frozen fire, topped with a tiny black cap with a little red button on the top. His tail likewise flowed along behind him like flames, coiling and twisting in a way that should have attracted far more attention than he was getting. The second pony had a coal black mane braided up into an extremely narrow ponytail that hung down his neck almost to the ground, with his tail tied up into a neat plait and topped with a crimson bow. Both of the seemingly earth ponies kept a constant watch on their surroundings with jaws ever so slightly open and golden eyes darting from building to building in a pattern that the locals easily recognized as Tourist.
“<Behold, Won Fang. That building appears to be created entirely of cake,>” spoke the first one, gesturing with a hoof at Sugarcube Corner.
“<Yes, my Imperial Master,>” recited Won Fang, bondservant to the Emperor of the Sun, Lord of the Silver Empire, Master of the Nine Rings of Power, and Fifteenth Son of Heaven, who had somehow managed to accumulate the lowly nickname of ‘Ping.’
“<The domicile of the Pink One, Predictor of Prophecy, Bearer of the Element of Laughter, and Planner of Parties>,” added Ping with a nod of his head and the unfolding of a piece of paper. “<According to the letter received by Grandnephew Phong, our pilgrimage to the Sacred Temple must delay at this residence, lest disaster strike.>”
“<Entirely correct, Worshipful Master.>” Won waited as a disorganized group of little ponies stampeded past, headed for the same building. The smallest one in the lead — a bright purple filly with her mane trimmed down to a short fringe — came screeching to a halt, discussed something with her friends, then turned and trotted over with a small dragon at her heels while the rest of the little ponies vanished into the building.
… some sort of noble from overseas named Ping who wanted to meet with me and sign some things for Sparkle. He seemed more interested in Spike than talking to me, but I applied the lessons you taught me (See, I listen!) and was very polite until they left…
Two ponies and one small dragon strolled casually through the town, greeting ponies with polite smiles and waves until they reached the outskirts of the small town. Turning to Spike, the smaller of the two ponies bowed deeply. “My Imperial Master begs your forgiveness, Spike of Ponyville. He was excited by the presence of a new Spirit of Heavenly Grace, and did not realize that she had already been assigned a protector by the Light of Heaven.” Won lowered his voice and added, “He also desired to sample the Elixir of Sweet Sunshine from the Blessed Temple of the Sun. It was quite pleasant.”
Spike puffed out his chest. “Twilight lets me carry the money to the bank every evening. That’s where I’m keeping my lair.”
The taller of the two ponies said something long and complicated, and Won nodded with a smile. “My master says that you are wise to have trusted underlings guard your possessions, but there is nothing to compare with being able to immerse yourself in your treasure and enjoy the feel of the gold upon ones scales.”
“I get six percent, compounded annually on my passbook account,” said Spike, producing a small book with a large number in it, ”and presently I have seventy percent of my stipend automatically deposited into a no load index fund managed by the same group who have been taking care of Princess Luna’s assets since she was young. Over the last seven years, it averaged from nine to seventeen percent return after taxes. The girls cut me in for five shares of preferred stock in 5F1C Inc during the initial public offering, and I sent a message to the investment group suggesting an early buy that earned me a substantial bonus this year. Purely public information, so there’s no insider trading involved.”
The two ponies stood looking at the little dragon while blinking in the warm summer sunshine until the taller one said something very short and quite profane. They turned to each other and discussed in quiet whispers until Won turned back to Spike.
“Princess Luna. How much is she worth?”
Spike told him. It took some time and involved many repetitions of the phrases ‘controlling interest’ and ‘majority stockholder.’ The two ponies turned to each other and whispered for a while longer before Won turned to Spike again.
“Could you arrange a meeting with your Princess Luna? And her investment group, of course.”
Spike pulled out a scroll and a quill. “Any particular time?”
...just a few bits perhaps as a loan from future stipends. I’ve had to find excuses to stop by my friend’s houses around dinnertime nearly every evening this week, and I’ve even had to take a part time job in the world’s second oldest profession to make ends meet…
“I’m sorry we took so long, Miss Trixie, but Rainbow’s Birthaversary party ran longer than we expected.” Mister Cake carried a sticky pile of cake pans and pie plates into Sugarcube Corner and dumped them into the sink, followed by his wife, who was dragging a wagon with a sleeping Pinkie Pie on it. “Even Pinkie pooped out at the end. I hope the foals weren’t too much of a bother.” He looked around the living room of the shop and tried not to wince at the number of cake stains and frosting splatters that decorated the walls, leaving a trail of sugary destruction all the way down to the scene in the center of the carpet. Lying curled up next to Trixie were both Pound and Pumpkin Cake, splattered by icing and terribly disheveled, but still alive and snoring as they used the exhausted unicorn as a fluffy purple pillow.
