‘What if’ is a question most are likely to hear. Some get annoyed from it, while others are intrigued by it. ‘What if’ means something happened, something change, and time has been bent and changed.
Make a tea and take a seat, as I tell you a story you might enjoy. But first, I wanted to ask you a somewhat simple question.
“What if Spike’s egg was hatched by Celestia, a thousand of years before he was supposed to be born?”
Well then, let me tell you a tale.
It was exactly a thousand of years before Spike was supposed to be born from the overpowering magic that was, Twilight Sparkle. But now, time has now changed.
Celestia had found Spike’s egg. Where? She has yet to reveal that to anyone. But nonetheless she returned to her throne one day, with an egg on her back, and not even a single guard even questioned their magicstay.
Celestia took a day off from ruling the throne, something she hasn’t done for quite some time. But yet no one question her motives.
Celestia ascended the stairs to her to her quarters, the egg still laying ever so firmly on her back. Once she arrived in her room, she set the egg down on the ground, as she prepared. Taking a deep breath, the princess with all her might and magic, charged her horn at the egg, as she released a blast upon it.
Some citizens said they saw fire works that day coming from the tower.
Back inside the tower, Celestia had dropped to the floor from exhaustion. And where the egg was supposed to be, in it’s place were pieces of the egg, as well as a confused, purple baby dragon.
The dragon laid on the ground, unknown to the world around him, and what was going on, and proceeded to cry, signaling his lungs were fine.
Celestia rose her head from the crying, as a smile formed on her royal muzzle as she had done it, her magic had worked. Carefully, she picked herself up and trotted over to the baby dragon, and proceed to look at his crying form. But when he had seen her, his crying suddenly stopped, as he began to laugh and giggle, as he waved his tiny arms at her.
Celestia smile grew even bigger, as she cupped the baby dragon with her hoofs, and nuzzle him, eliciting him of an adorable sound.
After a while of playing, the baby had fallen asleep, still in the grasp of the princess, as she clinged on tight to him.
She looked at the baby dragon’s sleeping form, he had purple scales, and his spike were green, as well as eyes from what she remembered.
“Spike, I think I’ll call you Spike.” Celestia whispered, not wanting to awake the baby dragon from his peaceful slumber.
Spike wasn’t much to look at, aside from his adorable cuteness, but Spike was destination for great things, the princess knew this best.
“My son, my beautiful son. You are meant for great things, and I, as well as others will be here to teach you everything: Magic, military, political, business, artistic, everything. You’ll have what others do not, time. And that, will make you a hero Spike.”
The baby dragon arose from his sleep from the sound, and was instantly giggling at the sight of Celestia, putting his tail into his mouth and sucking on it.
“But for now, you’ll be the baby I’ll take care off.”
Spike became wildly known to most throughout Canterlot, though not many had questioned his presence. A thing the princess hated, as she was always seen as this peaceful Princess, no one ever dare stand up to her. Though now with Spike, she had something to look forward to after work.
Celestia loved Spike, as well spending time with him, as Spike felt the same.
Celestia had kept her promise, and was raising Spike the best way she could. She taught him right from wrong, and how to have a good personality, and a strong sense of justice.
And Spike took this with high regards.
And over the years, she would teach him how to obtain most skills.
She taught him most fields, and tried to it in the fairest way possible. Spike loved learning, he wanted to learn everything he could, granting him the knowledge easier. And when Spike became the appropriate age, where he could wield a sword and fight, Celestia relocated him, not just because she wasn’t the best in that field, but not to see Spike fighting with a sword. Celestia entrust Spike to one of the best swordsmen she knew, Cloud.
There wasn’t much known about Cloud, no one even knew his last name. But Cloud was a being who knew right from wrong, and will always fight for good, no matter the cause, the price, or even the odds. While he might not be as fun and social-like how Spike was turning out to be, Cloud was very wise being, and highly influenced Spike in not only fighting, but as a being itself. Spike started to see him as a mentor, and even more.
Spike kept on learning from the two, Celestia would teach him what you could find in books and on a throne, while Cloud taught him what you would learn on the field. And showed him the true nature from the world.
Not that Celestia and Cloud views were completely different, but they had two sides of seeing things, and Spike saw both. Just as Celestia wanted. Spike was turning to be a fair and nice dragon. He knew how how both lives were, and could understand others troubles.
