Villain’s Vindication Vetted
Vee for Vendetta
By Melon Hunter
Chapter 4: Villain’s Vindication Vetted
Veggie glared at the page in front of her. Had it been up to her, the sheer intensity of her gaze would have rearranged the ink on the page into the words she was looking for, but a universe that had birthed Discord would never have allowed anypony to get away with something that convenient. She let out a pointed sigh and snapped shut the book on the table in front of her, shoving it to the pile on her left.
“So.” Her voice dripped with icy menace. “It’s not in this one, either.” She looked at the now-empty box of law books left to read. “Or any of them.”
“As I told you, Miss Vee, we’re not really in the habit of writing up laws for”—Mayor Mare consulted the manically-scribbled note Veggie had slammed on her desk the night before—“‘accidentally-on-purpose firework-related civil disobedience through building demolition’.” She yawned and stretched, knocking the desk with her hoof and causing the forest of empty coffee mugs in front of her to rattle. “Maybe it would be best if you came back tomorrow…” She looked out the window at the sun peeking above the horizon. “Or rather, later today.”
Veggie slammed a hoof down on the table. “No!” she insisted. “It is imperative we take action at once to deal with this threat! On that note…” Her head whipped around. “Quango! How are the new posters going?”
“Whhhmmm?” Quango’s head slipped from the forehoof it had been resting on and bounced off the table with a resounding thud. He jerked upright, staring at her with bloodshot eyes. “Ah! Uh… uhhh… how about this?” he said, holding up a half-finished doodle of a poster featuring Veggie’s cutie mark. A line of green pencil slashed across the page, testament to his falling asleep in the small hours of the night.
Vee snatched up the parchment with her magic and stared at it. “No no no… this won’t do at all!” she exclaimed. She looked up at the two exhausted ponies. “Do either of you want to stop this madmare?!”
“I’m sure it was an accident, thinking back,” Quango said, stifling a yawn. “Just a fireworks display gone wrong.” Mayor Mare nodded in agreement, and Veggie’s jaw dropped.
“But she blew up Applejack’s barn!” Vee insisted. “We have to do something about that, at least!”
The mayor chuckled. “When you’ve been mayor as long as I have, Miss Vee, you get to know a few things. Like how the Apples’ barn falls down more regularly than the leaves off the trees around it, and if you try and help, Granny Smith just points at the half of the Apple family who’ve turned up to repair it.” She smiled and waved to the window. “I’m sure you want to put your heart at ease, but there’s no need to go and help.”
“Really?”
“Really.” Mayor Mare replied. “I’m sure, as always, Applejack will accept the barn’s latest destruction with good grace…”
The chatter inside Sugarcube Corner was abruptly silenced as the door crashed open, revealing a glowering orange earth pony. Applejack stomped in, chewing on a toothpick, the brim of her hat turned down slightly. “Alright,” she demanded. “Where is that hyperactive, firework-poppin’, sugar-lovin’ pink pony?”
“Oooh! Oooh! Is this a guessing game?” Pinkie exclaimed, bouncing up from behind the counter. “I love guessing games! Now let’s see…”
“What? No…” Applejack’s eyes narrowed as she saw who had spoken, and she began marching towards Pinkie.
“I mean, everypony loves sugar, except that meanie Veggie Vee… but who exactly ‘pops fireworks’?” Pinkie wondered aloud, oblivious to her incoming doom.
Applejack grabbed Pinkie’s tail with her mouth, and began dragging her toward the pantry. “Pinkie, we need to talk,” she said, voice muffled by the mass of pink hair.
“I guess it could be Bon Bon, but she’s pretty quiet, and hates loud noises…” Pinkie suddenly realised she was sliding along the floor backwards. “Oh, it was me!” She frowned. “Aaaaplejack! That’s not fair! You didn’t even let anypony guess before you gave away the answer!” Her eyes widened as AJ pulled open the door to the bakery’s storage. “Wait, where are we going?”
Wordlessly, Applejack yanked Pinkie through into the cool, dimly-lit room, placing herself between the door and the baker. She scowled for a moment, glaring into Pinkie’s eyes. “You heard about last night, right?” she demanded.
Pinkie giggled and rolled her eyes. “Well, of course I heard about it, Applejack! I think everypony from here to Manehattan heard that boom!” She suddenly set her face in a serious expression. “You’re alright, aren’t you? Nopony got hurt, right? You can rebuild it?”
Applejack opened her mouth, then paused for a moment, one hoof raised. “Uh… yeah. Everypony’s fine, Pinkie. Thanks for asking.”
“Great!” Pinkie bounced past her stunned friend, before being pulled back to the ground with another tug to the tail.
“Simmer down there, sugarcube. We ain’t done yet,” Applejack said, yanking Pinkie back into the pantry.
“What’s the matter?” Pinkie said, sitting down on the floor. “Are you worried your friends are secretly plotting against you? Because—you can take it from me—it’ll do you no good to go around being all suspicious and angry!”
Applejack took off her hat and rubbed the back of her head. “Well, that’s kinda mah point, sugarcube. Last night, we had somepony callin’ herself Sweet Tooth turn up and disturb Veggie’s speech! That was rude enough, but then she blew up mah barn, too! Accident or not, that ain’t right.” She glared at Pinkie. “And you know what she was wearing?”
