35. When Life Gives You Lemons - Part Three
Letters From a Little Princess Monster
When Life Gives You Lemons - Part Three
It was a chilly shock to be back in her own body as Monster shook the dirt off her hooves and took a deep breath of Ponyville air. Manehattan had been interesting to say the least and informative too, but she tried not to think about her experience until she was sitting inside the familiar library oak tree in front of Zecora and Trixie, repeating the whole chain of events as if it were a confession, which was not helped by Spike carefully taking notes as she went along.
When done, Monster stood with head downcast in the middle of the library and waited for her two teachers. The expected lump of cold and darkness in her chest seemed smaller than expected, and the spot where Cadence had kissed her still felt warm, although she could not detect even the slightest glimmer of magic from it. Even Trixie seemed captivated by the Alicorn of Love’s kisses, and kept unconsciously rubbing her cheek where Monster had passed along Cadence’s kiss as requested.
“My husband’s wisdom I’m afraid I underestimated,” said Zecora with just the tiniest upturning at the corner of her lips and a frequent blinking that Monster recognized as suppressed tears, although of joy, not sadness. “I’ll admit, this situation I had not anticipated.”
Trixie shook her head. “I don’t think anything could anticipate Menace, even Discord. It’s like we’re building a fence to corral pegasi.”
Monster fluttered her filly wings and drooped. “Can’t fly. Just fall.”
“No, that’s just an expression,” said Trixie with one hoof firmly against her face. “Look, you’ve got us outnumbered all by yourself. Work with Zecora to make up a list of zebra magic that you can use safely... and I suppose you could use a responsible adult earth pony and pegasus for teaching their magic. Somepony like Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash — make that Applejack and Fluttershy. Whenever you try new magic, you need to have a teacher of that variety and a different teacher watching. The minute either of them says stop, you stop. How’s that?”
“Changeling magic?” said Monster very quietly.
“When your weird father gets back,” said Trixie, just as firm as Monster had been quiet. “The bugs are head over hock nuts about you, Squirt. He’s the only one I can trust to say ‘No’ when you’re about to do something… like me.” Trixie spared Zecora a sideways look. “That is provided that in loco parentis agrees.”
Zecora nodded. “If she abides as you say, then to this rule, I say okay. In the event of her intentional disobedience, I shall give her the punishment of recent experience.” One zebra kiss was gently placed in the almost identical spot that Cadence had blessed, and Monster blushed.
“And that only leaves…” Trixie gestured with one hoof and caught a bit that seemed to appear out of thin air. “Money. Your greed made you do something really dangerous, Menace. If I was a really good teacher, I’d just take that money away until you were old enough to handle it, but Cadence brings up a good point. This is a problem that all of you will need to handle, as friends.” She leaned forward and planted a kiss right on the same spot. “Don’t let arguing about money ruin your friendship, Menace.”
Dear Princess Luna
I has done a lot of things since the last letter you got. I made a spell to send letters to Spike, but they don’t go there, which is weird, but I willl worry about it some other time. (note: ask trixie about spell) There is something much more important to tell you.
I have been having money problems much like Trixie but the other way around. My friends and I had an emergency stockholder meeting and discussed our money, which I thought was going to go badly until an unexpected guest showed up.
“Well, if it isn’t the Cutie Mark Catastrophes and their newest little failure.” Diamond Tiara flounced into the bank conference room and regarded the piles of paper that the weird little fake alicorn was trying to hide behind. ‘Twilight’ was a pathetic little waste of time who only cringed back and huddled when insulted, but it brought her little friends up out of their chairs like they had all sat on tacks. Diamond loved the sport of one-upping the little blank flanks into predictable reactions far better than the sport of tennis, in which the ball tended to go wherever it wanted instead of where she was swinging. Scootaloser was the best, and she could be smacked around like a feathered shuttlecock, which of course assumed that Diamond could even hit a shuttlecock. Which she could, just not when anypony was watching.
“I saw your ratty old scooter outside and I knew you little babies would be pretending you were a real business with your pathetic little lemon stand.” Diamond wrinkled up her nose and sniffed as if the scent of lemons had followed them into the bank. “My daddy brought me to the bank to pick up my allowance for this month. It’s going to be over a hundred bits, and I’m going to invest it in my newest corporate venture.”
She skidded a dozen business cards across the table, each adorned with a cute little multicolored fish and the motto ‘Custom Guppy Breeder - D. Tiara, Esq.’ in glittering gold print, which the Cutie Mark Crusaders regarded with amusement.
* * *
Monster peeked out from behind her folders once Diamond Tiara had left the room, regarding the card with a frown. “Fish?”
Featherweight scoffed, “She’s probably going to have her butler deal with them.”
Sweetie Belle added to Monster, “He’s nice. When DT gets rid of a pet, we get first crack at ‘em. Last time, we got a hermit crab.”
Scootaloo shifted uncomfortably. “I thought it could swim, honest.”
There was a very long silence, possibly in memory of the departed crab, before Monster hesitantly asked, “Does money make her like that?”
They all considered the papers and the money they represented, and in particular the heated argument they were having before Diamond Tiara showed up.