Spike was picking up from the two, as well as creating a personality and beliefs of his own, combining the two.
Soon, after hundreds of years, Spike was starting to understand everything. He had read many books, and had fought many battles against his master and friends. But yet, there was still so much for him to learn, both in a castle, and out on a field. And everyday, he would try harder and harder to learn everything, and master it, and he had the time to do it.
Then, after many and many years, Spike had finally grown up. Though not as a true dragon adult, more like a teen. Dragons are slow growing creatures, so it would make sense that Spike was only a teen dragon, and continue to be so for many years. He currently stood roughly at eight and a half feet.
Spike was one of the first dragons able to control his greed and his thirst for destruction, and many, even slightly his mother, wondered how he was able to do this. Maybe it was his knowledge that helped him? No one knows.
Spike had learned almost everything there was to learn, and had mastered it as well. Spike was one of the most magical, strongest, and knowledgeable beings known to Equestria. He even had a nice, easy going and fun personality to go with it, making him easily approachable.
Spike’s name had been heard throughout all of Equestria, and almost mare and even stallion wanted him. Spike had become very popular throughout the lands, but he was always humble and modest about his popularity, even sometimes wearing a cloak to hide his identity when among others.
Truth be told, no one really stroke Spike in a romantic sense, Spike never was looking for love, nor did he have any interest in it. All Spike wanted was to learn more, destroy all evil and make the lands good.
Spike knew things, that most did not. And that was what was good, and what was bad, and a good sense of justice to go with it.
Spike, by this time. Had been in many fights and wars, but he always knew what he was fighting for, and if the side he was on, was the right side. Though Cloud had mysteriously vanished in his youth, and now to be thought of as dead. His spirit, his words, and his honor had stayed with Spike, and Spike always took them to heart.
So whenever someone need help from Spike, no matter how big nor small, he would always help them if it was the right thing to do, and he would do it for free. Spike would stand up to anyone, even if the odds were in the others favour, just like Cloud.
Spike also helps his mother, Celestia, a lot. He could raise both sun and the moon, and sits in his mothers throne in her place. In this, causes Celestia to have more free time to do whatever, and causing her to be less stressed.
Though, unlike what others would think, Spike did not have it easy. While his life was more luxuries than others, he had many things to deal with. Like his mother, Spike was going to live for a very long time, and he was going to see his many of his friends die, and he could do nothing about it. This caused Spike to be more cautious with friends, but did not alter his personality.
One day however, some things were going to change for Spike, and hopefully, for the better.
Spike was sitting on the throne room by himself, he was wearing his black cloak, his hood not up. On his back, his sword and sheath, given to him by Cloud, was strapped against him in a counter clockwise fashion, as the strap went around his frame.
Spike had been ruling the throne for not to long today, he had a few ponies come in, asking for his assistance on a sudden matter, which he ruled on. But that was not very important to Spike, as today, he was supposed to hear some very important news regarding a new war, brewing to begin, and it would be coming from an old friend.
Finally, after a couple of hours, and many hearings. The messenger had arrived in the throne room, and had bowed in respect. The messenger was wearing a cloak over his body, a sword that laid on his back, but most noticeable of all, was the black mask that he wore, it wasn't anything anything special, just something that covered his face. The mask had given him the name Regal Mask, or Regal for short.
Even Spike himself, as barely ever seen Regal face.
“There’s no need for that friend,” Spike said, as he leaped from the throne, and bent down to give a small hug to the messenger.
The messenger hugged back, as he broke it off.
“How was your trip? I hope the dragons didn’t give you to much trouble.” Spike asked, as he returned to his high height. Spike preferred to stand on his two clawed feet.
Regal quickly shook his head to try and get his thoughts together, as Spike began to return to the throne.
“Please Spike,” -Regal started of jokingly- “they know if anyone tries to mess with me, they have to deal with you afterwards.”
Spike let out a small laugh, as he corrected him. “You have it wrong Regal, they would have to deal with you and your sword first. I mean you almost took me down last time we had that sword fight.”
Regal let out a small laugh of nostalgia . “Right, I guess I’m so used to everyone worshiping you, that I kinda formed around it.”
“And what idiots I call them, there is no difference, no level between you and I.”
“Right...”