Pinkie shook her head slowly. “Nope! No idea!”
“A Mare-Do-Well costume. An earth pony Mare-Do-Well costume, with extra streamers and such sewn onto it.” She walked a little closer to Pinkie. “And Ah checked mah wardrobe last night, and mahn’s as good as new! So, Ah’m guessin’ somepony filched yours.”
Pinkie gasped. “What are you trying to say, Applejack?! That I just let somepony take my costume? That there’s a thief prowling about?” She pulled out a bubble pipe from her mane and placed it in her mouth. “You know, I think I’m going to have to do some detective work!”
“Pinkie Pie, you know as well as Ah do that your little gang of sweet makers will have had somethin’ to do with this,” AJ growled.
“‘Little gang’? Are you saying we have secret meetings and stuff? An undercover operation controlling Ponyville from the shadows?” Pinkie moved her forehoof in a wavy motion in front of of her eyes. “Secrets and lies…” she murmured.
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Fine. So you ain’t in some hush-hush group for bakers. But Ah’m not buyin’ for a second that you knew nothin’ about it,” she said.
Pinkie nibbled at the edge of her hoof. “Applejack, you know I would never do something like that to you on purpose!” she said.
AJ blinked, then stared at the ground. “Yeah… you’re right. Sorry, Pinkie. Ah didn’t mean to say you blew up mah barn for no good reason. It’s just that Ah worry there’s somepony with their head not screwed on right who may end up really hurtin’ some folks, and you know who it is. Ah know you and Veggie Vee are about as alike as an apple and a rock, but she ain’t a bad pony. Yah can tell yer bakers and sweet makers that she’s as harmless as a fruit fly.”
Pinkie snorted and stomped her hoof. “She is not! She hates everything we make here in Sugarcube Corner. I tried my hardest to make her feel welcome at the party last night and she just kept pushing me away!” She gave a huff, causing a stream of large bubbles to fly out of her pipe. “She wants everything unhealthy gone from Ponyville! I know it! And she’s going to get every farmer in Ponyville to follow her by giving them money.”
“And how d’ya know that?” Applejack said, her voice dangerously low. “Funny, ‘cause Ah heard Sweet Tooth say exactly the same thing last night. Had some… napkin she found, sayin’ Veggie had written out her plans on it.” She gripped the brim of her hat, a triumphant smirk on her face.
Pinkie’s head recoiled slightly. “I… uh…” Her eyes cast about the room. “Because I came from a farm too!” she exclaimed.
“...and?”
“Uh huh! So I know all about farmin’ an’ those meddlin’ civil servants, comin’ down an’ tellin’ us how we should work our own land!” Pinkie said, voice dropping into a perfect imitation of Applejack’s own voice.
The farmer’s jaw dropped. “How did you…” She shook her head. “Never mind. You came from a rock farm. Not quite the same as Sweet Apple Acres."
Pinkie cocked her head to one side. “Why not?”
“Well… we live off the fruit we grow, Pinkie. Rocks, on the other hoof… not so much.”
“Applejack!” Pinkie stamped her hoof on the floor. “What are we standing on?”
“Wooden floorboards.”
“Under that?”
“Soil.”
“And under that?” Pinkie demanded.
“...sewer pipes?”
“Bedrock, Applejack!” Pinkie said. “Rocks are important; if it weren’t for rocks, where would we be?”
“Uh…”
“In a big hole in the ground, of course! And that’s why rock farming is important!” Pinkie put a foreleg around Applejack’s shoulders and began gently leading her out of the pantry, ignoring the stammered protests of the farmer. Halfway to the front door, AJ finally dug her hooves in and came to a halt.
“Now hold on there, missy!” she said, looking at Pinkie. “Look, Ah’m sorry for soundin’ like Ah was blaming you, and makin’ it sound like rock farmin’ ain’t important. You’re one of mah best friends, and Ah wanna keep it that way.” She fiddled with her hat. “It’s just that Ah’m worried we ain’t gonna be so lucky next time, and whoever this Sweet Tooth is, they’re gonna end up really hurtin’ somepony! If you know anythin’ about this mare, Pinkie, please tell ‘em to knock it off and find some other way to make their point.” AJ gave a quiet snort. “And no matter what they thought of Veggie Vee, Ah didn’t deserve to lose mah barn for lettin’ her give a speech at the farm.”
“I will do! Don’t you worry!” Pinkie said. “And I’ll make sure to bake you a special ‘Sorry Your Barn Was Blown Up By A Masked Mare With No Experience In Pyrotechnics’ cake!” she said.
Applejack let out a small smile. “Well, thank you kindly, Pinkie. But... please understand, Veggie Vee has a lot to offer us farmers.”
Pinkie scratched her head. “Does she even want to stay in Ponyville after last night?” she asked.
“Well… she did seem pretty shaken up after the explosion, but then she did have the lack of senses to not have her ears covered. Poor gal was staggerin’ around for ages!” Applejack said. “Ah dunno, Pinkie. She’s probably not been run outta town just yet, but Ah bet she’s not far from it.” She tapped her chin. “Look, if it’ll make you feel any better, if Veggie tries to do somethin’ crazy like shutting Sugarcube Corner down, then Ah’ll help you out. Until then… just live and let live, okay? Remember Cranky Doodle; not everyone’s as happy about cakes and parties as you are.”