“I don’t want to wind up like Diamond Tiara,” said Apple Bloom, pushing her papers to the middle of the table. “If money makes ponies act the way we’ve been acting, then I don’t want none of it.”
“Me neither,” said Twist, pushing her papers to the center of the table too. “I’d rather have you girlth than anything in the world.”
“Hey!”
“And you too, Featherweight,” added Twist.
“Well, I have gotten used to this camera,” said Featherweight, pushing his papers into a pile with the others. “There’s a lot of fun memories in it that just wouldn’t be in a new one.”
Scootaloo’s paperwork followed. “Me too. My aunt says she’ll overhaul my old scooter, realign the wheels, add some reinforcements. It’ll probably hold together better than anything new I got anyway, with all the radical stunts I do with it.”
Sweetie Belle arranged her papers neatly and placed them on top of the pile. “Twilight’s right. This just got too big, too fast for us. Rarity says she started out one stitch at a time, and sewed her way up the hemline.” She wrinkled up her nose. “I don’t understand it either, but with school starting soon, we wouldn’t have time for crusading and running the stand anyway.”
There was a quiet thumping in the room and everypony looked around, eventually finding that Monster had begun wagging her tail at the mention of school. With an expression indicative of an entire bookstore chain worth of new books going unread, Monster pushed her papers in with the rest of them and sorted the whole collection into one neat stack.
“Now what? We can’t just give it away to anypony,” said Scootaloo. “They’d just have the same problems we did.”
“Need somepony who knows what to do with lots of money,” said Monster. “Or somedragon.”
Spike said there was a nice pony here a few days ago who was going meet with you after wards. I hope you tow enjoyed your meeting. He was very pleasant and called me silly names like Spirit of Heavenly Grace. Spike even showed me how to write it.
恩
Spike has been helping me with my letters since we have been spending more time together at the 5F1C Lemonade Stand, Only Two Bits. He corrects my capitol letters and everything. He’s very smart. He even knows about its and it’s, and gave me advice about what to do with the bits now that we are going to close the company…
“Oh, no. Not after what happened the last time.” Spike pushed the stack of papers back to Twilight with a guilty glance towards the kitchen where Trixie was torturing the coffee maker again.
“What?” The little alicorn had an absolutely devastating mournful look with big eyes, flattened ears and trembling bottom lip that all of her friends had been tutoring her on for weeks. Spike did not stand a chance.
“I… um… got into the Royal Treasury. Trixie thought it would be a good idea to teach me how to swim, and she’s never liked the water, so she took me to the— “
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
“Here you go, Spikie. Fresh from the mint. Don’t swallow any of them.” Trixie hefted the small purple dragon in her magical field and plopped him down in Bin #3 of the Royal Treasury, scattering newly-minted bits in all directions.
“We’ll start with something easy, like the dragonpaddle. Move your little claws like this…”
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
“I didn’t hurt anypony, but I tipped over several of their bins and ate about a bazillion bits worth of gems. My tummy hurt for a month.” He rubbed his round little stomach with one claw. “It was a good hurt, though.”
Spike flipped through the ownership papers and the incorporation transfer forms with a wistful smile. “I know you’re going to need somepony to watch over disassembling the company when you girls go back to school, but I’m not it. Money changes dragons just as much as it does ponies, or worse. Dragons with too much money too fast become just as bad a jerks as ponies, but we’re a lot bigger jerks. What you need is…”
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
Rarity smiled as she refilled the teacups for both Spike and Twilight. They both were such a polite little pony and dragon, and did not come over nearly often enough, even though Twilight’s visits normally ended with something or somepony on fire or tangled into a giant knot, but still.
“I must thank you, Twilight. It’s nice to know you trust me enough to store your little friends’ lemonade stand when you all go back to school. I have to admit, I’ll miss having you around during the daytime.” Hm, I wonder if I have space in my fall line for a Back To School theme for younger ponies. Wings and horn could prove quite the challenge.
Twilight shook her head, her criminally short mane remaining rigid as a bottle brush. “Stand goes to the farm. Need somepony to hold the company. Break it up. Sell the parts. Donate the proceeds.”
“Oh? I would have thought you and your little friends would use the money you earned to buy an excessive amount of ice cream. That’s what I did when I was that age. Not that very long ago,” she quickly added.
Twilight shook her head more vigorously and pushed the stack of papers across the table. “Too much. Need a big pony.”
“Why, I had no idea you and your little friends had made that amount of money off your little stand,” said Rarity, picking up the papers and scanning down them. “I would think that Sweetie Belle could get a financial related cutie mark for—“
Dealing with leading edge fashions adorned with precious gems had given Rarity a certain tolerance for rather large numbers, both in the Receipts and the Expense column of the ledger, as well as tolerance for occasional negative numbers in Net Profit that would have staggered nearly every other pony in town. After all, profits in one month and losses in the next could be blurred together, as long as there was a little black ink left to buy the individual necessities of life⁽*⁾ at the end of the month.
(*) Spa visits with her friends, the rare and certainly not more than three times a week visit to Gaston’s restaurant, and her monthly copy of Young Maretropolitan. For the articles, of course.
