46. Mirror - rorriM - Part Three
Letters From a Little Princess Monster
Mirror - rorriM - Part Three
Although Luna was the Princess of Dreams, many guards and staff at the castle considered Celestia to be the Princess of Sleeps Like a Mountain, particularly when she had to be woken up at some late hour to deal with some governing emergency. Although alicorns really did not need much sleep, what they got tended to be concentrated into a subatomically-compressed form slightly thicker than Celestia’s morning coffee, and the standard briefing for new diplomats to Equestria took great care to explain how waking up Princess Celestia for minor problems was a Bad Idea somewhat on a scale between invading Stalliongrad and parachute pants.
Sometime around four years ago, Celestia had gotten used to receiving midnight missives from her traveling student, normally inquiring about bail money or the state of any pending pardon requests, so when her horn tingled with the aetheric signal of an incoming scroll, she merely rolled onto one side in order to allow the resulting scroll to drop onto the bed beside her. Still, the fact that Trixie was using what she liked to call D-mail showed how whatever was in the scroll was at least important to one pony, and Celestia opened one eye to inspect the outsides of the scroll.
Then she opened both eyes and yawned.
To Princess Luna (or her sister, if she wants to read it or if Luna can’t answer right away, which is all right with me and Scoots so donut worry about it)
“One of these days, I need to teach Spike how to drop these things in Luna’s lap,” grumbled Celestia, although she was quick to open up the scroll and peek inside.
Dear Princess Luna
Aunt Quick Fix is taking Scootaloo and I to Fillydelphia and to and amusment park afterwards. Could we have permissions for my friends to go to?
Your friend
Twilight Monster FlowerPs we waitied until almost dawn to send this so you could be done with cort.
pps We need one for Diamond Tiarra’s daddy too so she can come along.
An amusement park. It did seem like a considerable stretch for Twilight, but then again, she was asking about it, which was a wonderful sign. Her parents had been so concerned about Twilight being damaged beyond healing, and Celestia’s own gut-twisting worries in that regard had been carefully buried as not to feed anypony else's concerns. After all, it had taken decades for Celestia to recover her composure after Luna’s banishment, but she had been old even then.
Ah, the resilience of youth, and the support of friends. And now she has even more friends. I was right to leave her in Ponyville.
Celestia could have flown even without wings from the joyous sensation filling her heart and banished any need for sleep. Humming a happy tune just short of breaking out in song, she danced over to the desk and stopped with a quill held over a piece of creamy stationary. It would take less than an hour for a Royal Courier to carry the permission to Twilight’s friends, but she would never get back to sleep now. All it took was a few quick words to the door guards and Celestia sprang from her balcony window instead, spreading her wings and ascending into the early morning darkness.
While Luna was stuck in Night Court and dealing with the nobility, Celestia had a different destination in mind.
Ponyville.
(Credit: Air by Nadnerbd at Deviantart )
* * *
“Hey there, Menace!” Trixie trudged down the library stairs with a cup of coffee fairly glued to her face, making the little purple alicorn jump and turn her back on the sleeping dragon. Twilight still held a smoldering stick in her magical grasp and Trixie smirked to herself at the ‘Mystical Secret’ she had shown to Twilight. Although Spike was still charging several bits per dragon powered delivery, while sleeping he could still be tickled in just the right spot on his ribs in order to discharge a bit-free jet of dragonfire, provided you held the scroll away from anything you did not want singed or sent. “Getting up or going to bed?”
“Getting up.” Twilight yawned briefly, displaying a set of perfect little teeth which still made Trixie grind her own teeth in jealousy. Trixie was starting to think Minuette was only making repeat appointments for Trixie just to chat about Twilight and how she was doing. Then again, Trixie could vaguely remember the friendly dentist as a filly in Celestia’s school too, so it was probably just normal for her to be curious about her classmate.
Twilight, that is. Not Trixie. Nopony really cared about Trixie. Except maybe Twilight.
“Well, I hope you have the next few days free, because Trixie has won an all expense paid trip for two days and nights to the most exclusive spa in Equestria!” She paused with one hoof up in the air and finished the coffee, all the way down to the licorice residue at the bottom of the cup.
“Going to Funland,” said Twilight.
“Oh.” Feeling much as if her introduction had been stolen away by a younger and much more talented performer, Trixie coughed into one hoof. “So, who are you going with?”
“Scootaloo. Her aunt. My friends.” Twilight looked away from Trixie and hunched her back. “Diamond Tiara.”
“The filly Scootaloo punched in the face yesterday? Mister Biceps came by afterwards,” continued Trixie at Twilight’s startled look. “He said… something, I suppose.” Trixie waved a dismissive hoof. “Trixie thought it would be easier to get it from the horse’s mouth, so to say. He didn’t make much sense with a bandage over his nose. So what’s up?”
Twilight hunched over even further and shuffled over to the edge of the couch so she could hide in its fuzzy shadow. She was obviously upset about how the dispute between her friend and the little rich weasel had gone, and needed as much encouragement as Trixie could managed to scrape up, which was where the bag of bits in Trixie’s cape came in. Whatever Twilight had done with the dispute between Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo seemed to have worked, from what little Trixie had heard. Or at least nopony had wound up in the emergency room, which was always a plus.
