Vocal Vehemence Vented
Vee for Vendetta
By Melon Hunter
Chapter 3: Vocal Vehemence Vented
Mrs. Cake sat at the head of the table, observing the hullabaloo in front of her with a bored expression, resting her head on her forehoof. It had been a good fifteen minutes since Pinkie had read out the contents of the napkin, and the din had managed to sustain itself ever since, a maelstrom of outrage occasionally underpinned by a tossed éclair or cupcake. Just like any other Ponyville Bakers and Sweetmakers Committee meeting, really.
“C-Could we all just calm down, please?” Mr. Cake said trepidatiously, timidly tapping the chairpony’s gavel against the table. “Order, please…” He stopped as his wife turned her gaze to him and shook her head. Enough was enough. Sweet and homely she might try to be, but the matriarch of the Cake family was going to have to rear her head. Cup Cake held out her hoof and he slid the wooden hammer to her. She caught it, stood up on her hindlegs and leaned on the table, taking a deep breath and filling her lungs.
“QUUUIIIEEEETTTTT!” she bellowed, slamming the gavel down on the table as hard as she could. The deafening row died down to near silence in an instant, each pony looking up at her in shock.
“...and then I shoved a cake in her face and she didn’t even like it!” Well, almost everypony.
“Um, Pinkie?” The pink pony finished her diatribe and looked up at Mrs. Cake expectantly. “Thank you, dear.” She cleared her throat and blushed slightly. “Sorry for raising my voice, everypony. Now, as I’m sure you’re all aware, our… visitors from Canterlot have brought some unwelcome news with them.”
“Unwelcome?!” one pony cried. “They’re going to tax us all out of business!”
Mrs. Cake nodded. “Yes, Strawberry Cheesecake, that would so… if everything on that napkin was true.” She looked around at the gathered ponies. “Now, I’m not entirely sure if that’s the case… this seems like an awfully drastic plan, given the civil servants only arrived yesterday. Does anypony else think that?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to say all along!” Bon Bon piped up. Her supporters nodded and stamped their hooves, staring across the long table at their detractors. “Why do we suddenly have to start playing along just because Pinkie found some doodles on a piece of rubbish, huh? Who’s to say it’s not just a prank?”
A loud gasp came from the other side. “I would never prank anypony about something like that!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Veggie Vee wants to shut down Sugarcube Corner! I know it! When I saw her last night, I knew she was one of those nasty, fun-hating, cake-squishing meanie ponies!” She huffed and scowled at Bon Bon. “Even if she’s not able to do what she wrote down, nopony should want to make us stop eating candy!” Her ears drooped, and she stared down at the table. “Especially when some of those ponies are my friends…”
Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “Of course the farmers would back her up. They’d do anything for a break; have you seen how much Applejack tries to butter up Rainbow Dash so she gets the optimum amount of rain?” She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just business, Pinkie. They’re not getting at you personally.”
“Doesn’t matter! We can’t just let this slide!” a pale green mare next to Pinkie cried. “This Veggie Vee has to tell the town at some point, right? We should make sure everypony knows she’s wrong!”
“Exactly! Saltwater Taffy’s right!” Pinkie said, nodding vehemently and smiling.
“Or we could just let this whole thing blow over, ‘cause this Veggie Vee can’t do anything to Ponyville…” Bon Bon grumbled. “What do you expect her to do? Set up a dictatorship like Trixie did?”
“Y’know, BB, you sound like you want to go out of business,” Lyra crooned, snuggling up against the cream mare. “Are you secretly trying to spend more time with me?” She began nuzzling Bon Bon, causing a deep blush to raise on the earth pony’s cheeks.
“Er, yes. Moving swiftly on,” Mrs. Cake interjected, desperately tapping the gavel to draw everypony’s horrified attention away from the public display of affection. “I think Taffy has a good compromise. We have no reason to think Veggie Vee has any real power in Ponyville, or that the Civil Service wants us out of business. But neither should we just ignore it in the hope it goes away.” She picked up the napkin, grimacing slightly at the faint stickiness the note had after being handled by so many hooves. “Apparently, she will be giving a speech at Sweet Apple Acres this evening. I think that would be as good an opportunity as any to make some noise of our own. Any takers?”