Pinkie nodded vigorously. “Okie dokie! I’ll leave her alone until she goes crazy, and you start helping me out once she does!”
“That’s not really what Ah sa—”
“Make a Pinkie Promise!” Pinkie said, leaning in towards Applejack. “I Pinkie Promise that I will leave Veggie Vee alone unless she goes totally loopy, and you can Pinkie Promise that you will help me stop her if she does go loopy, and you won’t use silly loopholes to wriggle out of it!” She pressed a forehoof into her left eye and looked expectantly at AJ.
Applejack sighed, and poked herself in the eye also. “Fine. Ah Pinkie Promise. Though Ah can guarantee, you won’t have to call this promise in. Now, if you'll excuse me, Ah have a barn to raise.” She tipped her hat in a gesture of farewell and left through the door.
“Nailed it,” Pinkie whispered gleefully. Once Applejack was out of sight, she called, “C’mon out, everypony! It’s safe!”
At that, Sugarcube Corner came alive. Those at the tables pulled off wigs and stickers over their cutie marks. Ponies popped out of cupboards, crawled out from beneath the counter, poked their heads out through the floorboards, and—in one case—emerged from a pot plant. Somepony scampered over to the door, sticking up a sign saying ‘Closed for staff training’. In the corner, Mr. Cake lowered a newspaper he’d been pretending to read and tore off his fake moustache. “So, how did it go?” he asked.
“Fine! Applejack doesn’t suspect a thing, and I think Veggie Vee’s plan is going to get her nowhere,” Pinkie said.
“Pssh! Speak for yourself!” said Saltwater Taffy. “She nearly figured it all out. It was only that ‘rock farming’ comment that saved you!”
“I guess… Wait, how did you know that?” Pinkie asked.
“I hid in the largest flour jar in the pantry. It was the only hiding place I could get to in time.”
“So that’s why you look like a ghost.” There came a knock at the door, and all the room dived for cover once more, leaving Pinkie on her lonesome in the middle of the floor. She hopped over to the entrance, to find Carrot Top staring at confusion at the sign. “Hi!”
“Um… hi, Pinkie.” Carrot Top tried to look past Pinkie at the shop beyond, the pink pony swaying to keep herself in the way. “Did I see Applejack come in here?”
“Yup! You just missed her!” Pinkie said. “Why?”
Carrot bit her lip and stared at the ground. “I… uh… had some money I owed her. I was also gonna get her a few cakes or something for the barn-raising, but that looks like it’ll have to wait.” She pointed at the sign and frowned. “Isn’t it just you and the Cakes who work here? Who needs training?”
“I do!” Pinkie said. “Mrs. Cake said I kept getting distracted from important things like customers by little sounds, and was trying to make me stop!”
“You mean like leaving her to go and answer the door?”
“Exactly!” Pinkie’s face fell. “Ah, shoot…”
Carrot backed away a little, lips pursed. “Y’know what? I’ll just come back later…” she said weakly.
“Please do!” Pinkie waved after her and retreated indoors, fellow sweet makers coming out from their hiding places once more.
Lyra poked her head over the edge of one of the hanging lampshades, grinning. “Wow, Pinkie. Master of misdirection!” She looked over to the door. “Y’know, I’m sure it’d be a lot easier if we stopped holding our secret meetings in public buildings and had a nice, hidden-away place instead. Such a shame we don’t, eh?”
“The secret underground meeting hall is for special occasions only!” Bon Bon hissed, popping up from the neighbouring shade. She glared down at Pinkie. “And whatever anypony thinks of Veggie Vee, it was really low, blowing up a whole barn like that. What’s everypony going to think of us now?”
Pinkie looked away from Bon Bon and sighed. “I didn’t mean to do that,” she protested. “I must have set the fireworks up wrong! Trixie made it look really easy; I thought you just pointed them at the sky, and bang!” She waved her forehooves in the air. “Nopony told me a whole stack of explosives could blow up like that!”
Bon Bon shook her head. “Just drop the Sweet Tooth act, okay? Nopony’s gonna appreciate another building getting blown up.”
“Actually, I rather liked the idea,” Mrs. Cake piped up, leaning on the counter as though it were merely a group of customers she was addressing. “Granted, accidentally blowing up buildings is really something to avoid, but I appreciate the ‘masked avenger’.” She rubbed her chin. “I just worry what connotations ‘Sweet Tooth’ will now have to some ponies… and how Veggie Vee is going to use that as leverage.” She looked at Pinkie and narrowed her eyes slightly. “Let me tell you, young mare, whatever mess you’ve made is your responsibility, alright?”
“Sure thing, Mrs. Cake! Leave it up to me, I’ll make sure everypony knows and loves Sweet Tooth in no time,” Pinkie said. “And I’ll make sure never to use Royal Guard Surplus-brand fireworks, ever again!”
Bon Bon gave a start. “Which brand?”
“Royal Guard Surplus! You know, the ones who make, uh”—Pinkie scratched her head and thought for a moment—“‘Experimental Anti-Manticore Missiles’! I still have a few lying around!” Bon Bon put a hoof to her mouth and stared. “What?”