There was a number at the bottom of the asset page. It was an impressive number, far less an impressive number than was in the Gross Assets section, but still impressive enough on its own. It was a number normally associated with phrases such as Gross Domestic Product or even Government Cost Overrun. But there it was. Sitting under Net Assets. Reinforced with commas. Unconsciously, her eyes ran up and down the columns of numbers, looking for a mathematical mistake like the time Scootaloo had calculated the apple harvest at Sweet Apple Acres to weigh more than all of Equestria. She had known there was income coming off the design and manufacture of the cute little 5F1C capes, but she had subcontracted that off to a friend in Manehattan in order to focus more on her current fashion line. By the number in that particular row, her friend was able to buy her own penthouse suite now, and most of the rest of an apartment building too. Perhaps she would be in need of a new wardrobe.
“I think,” she started, while trying not to think at all, “that we all need to call in a professional.”
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
“Rarity, my dear. You look lovely this afternoon.” Fancy Pants swept into the boutique with his usual flair, taking in the sight of a small table with six little ponies and a dragon gathered around it in stride and restricting his usual kiss on the hoof to a gentle brushing of the lips. “I had no idea you had such polite guests!”
The gentlestallion bowed and smiled as Rarity introduced her sister’s friends, each of them on their best behavior and by some miracle not having set anything on fire. Yet.
Monster fidgeted on her cushion as the tea and biscuits were distributed around the table, a peculiar tradition that did seem to calm her nerves as well as allowed Featherweight to stick a straw up his nose and blow bubbles in the tea. Mister Pants seemed nearly as struck as Rarity when he looked at the papers that Mister Silver had prepared. His monocle even fell out and rolled under the table, which caused considerable confusion as everypony dove after it, and there was a horrible crunching noise when one of them found it. She did not pay too much attention to the conversation, but rather the behavior of her friends, which was so much better now than when they had been arguing over the monthly report. The one phrase still kept echoing through her head.
I don’t want to wind up like Diamond Tiara.
School was coming up fast, which spelled the end of lemonade season and the beginning of spelling season, as well as math, science, history, and all of the other wonders of the scholastic experience. Everypony was excited, but cashing out their investment had turned that excitement into snapping words and greedy thoughts. Maybe next year they could try something less ambitious and keep the lemonade stand local, but it had seemed like such a good idea at the time, and the orders had kept coming in, and the pyramid of sales had just been so fascinating to watch that she had not really noticed the wheels coming off the scooter until it was too late, much like real life.
“You have quite an admirable list of charitable goals,” said Mister Pants, leafing through their draft of the breakup documents.
“Ah thought having low interest small business loans available would draw more traffic into town,” said Apple Bloom.
“It can be kinda a pain for low-income gardeners to afford individual clouds,” said Scootaloo.
“There’s almost nothing for the outside ponies to read about how cool and fun Ponyville is,” said Featherweight, “so a travel and tourism fund would help promote us all over Equestria.”
“Not all towns have a library,” whispered Monster.
“Thome ponieth can’t afford to vithit the denthitht without thome finanthial athithithince,” said Twist.
“I thought a fund to pay for a public defender would be very helpful to innocent ponies who are accused of crimes,” said Sweetie Belle. “Just like Jailbird.”
“Sweetie!” said Scootaloo. “Jailbird likes it in jail. Besides, if he wasn’t there, who would keep the building open? And who would play harmonica in the yearly talent show?”
“Girls, please concentrate,” said Rarity.
“Hey!”
“And Featherweight. And Spikey-Wikey too.”
“Whatever you say, Rarity.”
The mannerisms of the older unicorn stallion intrigued Monster as he bantered playfully with her friends, sampling the cookies provided and expounding (which she looked up) upon their flavor and quality even while roughing out a small college trust fund for each of her friends and getting specifics on the charities which would receive the rest of the funds as the company was dismantled. He did not feel deceptive or arrogant like Diamond Tiara, and the fear that so much money might have corrupted her friends beyond recovery began to recede.
Cadence was right. Friends were more important than stuff, but having stuff did not automatically make you stuffy, like Diamond Tiara. Rarity dealt with stuff all the time, and still remained friends with so many of the ponies around town, even Trixie, who was difficult on the best of days. Rarity and Mister Pants were so much like Scootaloo, who never failed to give to the very lint in her bit pouch and the very last inch of her hooves if anypony was in need.
It felt good to get, but it felt much better to give. It lit a fire in the dark places of her heart and cast a warm glow over all she could see, and once the arrangements had been finalized and all of the paperwork distributed out to each of her friends for adult signatures, she trotted along the path to home with a distinct spring to her step, made that much springier by the hundred bits they had each received as split net profits from their own lemonade stand. Hundreds of little ponies across Equestria would be trotting along just like she was, listening to the jingle of loose bits and trying to figure out how they were going to spend them.
Monster already knew.
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
The evening air was just starting to cool when Trixie poked her nose into the doorway of the hollow tree outside of Ponyville. The sensation of traveling through the interface between the Everfree magic and ‘normal’ still brought a quiver up her flank at the feel of diaphanous tendrils brushing her flank and horn, and the cloying pressure that made even the simplest spells require extra effort.
“Hello? Anypony here?”