Pinkie’s hoof shot into the air. “Oooh! Oooh! Me! Pick me! I’ll do it, Mrs. Cake!”
Cup Cake bit her lip and gazed around the hall. “Anypony?” The pink hoof began to wave back and forth. “Aaanypony at all?” Pinkie began to hop up and down. “No takers?” Pinkie began turning cartwheels and to Cup’s disappointment, everypony else in the hall was now gazing expectantly at Pinkie, eyes alight with amusement. “Very well.” she sighed. “Pinkie Pie, you will be our… representative tonight.”
Pinkie leapt in the air. “Yes! I have just the plan!” she exclaimed. “We’re going to make the biggest, loudest, amazing-est protest ever! I’ll need a record player, my Mare-Do-Well costume, some fireworks… ooh, ooh, ooh!” She zipped over around the table to Bon Bon. “And some of your voice-changing gum drops!”
Bon Bon leaned back in her chair as far as she could. “Pinkie, what in Equestria are you planning?” she asked slowly.
Pinkie grinned widely. “A surprise,” she said.
Veggie hummed happily as she surveyed her notes in the early evening sunshine. Having talked to the farmers last night, she had been able to write the best speech of her entire career. Well, to be fair, it was the only speech of her career, what with her having a desk job and all. But a little fact like that wasn’t going to get in the way of her pride.
She faltered and groaned as her stomach let out a rumble of discontent. She still hadn’t fully gotten over the shock of being forced to consume the cream cake last night. Veggie glowered to herself. That pink menace was going to pay for that dearly.
“Y’know, Pinkie Pie was a very nice pony to get to know,” Quango piped up, walking beside her.
Veggie’s head whipped around to him as she realised she’d growled the ‘pink menace’ line out loud. “What?”
He cowered back slightly. “W-well, it’s just, aren't we preaching to the choir here? Applejack and her fellow farmers were always going to support us; you seem to think that everypony else will just go crazy if you tell them you’re taking away their sugar!” Quango scratched his head. “If you ask me, everyone in this town is just as friendly, there’s just been some misunderstanding, that’s all.”
Veggie stared at him for a moment, before chuckling and patting his head. “Oh, don’t go native on me, Quango! If these rural ponies were able to competently navigate their own lives, would there be any need for the Civil Service?”
“Uh…”
“Exactly. You saw the ways that this Pinkie Pie tried to break me last night! She knows,” Veggie insisted.
Quango raised an eyebrow. “No I didn't, and no she doesn't?” he said.
“So, it makes sense to gather as many allies as possible, before revealing our plans to the lesser-minded ponies in town!” Vee explained, oblivious to his protests. “When their own brethren are telling them about the wonders of healthy eating, they’ll have no choice but to follow the herd!” She smiled at Quango expectantly.
He looked at her, open-mouthed. “These ponies are the same as us, Veggie! If you’d just give them some respe—”
“Quango, if they were the same as us, they’d be living in Canterlot—in civilisation—not out in the sticks. There’s a reason we live apart,” she said primly. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, we just need to come down from the ivory tower from time to time!” Before Quango could respond, she looked up and grinned, folding her notes away. They had reached the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack stood next to the gate, smiling and waving in greeting.
“Well howdy, Miss Vee!” she said. “Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres! We’ve really been lookin’ forward to havin’ you here today!” She began to lead the two bureaucrats into the orchards, trotting at a brisk pace. Quango took to the air to keep up. “Carrot Top and Ah spread the word, and every farmer in Ponyville’s come to hear what y’all can do for us.”
Veggie beamed at her. “It’s the least I can do. After last night’s… festivities… I can’t help but feel that the sweet makers in this town have the upper hoof. I want to bring some hope back to the farmers of Ponyville!”