As a reward, Trixie had planned on bringing Twilight along to the spa so she could spend a little quality bonding time with the little alicorn. It burned a little to think a bunch of little fillies was making more progress with getting Twilight Sparkle back than Trixie had managed, but Trixie was getting used to the feeling. Now Trixie needed to be supportive more than she needed to take credit, and if that meant going on an all-expense paid trip to a spa while Scootaloo’s aunt took the little disaster zones to a Fillydelphia amusement park on a day trip, well, Trixie could handle it.
The little alicorn in question shuffled her hooves and tried to nose under the quilt thrown over the new couch before mumbling, “Swapped Scoots and Diamond. Scoots is over at Mister Rich’s house. Diamond is at Scoots.”
“That’s great!” exclaimed Trixie, mostly because the solution did not involve any work on her part. “They’re learning all about each other, I bet.”
Twilight’s face was a perfect example of stunned amazement, but eventually she shrugged the end of the blanket off while nodding, ever so slightly.
“And when they can get along without beating each other’s face in, they can swap back.” Trixie beamed as much energy as she could for this unheavenly hour of the morning. “I think your hard work deserves a reward.”
“You do?”
“Yes, I do.” Trixie dug into her cape and drew out a small pouch, from which she extracted a few bits. “Rarity stopped by last evening and gave me the good news about my trip this morning. I didn’t even know she was running any contest at her store.” The smile across Trixie’s face faded every so slightly. “Gave me a whole bag of bits for spending money, too. The interest rate even isn’t very high, and the payment terms can be stretched out for years.”
Trixie counted out seven bits into Twilight’s extended hoof. “Don’t spend ‘em all in one place. Oh, wait.” She added the entire bit-stuffed pouch to the pile. “You’ll need a lot more than a few bits to spend. Bring me back the change and one of those hats with the ears, wouldja?”
* * *
Across town, in a dark bedroom of the Rich mansion, another set of ears barely protruded out from under a silken comforter while a stentorian snore filled the room. With one final tick of precision Swish clockwork, Diamond Tiara’s alarm clock began to delicately beat out a lively little tune of early morning awakening on a small set of silver bells, which triggered a sluggish movement in the depths of the bed, growing in speed until Scootaloo popped out from under the covers and stumbled to a standing position on the soft rug next to the bed. “Gotta hurry. Papers will be here soon,” she muttered, bumping the ‘off’ button with her chin and stumbling into the bathroom for her pre-dawn tooth brushing and other waking activities, which lasted all the way until she tried to brush her nonexistent wings.
“What the… Oh, yeah.” After a painful pinch to the side to make sure she was not dreaming, Scootaloo looked up into the mirror and considered the face of her arch-rival looking back. All of the proper nefarious sneers and scowls Diamond Tiara seemed to do so effortlessly just looked like she had developed some sort of nervous tic instead, so after a quick brush through her mane, and then another couple just to keep up appearances for her present body, she bounded out of her room and down to the kitchen for breakfast.
* * *
Princess Celestia danced through the stars as she glided along towards Ponyville, kicking up her heels and even using the dark as cover to do a few acrobatics she never would have had the courage to do in broad daylight around the stuffy court. She could hear the ever so faint beating of membranous wings behind her, showing that the Night Guard was taking their task seriously, even when the Princess they were guarding in the dark was different than their normal charge. Still, the Nocturne took great pains to remain as hidden as possible during any nocturnal outing, so it was impossible to tell if there were two or twenty of her guards swept along on her early-morning or perhaps late-late-evening flight.
Twilight Sparkle had included a listing of all of her friends who were going along on the trip, as well as a map of the town (from above, with color-coded marks for each friends’ house) and listing of which parent/guardian would need the most convincing. The candy maker’s house was first, and despite the early hour, Agent Sweetie Drops was maintaining her cover identity as Bon Bon and had just begun to box up a whole mountain of fresh chocolate cherries.
She bought a box while dropping off the permission slip. Then after due consideration, bought four more of each flavor. The Canterlot fashion scene was just going to have to live with a Royal Princess wearing ‘healthy’ thighs this year, as well as an absence of those cursed dresses she had been wearing for the last few years.
Featherweight’s parents had just started breakfast when she dropped in, and to Celestia’s pleasure, were perfectly happy with allowing their son to travel with Twilight Sparkle and her friends. After all, they explained, he had managed to survive over the summer with her, and they really doubted there was anything in Fillydelphia more dangerous than the pictures⁽*⁾ he had brought back from the Everfree Forest.
(*) Monster had 'helped' Featherweight develop some of his pictures. A few of them were still lurking around the house, pouncing on the occasional unwary ankle. But they kept the mice down, so the parents tolerated them.
Rarity’s house was a little different. Celestia lighted upon the balcony of the Carousel Boutique with all the delicacy of a hummingbird (provided said hummingbird had already gone halfway through a box of dark chocolate dipped cherries) and tapped gently on her balcony door for several minutes before a shuffling creature, draped in a threadbare robe and topped with a silk sleeping mask, cracked the window open and mumbled, “Readdiamadiut do dressinton — mugmph!”