“N-nothing. You… you just make sure you don’t use them again,” Bon Bon said quietly, hopping down from her perch. She cast her eyes upward and shuddered slightly. “Y-you know? It’s probably about time for me to go and open up the sweet shop. Come on, Lyra. Before it’s too late…” She fled from the bakery, her chuckling companion in tow.
“Well, I suppose we should all wrap up, then,” Mr. Cake said, rising from his chair. “Now, that leaves the question of what to do next. Wait for Veggie Vee to make another move?” Most of the ponies in the room nodded. “Even if that means she tries to drum up sympathy using the barn?”
Pinkie gave a laugh. “Don’t worry, Mr. Cake! Applejack said she’d help us out if Veggie did anything crazy. AJ will stop her before she starts being a meanie-weenie pony to the whole of Ponyville!” She stomped a hoof on the ground and looked around at the gathered ponies, smiling confidently. “I’m sure of it!”
“How sure, dearie?” asked Cup Cake.
“I’m so sure she won’t do anything crazy, I’ll… I’ll… I’ll eat my hat if she does!” Pinkie shoved a forehoof into her eye. “And that is a Pinkie Promise.”
Veggie gave a cry of terror. The orchards of Sweet Apple Acres had become a fearsome and foreboding realm, dark boughs reaching up to pierce the sky, poisoned fruit dripping with whipped cream hanging from the branches. Candy cane-striped tendrils tried to snatch at her legs as she galloped for safety. She ran between between apple trees, each one exploding into plumes of colourful sparks as she passed, gooey syrup bursting out. Quango—who had inexplicably merged bodies with Pinkie—flew above her in the Sweet Tooth costume, hurling cakes and lollipops at her, screeching “They’re not sugar addicts!” The Pinkie head simply laughed maniacally.
She happened upon the barn of Sweet Apple Acres, somehow already rebuilt. Veggie dashed inside and slammed the door shut behind her, horn glowing as she pushed the deadbolt across. She slumped against the wood, near-hyperventilating, eyes clamped shut. What the hay had happened? One moment she had been in the Mayor’s office, the next, all Tartarus had broken loose! The world was turned upside down and against her, and everything wanted her dead!
Somehow, she was certain this was all Pinkie Pie’s fault.
There came a rumble behind her, so low it delved into the infrasound. A wave of dread shot through the unicorn. As she slowly turned to face its source, it repeated, this time a little clearer: “Veggie Vee.” She looked up and moaned in terror. Behind an obsidian desk seemingly as high as Mount Canterlot sat Red Tape, his eyes ablaze with eldritch fire and a judge’s wig on his head. “You have failed me, Veggie.”
“N-no!” she squeaked. “I can’t have failed you; it’s only been two days!”
“Yes!” boomed the hell-Tape. “Two days, and Ponyville is buried beneath a mountain of sugar! Its citizens know nothing more of healthy eating than a whelk does of flying! The farms are in ruins, and Sugarcube Corner reigns supreme!” It leaned closer, making Veggie shriek and fall back. “And it’s all. Your. Fault.”
“All your fault!” the Quango head parroted, the two-headed pony crashing through the door.
“We warned you! We warned you about us!” the Pinkie head yelled. She waved around a rocket with her forehoof, grinning wickedly. “Need a firework display to take you out?”
“It’s not! I swear!” Veggie pleaded, tears running down her cheeks. “Please! Give me another chance! If only it hadn’t been for Pinkie Pie, I might have—”
Red Tape Supreme threw back his head and tore the barn’s roof asunder with his laughter. “If only it hadn’t been for Pinkie Pie and your futile efforts to fight her, perhaps you wouldn’t have spent all the money in the Treasury!”
“What?!” Veggie’s hind legs gave out, and she fell to the ground. “All of it?” she asked in a horrified whisper.
“All of it! Every last bit! Princess Celestia had to sell her crown and go begging on the streets thanks to you!” The Dark Lord of the Treasury grinned, bearing rows upon rows of pointed teeth. “I have never seen anything so disastrous in all my days! Your think tank is defunded, Veggie.”
“No! Please, don’t do this!”
“And you stand accused of disgracing the Civil Service, bringing ruin to the town of Ponyville and bankrupting the nation of Equestria!” He snorted, twin plumes of smoke shooting from his nostrils. “So, tell me Veggie Vee: how do you plead?”
Veggie collapsed into a heap on the floor, whimpering. What had she done? What had she done?! How had she managed to succeed by accident, where Queen Chrysalis and her changeling army had failed?! It… No. No. This had to have been someone else! She had been framed!
As she rose to give her ‘not guilty’ plea, Vee suddenly realised the horror of the courthouse she was in. The jury was twelve Pinkies, smiling expectantly. The Pinkie-Quango sat in the prosecutor’s seat grinning wickedly. The courthouse guards were Pinkie. Countless Pinkies sat in the gallery. Even her defence attorney was Pinkie. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be happening! She screamed as she looked up into the face of Demon Tape looming over her, his judge’s wig now resembling Pinkie’s mane. “Well?”
“Guilty!” yelled Defence Attorney Pinkie.