“Shucks, Miss Vee, Ah appreciate it and all, but we’re all friends in Ponyville. Heck, Pinkie and Ah are so close, our friendship helped bring Princess Luna to her senses!” Applejack said with a chuckle. “We do just fine for ourselves, but obviously, if somepony comes along saying she can make us do better than that, well… we’ll be very interested to hear what she’s got to say.” She turned her head to Veggie and grinned.
“No doubt…” Quango said, rolling his eyes.
Veggie shot a furious glance at him, then put on her most charming smile. “Well, I appreciate quality. I always make sure to buy Sweet Apple Acres apples, and I absolutely am not saying that just to further my good reputation with you,” she said.
Applejack gave her an odd look, raising her eyebrows, before giving Vee an uncertain smile. “You don’t say?” she said slowly. “Well, that’s a great thing to hear! Ah’m sure you’ll be pleased to know there’ll be plenty of apples for y’all to sample once we get to the farm proper!”
The three ponies walked for a couple more minutes, exchanging small talk and—in Veggie’s case—espousing thinly-veiled diatribes about a certain hyperactive baker. They reached the farmstead, where a crowd of excited ponies were chatting to one another, surrounded by tables containing various apple-based snacks.
Veggie’s heart skipped a beat as she noticed the abundance of pastry amongst the food. She gazed at Applejack with pity. These poor ponies had been fooled by Pinkie Pie and her cabal into thinking this was healthy eating! These poor, defiled apples made a mockery of fruit! How could—
“It’s her!” came a cry. The assembled ponies looked up at Veggie, their faces lighting up. Vee felt a surge of pride as they surrounded her, wittering excitedly. This was exactly what she’d hoped for! Admiration! Adoration! Being the saviour of a town! She could hear them now:
“Thank you, Veggie Vee!”
“You’re our hero!”
“Sign my foal!”
“So… tax breaks?”
Veggie was suddenly jerked out of her daydream, eyelids springing open. “Huh?”
“Yeah, we were going to get subsidies, weren’t we?” one of the crowd asked.
“That’s what I came here for,” another said. The group began nodding and agreeing with one another.
“Cold hard bits, straight from the Royal Treasury!” Carrot Top crowed.
“Reckon you can get us our cutie marks, too?!” a red-maned filly cried, bouncing above the heads of the adults to be seen.
Applejack laughed, pushing her way through the mass of ponies to the centre. “Now, simmer down, Apple Bloom. And the rest of you; give our visitors some breathin’ space!” The farmers backed off a little, eyes still gleaming with the promise of money. “Now then. How’s about you two introduce yourselves to our little band of growers?”
Vee puffed up with pride, and beamed at the gathered ponies. “Of course! I am Veggie Vee, and this is my associate Quango. I am here to represent the Equestrian Civil Service in this town. More specifically, the Healthy Eating and Reduction of Obesity board!” She gazed expectantly at the group around her. They were still excited, but they didn’t seem any more excited. Which was odd… the Civil Service was taking an interest! In their little backwater! What else did they want? Unperturbed, Veggie cleared her throat and tried again. “So, there have been certain… irregularities in the statistics, and—” She was cut off as Quango landed on her head and perched there.
“There’s too much sugar being eaten in Ponyville. We want to stop that… and yes, help you sell your produce.” Quango said quickly. The other ponies nodded, shifting and stamping their hooves as their grins went wider. Veggie flushed, scowling upward at her associate. “What?” he muttered. “Just keep it simple for now.”
“It’s not that I’m annoyed about,” Veggie hissed. “It’s you using my head as a perch!”
“Oh! Uh… sorry.” Quango fluttered down to the ground. “Getting ahead of myself.”
“Don’t make it a habit,” she muttered. Vee looked back up, replacing her thunderous expression with a smile. She made ready to continue her greetings, when an elderly green mare strode out of the farmhouse, clattering a cowbell.