After a couple of seconds, Spike let out another laugh. “Eh, we’re alone now, no need for the royal stuff. Want a drink?” Spike asked, as he went to the nearby counter.
“Yeah, tea would be nice.” Regal said, as he put his sword aside, and undid his saddle bag.
So much for a drink.
“Hey, Regal.”
“Yes Spike?”
“Sorry for asking so soon, but it’s too much of a high matter not to know. But what was the final decision of the one they call king?” Spike asked, as he finished brewing the tea.
Regal Let out a deep sigh, as he took the tea Spike was offering him. “I’m afraid I have bad news, the king declined the offer. And unless he gets what he wants, he’ll send countless dragons to destroy all the farms and towns in Equestria.”
Spike took a sip of his own tea, before answering. “So, this is officially a high threat, and is declaring war?”
“Yes, sadly.”
Spike, not feeling the tea being sweet enough, added in another spoonful of sugar.
“Tell me Regal, was there anything odd about the king? I know this is your first time seeing him, but surely from the legends about him you noticed something odd about it.
“Well now that you mention it, some things did seem a little bit odd about him.”
Spike took another sip from his tea, smiling as it was finally sweet enough.
“How so?”
“Well, he wasn’t very large as you would’ve of thought, he’s actually only a bit larger than you.”
“Anything else?” Spike asked, as his mind began to be in thought.
“Well, he wasn’t that much an angry dragon, rather like a sore loser. When I went to discuss the problem, he made sure to show me his army and strength, and what he could do.”
“Hmm, that is certainly odd.”
Regal let out a small chuckle, that barely escaped his mask. “You’re telling me, but the thing was that wasn’t even the most odd part.”
“What is the most odd part?” Spike asked, as he was halfway down his tea, his mind almost complete.
“Well, when I talked about our success, and your strength, the king became outrage at the statement. But what was odd, for a few seconds his scales turned a darker shade, and I swear I saw a black mist escaping from his eyes.”
Got it.
Spike took one more sip from his tea, as his mind came to a conclusion.
“Hm, well, it would appear that I have to go.” Spike said, as he placed his own tea on the table.
Regal turned and looked at him quizzically. “Huh, right now? Why?”
Spike chuckled, as he took his sword out, and walked towards the door.
“I can’t be here, drinking tea when there’s a threat to the beings of my kingdom, and besides. It would appear, someones playing king.”
Regal Looked at Spike even more confused. Sure it was Spike, whose stupidity was to go and fight evil as soon as he could, but a threat like this was nothing to reckon with, and that last line only added more confusion.
“Spike, the dragon king is no one to reckon with-”
“We’re not dealing with the king, more like a dragon with power close to the king.”
“What makes you say that Spike?”
Spike held his sword with his two claws, as he brought it forth. He held it like in a prayer position. Cloud had taught him this, that the sword has two edges, and if you close your eyes, while thinking of the what was to come, you could see both sides of problem.
“Because, a long lost friend told me about the king. While his anger is uncontrollable, he knows an imported feat.”
“And that is?”
“What is right.”
He’s not seriously going off that kind of logic is he?
“Spike, you can’t be going off that.”
Spike stayed in his stance, as he smirked.
“Alright, how about this. The king and us have been in a peaceful treating for a very, and I mean a ivery long time. Why spring this upon us now, and more importantly, against me?”
Regal thought about it, while Spike did make sense, something was still odd. “But maybe he’s changed now, or rather his greed is now erupting from within.” A couple of seconds passed, before Regal fixed his mistake. “No offence, Spike.”
“None taken, but if that was true, he would of just attack instead, I know he would be strong enough. I think we may be dealing with someone other than the king, but that being’s power matches, or even passes the one’s of the king. ”
Regal mind was now in thought, as he himself was trying to put this togather.
“Regal, why do dragons want to become large?”
Odd question.
“To show strength and superiority over others?”
Wait a minute.
“So the king should be large, but when I saw him he was rather small, so his rank should be small, like a servant. So then he can’t be the king, but the king is no where to be seen, meaning maybe somehow he was able to overthrow the king. Now that he has this power, he deems himself new king, and being a low class dragon to a dragon make’s him become a sore loser.”
Well done Regal, although I know you could of done better.
“But still Spike, that doesn't explain where he got this power from?”