After a cheerful description of the upcoming trip and a polite inquiry as to the state of Rarity’s business, Celestia realized a certain lack of attention on her subject’s part, as well as a standing-up snore.
She tucked the fashion pony back into bed and left the permission slip on her pillow before soaring back out the window for the extremely short trip to the Golden Oak Library where to her surprise, Trixie was standing outside with a small bag.
It was the first time Celestia had seen her student beat the sun to rise, except for the times when Trixie had not set yet when dusk turned to dawn. She spent a few precious minutes exchanging stories about ongoing events including Twilight’s new friend before giving Trixie a kiss on the forehead and leaving her student behind to wait on the limo ride to her well-deserved spa vacation.
It gave Celestia an idea while flying to her next to last stop. A trip to this spa with Luna would be a wonderful gift they both would enjoy. There were several spas within Canterlot, but the close proximity included the ability of other ponies to interrupt their time together, and Celestia was feeling just a tad possessive of her long-lost sister. She would have to see if Flax & Wheat's New Age All-Natural Wellness Center would be willing to have a pair of Royal patrons reserve the entire spa for a whole week, or if the exclusive weekend would interfere with their existing clientele. She filed the idea away under ‘Things To Do In Canterlot Today’ while mentally flipping through her Ponyville folder with a growing smile. After all, the next location was already on her schedule, so there was no reason to put off the visit until later.
* * *
Breakfast at Sweet Apple Acres tended to be an aggressive meal, with stacks of apple-fortified flapjacks and bowls of creamy oatmeal to fuel a pair of healthy farm ponies for a brisk morning of apple bucking and chores. Three ponies were gathered around the Apple family table this pre-dawn morning, discussing nothing in particular when there was a sharp knock on the door.
“I’ll get it,” said Big Mac, scooting away from the table and wiping his mouth on a nearby napkin. It was only a brief trot through the other room to open the farmhouse’s front door and ask, “Can I help—”
A delicious chunk of dark chocolate was popped into his mouth, followed by a pair of scorching lips meeting his. Even after last night, Big Mac’s heart was hammering away by the time Princess Celestia ended the kiss, leaving the chocolate dipped cherry a thin film steaming away on the inside of his mouth mixed with the taste of sunshine and summer. “Hello, Big Mac,” she whispered, floating over a thick folded sheet of creamy paper emblazoned with the Celestial seal. “Sorry I haven’t been back lately, but I believe I can get free next Thursday to spend a little time with you.”
She popped another chocolate dipped cherry into his mouth as Big Mac nodded with wide eyes, and Celestia added a quick kiss to his nose before rising into the air with a quick “See you then” called back in her wake. As Celestia ascended into the air, so did the sun, sweeping a brilliant wave of light across the Ponyville valley to light the world in gold, and revealed Apple Bloom standing almost at his hooves while holding the Manehattan paper in her mouth.
“Morning, Big Mac,” she called, bouncing inside with the newspaper. “Is that my permission slip for Scootaloo’s doctoring trip in Fillydelphia?”
“Um… Eeyup.” Big Mac finished chewing the last of the chocolate cherry as Apple Bloom dashed into the kitchen and put the paper down on the table.
“Morning, Princess Luna,” said Apple Bloom while nabbing the last of the oatcakes. “I’d stay and chat but we gotta get going if we’re gonna make it to the train station for the trip to Fillydelphia.”
“Indeed, young one,” said Luna with a smile and an application of a napkin to deal with a small remnant of the oatcakes and zapapple syrup still stuck to the edge of her lips. “Are all of thy little friends going?”
“Yep,” said Apple Bloom through her vigorous chewing. “Even Diamond Tiara and Twilight. Gotta run!”
“Ah think we should be goin’ too,” said Applejack, eyeing her brother suspiciously once Apple Bloom had stampeded out of the kitchen at top speed. “Since Granny’s rheumatism is flaring up, it’s gonna be a long day out in the fields to catch up.”
“Wouldt thou like some help, friend Applejack?” said Luna with a mischievous smile. “It hath been a few years since I last pitted my hooves ‘gainst a worthy opponent, and a turn about the fruit trees as in days of old should be… interesting.”
“Ah…” Applejack spared a glance at her brother, who seemed to be suppressing a somewhat trapped-between-two-incoming-wagons look with a trickle of sweat leaking down from his mane. “Thank ye kindly, Your Highness. I reckon if’n yer offering to help, it would be right unneighborly for me to turn you down.”
* * *
Diamond Tiara rested weary legs against the sill of the train window and stared outside as the Fillydelphia-bound train full of little jerks jerked into motion. This morning had not gone the way she had wanted, from the abrupt panic-filled appearance of Aunt Quick Fix into the room where the Crusaders were sleeping, shouting out something about how she had slept through her alarm and the newspapers were outside, to the blur of motion as Scootaloo’s friends had burst out of bed and sprang into action.
