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Letters and Luna1,819 words
Tour's and Twilight5,491 words

Letters and Luna

“Hellooooo, anypony here?” I asked as I walked down the gigantic hallways. Everywhere I looked there was some new item either hanging on the wall or on a pedestal. I was still able to recognize most of the objects since they were pretty old. Like, a thousand years ago old.

“Is it me...or did this place get bigger?” I said as I looked around, talking to myself...as usual. As I’m walking through the palace I take notice to the colorful pictures on the windows. I look at each picture eyeing the pony’s I see. “I guess I missed a lot” I remarked seeing what appears to be six ponies using some sort of magic to stop Discord. The...Elements of Harmony? Nah, couldn't be...could it? I shrug but instead of wondering away I look closer, there’s something familiar about that purple unicorn...I can feel it. I silently cursed my horrid memory, I always forget stuff. Suddenly a quick surge of magic goes through me as my eyes turn a darkish rose my horn starts glowing. Wind starts to blow around me, picking up my mane and tail. For a brief second I wondered how I managed to conjurer it up and where this wind came from.

I know...I'm stupid.

A little screen soon popped up next to me like a T.V. showing me images of me when I was little and another filly playing with me, a purple unicorn…just like the one on the window. As if a movie was playing right in front of me, and I was the lead role along with the other filly. Quickly as it started it ended just like that, my eyes went back to normal and the little screen just disappeared and the mystery wind went away. For a few seconds, I was quiet. Until something hit me, like a brick wall.
"Twilight?” I said as if it’ll come to life and say 'yup it’s me Stella long time no see how are you this fine night?' I probably would’ve said something, since I am that delusional, if I didn’t hear somepony behind me.
“Well, it seems you have arrived safe and sound...have your cousins taken good care of you?” I turned around, startled for a second but then bust out in a huge smile
“Tia!" I say as I ran up to her. I jumped up and gave her a big hug. “It feels like FOREVER since I’ve been here” I exclaim in her moving mane. “I’m glad you’re happy to be home” she says looking down at me smiling I nod my head and look up to her “so…what did I miss?”

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned a very valuable lesson in friendship blah blah blah something went wrong blah blah blah my friends and I found a way to overcome that problem or fix it blah blah blabbity blah FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!
Your faithful student Twilight Sparkle

I’m serious that is, like, how almost every single letter went. But then I realized that’s usually how Twi works...usually. In some of the letters Twilight would let one of her friends write a letter about how wrong, and once how right, they were. Few of them were actually pretty cute, like this one by, uh what’s her name? Applebloom? and something about her cutie mark. She’s such a cutie…well I’ve never seen or meet her but she sounds like one. Right?

I was sitting Auntie Celestia (yup still call her that) enjoying a small snack in her royal…what is this room called again? It’s that one with a fireplace…what am I saying? She has like 15 rooms with fireplaces in them. Maybe it’s where she reads or something…like she just reads Twilight’s letters then writes some back to her…yeah that seems to be it. Since this room does not have a name I will officially name it…uh…”The Royal Reading Room”…ha alliteration. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked...like I always do. So, like I was saying, after I clung on to Celestia for I don’t know how long she told me that while I was away Twilight went to Ponyville, met some ponies, made some friends, and defeated Nightmare moon. At that point I was all like “whoa whoa whoa…whoa um Q’ue me? Did you just say that TWILIGHT SPARKLE, miss 'I can’t play right now I have to read and study', the filly who said she has no time to make friends makes not just one but five?” I don’t know which I believed less, her making friends or then all using the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon. So Celestia took me here and showed me all the letters Sparkle had sent and, well you know the story. Good job Twi.

Then Tia told me the kind of adventures they had, and I was soooo jealous. I mean come on! The things they do are awesome! I wish I was there, fighting changelings and Diamond Dogs, they have adventures practically every day! How come Twilight gets all the luck? And her friends, what were their names again? Um…Rari-something, Pink pie, Futter Shui, Epplejack, and…Rainbow Bash?
As I have stated before, I'm an idiot.
I had a feeling that’s not correct…I know she wrote all their names down, and they all signed their own.
I should probably check for how you REALLY say their names…

Meh, I’ll check later. Man...I'm lazy...

Unfortunately for me Twilight didn’t describe them in any of the letters so I have no idea what any of them look like. But that kinda makes sense because Celestia has already seen all of them, and partly all of Equestria knows them, and their heroes and stuff. I think I’m the only pony who doesn’t know them. I mean Tia did talk about them what the elements are and where they live in Ponyville, not in like a stalker way. But I feel like I can’t know somepony until I meet them, ya know.

Twi did send a picture of all of them, just one I may add, so I’m just gunna have to use that.
“Hmm…let’s see” I said as I picked up the picture. The picture had all of them in a group with Twilight in the middle and the rest surrounding her. I looked at the ponies to see if anything stuck out. I probably would have sat there with Celestia, trying to guess each of they're names...while failing to properly pronounce each and every one. So to save myself all the drama I just politely asked who each pony was while pointing to their faces.
Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash. ...interesting.

I was about to ask Tia a question when a unfamiliar voice called out from behind us.