Spike smirked, as he was almost finished. “Regal, do you know the legend about King Sombra?”
“You mean the evil King that used dark magic to become strong and rule a kingdom…”
Oh…
“Spike, are you implying that this dragon has somehow achieved dark powers?”
Spike simply nodded, as he opened his eyes, as a smile appeared on his face. He placed the sword back in it’s place.
“Regal, I know you went through a lot, but I’m afraid I’m going to need to ask you to round up the men, as well as ready the ship, I have to inform the others of my departure.”
Spike left through the doors, as he left Regal speechless.
He’s way too eager for a fight, wait!
“Wait Spike, I didn’t get to say happy birthday!”
In canterlot, Spike and Celestia weren't alone, as they now had a family to care for now. And family, was another strong suit Spike fought for. Candace was the newest alicorn in the family, and an amazing student. Both Spike and Celestia knew she was meant for great things. Candace had always saw Spike as big brother and even had a brother complex, as Spike saw her as a little sister. Blue Blood, on the other hand, pushes it a bit for Spike. Though he wants to be heroic, he tries to be emulate Spike, only to fail every time. But Spike still is there for his brother.
Where Blueblood wears the ‘Prince’ with pride. Spike wants nothing to do with the title.
Truth be told, Spike saw Regal as a brother as well, the things they been through, at least a brother at arms.
Spike had walked into the dining hall, where he had seen mom and sister, as well as other royal member enjoying their meals. Celestia, began the royalist of them all, sat in the back. She at first didn’t see him, but once she had, a smile appeared on her muzzle.
“Ah Spike, it’s so good to see you.” Celestia greeted, before a thought came to her mind. “Shouldn’t you be on the throne now? Oh no, did something happen?” Celestia quickly rose from her seat, but Spike rose a claw before she could, and using the holes in the cloak, flew over to her.
“It’s good to see you mother.” Spike said as he tenderly hugged his mother. “Sorry I’m not on the throne, but I do have some bad news.”
Celestia nodded, as he returned to her seat.
“I’m afraid that a dragon, who thinks he’s the king. Has gotten many dragons to support him in what I presume what monsters want.”
Blueblood, trying to emulate Spike, question him.
“By what means gives you that conclusion?”
Spike turned to look at him. “Most dragons are monsters, and monsters seek two things.”
“And those are?”
“Revenge, or/and world domination.”
Spike let out a small chuckle, and released a smile. “We really need to hang out when I’m done this Blueblood, seems forever since he have, maybe sword fighting again?”
Blueblood chuckled. “Sure, maybe this time I’ll take it easy on you.”
Both Spike and Blue Blood shared a laugh, before Blue blood resumed his meal.
That sentence brought a gasp from both alicorns, the biggest coming from Cadence. “Spike, does that mean you’re going to have to leave us again?”
Spike could swore he saw a tear forming her eye, causing him to sigh. He really did hate when he caused a kind of pain to anyone, especially friends and family.
“I’m afraid so Candance. I can’t have these dragons causing harm to any innocents. I’m really sorry Candace.”
Candance was truly upset, she always did hate it when Spike had to leave, and when he had to face a big danger.
“But don’t worry, I assure you I’ll be fine. Plus, I promise when I come back we’ll have the biggest tea party EVER!”
Candace giggled at the dragon’s enthusiasm.
Candace got over to Spike, holding out her hoof.
“Promse?”
Spike smiled, before stretching out his claw to the hoof.
“Promise.”
Candace smiled, as she hugged Spike. Spike deadly hugged back, he almost had a tear in his eye, but he quickly got rid of it.
We aren't allowed to cry.
He soon let go of the teen filly, as she returned to her seat.
Celestia rose again, and gave another heartwarming hug to her son. “That includes me too Spike, try not to get into to much trouble, and if you feel you can’t handle it-”
“Don’t worry mother, I’ll do my best to get back, while helping others.”
Celestia broke the hug, as she returned to her seat. A tear still relevant in her eye.
I shouldn't be too long this time.
With all his goodbyes done and over with, Spike began to prepare, bringing only a bag of bits in his cloak, and putting the hood up. Though as he began to exit, he noticed Celestia was walking with him.
“Something wrong mom?” Spike asked.