Newspapers were supposed to magically appear out on the doorstep every morning for Daddy to sleepily trod out and retrieve while Diamond snitched a piece of his haycon from the breakfast table. They were early morning toys where Daddy would point to words he could not pronounce and get his little filly to sound out for him, and allow her graciously to have the section with the comics in it while he read the boring old crop reports and stock market news. They were most definitely not supposed to show up on the doorstep in a small mountain of newsprint needing to be wrapped with rubber bands and dashed out into the early morning town to be dropped on other pony’s doorsteps by a whole horde of little ponies, even if Apple Bloom had remarked rather snarkily about Scootaloo normally helping Archer do the whole route by themselves every morning. Without the featherbrain-driven scooter, they had to run the papers all over town, and Diamond had not even gotten breakfast before the last paper had been thrown and Quick Fix had hustled the whole group to the train station and onto the waiting train.
The low rumble in her tummy was joined by another negative feeling as Scootaloo, still wearing her stolen body although reeking with sweat and speckled with dirt, thumped down on the bench next to Diamond Tiara and gave an enormous yawn.
“Auntie Fix ran up to the dining car to see if they have any waffles,” she said with a second yawn. “I am allowed to have waffles without making you too fat, right?”
“I only eat the healthiest of foods,” said Diamond Tiara, mournfully thinking of the stack of oatcakes with raspberry syrup she had missed this morning. “Kale and spinach and other salady things for breakfast. Besides, isn’t Daddy going to be all mad at you for sneaking out of the house?”
Scootaloo smirked and shook her head. “Nope. I don’t think so.”
* * *
Mornings in the Rich Estate started in the kitchen long before the sun had risen, and Randolph was just a little discouraged to find out that Saucy Pans had beaten him to the coffeepot again this morning, as well as started to get out the fixings for the morning meal. Randolph had been slowing down more lately, despite his objections to the contrary, and seeing the young earth pony cook in the kitchen rattling the pots and arranging things on the stove only made him miss his long-departed wife even more, and think of the upcoming days when he would no longer be able to be of service to the Rich family.
“Morning, Randolph,” called Saucy as she sat his coffee cup at the table and arranged a napkin next to it as to indicate her unfailing concern over the elderly stallion and a sincere wish for him to actually sit down instead of trying to help.
“Morning, Saucy,” he replied, opening up the icebox and retrieving the eggs. “I believe Master Rich and Miss Diamond will be wanting pancakes this morning.”
“Pancakes? Whee!” Diamond Tiara fairly bounded into the kitchen and clambered up the shelves to pull out a box of pancake mix. “Do you need any help with ‘em or should I go do my chores first? I do have chores, right?”
In the stunned silence afterwards, Randolph could not even breathe. He was fairly certain Miss Diamond Tiara knew what a sunrise was in an abstract sense, but that she had never actually seen one, let alone gotten up before the occasion. Finally, he took a breath, and all of the accumulated snark of eight years of difficult filly raising slipped out. “Of course you have chores, Miss Diamond. After you weed the flowerbeds, we will need a number of forsythia and lilac sprouts for the kitchen vase, and some violet petals for Mister Rich’s morning salad.”
“Got it!” Diamond Tiara dropped the box of pancake mix on the table and bounded for the door, calling back over her shoulder, “Save a couple pancakes for me.”
The two of them stood in the kitchen and blinked for a while before Saucy turned to Randolph and asked, “Who was that?”
“Miss Diamond Tiara has experienced…” Randolph paused in search of a word to adequately describe the situation, but without a trip to the dictionary with a pencil, nothing really sprang to mind. After a quick glance behind him to make sure Mister Rich had not also risen early, Randolph continued, “Our little rotten egg seems to have hatched into a princess.” After an additional glance out the window to where Diamond Tiara was striding through the flower beds, stopping to nip off a weed here and there, he added, “A particularly strange princess, I would suppose.”
The rest of the breakfast preparation process was completed without much conversation, just the occasional disbelieving look out the window at where a bare-headed Diamond Tiara was rooting around in the pre-dawn flowerbeds with occasional trips into the kitchen to deliver the requested flowers for the vase and petals for the breakfast salad. By the time breakfast preparations had been completed and tucked under the warming covers for Master Rich and his daughter, Randolph and Saucy found themselves side by side at the sink, washing the dishes as a dirt-encrusted Diamond bounded into the kitchen for one last quick phrase before vanishing.
“She’s here and I gotta go before the train leaves bye!”
“Mistress Diamond is attempting to escape,” remarked Randolph, looking out the kitchen window at the galloping filly while drying a plate.
“Somepony should really stop her,” said Saucy, dunking another dirty dish into the sudsy water and beginning to scrub. “You said she’s supposed to be restricted to the house all day.”
“Once we’re done with the dishes,” said Randolph firmly, although a polite tapping at the kitchen door made him sit the drying towel to one side and go answer it.
“Yes, can I help—” Randolph looked up. And then up some more.
“Pardon me,” said Princess Celestia with an ever-so-slightly-chocolate-tinged smile. She held a creamy white envelope in her magic, as well as the morning newspaper to one side. “May I speak with Filthy Rich?”
* * *
There was something familiar to the tick-tick-tick of the train tracks which brought memories swirling around Monster like sharptooth bitey fish during a summer river soak. They nipped at her mind and tunnelled into her heart while her friends all chattered together or slumped on the seats for some missed sleep, and eventually drove Monster into making a short walk over to where the orange-coated pegasus was staring glumly out of the train window.
“I brought you some waffles,” murmured Monster.