“Come in, come in,” said Zecora, trotting by with a firefly lantern on her head. “My Flower is up in the room of knowledge, preparing for our first magic college. Up the stairs and turn to the right, and we will be there most of the night.”
The stairs were uneven and the stairwell considerably more close than the open and cheery library in Ponyville. Her flank brushed up against the living wood of the tree with a tingle of forest magic as she emerged into the next room and stopped in amazement.
Dense knots of dark wood looped around overhead, bearing strings of beads with complex knots, suspended smooth stones wrapped in cords and painted vibrant colors, and many, many cubbyholes with colorful rolls of some paper-like substance sticking out of them. Even the lumpy wooden floor had oblong stones of abstract shapes lying in some strange pattern against the walls and in small neat piles, each stone completely different than each other but somehow reflecting a harmonious whole. Above it all were a dozen firefly lanterns, each filled with glowing insects that cast a warm shadowless illumination around the area and made a pleasant buzzing noise in the background.
“Library,” said Menace, who had somehow shown up at Trixie’s side while she was entranced by the sight. “Can’t read all of them.”
“Wha—?” Trixie tried to look calm and restrained while surrounded by so many silent books. “I mean — of course you can’t read all of them. Some of them must be far more advanced than your reading level.” She reached for a nearby curl of parchment in a cubbyhole only to have Twilight stop her.
“No. Dangerous.” Twilight Sparkle struggled for words while holding her hoof out, finally taking a deep breath and letting it out in one long sigh. “Illusion spell. Show.”
“Well, I suppose—” Trixie caught herself. This was exactly what she had tried to stop by putting restrictions on the little menace, but the welcome sound of Zecora’s hooves on the stairs allowed her to skip out on enforcing that particular unwelcome rule. “Only since Zecora is here too, yes. Remember to concentrate.”
And she did. Twilight’s horn glowed a soft magenta as the image of an oblong continent appeared, covered in chaotic colors. “Long time ago, Zebrica was broken. Monsters ate zebras. Spirits roamed free. Spirits made Zebrica. Spirits not happy. Made special zebras called Imetabiriwa, or the Wise Ones. Spirits talk to Imetabiriwa, Imetabiriwa talk to zebras. Do what is right. Spirits happy. Imetabiriwa talk to spirits, spirits chase away monsters, zebra not eaten. Zebra happy.”
“So what screwed it up?” asked Trixie, adding at Twilight’s scowl, “Don’t tell me it didn’t get screwed up.” Trixie nodded at Zecora, who had settled down on a nearby cushion with all the noise of a falling leaf. “If it wasn’t screwed up, she wouldn't be here to take you back there in a couple of decades. Besides, it’s pony nature to screw up a good thing. Zebras too, probably.”
“What says you is all too true,” said Zecora with a sip out of her teacup. “Our kind’s wisdom brought great power, but the rest will be explained by my little Flower.”
Under Twilight’s concentration, the illusionary continent divided into six colors with a small sliver of grey near the center. “Six tribes were formed, but as time passed and their power grew, they fought among themselves and each other. The Imetabiriwa were forced to remain within their borders, and the nations eventually went into decline much like the Ponynesians and the Roamanes once their empires became decadent. There are some parallels…” She slowed to a stop at a single quelling glance from Zecora and mumbled, “I read some Equestrian history books in the library. Anyway, a Imetabiriwa na Anga revealed herself to the Imetabiriwa of all tribes and—”
“Wait a minute,” said Trixie. “A princess? Horns and wings?” She looked back at Zecora, who was being quite calm and placid as she sipped her tea. “A Zebracorn?”
Tea sprayed everywhere and Zecora coughed until she could breathe. “Oh, no. You are so slow. A Wise One of the Sky is not marked by stripes, wings, and horn. Such a creature in our lands has never even been born. The wisdom of the Imetabiriwa needs no such crutch, for that gift is one of which my Flower has much. The prophecy of Flower’s return is very plain, but of this I shall let my daughter explain.”
A scroll of some thick leathery substance wrapped in Twilight’s magic floated down in front of Trixie, although instead of writing, it had little squiggles and bobs of charred stripes running from top to bottom. Twilight slipped up beside her, feeling a little like a shivering ice cube to Trixie’s warm side as she pointed and began reading down the line of symbols in a foreign language, most likely Zebrican. It took far longer than Twilight expected, as Trixie kept making her go back and pronounce different sections of the text, squinting at the unfamiliar squiggles and frowning more and more with every word. Finally Trixie exploded in frustration, pointing at the document and snapping, “You have got to be kidding me. You used ‘miaka’ here, here and here, but the symbols are different in each spot!”
“Code.” Twilight blinked as if it were the simplest thing in the world. “Symbol here for rain, three suns in right corner means rotate words by… She looked up at the ceiling, her tongue poked into one cheek until two other scrolls floated down. “This sequence.” She tapped on the third row of the document. “First two are just nonsense.”
“You mean every stinking book in your library is written in some weirdo code?” Trixie looked around in open-mouthed amazement. “Zebra newspaper crossword puzzles must be epic.”
“Not every book,” grumbled Twilight. “Just ones from our tribe. The rest are secrets from other tribes. Can’t read.”