“What?! NO! I’M INNOCENT!”
“Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!” every Pinkie in the courthouse sang, bouncing up and down. The barriers between her and the public gallery broke down, sending a pink tide toward Veggie.
“GUILTY!” Red Tape bellowed, the clap of his gavel meeting the bench sounding like the world being split asunder. “You are guilty, Veggie Vee!” he roared, as the endless ocean of Pinkie Pies dragged her away. “Your punishment is a life sentence… of force-fed cream cake!”
Veggie could only scream in mindless horror as the Pinkageddon took her away from the Kafkaesque courtroom. Pinkies without number pushed her down and stood back as tendrils of saltwater taffy grabbed Vee by the limbs and torso. She shrieked and struggled as they pinned her against a giant sherbert lemon, her mane and coat instantly binding to its sticky surface.
“Open wide!” said one of the Pinkies, holding up a truly gargantuan cream cake. She was carried closer by a taffy tentacle, Veggie trying now to stop screaming and hold her mouth shut.
“Help! Help! Oh sweet Celestia, somepony please help!” Veggie begged, as the cake began to press into her face. “Anyponyyyy…!”
She gasped as there was a sudden flash of light. Veggie yelped as her restraints vanished, causing her to fall heavily on the floor. A pale blue dome of translucent magic surrounded her and expanded, pushing away the infinite Pinkies and shutting out their chanting. She clenched her eyes shut and curled up into a ball, shuddering.
“There is no need to be afraid, Veggie Vee. You are safe,” a calm voice said. Veggie looked up through tear-filled eyes, seeing a vaguely equine figure in front of her. Unthinkingly, she let out a sob and wrapped her forelegs around her mysterious saviour. “There, there. Nothing here can hurt you now.” A hoof rubbed her back soothingly.
After a moment, Veggie’s muscles released a little of their tension and she let out a long, slow breath. “Um… thank you,” she said. She opened her eyes slowly to look up at her rescuer. She blinked in confusion as she saw a chest covered in a deep blue coat, then a decorative collar of black metal inset with a crescent moon, then a smiling face framed by a mane like the night sky…
“Ahhh!” Veggie recoiled violently as she realised exactly who had saved her, performing an inadvertent backflip as she broke free of Luna’s embrace. “Princess Luna! What an… an… honour!” She attempted to stand to attention, salute and bow all at the same time, only to succeed in collapsing in a heap on the floor. She decided to make do with kissing the ground in front of the royal hooves instead.
Luna chuckled and placed a hoof under Veggie’s chin, raising her head gently. “There is no need for worship, Veggie,” she said. “It is my duty to protect my subjects from the powers of their own nightmares.” She looked around at the magical shield, where the Pinkies had pressed their faces up against the barrier, all the way up to the apex of the dome. “Especially nightmares as powerful as this one.”
Veggie began backing away slowly. “I’m so sorry for being such a nuisance, your Royal Highness! I’ll go!” She yelped as her rump collided with the shield. “Somewhere…” She sighed as Luna picked her up with telekinesis, lifting her closer and placing a wing around her.
“Veggie, I realise you are a long-standing and loyal civil servant, but I expect no bowing or scraping here,” Luna said. “This nightmare stood out from the dreamscape especially strongly, and I see I arrived just in time…” She glanced up again at the outside Pinkie shell again, multiple party ponies waving back at her. “Although I am somewhat at a loss as to explaining what would spawn such… vivid images.”
“W-wait… I’m asleep? This is just a dream? There’s not thousands of rampaging Pinkie Pies? You didn’t have to sell your crown?” Luna shook her head. “Thank Cele—I mean, Lun—uh… thank you?” Veggie stared at the ground as Luna wrapped her wings around the unicorn, shielding her from the manic stares of the nightmarish Pinkies. “But I swear I didn’t fall asleep! I don’t remember falling asleep!”
“A common occurrence,” Luna said, chuckling. “Let me show you…” Her horn flashed, producing a glowing oval in the air. An image of Veggie was projected upon it, leaning back in a chair. Her mouth was open unflatteringly, loud snores emanating from the void. A wet patch had formed on the chair cushions from a thin stream of her drool.
“Oh gosh. I look like that right now?” Veggie asked, aghast.
Luna smiled. “I’m afraid so.”
Veggie frowned at the golden glow illuminating the scene. “Isn’t it still daytime, though? I thought you slept until dusk.”
“Fortunately, I do not require my corporeal form when it comes to my patrolling the dreamscape. I know better than anypony that a ‘nightmare’ can strike at any time.” Luna rubbed her chin. “Now… if we’re to stop this from occurring again, we need to get to the bottom of what caused this.”
Veggie peeked out from between the indigo feathers, and whimpered at the sight beyond, unchanged since Luna’s intervention. “I don’t know! I haven’t had a nightmare since I was a little filly!” She sighed and looked away from the alicorn. “I suppose the Ponyville operation has been putting a lot of stress on me…”
“And I think we both know that Ponyville can be a rather more energetic town than Canterlot, hmmm?” Luna said. She rubbed her chin. “What do you fear, Veggie Vee?”
“N-nothing, Princess…” Veggie mumbled, staring at the ground. “It’s just some silly worries. I’m sorry to waste your time.”