“I don’t want any stupid waffles,” said Diamond Tiara, although the growl her stomach gave out at the words said otherwise. After a long time of sitting next to the grouchy pegasus, Diamond took the proffered plate and scowled at the contents. “They’re not cut up.”
With a small touch of her new magic, Monster lit her horn and created a small discontinuity in reality that she drew along the waffles with exacting precision, as not to accidently cut through the plate or the train window sill beneath it. “Sorry,” Monster added as she made the prenaturally sharp blade vanish back into the magic of its creation. “Scoots eats them in one big bite. Feather sticks two in his mouth, but he makes little choking noises while chewing.”
“Featherweight,” corrected Diamond as she stabbed one of the waffle segments with a fork. “Can’t you even talk right?”
“No.” Monster rested her chin on the window sill and stared out the window as the countryside passed. “I’m broken.”
“At least you got your cutie mark,” prompted Diamond Tiara through a mouthful of waffle, although her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “How can you be smaller than Sweetie Belle and still cast a spell like you did on me and Scootaloo?”
“Scootaloo and myself,” corrected Monster. Then she paused and furrowed her brow in thought. “No, me and Scootaloo is right. I think. Can’t remember. Luna said I should be a patient patient. Healing.”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Diamond Tiara, waving a sticky fork. “If you and Scootaloser actually did bring Princess Luna into my bedroom, and I’m not saying you did…” Her eyes narrowed some more. “Luna’s not your mother, is she?”
“No.” Monster swallowed while watching a copse of trees next to the rails go by. “Zecora is mom. So is Twilight…” She tried to swallow again, but her throat was dry enough to stick together and almost keep her from breathing. Taking a sip of juice from the little cardboard box labeled “Contains Actual Juice” barely managed to allow her to squeak out, “Velvet.”
“Never heard of them,” said Diamond Tiara with an additional bite of waffle, although her chewing slowed as she thought. “Wait a minute. I have heard of Twilight Velvet. She’s Prince Shining Armor’s mother. You don’t actually think you’re the Twilight Sparkle, do you? She’s like twenty or something, running around in the Everfree Forest until lately. Daddy used to say she’s crazy but the newspapers say she’s off in some arctic polar monastery with the Mystic Shaven Yaks of Yik, learning the secrets behind the Elements of Harmony.”
“Friendship,” said Monster. “Not a secret. Friends. My friends used them to save Princess Luna. And me. I. Myself.”
Despite a mouthful of waffle, Diamond Tiara still managed to scoff. “Your friends aren’t the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Everypony knows they’re those old ponies back in Ponyville. It was in all the papers.”
“Yes.” Monster looked down at the floor and closed her eyes. “No.” She reached out and put one slightly-sticky hoof in the center of Diamond Tiara’s chest. “Scoots is Generosity. She gives and gives until she has nothing to give, and then gives more. Paper route is actually Archer’s. She left town. Scoots volunteered to deliver papers for her.”
“That was dumb.” Diamond Tiara reached to brush off the unwanted hoof on her chest, but decided against it. “I mean Archer could have hired somepony.”
“Archer’s grandmother died. Went to funeral. No time. Told Scoots. Knew Scoots would help for a few days. For free. Would you have?”
* * *
It was not a question Diamond Tiara had expected or wanted. She paused with her mouth open and the taste of the waffles becoming bitter on her tongue. What she wanted to say was not what she could say. Archer was not really a friend, but she had let Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon copy off her homework a few days when they had been a little sloppy about getting it done, and although she had offered the little filly ten bits, Archer had turned it down. If Archer had come around the house in need of somepony to run her paper route for a few days, Diamond Tiara could have had Randolph deliver the papers. She could have. She probably would not have, but she could have.
“That still doesn’t really make you Twilight Sparkle,” said Diamond, putting the fork back down on the nearly-clean plate and pushing it back over onto the table. “So Featherweight is stupidly silly, Twist couldn’t be mean even if she tried, and Sweetie Belle can’t lie. That doesn’t make them the Elements of Harmony, and it doesn’t make you Twilight Sparkle.” Although the words were spoken just as strong as she intended, the small purple hoof on the center of her chest made them sound tinny and wrong.
That and the little tips of purple wings peeking out from under Twilight’s 5F1C cape.
Obviously, there were only three alicorns in Equestria, although a few weeks ago, she would have said two. There were a few rare freaks of nature who were born with both a unicorn’s horn and pegasus wings, but according to the newspapers⁽*⁾, pegacorns could only do a pitiful fraction of what a real unicorn or pegasus could do.
Obviously the little purple freak could use magic, or Diamond Tiara would still be herself.
Obviously the little purple… pony could use her wings, because Diamond Tiara had watched the heavy weights go up and down on the scales as she flexed.
The only (and most obvious) flaw in the theory would be if Twilight was really Twilight Sparkle, then the five most loser ponies in the entire world had done the coolest thing imaginable by defeating Nightmare Moon and bringing back Princess Luna.
There had to be another explanation.
Nothing sprang to mind right away.
She had time.
After all, having wings was kind of cool.