“As long as you brought leftovers, that’s fine,” muttered Trixie. “Menace locked herself in the bathroom about an hour ago, Twist and Feathersomething turned the cribs upside down and are hiding inside, Sweetie fled to get reinforcements, Apple Boom tried to climb up the chimney, and Scootaloo is sleeping on the chandelier.”
“Are the Cake’s back yet?” filtered Apple Bloom’s voice out of the cold chimney. “I’m not coming out until they’re back.”
... but I managed to catch a glimpse of what she has planned to get used to her old family, and although it’s just weird as heck, I think she may be onto something. In her own way, that is…
Monster tried not to be nervous as she floated out another glass of lemonade to a customer while attempting not to pay any attention to the next two ponies in line. They were just changelings, doing what she had asked and even paid five bits each for, but there still was a resonance of terror in her chest that made her constantly check and recheck the earth spirits’ identification of them as changelings instead of what they appeared to be. Both disguised changelings stepped forward next, shuffling a little uncomfortably before the pink female spoke up. “Two lemonades please, Twilight.”
“Hey, I thought I got to order,” said the other changeling in a deep tenor that drew shivers up Monster’s back. “She is my little sister after all.” ‘Shining Armor’ smiled, his blue eyes sparkling in the afternoon sunshine and just a little bit of sweat soaking his white coat, which stirred a familiar memory as the musty scent barely tickled at her nose. Thoughts of home made it quite difficult to remember that the two customers were just changelings in disguise, and for a terrifying moment, she almost believed that Shining Armor and Cadence were actually standing in front of her, but she took a deep breath and continued as she had rehearsed.
“H-h-hello, P-prince Shining A-armor,” stammered Monster, floating two lemonades out in a shaky aura, and swallowing as each of the disguised changelings picked up their glass, one in a familiar blue magic that fairly dripped with the wonderful days she had spent in Cadence’s care, and the other in Shiny’s soft rose aura that she had pitted her strength against so often in the forest.
“Hey, sis. Since when do you need to call me Prince?” He reached out with one hoof and gently tousled what little mane Monster had left.
“Now, Shiny,” chided ‘Cadence’ in a soft voice that Monster could remember so many times encouraging her to put down the book and enjoy the beautiful day in the park. “Don’t go correcting your sister. If she wants to call you Prince, that’s fine.” ‘Cadence’ moved closer to her ‘husband’ and wrinkled up her nose. “After all, I could always kiss you and turn you back into that frog I found originally.”
“Nee-deep!” croaked the changeling in such a natural tone that Monster could see Fluttershy halfway across the marketplace stiffen and look around for the misplaced amphibian. Both of the changelings laughed, and to Monster’s surprise, she felt a little giggle escape from her own mouth, although the feeling of relief was dampened somewhat by ‘Cadence’ reaching out to run a hoof across her stubbly mane.
“Oh, Twilight. You don’t know how nice it is to see you again. I’m looking forward to when we can do this for real.”
“M-me t-too,” stammered Monster, drying her eyes on a napkin. “I t-think that’s enough for n-now, C-cadence.”
“Thank you, Twilight,” said the changeling with a warm smile and a dab of a napkin to her own face. “We’ll see you later.”
As the two changelings walked away side by side, Monster felt the warmth of her friends as they gathered around in a warm embrace and even managed a smile for Featherweight’s inevitable photo.
“So how was it?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Scary,” murmured Monster, her face still pressed against Apple Bloom’s neck, trying to absorb all of the strength she could feel in her friends while keeping the tears that threatened to pour down her cheeks in check. “But nice.” With a few sniffs and a hug from each of her friends, Monster excused herself and slipped behind the bushes for an additional task.
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
The afternoon sunshine flowed through the open window of Princess Mia Amore Cadenza’s tower bedroom and cascaded across the huge heart-shaped bed, illuminating and warming the two ponies curled up against each other with their horns pressed together and limbs intertwined. After a considerable time, Shining Armor ever so gently moved his horn away and used his magic to float over several tissues, which the royal couple sniffed and blew into until they were able to speak.
“I love you, Lovebug,” murmured Shining Armor, nuzzling up the neck of his wife.
“I love you too, Stinker,” replied Cadence, tracing a similar path. “How did you like your first experience with changeling magic?”