“Why in the stars would you bring a library halfway around Equestria that you can’t read?!”
“We were in a hurry at the moment,” said Zecora with a sour grimace. “My Flower called, and we were sent. The old Imetabiriwa na Anga gave her life so that I could help in this time of strife. Twelve years have passed since the stars bespoke, and not a word from them since have I heard or spoke.”
“You don’t read the newspapers then, I guess.” Trixie shook her head. “The Foreign Affairs section of the Canterlot Times said something about another civil war brewing there. The Warthogs are snorting about, the Ibex are terrified, as usual, and the Zebras have all been yelling at each other.”
“Sounds like home has not changed,” sighed Zecora, adding some tea to everypony’s cups. “With the chaos and logic of the totally deranged. This time we must use to thoroughly prepare, for the return of my Flower, her friendship to share.” The zebra looked up from her cup at the sound of her daughters sharp inhalation. “We have time to spare, my Flower, dear. For you to learn and to heal shall take many a year.”
“Not that,” whispered Monster. “Just had an awful feeling for a second. It’s gone now.”
* * *
Tallgrass hopped on three hooves while suppressing several rather pungent comments about Equestrian road maintenance, the particular rock that had stuck out of the roadbed just far enough for him to stub a hoof on, and the ‘Traditional’ habits of the zebras he was traveling with. It would only take an afternoon on the train to get back to Ponyville, but five stubborn zebra mares could set their minds and hooves like boulders when it came to trusting themselves to ‘foreign’ methods such as a mechanical conveyance, made only worse by their constant complaining about the steamship trip to Manehattan and how if the spirits had meant them to travel to Equestria, there would have been a road.
It was going to take weeks at this rate to get back home. Each time they came to a divide in the road, there had to be a debate about which way to go, even though Tallgrass had purchased a map and there were road signs. In fact, every time he suggested a direction, it seemed that each of the quarrelsome mares were determined to prove him wrong. They could wind up wandering Equestria for years if he—
She’s going to her new home, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
Then again, the weather was nice, the scenery pleasant, and Tallgrass had always wanted to explore the Equestrian countryside in fall. The Running of the Leaves in Trottingham was supposed to be a very pleasant affair with colorful foliage and some of the best cider south of Sweet Apple Acres, and then there was always the beautiful rock formations of the Painted Desert which he had never had the opportunity to really explore. He hoofed the map out of his saddlebag and casually checked it over as the long slow walk continued, looking for other tourist locations as well as a place to post a letter back home to the wife.
Dearest Zecora,
I happened to meet some of your relatives this week, and…
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Wait. It's been up for ten minutes, and nobody commented? Incidently, I'm very bad/good about foreshadowing. When I'm thinking about upcoming chapters, the plot points tend to leak onto the paper (I blame my leaky brain).
5149608 Sorry, too busy reading Luna-tic Scientist's Final Solution. Yours was good, too, though!
"Left!"
"Right!"
"No. Left!"
"Your other left!"
"Your other other left!"
"I am hungry. It is time for food. Take us where the food is good."
"Let us take our repast, at the café that we just passed."
"Hah! A meal there would be our last! I don't trust it, let's just eat this grass."
"At this rate, I'll have already moved to Zebrika and settled into my new home for five years by the time they reach Ponyville..."
Nice way of stomping on the green eyed monster by the foals when they realized they were becoming like DT. I have to wonder if the spirits are going to be sending the zebra delegation on a very long round about trip through Equestria to give Twilight the time she needs to mature and learn.
read first, comment later
Ha. I admit I have no idea where you're going to take this, but I would love it if these old nags got put in their place.
I can just see it. Twilight asks them when she can come back to visit, they say no you can't, and Twilight gives Screw Loose five new neighbors.
another wonderful chapter. ^_^
Sorry... couldn't help myself...
See? Sent by the spirits my ass, sent by their own ambition more like. If they are listening to the spirits why can't they figure out where to go? Why can't they agree on anything? It is obvious that they are ignoring the spirits' will for their own ambitions and the spirits sent Tallgrass to Manehattan to sabotage them.
Duh.
See Rock City!
Majestic Neighagra Falls!
Visit Equestria's largest ball of twine!
Great
Could you have an arc where Celestia confronts twilight about what happened at chapter one of the first story and how she was sent to the forest.
Wahey, two chapters in a row without pees or poops. It's a record.
Those zebras sure are stubborn. At least this way they'll take their time
You've got a little, uh, a little something riiiiiight... there.
5150788 (censored) heck! There's something about chapter titles that has been slipping through lately. Fixed it. Thanks!
5150626 And get to see much of scenic Equestria in the bargain, from Vanhoover to Manehattan. "And over there is the second largest hoof dug well in Equestria. Now let's go see the third largest ball of twine..."
5150015 And ambassador, by the way. Several of your citizens visited our country and had an unfortunate accident." (floats over a small collection of potted plants to the ambassador) 'You may want to mail what's left of them home."
5150101 They'll need to go by Minneighpolis then. (I've been there. It's very... Kansas)
5150093 Two or more pegasi is a flock, two or more unicorns is a disaster, and two or more earth ponies is a herd. Two or more zebras is an argument.