(*) Most newspapers which ran articles on pegacorns prefaced them with headlines such as ‘Princess Celestia’s Secret Love Child Revealed’ or ‘The Alicorn Legacy: Could Your Child Ascend?’ and accompanied them with blurry photographs. By pure chance, the Baltimare Star just happened to run an article titled ‘Celestial Family Reunion Upcoming’ the week before Nightmare Moon’s return, which would have been a real literary coup if they had not claimed Celestia’s little brother was returning from a trip to Caprica Nine to rule at her side.
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Poor Big Mac. And for those of you who thought A) Twilight would not tell Trixie about her spell and B) that Trixie would not be understanding, Phhhhbbbtttt!!!
Trixie seems very happy with the way that Twilight has treated the situation with her friend and Diamond Tiara.
6296863 No no, it's Lucky Big Mac.
That poor guy. I bet it hurt when he got that Luckiest Stallion in Equestria medal pinned on.
I'm going to guess that Trixie though Twilight meant that they did a house swap or something. Not a body swap.
Luckiest? Dude, he has to juggle farmwork and not one, but TWO royal Alicorns in bed. Not to mention the possibility of royal foals, something abhorrent for a hardy worker like him. Could you imagine the royal DOUBLE wedding?!? It would be chaos.
Discord would be proud XD
Of course, he IS banging the two hottest pieces of plot in equestria, so there's that.
6296969 One symbol for trouble/discord in Chinese is 奻 (nuán). Although it has two women (supposedly, because I don't read Chinese), they are not 'under one roof' as the old saying goes, and it is not the most common symbol for this concept. (Source)
6296985 They attach that award with a staple gun.
6297058 Of course. Trixie has this situation firmly placed in the 'Not My Fault' catagory now.
6297064 Luna is coming off of a thousand year dry spell, and Celestia has effectivly been 'reborn' since her little trip to the Sun Spa. Big Mac does fit several needs here, as he is far away from Canterlot politics, able to keep quiet, and apparantly fits the 'Handsome' criteria for both sisters. Any other necessary qualifications will be left to the speculation of the audience.
Last chapter had left a bad aftertaste: it seemed like Scootaloo was getting it was worse than Tiara. I didn't mention it because I was expecting this one to balance things a little and I'm glad it did.
It has to be hard for the Princess of Sleeps Like a Mountain, alicorn resistence or not, having to be awake for the sunrise every single day, so being unable to sleep in.
At least it looks like DT shows signs of starting to warm up to the CMC+++, though then I expect to have her understand using the Elements is anything but "cool".
Judging for DT's final reaction I imagine that, once this whole incident gets solved, the kids will still be asking Twilight to use that spell of hers a few more times: experiencing how other pony race feels and uses magic/flight/telekineesis/etc. is something I can see them wanting to try.
6286440
"Uh, I prefer Rich. "
Of course Trixie approves of Monster's methods. They're sneaky, of questionable legality, and wreak havoc on one of the Mobile Disaster Squad.
I'm not too sure about the Diamond Tiara redemption angle though. I hope this isn't just me being a jerk, but I like the idea of an irredeemable character. That's odd, since I generally love th concept that anyone can and will be forgiven, but in a show like this, a character who is just bad for the sake of being bad is refreshing.
The picture you used looks like Celestia just blew something up. She is way too happy about it. img13.deviantart.net/0488/i/2015/108/8/8/air_by_nadnerbd-d8q7lr7.png
6297166 It's an alternate universe, you can get away with things like that happening in those.
Big Mac you player you! will there soon be a royal addition to the Apple Family??? I can just picture Big Mac sweating as both Princesses stare at one another after showing up to tell him they're pregnant.
I hope Diamond Tiara learns her lesson soon and things improve at the Rich house after she gets back.
So Celestia gave Big Mac her cherry, both of them apparently
Another enjoyable chapter. I had forgotten about Big Mac and the Sisters being a thing. Do they know that the other is also in a relationship with Mac or is it more sitcom-y where they are always just missing each other? Anyway good job.
6296863
But she's not understanding the situation.
She do nah be understandin' what be goin' on.
Understanding the situation, she is not. Hermmmm.
I'm 12 again because I couldn't stop laughing while reading the Big Mac section, especially because I'd forgotten about the joke so it came as a surprise.
6297341
She gave him her chocolate cherry!
I'll see myself out...
6297342 I hope so! They don't need a love triangle erupting into another Nightmare scenario; they just solved the last one!
Holy wow, nopony pooped or peed in this chapter. Is that a first?
Ah, DT, you recognize that not helping out Archer would be a dick move to make. You do have a heart! A deeply buried heart in need of detoxing, debugging, and a wash in acid (because you wouldn't have helped anyways), but a heart nonetheless.
Your naivete about newspapers and your father's vocabulary is adorable.
Still pissed off at Mac for two-timing, although to be fair both of the princesses are pretty much using him.
Why exactly did Celestia think that Trixie would be a good influence?
Good work.
Suddenly my headcanon involves all minotaurs wearing parachute pants. Just because. "It's hammer time!"
I think it's the medication speaking.
6298367 Sounds like something from The Traveling Tutor and the Royal Exam (exerpt)
...