Shining Armor rolled back on the bed and blinked several times with a yawn. “Weird. I feel like I should still have a shell for skin, but it’s worth it, a hundred times over. You?”
Cadence sighed, collecting the tissues and floating them over to the trash. “I feel like we’re lying to her by doing this, but I can’t help myself. Even if this indirect contact from so far away is all I can ever get from Twilight, I’ll be satisfied. My predecessor frightened her so much. She may never accept what I am on the inside.”
“What, pregnant?” Shining Armor took advantage of his wife’s momentary distraction to blow a raspberry on her rounded tummy. “Twily loves little foals. You should have heard the Terrible Twosome after they played with her in the library. Twi-Lee! Twi-Lee!” He rested his chin gently on her belly and looked up. “When my sister recovers enough to meet me face to face, you’re going to be right there at my side. And you’re not going to try swapping out for one of your… well, our family. I’ll know.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. “Really? Someday I’m going to take you up on that. A dozen changelings, and you get to pick out the real me.”
“Easy,” said Shining Armor, wriggling up close and kissing his wife. “I’ll just have to kiss them all, over and over again until I find the one who turns me back into a frog. Nee-deep.” He gave her another kiss. “Whew, that was close.”
That earned him a bop around the ears with a pillow, and another kiss. “Actually, I think this deserves a celebration,” murmured Cadence, working her way to up to an ear. “What would you say to…”
* * *
The afternoon sun on the Canterlot street was still fairly brutal despite the nearness of Summer Wrap-Up, and the line in front of the lemonade stand outside of the castle was fairly long, but the fillies and colts at the stand kept the lemonade coming at a respectable clip even as the citizens enjoyed visiting with the young royal couple in line. Shining Armor was so distracted by the friendly chatting that he almost missed it when the last stallion in front of him collected his glass and strode away.
“E-excuse m-me,” said a very soft voice to his side. “P-prince Shining A-armor, sir?”
He turned, expecting to see the young changeling who had been handling the sales end of the stand as they approached, but stopped cold at the sight of a small multicolored alicorn, her purple coat a soft mixture of additional pastel colors like a colorful sunset layered over a violet sky. The wide purple eyes were locked onto his face, with ears perked straight up and a tremor in her bottom lip, but she held onto two glasses of lemonade in a firm magenta glow, floating them over to himself and Cadence. “T-that’ll be f-four bits, please.”
“Twilight?” Shining Armor paused to recover his composure, floating four bits over to the cash box as well as two bits into the ‘Tips’ jar. “Thank you. Thank you very much.”
Cadence accepted her glass gracefully, nodding at the small changeling and her oddly specific disguise before striding off with her husband the sound of “Thank you too!” drifting through the muggy air as they found a shaded spot to drink and contemplate.
“You don’t think…” started Shining Armor, looking back at the stand where the little changeling had resumed her normal appearance.
“Well, I didn’t put her up to it,” said Cadence, taking a long, cool drink.
* * *
Far away in Ponyville, Monster marked a box on her checklist and pulled her hooves out of the soft dirt…
Part one of two. Who knew that Twilight's last name is Gates.
5107752
Dear Celestia... Twilight might just purchase Luna...
Screw Gates... she's Buffet^2.
I hate to say this, but for the past ten or so chapters, I click the mark as read button rather than read the chapter because it's all too everywhere for me. Between one chapter and the next, I have no idea what's happened with all of the POV shifting and character names flying about. I think I might give this a go again when it's complete, but for now *shrug of non-committal*
Welllllllllllllll, this is certainly something. Mixed feelings on this chapter. Like, I'm laughing with a troubled expression. Twily-style takeover is hilarious. All of the little worldbuilding shenanigans we glimpse are a treat. It has the same good, quality writing from previous chapters; however, my feels for Trixie being the butt of the worlds joke are approaching critical mass. And, I dunno, Twily rides that line between "hilarious godmode child" and "annoyingly overpowered" like a tightrope. I guess I've had these conflicting opinions since the start, but while the good outweighed my critiques in the beginning, I think they've started to wear me down over time.
Well, take this how you will. I'm just one reader tossing in his own two bits. We'll see how my opinion develops in the future.
Damn... Twilight is a business machine! I loved this chapter, especially where it appears Shining and Cadence have fooled Twilight into thinking they are changelings disguised as themselves at her request only it seems she knew about it.... Well, I hope Twilight gets to see her newborn cousin soon. I can't wait to see how the rest of the business grows.
And Twilight proves to be terrifying in a whole new way.
I love the fact she hasn't stopped being adorable and scary simultaneously the whole story long.