“There was something at the tip of my tongue, but I can’t remember it now.” Celestia thought about it for a couple of seconds, before a thought came to mind. “Well, I do have to go see the students trying to get into the school for gifted unicorns today, and I thought I might as well walk you out.”
“Ah I see, thanks mom.”
Celestia let out a little giggle. “You know there is no need for to thank your mother for walking you out to a war.”
Spike let out a little chuckle of his own, as he scratched the back of his head. “Right, sorry.”
Damn.
“Anyways, anyone standing out of this years candits?”
“Why yes, the filly Candace watches over, Twilight Sparkle, I believe, is trying out. She apparently loves reading books and learning as much as you.”
Spike let out another laugh of her own. “Really? Well then, I hope to meet her when I return.”
“Don’t worry, you will.”
Spike saw from afar that his train was arriving, and regretting that he had to say his final goodbye.
“Don’t worry,” Celestia had beaten him to it. “Just get aboard and hurry home!”
Spike gave one last smile, as he quickly hugged his mom, and ran for the train. Throwing his hood over his head.
While Celestia was off to meet the filly of the name of Twilight Sparkle. Before the thought came back to mind.
We even had a party ready for him this year.
“Happy birthday Spike!”
i very happy to see my idea made reality
but i do have a couple of questions/issues, hopefully you can enlighten me
1/
wait what!? where did that come from? last i checked the ponies loved their Princess, what did she do to get them to see her as a tyrant?
2/ who is David? is he some sort of self insert/OC bugger? i bloody hope not or you and me are going to have problems if he is meant to be a background pony then at least give him a pony name
3/
No. Spike was never meant to have a father figure, all the other ponies and teachers he had would die off before he could develop an attachment to them, his mother would be the only true constant in his life hence become a total mommas boy
4/ Spike was meant to have many teachers and tutors, not just one or two, that way he would also develop a network of ponies throughout the ages
5/
i'm sorry but i fucking cringed
6/
you keep going on about that, why?
7/ who is Zack!? where did he come from? and why are you giving them human names?
8/
oh gods no...
9/ what is with the cloak? i don't understand!
10/
please make it stop!
i'm not trying to be mean or anything and please don't take this the wrong way but this has only a passing resemblance to my idea i had in my head, maybe that's the problem, maybe the fic is perfect and i'm the issue? hmm... i'll need time to think on this... also if you feel i've been to harsh then i apologise as that was never my intention
in short it's a good start but it lacks the smoothness of your other fics, it felt rushed and had almost no build up, it felt like i was reading from a list, and have you ever considered getting a beta reader?
You sir! AMAZE me! This story is another great hit to my mind and please do more you just keep on getting better!
This is an interesting idea, though Spike has to be careful with that way of thinking. More than once heroes like him dies at the end of the story.
3331971 Hey man, thanks for all the comments, now on onto fixing your story.
1/ I can easily change that, but for what I had in mind for later, something like that was going to have to be a fact, let me know if you want to change it.
2/3/4 Don't worry, I hate self inserts as well as the next guy, though for my own selfishness, I was making a connection to 'The rainbows Of Spike.' and for event in the future. Spike is an complete mommas boy, I tell you that. And all that have taught him, have died off. Making Spike, love his mother that much more. But I was trying to get Spike to see both sides, of the equation. I can easily replace this if you wish.
5/ Aright, I was trying to aim to a mentor, as his words highly influenced Spike, in what was good, and bad. But like before, I can get rid of him if you wish.
6/ Yeah, repression is the worst for me. I'll fix it later, and when I get editors for the story.
7/ Again, a silly connection to Spike's Temporary Stay.
8/ I don't know what I was thinking with that, I guess I was trying to show his dislike to Blue blood. Getting rid of that right away.
9/ Spike is modest, so I thought a cloak or something to hide his identity, helps him not get noticed by others as much. (Like Spike and Twi going on a stroll or something else.) Plus, I'm going to have art of him done, so cloak or something kinda looks cool, only helps the impression.
10/ Was trying making Spike a little wise, but can easily change.
Now onto my notes.
I have these stupid things were I write a chapter all night. Me, not being in my best performance, Is missing the easy flow of text, as well as a build up. Planning to fix that today or tomorrow, after finishing 'Spike Temporary Stay' chapter.
Never feel bad about being brutal, this is your idea, and I'm just simply witting it. Tell me what should be changed.
