My life as a Princess

Being a Princess isn't easy, you have ponies acting weird towards you, other ponies who want to kill you, and nopony wants to get to know the true you. Stencilella is sick of this life and decides to hide the fact she's royal from...well...everypony. With the help of her childhood friend, Twilight Sparkle, she could keep her secret long enough to be treated normal. Or will her past interfere with her plans?

Chapters (2)

Letters and Luna · 8th Oct 2013 · 1,819 words
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Tour's and Twilight · 10th Apr 2014 · 5,491 words
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Comments ( 7 )

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Scribblestick

Scribblestick #1 · Oct 9th, 2013 · 6 · · Letters and Luna ·

Scribblestick the Chill here for a quick review of your story.

-Indent paragraphs or double-space between them to avoid walls of text. We're all claustrophobic like that.
-Stop switching between past and present tense.
-Don't make your main character a Mary Sue. And by that, I mean don't make your character: a) a Princess; b) Celestia and Luna's niece; and c) Twilight Sparkle's instant best friend that conveniently never shows up. (That was just taken from the description, by the way.)
-Also, don't make your main character a total prick. And by "total prick," I mean "completely dismissive of everything her 'best friend' has been up to during her unexplained absence" and "irritatingly arrogant." Or maybe you're going for "irritatingly dumb" with this whole "I-can't-remember-their-names-for-four-seconds" thing?
-Give every character their own paragraph when they speak.
-Look up how capitalization works.
-Oh, wait. She's talking back to Celestia over something that doesn't matter. "Irritatingly arrogant" it is.
-Don't randomly bring up a cliche, vague, tragic back story. And by randomly, I mean "barely having even a tangential connection to what's going on in the scene," "with no discernible buildup whatsoever," and "with no connection to anything that happens later in the scene."
-Look up how dialogue is punctuated. Acutally, you might want to brush up on punctuation in general.

Stencilella

Stencilella #2 · Oct 9th, 2013 · · · Letters and Luna ·

3321345 I would like to first thank you for your comment, and I will try my best to explain why this story like the way it is.

I know I have problems with my grammar and writing skills, I always had problems but that still doesn't stop me from writing. so I'm sorry, I truly am, I will try to fix that.

yes she is a princess, yes she is Celestia's niece and yes she is a friend of Twilight but the only thing that counts is the personality, so she's a little different that's good. the reason she never shows up will probably explain itself in the next chapter, as well as a lot of other confusions or misunderstandings.

let me just tell you that she hasn't seen Twilight for years, not since they were fillies so a little confusion is understandable, I am pretty fairly sure that if a person has not seen someone for a couple years he/she would have problems remembering them...people change appearance.

again I'm sorry, I never meant for it to be "irritatingly arrogant" but then again she is arrogant, that's part of her personality, she wont just drop something as it is but instead prove that she is right all the time...she's overconfident and annoying. that's what I wanted.

I don't care how cliché or vague it is, it will lead to something bigger...so you will probably see more of that. like I said, she is special...with a really messed up past, but I don't want to just give it all in one chapter.

I know and realize this...I'm sorry, again, no one ever taught me the proper way so I am learning by myself.

I am sorry for all my mistakes and will learn about them and I hope you will give this story some chances. I need as much help as possible so don't be afraid to say anything and help me with my writing. thank you.

Appledash112