5149767 Everybody is an example. Some positive, some... not.
5149708 Darnit, I need to go catch up on that too. That's an excellent series, and I need to plug it on my blog ramblings.
Almost lost my marbles over Rarity´s part. Perfection, just that.
If you allow me to make a comment, your style is marvelous, but confusing sometimes. But, in this lemonade ark, things were way smoother then in previous chapters. Just the right ammount of confusion.
Keep the great work !
5147683 And Twilight wants Barns and Stables publishing house...
Those Zebras sure can hear the spirits. Doesn't seem like they are listening though.
5150977 Yeah, that's a part of my writing I'm particularly bad at, although if you look at the part where Trixie goes into Zecora's library, you should see how I'm improving. (darnit, I didn't get any masks hung on the walls. Gotta fix that.)
5151114 There is a subtle difference in your prose, a point of which Trixie already knows. What they say to your hooves is true, but what is important, is what you do.
Just to say, before I start reading this--that is the most adorable story title I have ever seen.
NNNNNNNN. This is what I'm talking about! Twilight could have easily payed off Trixie's debt and had plenty left for all of her charities! What does the universe have against Trixie? She is trying so hard to be good now. We see Twilight heading to the library with a few hundred bits, but I doubt that is enough to pay off Trixie's damages. -sigh- I just feels for Trixie, you know?
5150101
Wonder what tourist traps Changelings would set. Er, not that they are really trying to capture unwary ponies and drain them.
I thought Tallgrass could not get any more awesome and then this chapter happened ...
also ...
Now we know just exactly why the spirits sent him to Manehattan ...
Sooooo... Tallgrass can keep them away from Ponyville by trying to go the fastest way, forcing them to go the longest way... Sounds like a plan to me!
5151675 OH man, trolling grump Zebra elders and giving his daughter more time to prepare for them... though as George said below... it would very well end up with a bunch of potted plants being sent back via Zebra ambassador when they do catch up with Twilight... to say nothing of the reactions of her little friends!
Building a fence to corral pegasi, I like it.
Kind of hilarious that Pinkie and Dash even made the list of responsible adults at all before being taken off of it.
Trust Diamond Tiara to provide a good bad example.
Neat.
Thank Celestia for Rarity and Fancy Pants, I was starting to wonder if they were going to get all the way through breaking up the company without setting up college funds.
Neat library, too.
Lemonade stand was a bizarre side arc.
5153108 Well, Pinkie and Dash are the first two that Trixie thought of, which kinda disqualifies them right there...
And the college fund for Monster is probably overkill. I mean can you imagine Hayvard being faced with an alicorn wanting to enroll? The president would break both wings and a leg to get her in the door.
5152460 I think the kids would be excited about the idea of going to Zebrica... until they got told in no specific terms that only Monster is invited. By the way, where have all those fireworks gone?
5151582 Could it be that some shamans listen to the spirits a little more accurately than others? Particularly ones who are used to listening to nonverbal emotional communication?
5151413 Well, Graceland for sure. And Elvis Przewalski and the Temple of Eternal Matrimony, Open Twenty-Four Seven For Your Convenience in beautiful downtown Los Pegasus would be a surfire stop.
5153677
Compared to the arc that involved multiple Twilights and a magic coffee machine?
5152460
Nah, it's even better. Assuming those stuck-up zebras survive Ponyville long enough to even get to Monster (which is far from given), see there is this great line they told Tallgrass:
Now imagine them repeating that in Luna's face (who will certainly take interest in a bunch of strangers aiming to take away what she considers her little sister) - the results should be ... most interesting.
5153818
Why am I absolutely convinced that every employee at a Love Hotel is a changeling?
5154591 I know, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside picturing Luna gaining a throbbing vein on her head before going into the Royal Canterlot Voice. And you're forgetting ALL THE CHANGELINGS WHO ADORE TWILIGHT! Massive Zerg Rush there. Then there's Scootaloo, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Twist, and Flitter... organized chaos ready to charge in at knee height. Add in the possibility of Angry Fluttershy... yeah the Zebra are all going to come out of Ponyville mentally scarred and nervous wrecks.
Y'know, I think the spirits may have sent Tallgrass to these five as a distraction. Since they're so determined he can't be right about anything, all he has to do is suggest the right direction every time and they'll keep wandering around until doomsday.
I am kind of hoping for an aside where they run into Maud and she freaks them out.
And I'm sure there are a dozen other amusing stops on the Equestrian Tour we could also be privy to. And Trixie keeps wondering what the hell Zecora finds so damn funny.
A question.
Luna has taken advantage of droit du seigneur in the past (which is, frankly, horrifying in and of itself. Even in Ancient Mesopotamia, where if a wife didn't produce enough children a man would get another wife or a slave-concubine, where patriarchs could demand that a wife marry her husband's brother should her husband die (or even just lose interest), and where it was acceptable to marry off daughters that were so young they only stood only three feet high , the Gods (who, in the longstanding tradition of mythological deities, were complete assholes) were so revolted by Gilgamesh finding it appropriate to go around screwing people's wives on their wedding night that the gods created Enkidu for the sole purpose of beating it out of him. But Luna was also generally distrusted, unappreciated, and disliked in the past.