But what the hell was she doing with that whole 'task' and taking her hooves out of the dirt? Do I need to go back and re-read to see where this has happened before? Has she got a new trick up her sleeve, and if so, what does it do?
i knew twilight was smart, but I didn't know she was smart enough to make bill gates look poor by selling lemonade.
also I'm glad the story is continuing again.
Sweetie Something is best pony.
Those that do not fear little alicorn filly Twilight are fools!!!
*Q*bert noises*!! Last time I looked at this story Twilight was still suffering from survivor's guilt and PTSD! When did the CMC become Phineas and Feb?!
5107752
Not Gates, Johnson. As in "Howard Johnson's," the first modern restaurant franchise.
Combined with Warren Buffet-level investment skills.
Good
wait, wait, huh? What was Cadence talking about "her predecessor?" And.... okay, you lost me. Is Cadence a changeling?
So... how long until Twilight's business empire is the biggest in Equestria?
5108012 If I had to guess, she was digging into the dirt to talk with the earth spirits to let her technically be there in/with the changeling. Not quite sure how Shining Armor/Cadence saw her since, for that whole scene, Twilight was communicating with the earth spirits to confirm that they were changelings and not them.
Jeez, Twilight...
5108562 Candace ended up the 'new' changeling queen after Crystallis was left dying after a fight with Twilight
5108562 in a way, she is the new Queen of the hive.
As entertaining as ever! Can't wait to see how this whole thing somehow blows up in Twily's (or Trixie's) face.
5108562
When Twilight made the changeling hive go 'boom', Cadance ran across the remains of the changeling race (greatly reduced), and decided to save them. Since there were so few left, she pumped enough concentrated love through them to purify them and remove the whole 'love vampire' aspect. Chrysalis in her last dying act made SA and Cadance the king/queen of the hive since nopony else could do it. It's had a few side effects apparently, but is still working out.
this story is so good that i wish i could vote for it more than once. ^_^
My favourite bit of this chapter was the dichotomy between Trixie being too poor to buy dinner and having to babysit for food money and Twi becoming one of the richest beings in the world.
5108607 I believe that part of Cadences power lets her talk through the changelings. She can have them change into what she wants and then talk through them. I think Twilight's in on that. This way she can talk with SA & Cadence without them actually being in front of her. Less terrifying for her. i believe Twilight found a way to do the same thing. Actually, I think she convinced the little changeling to change into a Twilight & the earth spirit thing was how she sent her power far enough for her to talk through the changeling.
5108012 She was probably using the spirits to ask one of her changeling employee's if she could talk to her brother/Cadence through them, just like Cadence was doing with the changelings in Ponyville to talk to Twilight.
Well that was satisfying. See you next time.
Also, Cadence is best, most adorable Queen of Changelings.
Great chapter! Twilight making an international big-profit company of selling lemonade
Wasn't that intel work?
5108000
I think it's the other way around: Cadence linking up with changelings and Shining, and having them "control" a changeling each that took their form - Twilight doing something similar.
When. Not if, but when. Shining Armor, you are just as precious as your little sister. Those remote interactions were heartbreakingly sweet.
Twilight's incredible organization skills are being applied in a sphere I haven't seen much of on Fimfiction. I'm with Trixie. It's fascinating, but also kind of frightening, especially given the rapid rate of expansion. Twilight may just conquer the world with lemonade. Of course, then there's the question of "You've conquered the world. Now what?" Of course, given what we've seen thus far, Twilight is much better equipped for answering that question than most would-be conquerors.
Looking forward to more. Especially how 5F1C plans on overcoming the inherent seasonality of its premiere product.
5108464
Just think though, SHE'S SPREADING THOSE SKILLS
TO DRAGONS
5108461 When have they NOT been???!
5108582 Well considering that all this is supposed to have taken a couple over weeks, I say by the time school starts, by next summer, the Equestrian goverment should be coming to them for loans Hit'em with at LEAST 35% APR Twilight.
5109881 Hot chocolate
5109935 THAT is the scare part!!
Damn, Twilight is terrifying in a whole new way. Business powers, activate! Everyone run, because the
CMC++5F1C are now very well funded.Also, I love Spike's developing investment-based horde and lair so very much.
And what great continued development with Cadance and Shining's stealthy meeting with Twilight, and Twilight's stealthy meeting with them in turn.
Nee-deep!
5107853 Luna's got a few centuries worth of allowance ahead of her.
5108000 Hm. I should have been more specific about just how Queen Cadence was working the projection. Oh, well. Next chapter it will be fairly obvious.