“Soup’s on, everypony!” she cried. “Now gitchaselves down and eat up these pies ‘fore they grow cold!” At that, the money-hungry crowd turned out to be a regular-hungry crowd too, leaving Veggie and Quango in the dust for the apple treats.
“Uh… sorry ‘bout that,” Applejack said. “There’s nothin’ that’ll stand between a true Ponyvillian and one of Granny’s special apple pies. How about we head on over and see what we can get our hooves on? Lemme tell you, mah family are just as good as the Cakes at bakin’, ‘cept we don’t need to fill everything with cream.” She fixed Veggie with a knowing smile, before turning away to join the others at the tables.
Quango followed her straight away, while Veggie teetered uncertainly on the spot. What if somepony decided she needed to sample their wares like Pinkie decided she had to eat that cream cake last night? What if there was another Pinkie in their midst?!
“Y’know, we’ve got plenty of apples here, if you’re stayin’ off the pastry!” Applejack called. “Fresh off the trees!” ...Okay, that sounded much better. Veggie walked down to the tables, taking up a shiny red apple in her magic, grinning as she bit into it. After the ruinous party that had occurred last night, she finally felt as though she could relax. Applejack pulled her into the fray, introducing her to pony after pony, making sure to point out all the healthy apple snacks she’d want to eat. Here she was, surrounded by ponies who wanted to be helped, and fields full of beautiful apple trees. There was fruit and positivity and absolutely no Pinkie whatsoever.
Nothing could go wrong here.
Some time later, just as the sky turned to the deep indigo hues of twilight, Veggie mounted the stage. She had been quietly impressed with the Apple family’s ingenuity; there’d barely been a day’s notice of her speech, and yet they’d been able to put together a solid wooden podium in front of the barn for her, complete with firefly lanterns and magical loudspeakers.
Admittedly, that was mostly down to Applejack’s brother being built like a brick outhouse… and sadly, he had all the conversational skills of one, too. Veggie had attempted to talk to him, but there was only so much ‘eeyup’-ing and ‘nope’-ing one pony could take before they began to feel their mind atrophy.
Nevertheless, she couldn’t help but have a big smile on her face as she stepped up to face the crowd. Applejack winked at her from the middle row while Apple Bloom stood on her back to see over the heads of the adults. Veggie turned her head to Quango and gestured towards the crowd. “Still think we should have gone to the sugar addicts first?” she asked.
“Just because you hit it off better with Applejack than you did Pinkie, doesn’t make the latter a ‘sugar addict’,” he said with a sigh.
Veggie simply chuckled, placing her notes on the podium. She shuffled them for good measure, then turned to face the crowd. “Good evening, ladies and gentlecolts!” she began. “It gives me great pleasure to announce that my presence here in Ponyville—”
“—is not welcome!” declared a loud voice. The crowd let out a collective gasp, gazes rising upward. Veggie looked to Quango, giving him a furious glare. He cocked an eyebrow, his mouth opening slightly in confusion, before pointing up at the barn behind them.
Vee gazed up at where Quango was indicating and her own eyes widened as she saw what he was referring to. Atop the roof of the barn was a mare fully dressed in a dark blue and purple outfit, her eyes covered with blue lenses, and a wide-brimmed hat balanced on top of her head. Pink and mauve streamers had been tied to her ankles and the crown of her hat, and a white, tooth-shaped piece of felt had been sewn to the flanks of the costume. She looked utterly ridiculous. She raised her forelegs in the air and gave a flourish as streamers burst outward behind her.
“It’s her!” somepony exclaimed. “She’s back!”
“Mare-Do-Well? Mare-Do-Well!”
The mare atop the barn gave a laugh. “I may once have gone by that name, but no more!” She gave a low, mocking bow to Veggie. “I am Sweet Tooth.”
“What?! Who are you?” Veggie screeched. “I am trying to give a speech here!”