“You’re not wasting anypony’s time, Veggie. This is nothing to be ashamed of; everypony has their fears,” Luna asserted. “But you will need to identify them, and face them to stop the nightmare repea—”
“FailuredisappointingtheCivilServiceandPinkiePie,” Veggie blurted out.
“I’m sorry?”
Veggie gulped and tried again. “Failure, disappointing the Civil Service, and Pinkie Pie,” she repeated. “Mostly in that order.” She peered around Luna’s wings again at the crowd outside the dome. “Although maybe you guessed one of those already.”
Luna frowned. “Well, yes. The other two are understandable, although I don’t quite understand why you would fear Pinkie Pie so much. When I first met her on Nightmare Night, I scared her so badly she thought I devoured foals!” She laughed loudly, making Veggie flinch. “She doesn’t seem like much of an antagonist.”
“The ‘welcome’ party she hosted for me. She nearly killed me with a cake!” Veggie hissed. “I just know that Pinkie Pie will try anything to undermine me and my healthy eating campaign! And she’s in cahoots with that Sweet Tooth. I’m lucky to be alive after she blew up the barn with fireworks last night; I was giving a speech right in front of it!” She shook herself, a sudden wave of realisation washing over her. “Wait… that must be it! It all fits together! Pinkie wants the campaign gone, and apparently one of her allies wants me dead.” She looked up at Luna. “I’m scared of wasting funds and losing my think-tank through my campaign flopping, and Pinkie’s going to make that happen if I don’t stop her!” Veggie slammed one forehoof into the other and rubbed them together. “So, I need to make sure I succeed, no matter what!” She looked up at the princess. “Right?”
“Um… yes. Perhaps a little too much force, but a good start,” Luna said hesitantly. “I think you may be placing too much emphasis on the fireworks mishap. A setback, but is that really a failure? Do you think ponies will blame you for what happened?”
Veggie rubbed the back of her neck. “I guess not…” she said. A smile chased across her lips. “I think I see what you mean.”
“Good! And as for your fear of Pinkie Pie?”
“I’ll crush her!” Luna simply raised her eyebrow. “Uh, I mean… I’ll try and gain her trust?”
“Better!” The alicorn looked toward the portal and frowned. “Hm. What is this?” Her horn glowed, surrounding a small box by Veggie’s sleeping form in a blue aura. A facsimile appeared by Luna’s face, and she regarded it intently.
Veggie laughed weakly, moving away from the alicorn slightly. “Just a herbal remedy!” she said quickly. “I’ve been putting a lot of work in recently.”
“‘Midnight Oil’s Up-All-Night Mints’,” Luna read out. “‘Keep going all night long at top performance!’” She flipped the box over and frowned. “‘Overdose side-effects may include existential dread, loss of faith in equinity, unexpected levitation, and hallucinations’. Veggie, how many of these did you take?”
“I kinda lost count…”
Luna sighed, looked around at the Pinkie swarm, and smiled. “I think I have the answer, then. You’re suffering from… how do they say it these days? A nasty fall? An unfortunate tumble?”
“...a bad trip?”
“That’s the one!” Luna laughed. “You seem to have augmented your nightmares quite significantly with this ‘remedy’. She crushed the box, making it vanish. “I suggest you stay away from these in future and get a good night’s sleep instead.”
Veggie nodded dumbly, then scowled as she felt something invisible push against her face. “Hey! What’s going on?”
“I believe one of your friends is trying to wake you,” Luna said. “I fear we must part ways here. Now…” Her horn flared, blasting the dome and the Pinkie Pies outward until they stood alone in a dark, empty field. “You recall what you must do?”
“Face my fears?” Veggie rubbed her chin. “I’ll make sure I won’t let you down, Princess! This mare’s not for turning!” She struck a pose, making Luna giggle. “And, um, I’ll cut back on the stay-awake pills, too.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” said Luna. “And make sure you try to find some common ground with Pinkie Pie; I believe you two may find the other more agreeable than you both first thought.” She spread her wings and hovered in front of the unicorn. “I wish you the best of luck with your campaign, Veggie. I will continue patrolling the dreamscape, but I hope I can wish you sweet dreams from now on.” The alicorn flew away into the darkness, calling “Face your fears!” as she vanished.
Veggie smiled to herself as she was left alone in the void. “Yes… face my fears… I don’t have to fear failure when I can just succeed, can’t I?” she muttered to herself. She frowned as the invisible hoof began poking harder and harder at her face. “Ow. Ow. ...owwww!””
“Whhaa… no, not the cream cake…” Veggie muttered sleepily. Her eyes snapped open and she looked up into the worried gaze of Quango. “Huh? What’s going on?”
He grinned sheepishly. “You’ve been asleep all afternoon. I was going to leave you in peace, but Mayor Mare and I found something very interesting. I think you may have your answer.” He held up a huge tome, with a piece of parchment inserted into it as a bookmark. The mayor stood behind him, nodding.
Veggie took the book in her magic and set it down on the table, opening it to the relevant page. She peered at the relevant passage, highlighted faintly with pencil lines. “Ponyville Municipal Constitution: Section VIII, Sub-Section 4, Chapter 9, Clause 6, Revision 8, (Please refer to footnotes two through nineteen): Issuing of Emergency Powers,” she read aloud. Her eyes narrowed as she read further. “Is this… what I think it is?”