Considering that, would not a great many of the stallions she approached agreed out of fear? That their new wives allowed it from terror of the repercussions of denying the mysterious, frightening ruler of the dismal night? Even if she never even implied a threat to her stolen paramours, fear of her retribution would many to do something (well, do somepony) they were completely unwilling to do.
Also, this line:
holy shit
Is Luna a rapist?
Why is polygamy illegal while Luna can still pull off droit du seigneur? Multiple husbands or multiple wives seems infinitely less objectionable than than stealing wedding nights for a one night stand with the bride or groom (although it seems that neither Trixie nor Green Grass had any real expectations about the marriage's legitimacy or the other as a spouse). It was mentioned back with Cheerilee and Trixie's conversation some time back about "bringing back" droit du seigneur... is it actually illegal in the present? What is Celestia's opinion over--not Luna's actions specifically (which there's no real reason to expect her to ever learn about that), but about taking advantage of droit du seigneur? What is Cadance's opinion (possibly the most important, being the Alicorn of Love and all)?
I'm not entirely certain what you're intending to get across here, but Luna doesn't come off positively. She seems instead selfish and incredibly divorced from modern morality. I can understand a degree of antiquated ethics, but... especially in light of her line about dominating reluctant stallions, it is rather horrifying (although I hold out some hope that, considering that she felt it would a betrayal of herself to force herself upon a pony trying to stand up for himself (even if that wasn't exactly what Green Grass meant), she meant something other than what it sounded like). It would be somewhat more understanding if it had been the adult-Twilight from the Monster in the Twilight (who doesn't seem to have any concept of sexual mores at all), but it comes off here as markedly divorced from the wise, compassionate, understanding figure Luna's come across as (outbursts of annoyance or frustration aside).
More jarring is how seriously you've looked at morality, family, and love (although that word, in a romantic sense, doesn't fully apply to Trixie and Green Grass) up to this point--Twilight, despite the knowing the situation she was in and despite having the forgiveness of every changeling she's met, is still completely torn up over having killed the changelings that tried to suck her, her mother, and her friend dry as cocoon-slaves. I'm not going to put this on the same level as killing thousands of people, but it is... grating, how overlooked this is. Someone a few chapters back mentioned that it seemed as though Luna had intended it to help Green Grass with his confidence issues and low self-worth; your response was a bit flippant and I am frankly terrible at figuring out what someone means something apart from the exact words they give, so I'm afraid I can't see it (if that was what Luna intended (well, I could see how she could do it now, but I wouldn't have considered that interpretation if someone else hadn't suggested it first) or if you were confirming the theory via humor). If that is the case, then most of the issues I have fall apart (regarding the Luna-Grass-Trixie issue. The droit du seigneur existing is still horrifying, but if she was just throwing it out as an excuse then my objections largely disappear (possible, as she mentioned it in connection with Roam (which I'm assuming to be analogous timeline-wise with the Roman Empire, which ended much further back than just a thousand years ago) and she may have come across droit du seigneur no longer being the law of the land).
If possible, I would appreciate a reply (if any comes) of at least 33.3(3)% seriousness.
On a side note, do the Elements of Harmony ship TrixieDash? All five of the Element-of-Magic-related characters get inspiration and join together to make a race-changing spell. Trixie seems to be the only one who floated out of their bed, out of their house, through the floor of somepony else's house, and into that pony's bed.
I'm extremely interested in that egg Philomena's got. A sun-phoenix? That's, uh... impressive. And likely very hot. How long will it be incubating? It seems that being part-wisp could mean that the chick within might become relevant earlier, rather than hatching months later. Although the egg itself could be important... incidentally, I noticed something about the wisp and his returning of the royal accoutrements. He said he was giving a gift and was looking for Tia, but you didn't actually say he was giving her the gift, nor did you describe the peytral, crown, or horseshoes... you did say that hegathered up the atomized pieces of them, but you didn't say what they came back looking like. Or described... say... their design.
Or their color. 
Or their size. 
And it is Twilight's wisp, insofar as a primordial spirit of nuclear fusion can be considered to belong to anypony. But, setting speculation aside, the importance of that egg scratches at my curiosity like a quill on sandpaper.
5154986
Maud Pie: earth spirits as Rainbow Dash: air spirits
My guess? Whatever earth spirit they have guiding them (or misguiding...) decides to screw this destiny crap and stick around the rock pony.
5154591
Luna? Luna might not be there when they arrive--largely because she may be too busy laughing at the idea of such a small group saying "there's nothing you can do to stop it". More seriously, with Tallgrass there Zecora will know what they're doing, and through her she just has to tell another changeling in town and Cadance will know. So all the changelings will know and help keep track of her. Further (and far more terrifyingly), Shining Armor will know, too.
No one outside of Ponyville is needed to stop these zebras, but then Celestia and Luna will know. And she just happens to have just finished making enough connections in the international community that Blueblood would cut off his front hooves to talk for her for an hour. And the spirits just so happen to absolutely love her.
And she's, you know, the most magically powerful being on the planet. I can't help but think that trying to tear her out of Ponyville would but an awful lot of strain on those barely-closed mental scars and the barriers holding her back from using her old, painful, terrifyingly effective magic. Not that she's a slouch with what she's got now!