“And are you telling the truth?” Sweet Tooth said. The crowd began to look confused, and muttered amongst one another. “Does anypony know why Veggie Vee is here?” She produced a used napkin from under her hat and waved it about. The costumed mare stared down at Applejack, who gulped and averted her gaze. “No? Veggie Vee—meanie pony extraordinaire—wants to take away your sweets! Shut down Sugarcube Corner! And Applejack and Carrot Top know that!” she exclaimed triumphantly. After a moment, she slumped down just a little as the crowd utterly failed to break into outrage. “...well?”
“Well… we don’t know that yet!” one pony said. “She hasn’t said her speech!”
Sweet Tooth shrugged. “See for yourself!” She balled up the napkin and tossed it into the crowd.
Veggie’s eyes went wide, and she caught the paper out of the air with her magic. She made a show of opening it in front of her, scanning it briefly. How in Equestria had this madmare gotten her hooves on the plan? “Hah!” she said. “Just ramblings! Nothing to see here!” She fired a magic spark from her horn, incinerating the evidence. Mental note: burn everything I write down in this place, she thought.
The crowd let out a disappointed sigh and stomped their hooves. “We want to hear it!” one called.
“Yeah! Debate!”
“Let’s hear what she has to say! Sweet Tooth! Sweet Tooth!”
“Who needs tax cuts when you have costumed heroes?”
Veggie sank down and buried her head in her hooves. “I am going to make Pinkie Pie and her conspirators pay for every ounce of sugar they ever gave to these ponies,” she growled. “And then ensure they never damage their brains again.” She whacked a hoof against the microphone on the podium. “Let’s just get back to—” Vee stopped as she realised her voice was no longer emanating from the loudspeakers.
“I’m flattered, Ponyvillians!” Sweet Tooth called, bowing again. She pulled out a bowl, and tossed its contents into the air, boiled sweets and candy canes landing amongst the gathered ponies. “This is what you might lose if you let Veggie Vee take control! Is losing your sweets worth a few silly tax cuts?” She frowned as a few of the crowd consulted calculators and notepads. “Wait… don’t answer that,” she quickly added. “I let my points speak for themselves… with fireworks and suitable music, of course. Begone from Ponyville, Veggie Vee, or we shall all suffer the consequences!” She looked down at Veggie, and placed a forehoof to the brim of her hat. “Heed my warning, and remember my name!” As quickly as she’d appeared, Sweet Tooth vanished, leaping from the roof of the barn into the gloom of twilight.
Veggie let out a snort of anger as she saw that the ponies in front of her were now not paying attention to her, but were instead scanning the rapidly darkening sky behind her for the promised fireworks. “Right. The resident lunatic has had her say,” she said, raising her voice to make up for the lack of amplification. “Now can we please get back to the speech? We already checked behind the barn. There’s no fireworks there…” Vee trailed off as Quango nudged her. “What?”
“Can you hear that?” he asked, pointing toward the speakers.
Vee’s ears perked up as the strains of classical music reached them. “So she’s now silencing me with sonatas? Great.” She huffed and folded her forelegs.
Quango shook his head. “No, it’s not that. This is a famous overture written to celebrate a major griffon victory over a changeling hive.”
“Uh… so? I’m not musically illiterate,” Vee said.
“Well, Sweet Tooth said it was suitable, has some fireworks and told us to ‘heed her warning’,” he continued.
“Get to the point, Quango!” Veggie said testily.
“...doesn’t this piece have cannon fire in it?”
Veggie looked up at the barn and gulped. She took a step back uncertainly as the music began to reach a crescendo.
Quango tapped his forehooves together. “Should we take cover?”
“Yes!” Vee dived from the stage into the crowd. “EVERYPONY HIT THE DECK!” There were shouts of terror as each and every pony jumped to the ground.