“Ah still think we oughtta just declare war on ‘em right now,” growled Steely Resolve, Gauntlet to the Right Fist of Minos, as the Minotaurs tended to despise the label of ‘diplomats’ for their representatives. Generally, if the phrase ‘War’ was not in their official title, the minotaur in question was most probably in charge of bringing it about or cleaning up afterwards. Over fifty years of all three activities had not dulled the natural combative tendencies of the old bull, even though the armor he wore fit only vaguely and rattled when he walked.
...
Before the little burro could speak, the minotaur scowled and snapped a response. “If Celestia had not been such a prude about our little disagreement with Cloudsdale—”
“You declared war on them, I believe,” added Honey Bear.
“—we could have beaten those bugs back into their holes.” All of the members of the ambassadorial circle jumped back as the ancient minotaur produced a double-bitted axe from somewhere and slammed it into the teak flooring where it stuck. “All that fighting, and we missed it!” The beetled brows of the minotaur lifted briefly as he peered nearsightedly at Green Grass and added in an entirely too hopeful tone of voice, “Do you think the bugs will show up for your wedding?”
“It does seem to be a precedent to have some sort of invasion during a Royal Wedding,” mused Green Grass to Steely Resolve’s obvious joy and Honey Bear’s concealed jitters. “Although Changelings spook easily, from what I’ve heard. If you really want to fight them, maybe you should consider cutting a lower profile, perhaps.” Green Grass eyed the naked axe still sticking out of the floor, which the minotaur quickly snatched up and made to disappear behind his back.
Great chapter. Loved DT's realization there. Going to be oh so very interesting...
6297535
D-mail, nice.
Enjoy that happiness, Celestia, you're probably going to have a little less joy in your heart once the damage reports from Funland start to roll in.
Oooo, not just d-mail, but hacked d-mail.
Hahaha, Trixie approves! She really should have asked just a little more about what 'swapped' meant in this circumstance.
Those chocolate cherries do sound pretty good.
That's a pretty good argument. Actually, now that I think about it, even non-AU Ponyville probably breeds pretty resilient foals.
Impressive.
Rarity sent Trixie to Flax & Wheat's? Bwhahahahaha!
*whistle*
Well, good luck, Mac.
Diamond Tiara and morning chores, what an unexpected combination. For everyone involved, really.
Discontinuity cut waffles? Not sure I'd eat those.
Ooooo.
Sometimes reality just comes up and smacks you in the face with truths you don't want to believe.
6297144
Naaa, personal head cannon says that on occasional rare morning (probably after a particularly disasterous friendship report) a group of nervous guards will stand with great trepidation around a massive pile of quilts and blankets. Daring each other to be the first to "wake HER" until at the exactly last possible second a long white horn will emerge between folds of the blankets, glow briefly as the sun raises above the far horizon with an unsteady jerk. Then before any pony could say a thing the horn would withdraw once again under the blankets and with the threat of disaster once again avoided, the guards would tiptoe out of the royal bedchamber. Sworn to never speak of what they witnessed....until the next late night.
6299903
Well, they probably have somewhere around a 50/50 chance of being safe. Which, for Monster, is remarkably high.
I'd give 'em a nibble. Because YOLO.
Great chapter!
Twilight cutting pancakes with magic blades formed of discontinuities in reality, nothing unusual there of course, but still ridiculously funny. I kinda feel sorry for Big Mac, and at the same time, i don't.
Thus Diamond Tiara must reexamine her assumptions and find the fallacious one. We know what is. Heck, even she does. The question is whether she'll be able to bring herself to admit it. Even she can't, this has been a very educational day for her already, what with learning where newspapers come from.
Also, Trixie is a good... well, not mom. She'd probably be horrified if anyone tried to saddle her with the title and responsibilities of parenthood. But she's a very nice fun but irresponsible aunt.
And it's fun to see how Secret Agent Sweetie Drops is permeating the fandom. (I'm still amazed that I could've been so close, yet so far. It made so much sense to have Lyra be the secret agent...)
6297229
Dammit man, now I can't look at the lovely picture without imagining the out-of-shot mushroom cloud and hearing maniacal laughter. She does look almost disturbingly joyful, like a psychopath after a murder or something...
Damn you again. You have tainted my mind with insidious and amusing images.
6302331 I live to please.
replygif.net/i/130.gif
Oh Mac, you're in for it now aren't you
Randolph's sarcastic remark and later the reaction was awesome, since he thought it was genuine DT doing all of that.
I wouldn't have been surprised if he underwent a short bit of bluescreening when that happened.
And well, Diamond has a lot to think about now, after the last bit. Let's see how long it takes her to figure it out.
*Nopony really cared about Trixie. Except maybe Twilight.*
That is really sad. is saving Equestria's and Twilight's life not enough?
Damn rude ponies.
6308328 One must consider the source.
6303358 Bluescreening? Try flatlining. It's a good thing Randolph has a strong heart.
Celestia: Good morning, my little pony.
Randolph: Urk! (thud)
Celestia: Oh, darn. Not again.
6302043 Interesting parallels. DT is really unrepentant Trixie, and Monster is really Luna... "Tantabus, do your worst."
6300013 One of the great things about Monster is she is able to do anything she hasn't been told is impossible.
6299903 Yeah, next Thursday is going to be fun. Let us say that Flax and Wheat is not the only thing on the agenda for the sisters to do together.
6308456
You have to admit that ponies abusing Trixie like that does not help Trixie self stern.