5108012 Short answer: Zebra magic. Long answer: Queen Chrissy had a similar stunned realization in Chapter 12 of Monster about five minutes before she died
The disguised drone did not seem to notice at first, looking around the room with a deep calm that brought a chill up Chrysalis’ carapace. It was almost as if the zebra had actually — no, that was quite impossible. No magic of unicorn or changeling could control a transformation. But this was a zebra.
5108107 I believe Build-a-Bear Workshop started that way. And Pet Rocks.
5108562 Is Cadence a Changeling now? Well, the jury is out on that. She's pregnant, so it probably would not be a wise move to use any transformation magic. Still, I wish I could have found a spot to put the discussion between Cadence and Celestia when she dropped the news.
Cadence: Aunt Celestia! I found my kingdom!
Celestia: That's wonderful, dear. Where?
Cadence: All around us. I'm the Queen of the Changelings now. Queen Chrysalis passed down her changelings to me, and I've got all of her powers.
Celestia: Um... That's nice?
Cadence: They need love to survive and I'm the Princess of Love, isn't that wonderful? And you don't have to worry about my hundreds of children infiltrating and taking over Equestria because I'm in mental command of all of them. They would do *anything* for me.
Celestia: This is about the time I made you eat your alfalfa, isn't it?
5109881 Love, Kindness and Lemonade. Of course, once Summer is over and school starts...
5108886 If you ever want to destroy somebody, give them far more money than they can handle. This applies to friends too.
5109112 Now I have this mental picture of Trixie sitting by the side of the road with a sign "Will Entertain Foals For Food." Come to think of it, in the Big Mac 2-comic arc, she was running the puppet show for the little kiddies, and they seemed to enjoy the heck out of her performance.
5108582 It's not the money, it's what you do with it that counts. (I need to save that quote for part two)
If only Twilight and Trixie would talk to each other a little more, Trixie would find it a lot easier to keep herself fed...
5110798 Ohhhhh, ohkay,. I was thinking you'd retconned it so that Cadence was a changeling all along.
Love the chapter. Twilight is distracting herself by making a business empires and Trixie doesn't even notice .
I wonder is Celestia will inform her of Twilight's business, or will she find out in a more comical way.
Twilight Lemonade.
Going with the all natural style with Fluttershy, i see..
Twilight invents Starbucks
5110239 You're right! The CMC have always been Phineas and Ferb, only with more tree sap.
It's an acquired taste.
Well if Cadence does become a full changling the irony would be heavyif she feels the need to disguise herself as her old appearance, you could even shock ponies if one morning she tiredly forgets to 'put her face on' as it were
Plus Georg could still do the chamge slowly over time or after she gives birth on the basis it didn't occur before both to protect the foal and due to the fact that it was draining her to much for the change to occur
5110893
5113855
It's not clear to me whether being queen requires any particular physical change. More explanation would be good. Turning Cadence from an alicorn/winged unicorn into a changeling wholesale seems over the top and questionable to me.
5110573
Spike has True wealth.
Evidently Twilight has taught him an important lesson. You can have 5 gold now or you can wait a few years and have a bathtub full of gold or wait a few more and have a swimming pool full... a few years later? Spike, the Youngest and Richest Dragon in All of History?
Oh Yea!
5110971
Monseiur Bourbon may find his way back into Trixie's hooves when she finds out about Monsters Millions ...
Twilight is a marketing genius! I can't wait to see how far the business grows. Even after school starts, she could probably easily set up a long term stall with adult ponies working it [like Filthy Rich is doing] to keep it open. That's not even counting the foreign investors, and the gains form an international market. She'd probably be rolling in bits for years to come [possibly decades if she manages to get a Sweet Apple Acre level of success].
And Spike shows why Dragons in Shadowrun have hoards in the form of mega-corporations and stock portfolios.
This is my favourite chapter. In fact, this one chapter is better than many fics I've read. The whole thing with Twi's lemonade stand going global could be published entirely seperately as a spinoff fic none the worse. I was laughing my ass off for most of the time, and dawwing the rest. I wish I could upvote twice.
Twilight has created a multinational empire that's worth millions (billions? trillions?) from lemonade stands.
I... I need to rethink my life.
I was looking around cracked, when an old website I loved to go to popped into my head. One page in particular, and it did because of the Smarty Pants doll in this fic. So I thought I'd share it with everypony here.
rockpapercynic.com/strips/2008-12-08.jpg
http://www.rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2008-12-08 [link in case image doesn't work].
5123995 i stil need to get past the start of that old game. (keep getting wacked)
Couldn't help but start laughing rather hard when I saw what was happening here......