“Indeed!” said Mayor Mare. “In times of crisis, the mayor of Ponyville may appoint a militia recruited from the citizenry, and a commander.” She suddenly scowled. “This would really have been useful to know when Trixie came back to town… Why would anypony bury this so deep?” she muttered. She cleared her throat and looked back at Veggie. “Still! We have our crisis, I already have a couple of volunteers, and we have our commander.” She beamed at Veggie.
Vee blinked a couple of times, before smiling and placing a hoof to her chest. “Me?”
“Her?” Quango exclaimed.
“Well, of course! You’re the spearhead of the healthy eating campaign.” The mayor leaned in closer, her wide smile making Veggie stare. “And besides, what with all those lovely subsidies you’re bringing in, I think you deserve a little bit more help with taking down Sweet Tooth!”
“Th-thank you!” Veggie stammered, taking a step back from the mayor’s hungry stare. “And I’ll make sure those subsidies get to you as soon as possible!”
Mayor Mare snapped the book shut with a nod. “Good! Did you have any ideas about how we should organis—”
There was a thud as Veggie dumped a thick file from her saddlebags on the table. “Do I ever! I came up with something like this on the train ride here!” she said eagerly, spreading the pages on the table. “I had a name and ranks and roles and a uniform—I assume there’s a tailor in town, right?—and medals and…”
“Um… right. I’ll leave you to it and go and make the preparations,” the mayor said, slipping out of the room as Veggie happily babbled away.
Quango let out a shocked snort as Vee spread a large, rolled piece of paper across the table. “‘The Sugar Watch’?” he read out. “Veggie, what is this?”
Veggie looked up and grinned at him. “This is me”—she spread her hoof across the plan—“facing my fears.”
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I'm looking at this and the only way I can see this ending well is if Celestia comes down to Ponyville alla Lesson Zero.
Mayor Mare snapped the book shut with a nod. “Good! Did you have any ideas about how we should organis—”
Mayor Mare snapped the book shut with a nod. “Good! Did you have any ideas about how we should organise—”
If you were tying to cut out part of the word, then this would still be wrong, because the e is silent and you can't interrupt a silent letter.
3982533 Also if Discord comes, because everything is better with Discord
!
So nice to have one's delusional plans of conquest carefully laid out and filed under 'D' in your Evil Overlord's files.
The game is afoot.
This explains so much.
Okay this chapter may be step too far for me. I think you may have overplayed your hand with the fireworks because now I have accept certain things.
1. Applejack is an idiot if she doesn't immediately know who Sweet Tooth is. Or, she knows and wants to give Pinkie an out because Applejack is way too nice for her own good. Not something I totally buy given how protective of the farm she is. I expected her to come in and punch Pinkie(justifiably) in the face.
2. Applejack is an idiot. Yes, I know I said it above, but this is for a different reason. How can she not know the Pinkie Promise is a trap? Pinkie is just going to push until Vee does something "crazy" and then Pinkie is going to look to AJ for support.
3. I will now comment on each chapter stating who I am currently siding with. Currently I am with the Vee and the Sugar Brigade. Pinkie lied to her friend, destroyed property, and is a coward for running around in a mask. She's basically a terrorist and should be put in jail.
3982878
Don't forget her and her group is actively trying to force her out of town by causing her to go crazy.
3982570 I was simply showing that her speech was cut off. It's my habit to omit the final letter of the word for the em dash, which is what lead to that scenario there. It just looks a bit strange to have a whole word on the end of an interrupted bit of speech to me
3982878 It's worth noting that the first thing out of Pinkie's mouth was her asking whether everyone was alright, and that she asserted that she would never destroy the barn on purpose. She has at least made it clear that the pony playing the part of Sweet Tooth (and note that AJ came straight after Pinkie to begin with, so yes, she does have more than an inkling of who's behind the mask) has screwed up big time, and the barn's destruction was anything but intentional.
If you wish to read between the lines and say that Applejack has already deduced who Sweet Tooth is, then you could also say she's aware that Pinkie is trying to stop the livelihoods of her friends and surrogate parents being eroded away, and she just unintentionally dug herself into a huge hole by blowing up the barn. Whatever she has to gain from Veggie, I doubt AJ would take any joy in seeing her friend made homeless and unemployed from it. Given it's one of her best friends, and a building that has a history of getting prematurely destroyed, Applejack may be cutting her a bit more slack then she deserves here—but not enough to warrant AJ as an idiot.
As for the Pinkie Promise... well, Applejack's broken them before. Not to mention that, from what we've seen of Veggie so far, do you really think AJ would want her around if she went 'totally loopy'?
We have our High Chancellor, we have our terrorist, and we have our Fingermen. This is gonna be fun.
3983028
Incorrect. The first thing Pinkie does is pretend she has no idea why Applejack is there with the whole 'Guessing Game' bit. Then she tries to exit the conversation the moment she hears that nopony was hurt. It was only after Applejack continued to pressure her that Pinkie stated she would never destroy the barn on purpose.