Heck if anything, she has it worse than canon Trixie before the boast busters episode. This Trixie is way more naive an unhappy that the one in the show.
Considering how she gets along with the mane five, is a miracle the elements worked for them.
Maybe the only reason this Trixie has not killed herseft is because she buries her sorrows in alcohol.
Cronic depression is not a joke.
Thankfuly Monster is there to make Trixie feel loved.
Also Monster did something the Twilight Sparkle of the show would have done.
Is also fun how Scotaloo acts so much like an earth pony and DT is acting more and more like a pegasus.
6308515 I'll just point this out again. Trixie is an Unreliable Narator. She's a local celebrity. The kids love her. Twilight thinks she's the greatest thing since Lilo Fruit and Thorn Peas. The town is considerably more appreciate towards her, particularly since she volunteered her salary to pay off fixing the incinerated Town Hall in which *most* of the ponies would have died if she had not distracted Nightmare Moon during the evacuation. Rarity has just gifted her a two day all expenses paid trip to Flax and Wheat's Wellness Center. She has been eating every meal at a different pony's house, which means she can't stay in the library and sulk. The CMC had a sleepover at the library, and it's still standing. Oh, and she's married to a lesser noble, which makes her Lady Lulamoon. And now the townsponies have conspired to fully redecorate the library with new furniture, drapes, appliances, a fireplace, and various other goodies (admittedly on her bill, but still).
All of this has happened in just under two months, which is about a month longer than she's stayed anywhere in the last five years. Oh, and her birthday is coming up.
6316510
Said spa is actually a hippie work camp. So is actually a mean prank.
She did not need all those library renovations. They just conned her out her money.
Her husband ran away, so the rumors about that must not be pretty.
She is eating all over the town in other ponies houses because they took her money away.
In fact ponies seem to love to con or trick Trixie.
The show Trixie was not that naive or gullible, there is the fact Trixie KEEP RUNNING AWAY FROM CELESTIA, only to come back months later.
Yes things now are slightly better, but Spike is st a greedy bastard, most of the town still hates her enough to trick or con her and she is basically living on charity or loans.
And that weird because a few chapters back she was smart enough to not take a loan.
No one seems to realize or care that Trixie suffers from chronic depression.
She has not got help or at least talk about her problems.
And unreliable narrator or not, the fact stands that she was alone for years, Celestia did an HORRIBLE job raising/training her and she needs an intervention badly.
Oh the ponies who I saved me scammed me of more money? Let's drink it out!
Heck Colgate is deliberately doing a bad job to get Trixie to go more to her sessions and just make her waste more money.
6297090
Personally, I'd attach it with a rail gun, but that's just me. It is so darned weird to see Celestia with somepony who's not Twilight or Luna. I guess my headcanon is a bit inflexible when it comes to certain characters (like Kim Possible with Shego or Korra with Asami), that I have to restrain my instinct to whap him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper like a naughty puppy.
Also, I'm gonna love it when somepony points out to Twilight that she could have just done to Diamond Tiara what she did to Filthy Rich (the magic trap that shows things from her perspective).
6296863
I don't think Trixie heard what Twilight said. Either that or she's try to blissfully ignore the number of ways this could go wrong and the mess it could get her in with the Princess. I feel bad for Trixie here, she almost got obliterated at her test, was picked as second best, shown up by Twilight a bunch of foals, and is now just the extra wheel in the machine. She may never have been a spectacular unicorn or magic user, but at least she'd have had a hope of blending in rather than being measured against an alicorn and eclipsed utterly by the elements of Harmony who are a ragtag bunch of foals and not even aspiring heroes or anything.
6345581
That's hardly fair. Although it's probably a fair bit more pleasant than being hit by freight train Celestia with a one-track mind. Poor Big Mac. I mean, sure, it could be considered nice, but it also keeps him from pursuing some other mare... and how can you hope to measure up to or compare to the alicorn that moves the sun.
Papers
aerobatics
I approve of this portmanteau of haybacon.
Can you please shut up Cursed Quill.
7568386
You the editor or something? You've commented on EVERY LAST CHAPTER with corrections... honestly, it's just a wee bit annoying to see as the top or second-to-top comment every time I go to flip to the next chapter. So, back to my original question: did the author ask you to keep offering all the corrections?
7568386
Hey, Im glad that you made those corrections. Saves me the trouble
6811981
Trixie heard what Twilight said, sure... She just didn't understand. Trixie believes that Scoots and Tiara are physically swapped, wherein the orange pegasus named Scootaloo is living in rich's house, while the pink earth pony named Diamond Tiara is living in the orphanage, as opposed to the actual truth of their minds being swapped.
8469464
7674599
This is the kind of thing you have to get used to on Fimfiction. While some authors ask for editors, or know a few people willing to help out, most amateur writers on this site don't.
And while some authors request that volunteer editors like this PM them instead of commenting, it's a relatively common sight.
Some, like Cursed Quill, seem to dedicate themselves to this service. I've seen Cursed Quill in particular on countless stories.
It's often helpful, improves the reading experience of future readers, and takes very little effort to ignore. It is almost entirely beneficial. Unless the authors themselves complain about it (and they ignore them and continue), why do you care so much?