But perhaps most terrifying thing these zebras will face is another of their race. Mothers aren't known for letting others take their children.
I love this story, and I love your update speed.
5156697 Heh. Long comment. Thanks. First thing. You're taking this too seriously and reading too much into it. droit de seigneuse is entirely voluntary in this context. Remember this from Chapter 27?:
And yes, she is selfish and divorced from modern morality. She's been gone a thousand years, and wasn't all that adorable a pony in the years before that either.
(reads a little farther) Yes, Twilight had good reason to kill that many changelings, but even in modern self-defense situations, the act of killing somebody, no matter how justified, has a long lasting effect on a person's mind. Twilight killed thousands. And liked it.
(reads a little more) The Element of Magic really doesn't like Trixie (who does?)
Don't expect the five zebra shamans to even try to force their new Wise One of the Sky to go to Zebrica. Expect guilt. Suffering. A long list of the zebras that will continue to die unless she goes. A vibrant description of the chaos and warfare that is about to break out unless she goes.
Oh, and you're missing a [ /quote ] tag on your comment.
5154986 I need to find my collection of picture postcards to track Tallgrass as he slowly proceeds across Equestria in the vague general direction of Ponyville...
5154591 Luna may just have an edge on the Zebras they don't really understand. You see, the shamans think they control the moon and sun. They may be in for a rather dramatic change of perspective...
5154419
Also a bizarre side arc. There seem to have been several thus far.
5157942 The "and there's nothing you can do to stop it" is very misleading, in that case.
5158032
It is that kind of story, mixing absurdity with the deeper aspects of it.
Then again, it's 1AM here so I could be sleep-deprived.
5157942
Hmm ... indeed, now that I think about it, I do recall the Zebra shamans believing they moved the sun across the sky at the very start of this story, didn't they. Equestria may have a few surprises in store for them indeed.
Not to mention that Celestia and Luna probably know more about the spirits (and may or may not summon them to tea parties or to sample Twilight's coffee) than the shamans ever will.
There is a whole lot of hubris and self-importance the zebra tribes and shamans readily court (which is, from the looks of it, the very root of why they are having issues in the first place - which Zecora won't be hesitant to point out, I imagine) - I can't wait to watch the very foundations of those things start to crumble.
5158109
Honestly, the moments of absurdity seem a bit like filler to me. As if the author were copping out of forming a single cohesive story in favor of skipping over inconvenient moments and periods. In my mind you could take them out and it wouldn't necessarily affect anything other than our perception of Monster/Twilight Sparkle. I guess it's weird to have extra-narrative character building.
5158364
Each to their own, I suppose. I find it very entertaining.
5156697
You forgot to close your quote tags properly.
Ah, what led to Zecora's first scene in the earlier story is coming back with vengeance. This should be very interesting.
Great resolution on the lemonade arc. Leave it to Twilight ot make a pyramid scheme that actually pays out.
There is something truly glorious in the mental image of Zecora doing a pit take. Thank you for that.
I love how the zebra elders are being so quarrelsome and self-defeating. A microcosm of Zebrica as a whole, I'm sure. That, or they're doing it on purpose. After all, some people don't want prophecies to come to fruition. Not when they have so much invested in the status quo.
Eagerly looking forward to more.
I'm a bit sad to see the 5F1C Lemonade Stand, Only Two Bits go away, but I guess Base Delta Zero-ing the global economy would make it a bit difficult for you to continue the story in any sort of reasonable fashion.
I'm pretty sure you're well past your allotment of four shadows by now.
(I'm kidding, by the way. I love the way you foreshadow.)
Headcannon accepted.
5199253
Deidara? What's that? Never heard of it.
But I have heard of Kefka from Final Fantasy.
Magnificent Bastard.
Everytime the Zebra "delegation" mentions talking to the spirits, I keep hearing Inigo Montoya in my head.
i38.photobucket.com/albums/e132/whiterabbit75/6a00d83451574769e20133ec8bfc3b970b-.jpg
5151410
To be fair, she has a lot of negative karma built up.
5211840 (On Twilight, Trixie, and the Debt) When discussing the motiviation of alicorns, in particular the Celestial one, you must consider just *why* she does what she does. In short, why would Princess Celestia want Trixie to have to visit her friends' houses to have dinner with them, to borrow items from them, to take jobs from them for spending money, when she could have just paid off her debt and left Trixie stay alone in the library tree, all by herself, just like she has been for most of the last twelve years. Think about it.
5189589 I really don't foreshadow well, it's just that while planning for future chapters, things slip into my present-chapter writing without me really thinking about it.
5160064 And these five are the most cooperative zebras in Zebrica.
5158082 It goes along with the supervillian shouting "Nobody can stop me now!" Which normally happens right before somebody drops a house on him.
5211913 Houses are remarkably useful weapons. They aren't wielded often enough, though.
5212392 Well, they're unweildly weapons, so it takes an extra turn to ready one after use. Plus you almost never find one enchanted to +1 or better, so putting character points into the skill is normally wasted. On the plus side, they do AOE damage...