Though I do know it can get better from here though. With the first chapter, I had to had things know about Spike, why quickly displaying his personally, besides letting it build itself.
I also feel, that because Spike is in Cantorlot, that he must to be royal. Where when they finally leaves, his true personality is revealed. I have a lot of faith in chapter 3.
I'm also mixing some of my ideas, as well as yours in here. But please always tell me what needs to be changed, and what ideas to add. As I will do the same to try, as I try to get your okay on them.
Sorry if it was an okay start, but I know it will get better.
Till next time friend, have a good one.
-bkill25
I have read heaven and hell today. This idea... My god this idea is amazing! But the flow! The flow man! I have never been hit so many times in one reading! I expected something more like the latest chapter to Spike's temporary stay. It was good believe me, fixing most errors in my head, but the bluntness didn't allow me to build any after thoughts. Like Cadence she is showing that she hates it when Spike leaves in this instance its best to go with less words and let readers decide on their own.
I have high hopes for this fic and would help in anyway I could. You just have to say please.
I have read heaven and hell today. This idea... My god this idea is amazing! But the flow! The flow man! I have never been hit so many times in one reading! I expected something more like the latest chapter to Spike's temporary stay. It was good believe me, fixing most errors in my head, but the bluntness didn't allow me to build any after thoughts. Like Cadence she is showing that she hates it when Spike leaves in this instance its best to go with less words and let readers decide on their own.
I have high hopes for this fic and would help in anyway I could. You just have to say please.
3332892 I'll top you on that and say. "Pretty please."
3332928
Honestly I didn't think that would work. Cool though. I'll copy this into a doc and work on it there. Is there anything you want me to keep the same? Also something has been bothering me. Spike's true right what is it? Is it that he views the world as black and white? Like ponies can only do bad or good? I gotta tell you this world is full gray and I assume so is the pony world.
3332935 Thanks a lot man, I'll make sure have you in the description of the story.
Feel free to change anything you want, but if it's something that you feel is big, leave a comment and I'll check it out.
And yes. While Celesita showed him the whiteness of the world, while David showed him the darkness.
There are a few minor grammatical errors, but other than that I think it is an interesting premise and look forward to what you have in store for us.
While the idea behind the story is quite amusing, you blazed through too much in the setup and made the rest quite generic. The character description and backstory can basically be summarized as: Spike is Mary Sue.
The words you chose are rather bland/repetitive and only vaguely describe your thoughts; there is little, to no, imagery and almost no description of supporting characters. The names are decidedly human and I have no idea why.
Many problems in word use and word choice here could easily be corrected by simply reading the story out loud. I'm sure this will be very interesting once cleaned up.
i like it pls continue
Thumb up for the Idea, though I'm not going to fave on the grounds that my mind is hurting from the rushed look of it.
but don't let that detract from the over all story. have a nice day.
3332692
1/ thats fine, it just threw me off
2/3/4/ oh thank fuck for that, i think the only OC i like is Fluffle Puff derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/7/29/385336__safe_oc_animated_queen+chrysalis_cute_fluffle+puff_artist-colon-mixermike622_nom_biting.gif i don't mind the link but sometimes it's better to have separate universes (gets less cluttered)
5/ just give him a pony name and flesh him out a bit, give him some history e.g he's an member of the night guard or an old veteran or something
6/ i look forward to it
7/ that's fine, just be sure to give them pony names, otherwise i keep looking for the humans and it breaks my immersion
8/ that's fine, just remember that blood is always thicker than water and despite Blueblood idiocy they are still family, try and think of it as a younger brother trying to copy his older sibling and failing, for "zack" has he been in battle with spike before? fought shoulder to shoulder? if so then he could be considered a brother in arms a battle brother if you will
9/ well if he's going for the Emperor Palpatine look then yeah... i mean look at Prince Harry, he doesn't wear hoodies and caps to hide himself does he? Spike is still royalty at the end of the day and royalty have expectations to the masses, i mean look at Princess Celestia (in canon), shes humble and kind and yet she still wears gold plated slippers! royalty are expected to look perfect or flawless it in the job description or something
10/ the problem i had was that you just dumped almost all dragons as mindless monsters, dragons are angry, greedy, prideful and arrogant but they are not simple beasts, i see that most dragons don' like other races because they view them as lesser beings that are trying to go above their station (at least that's the feel i get) plus there was no background or build up, it was just "EVIL ARMY OF DRAGONS OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!" kind of thing
you could have The King (needs a dragon name) be a rising warlord who is tried of the lesser races getting uppity, a increasing number of like minded dragons are flocking to his banner to put these upstarts back into their place, but of course they need a target and what better target than the most prosperous land of all, Equestria! and not only are they the richest but they also have the smallest army! (ponies are a peaceful lot) that's just begging to be raided! and to add insult to injury these ponies have kidnapped and brainwashed one of their own! the sheer cheek and audacity of theses ponies!