A cannon shot rang out through the speakers, before the music abruptly cut out with a warble. At that, a single firework anaemically launched, puttering into the air with a quiet squeal, its trajectory suddenly ending in a truly pathetic pop. Veggie unclenched her eyes and stood back up amongst the prone ponies, looking at the barn. “Hah!” she laughed. “Broke her music player and her fireworks, all in one! Let that be a sign; sugar can never trium—”
And then there was an explosion that shook the very foundations of the earth.
Veggie didn’t so much hear the detonation as feel it; a single, solid wall of air hit her as the shockwave spread out. Her hearing suddenly gave way to silence with a crump as the overpressure reached her eardrums and the unicorn was catapulted across the field, landing in a heap on the grass as pieces of broken wood scythed overhead. Dazed and on her back, Vee watched the new star that was the roof of the barn leave the farm in a meteoric rise, multi-coloured flames trailing behind it. It arced high into the sky, before falling deep amongst the trees of the Everfree Forest. It may have just been a quirk of her near-deafened state, but Veggie could have sworn she heard an anguished “My moustache!” from the woods.
She staggered to her hooves, rubbing her ears and making marp noises, trying to equalise the pressure in her head. “Ohhh… tinnitus, my old friend…” she murmured. Veggie looked up to see Applejack and Quango running toward her. She tried to say something, but instead abruptly fell on her rump as her balance failed her.
The two ponies in front of her mouthed at her and gesticulated wildly, Veggie staring at them in mute incomprehension. She shook her head and rubbed an ear once again, finally succeeding in regaining some hearing.
“...and now we’re gonna have to get our whole family in again to raise this barn!” Applejack cried.
Veggie nodded dumbly. “Yes… um, I’m sure I can, uh, get you a subsidy for rebuilding your… ‘racist barn’,” she said. As Applejack tried to protest, Vee waved her away with a chuckle. “It’s fine! It’s the least I can do!” She quickly turned to Quango, pulling him in close to mutter in his ear. “We need to get to the Mayor. At once.”
“Ahh! You’re shouting!” he complained. “Please, my ears can’t take any more abuse today.”
Vee rolled her eyes. “I’m not shouting, Quango. I am muttering!” She noticed him cringing even further and sighed. “Just get me the Mayor as soon as you can.”
Quango looked back at the dejected Applejack. “About the barn?”
“Yes. We need to take decisive action against this… this…” Veggie’s eyes lit up as her mind hit upon the right word. “...terrorist.”
In another part of the field, the crowd watched as Big Mac and a few other stallions heaved buckets of water on the smouldering remnants of the barn. Carrot Top rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably. That ‘Sweet Tooth’ had accused her of knowing exactly what Veggie Vee might do to Ponyville—and who might judge that she was at fault for the barn being destroyed?!
She froze as she felt a presence next to her.
“Carrot Top,” Granny Smith said.
“Gr-Granny.” Carrot gulped.
“You know what this is about, don’tcha?” Granny said slowly. Carrot nodded miserably. “Well, congratulations.” The younger mare gave a start as a small bag of bits hit the ground next to her. “You won the sweepstake! Fifty-two days that barn stood. Think that might be a new record.” She rubbed her chin. “Y’know, we really should make that thing more sturdy next time! Anyhow, you have a good night, young’un!”
“Uh… goodnight, Granny Smith,” she said. Carrot looked down at her earnings, then shrugged and snatched them up. You win some, you lose some, she thought.
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Ha! Brilliant!
Heh.
I started hearing the 1812 Overture in my head at that last part.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Well, while there was a few problems, at this point I hope VV takes away the entire towns sugar all in one fell swoop.
Even if they can, which isn't that hard, Bureaucracy says to do it anyways. Really you don't eve nneed a government in the first place.
3922009
AJ makes more off Fritters, cakes and pies and cider than off just apples
I just figured this was needed here.
Veggie Vee is just so hilariously odious. I hate her so much, she drives me to die laughing.
Good work, sir!
3922167
I mean as action against pinkie, seriously she blew up AJ's barn, and potentially could've permanently deafened everyone nearby.