"Sister, it is now time for you to raise the sun” at the word sister I instinctively turned around with hope on who I thought it was. I then frowned when it was just Auntie Luna but it quickly turned into a huge smile again as I leaped to greet her and almost tackled her down to the ground in a gigantic hug.
The last time I saw her she was Nightmare Moon and was at battle with Celestia and a bunch of other ponies where the survivors’ have been long gone. I was right there in that battle as I watched my own aunt get sent to the moon and saw millions die before me with their blood everywhere and then screaming in pain and stuff. And I was pretty young when that happened so imagine how traumatizing the whole experience was. They don't teach ya that in school. Barely anypony knows about the battle that took place outside of the palace between Celestia's guards and Luna's. But even the war doesn’t compare to the torture and pain...'he' put me through. None of you know who 'he' is. Sorry for bringing it up. You'll find out eventually, but until then...his name is 'him' or 'he'. That's all you need to know until the time is just right. But that time isn't soon.
I'm getting sidetracked again...

"I've missed you so much moon” I snuggled in her coat and squeezed her tightly.

"…can’t…breathe…” she managed to choke out as she tried to wiggle out of my death hug.

Wait, can you even die from a hug? Never mind don’t answer.

"Oops sorry” I released her and she took a big breath of air gasping a little too. Either I’m that strong or she’s that weak because that was kinda dramatic if ya ask me. When she caught her breath she looked down at me and gave me this big Luna-smile then wrapped a hoof around me.
"It is with great pleasure to once again see you Stencilella, one-thousand and three years is quite a long time, I’m surprised you even remember me” she said as she pulled me a little closer and nuzzled me.
"Are you kidding me!?” I pulled away to look in her eyes. “How could I possibly forget my favorite aunt” I said softly. I then quickly turned around to make sure Celestia didn’t seem too upset by being 2nd place but apparently she must have snuck out while we were bonding. “Uh, don’t tell Tia I said that” I told her smiling sheepishly. Luna just shook her head and chuckled

“I believe I deserve bragging rights to my dearest sister, after all you are her favorite niece”.

"Pppshhhh, yeah right I know she loves Cadence like, like, cake or something” I replied rolling my eyes. Luna just gave me a look
“…cake?” she questioned as if she wasn’t sure she heard me correctly.

“I not good at metaphors or similes or whatever heck I just did” I slightly whined. I expected some kind of smart reply or comment but instead she just laughed a real genuine laugh that I haven’t heard since…a time…that was long ago.

"Oh, how I have missed your hilarious personality and humor” Luna grabbed me and ruffled my weird two shade lavender mane before resting her head on it.
I was surprised for a second before relaxed and wrapped my hooves around her, softly this time. I think saw a couple tears in her eyes, but I know if I said anything she would deny it.

"Yeah I missed you too”

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Scribblestick

Scribblestick #1 · Oct 9th, 2013 · 6 · ·

Scribblestick the Chill here for a quick review of your story.

-Indent paragraphs or double-space between them to avoid walls of text. We're all claustrophobic like that.
-Stop switching between past and present tense.
-Don't make your main character a Mary Sue. And by that, I mean don't make your character: a) a Princess; b) Celestia and Luna's niece; and c) Twilight Sparkle's instant best friend that conveniently never shows up. (That was just taken from the description, by the way.)
-Also, don't make your main character a total prick. And by "total prick," I mean "completely dismissive of everything her 'best friend' has been up to during her unexplained absence" and "irritatingly arrogant." Or maybe you're going for "irritatingly dumb" with this whole "I-can't-remember-their-names-for-four-seconds" thing?
-Give every character their own paragraph when they speak.
-Look up how capitalization works.
-Oh, wait. She's talking back to Celestia over something that doesn't matter. "Irritatingly arrogant" it is.
-Don't randomly bring up a cliche, vague, tragic back story. And by randomly, I mean "barely having even a tangential connection to what's going on in the scene," "with no discernible buildup whatsoever," and "with no connection to anything that happens later in the scene."
-Look up how dialogue is punctuated. Acutally, you might want to brush up on punctuation in general.

Stencilella

Stencilella #2 · Oct 9th, 2013 · · ·

3321345 I would like to first thank you for your comment, and I will try my best to explain why this story like the way it is.

I know I have problems with my grammar and writing skills, I always had problems but that still doesn't stop me from writing. so I'm sorry, I truly am, I will try to fix that.

yes she is a princess, yes she is Celestia's niece and yes she is a friend of Twilight but the only thing that counts is the personality, so she's a little different that's good. the reason she never shows up will probably explain itself in the next chapter, as well as a lot of other confusions or misunderstandings.

let me just tell you that she hasn't seen Twilight for years, not since they were fillies so a little confusion is understandable, I am pretty fairly sure that if a person has not seen someone for a couple years he/she would have problems remembering them...people change appearance.

again I'm sorry, I never meant for it to be "irritatingly arrogant" but then again she is arrogant, that's part of her personality, she wont just drop something as it is but instead prove that she is right all the time...she's overconfident and annoying. that's what I wanted.

I don't care how cliché or vague it is, it will lead to something bigger...so you will probably see more of that. like I said, she is special...with a really messed up past, but I don't want to just give it all in one chapter.

I know and realize this...I'm sorry, again, no one ever taught me the proper way so I am learning by myself.

I am sorry for all my mistakes and will learn about them and I hope you will give this story some chances. I need as much help as possible so don't be afraid to say anything and help me with my writing. thank you.

Appledash112