there you go! flesh it out a bit and it goes smoother, you have background and history
i'm glad i haven't offended you, as i have a bad habit of coming off as a complete douche bag when i write long reviews, hence why most of my reviews are very short, as for the rest i don't mind, i think my main issue was that i built this image in my mind on how this story should be, that seeing it in a different form rankled me to no end
3331971 Poor you?
sounds interesting.
Also, I didn't understand how spike can fit in the throne room.
3332988
Who are David and Zack ? Humans ?
I love it, keep on writing.
Meh, just wanted to read another story since the ones i'm reading don't have any new chapters so HERE I AM!!!
Okey, so about on the 5th or 6th paragraph I saw one or two errors per paragraph. If you don't have an editor, I can take the place, if it's no big deal...
Correction: 'What if' means something happened, something changed, and time has been bent and changed.
Slight correction: But now, time has changed.
Just removing an extra word that dosen't need to be there, nothing much.
Magicstay? I'm not getting anything on Google...
... This is the 4th paragrath, do you have an editor?
Fireworks is a compound word.
*Nuzzled
This story has a lot of past tense in it...
*Spikes
You don't really need to capitalize the 'I' in i'll, unless it's at the start of the sentence.
*... make you a hero, Spike.
"“But for now, you’ll be the baby I’ll take care off.”
...
*David is a true being who knows right from wrong, and will always fight for the good, no matter the cause, price, or even the odds.
*David was very wise
Would you like a mini editor?
... and if the side he was on, it was the right side.
YEAH! Melee is the BEST!
As for the rest: Woohoo! o-o Omigod... Twily! Oh...
I WANNA READ DA DWAGON PAWT [I wanna read the dragon part!]
Yea, interesting story, Lil bit of Mary Sue, but heck, when you've lived a couple centuries you'll get to that point as a dragon.
I believe you meant candidates.
Yea, as 19jburner says, not getting anything on Google, sure it wasn't majesty?
Gods damn it, how the buck did I miss this? Wow, I'm losing it Not a day will ever go by that you won't see me not reading a Spike/Celestia, Momlestia fic, love it with all my heart and a very serious twist, this is going to be fun
3458134 And some say Twilight is his mother.......
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132774155964.jpg
3468186 *Shivers*
3476628 I know.......
3480340 Which is why I'm so GLAD Spike himself said she was not his mommy....GO CELESTIA, GET YOUR SON AND LOVE HIM!!!
3480645 All Spike needs now is the tittle prince...encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTjjc7nWs-naZAE7EVW8mIcyoD2e4GNmOistwwtjpZ20v-IujCV
He is already awesome enough he don't need to be a prince go their DRAGON and be awesome!!!!
3480340>>3480645 Fixed chapter one, and chapter two coming out very soon.
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This is a good story but your word over use and redundant description made it very painful.
(I'm not trying to be rude I'm just to the point kind of guy)
for example.
"Back inside the tower" Did we leave the tower? I know you mentioned the citizens but you didn’t take the scene out of the tower.
"had dropped" is a double past description. You also might want to use "had" as little possible when it comes to describing a scene.
Limit you use of "supposed" when describing anything. Objects people and the world around them are absolute they are there or not.
You used the word egg twice try to make every word you use in a paragraph a onetime thing.
Hero? Time? Oh my God Spike's in Hyrule. I think that makes Twilight Navi... Yeah I'll buy that.
Not gonna lie... it's a good start. The thing I noticed the most, though, was that you misspelled Cadence's name quite a few times...
this story is looking good already
It's also an amazing Marvel series that ran from February 1977-October 1984, and July 1989-November 1998. That is all.
Your eight feet tall everyone will notice you spike