I also re-read the passage, and if Applejack had already deduced that Pinkie was Sweet Tooth, why was her voice "dangerously low" and why did she wear a "triumphant smirk" when confronting Pinkie after she admitted something she shouldn't have known? And if Applejack isn't holding an idiot ball then why did she buy Pinkie's rock farm explanation?
Anyway, even if Applejack did let Pinkie off the hook, Pinkie still lied to her face and manipulated her friend into making that Pinkie Promise. I realize that Veggie is about to plunge Ponyville into a police state and regain her status as bad guy, but Pinkie is currently the greater of the two evils.
3983591
I'm assuming that Red Tape is the Chancellor, Veggie is Mr. Creedy, and Quango is that second guy whose name I can't remember.
I'm going to go ahead and assume that Pinkie isn't going to start killing people with throwing knives, however.
3983028 Wait, more loopy than usual?
I think the main message here is the mayor is an idiot. Why would you give someone like Veggie that much power?! Things are about to go hell.
So, Veggie dreams of candy cane and taffy tenticles... Kinky!
3982878 Nah. Vee is still malicious and evil, and Pinkie's just being Pinkie. She can't trust the law or her friends because they're inexplicably siding with pure evil.
Maybe at some point Vee will get the smallest bit of sympathy but it hasn't happened yet.
Well that didn't take long for Vee to start going Insane.
I think it's weird that anyone would side with Vee.
Is Pinkie going too far? Yes. Would it negatively affect all of Ponyville if sugar was banned? YES. Seriously, this whole "we have to decide what people eat" sort of thing is ridiculous. If they want to eat sugar, that's their own decision.
Congratulations, sir. Your writing of Veggie Vee continues to astound me.
When I read the part about organising a militia, my jaw literally dropped. It then took me until the end of the chapter to metaphorically scrape it off of the floor. I just couldn't stop thinking of the band of health food Nazis this would drum up...
I don't have a clue how you do it. How does one write a character so self-righteous, so self-assured, so self-aggrandizing as Veggie Vee? You, sir, have a gift. I don't think I've ever seen such an unsympathetic villain that was so fun to read.
3984371
Why would the Mayor give a madmare like Veggie Vee so much power? Money, dear boy...
The idea of Ponyville town hall having a "secret" underground meeting hall for conspirators and secret organizations to schedule meetings in is so delightfully bonkers I cannot help but grin.
I dunno. With sufficient thrust, I am pretty sure whelks fly just fine.
"4 or 5. I think. I may have lost count though."
"Well I hardly think that would cause any-"
"Boxes. I meant 4 or 5 boxes of mints."
"... I think we should get you to Nurse Redheart before you expire from cardiac arrest."
Kafka.....
Oh you...
I think you accidentally a bit of Applejack's sentence there.
Otherwise, I'm still enjoying this story! Vee's definitely self-righteous and self-aggrandizing, but that little interlude with Luna was charming and humanizing... er, equine-izing?
3994804
I think part of was missing too!
I love how Quango continues to be the sole voice of reason on either side. His extreme contrast to Veggie's worsening megalomania and Pinkie's unchecked paranoia is great. It's great how nopony else in Canterlot sees how ridiculous this all is, and how out of hand it will get.
3996767 Just wait until Celestia finds out Veggie wants to outlaw cake...
Trollestia: TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!! BEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAATCH!!!
Wait, are these caffeine pills or are they intended for a different kind of nighttime activity?
3983898 Ah, sorry I didn't reply to this comment sooner. Certainly some very good points which I'd agree with—I'd say I have committed the mistake of analysing the chapter from the perspective of already knowing how the next part of the story works out. Suffice to say, there is some explanation of Applejack's actions later on. But certainly, I wasn't expecting anyone to come out of this chapter supporting Pinkie. It's more a question of whether the reader finds here actions more or less reprehensible than Veggie's at this point—either being appropriate at this stage, really!
3986141 Thank you! I'm really riffing on Professor Umbridge out of Order of the Phoenix, here, but I've definitely met people with the same personalities as Veggie before. I certainly know how to be outrageously self-important myself, so writing her is quite a fun outlet!
3989303 Oh, no no no! You've hit the nail on the head; when I first prototyped Veggie as a character, Leslie Knope was top of the list on influences for her. Quango's origins are a bit more murky, though. In any case, thank you very much for your keen and kind observations! I hope I can continue to impress.
3994804 Thanks for pointing that out! That darned GDocs importer... I'd like to think Veggie's exchange with Luna was a brief respite before she throws herself under many more buses in her quest against sugar
3996767 Quango is certainly a character I've grown very fond of writing
Hopefully he'll come into his own, rather than just getting swatted about by the egos doing battle around him!
As for Canterlot not noticing, well, bureaucracy is not noted for its speed. They're probably still dealing with Trixie's takeover! It takes at least six weeks for a 'Hostile Annexation of All or Part of Equestria' form to be processed, I know that much.
4067875
Fair enough. I am enjoying the story and look forward to the next chapter, I was just annoyed at Pinkie for her actions in the most recent chapter.
Not bad.
... I don't know whether to applaud or decry that reference.
This is worrying. And evokes a particular sound track.
How much you wanna bet that the massive spike in sugar consumption lines up perfectly with when Pinkie moved in with the cakes?