Can't say I am rooting for Vee given her attitudes, but Pinkie just destroyed Apple property. There will be blood!
Oh poor poor poor Veggie Vee. Ponyville is the Equestrian epicenter of EVERYTHING going wrong. You have no idea what your in for....I am already laughing at your future misery. I just hope Quango stays clear. I like him.
Carrot Top always comes out on top!
Veggie Vee might be more of a douchebag, but Pinkie was definitely more villainous in this chapter. And as an honourary Apple, guess who helping out with the racist barn raising?
[youtube=f_5nHV8FJyI]
• Are you a demon-ridden demigod diarch descending to defiantly demand indefinite darkness?
• Are you a previously demon-ridden demigod diarch who descended to defiantly demand indefinite darkness, but are now simply misunderstood?
• Are you Princess Celestia, elder sister of the aforementioned demigod, and sole ruler of Equestria for a thousand years?
• Are you an (un)reformed, (rampaging) spirit of chaos incarnate?
• Are you a swarm of (magically mutated) parasprites bent on eating anything (in)edible?
• Are you one of the chaos- or Tartarus-spawned monsters of the Everfree Forest? Examples include—but are not limited to—Ursa Minors, Ursa Majors, hydras, timberwolves, cockatrices, cragodiles, vampire fruit bats, and long-dormant plunder seeds.
• Are you the guardian of the entrance to Tartarus?
• Are you a baby dragon, and is it your birthday?
• Are you attempting to interfere with the production of cider in the municipality of Ponyville, specifically, Sweet Apple Acres?
• Are you the fastest pegasus in Equestria, about to crash again as the result of a stunt run gone wrong and/or a door was inconveniently located?
• Are you an (sometimes literally) insanely powerful unicorn trying to avoid being late in delivering a report to your mentor, or preparing for a test to be given by her?
• Are you the future version of the aforementioned insane(ly) powerful unicorn, having travelled back into the past to warn of an impending catastrophe?
• Are you possessed by the evil inherent in a powerful magical artifact and have a grudge with the village librarian, the aforementioned insane(ly) powerful unicorn?
• Are you said librarian, but suddenly ascended to alicornhood and now the newest member of Equestrian royalty?
• Has your cutie mark recently been swapped with another's under magically mysterious circumstances?
• Are you a member of the so-called, "Cutie Mark Crusaders"?
• Are you Pinkie Pie?
• Are you an insurance claims adjuster?
If your answer to all of these questions is "No," then there's nothing to see here. Move along, everypony.
3924279 I think being from Canterlot with an agenda for the town would warrant some interest. Betting pools on how long Veggie would last before either snapping, going native, or simply running away from the town are probably already in place. I think Pinkie, through knowing the story, already knew when Veggie would break down, made a huge bet, and stands to get really stinking richer. Gotta make the Hammerspace rental payments after all.
How long does it take to name each chapter?
3924507
You know, once Twilight got over her initial shock that ponies would be so crass as to bet on how long it would take for a pony to go crazy after arriving in Ponyville, she'd make one heck of a bookie for the pool!
3926691 Eeyup. I wonder who won the Twilight Sparkle pool? I really want to say it was Fluttershy who won that one. I wonder how big the Veggie Vee pool will get? I'm sure the payout will be at least 100 bits.
Whoever manages Ponyville's water supply (and distributes the water bills appropriately) is probably the pool manager as well (see what I did there?). With Twilight as bookie, she'll get slightly cheaper water bills while a new pony is being bet on. The winner gets everything. Multiple winners get equal payout with any remainder going to the bookie. If there are no winners, everyone gets their money back. Where in Ponyville is this betting pool? It's underground under the water tower. And when nopony new is in town, the space can be rented for 10 bits per hour per group. One group, known as The Card Gang, is a frequent renter. They can be there for very long periods of time. One time, they had brought enough supplies to stay in there for three days. Just what did they do during that time?
3.bp.blogspot.com/-FJBoS7KvPN4/UqStkZrx_FI/AAAAAAAAE-g/iEa8UJ8kOoI/s1600/1280px-The_Great_And_Powerful_Trixie_duel_magic_the_gathering_Twilight_Sparkle.png
3927057
I'm betting Celestia won that one. I mean, who else would mail in a 100 bit bet on, "Becomes an alicorn princess. No, really," at 1,000,000:1 odds right when Twilight first arrived in Ponyville?
Except on Thursday evenings, when the local Billiards Club rents it out.
3927256 The betting pool is for when the new pony goes crazy, snaps, or gives up and leaves. By the time Twilight became an Alicorn, she seemed to be as much a native as everyone else.
You're gonna run out of V words eventually.
>>>“Quango, if they were the same as us, they’d be living in Canterlot—in civilisation—not out in the sticks. There’s a reason we live apart,” she said primly.>>>
Wow... you have nailed the Washington DC crowd perfectly.
3922009 *eyenarrows* You're a lobbyist for a health food company aren't you?
YOU WILL PERISH IN FLAMES!! SEVEN-HEADED DOGS SHALL GNAW YOUR PANCREAS FOR ETERNITY!!
3929979 Verily, such vehement vitriol against the variety of verbalisations seen visualised shall not be vindicated, but rather vanquished as the visage of Vee's vendetta against the velveteen natives of the village of Ponyville grows to its violent conclusion. Such a victory shall surely vex those who villainously attempted to vitiate the variety of vernacularisations available to the vaunted author whose valiant vocabulary we now avenge.
Now, I must proceed to vacate my vision before my vitals violently vitrify and my brain vaporises in pursuit of much-vaunted verbal variety.
3934611
Celestial damn it, I've been zinged.
3921971 What other song could you possibly play when blowing up a building in protest?
3922115 My favourite quote when it comes to that attitude is “I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.” Veggie very much included.
3922460 Yes. Yes it is.
3922463 Thank you! Trust me, she is the most fun character to write I've had in a long time
3923073 History will point to this moment as the opening shot of the Sugar War, for sure.
3923523 Red Tape was bang on the money with that analysis of Ponyville, I guess. Makes you wonder why anyone is still willing to live there, really, given the density of horrible events that happen there...
3924279 Oooh! Don't forget 'Are you a pair of fast-talking, musically-minded shysters looking to steal Sweet Apple Acres with the aid of their mechanical marvel?'
3925447 Not too long, actually. It basically consists of picking out an event in the chapter, describing it with a three-word phrase and trying to transpose synonyms beginning with V onto them. A thesaurus is my best friend in this case!
3934878 Yeah, I've got a while before I run out of V vocabulary, fortunately
3934611 gets it.
3931594 Heh, thanks! I'm sure there's a good reason why House of Cards is my favourite series at the moment.
3936315
The one played in V for Vendetta came to mind, as well.
Thing is, while that was a good choice for blowing up a building, 1812 Overture was the only one I could think of with cannon fire.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3936342 I may be remembering the movie wrong, but I'm pretty sure the destruction of both the Old Bailey and the Houses of Parliament are set to the 1812 Overture, just without the cannon fire. I can only presume it was removed because there was more than enough exploding on-screen anyway
Hmmm...
Possible. Been awhile since I saw that movie.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3934878
More like viciously verbally violated by vapid and vainglorious verisimilitudes, vehemently vocalized.
Sweet.
*Notices Veggie glaring*
I mean, uh... very nicely done.
3924279
Technically - yes. She wants them to make more of it. As soon as RD gets wind of this, Veggie will have the unwavering support of the Weather Patrol.
And Berry Punch.
3936315 Can we join forces, storm DC, and then raid the Treasury, taking all the loot for ourselves and then become evil supreme dictators of evil?
That sounds like the very definition of "unwelcome" to me...
Reminds me of a Heinlein quote: "Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss".
Worse. Much worse.
She will set up a strategic wellness education working committee!
That can work both ways... Jobsworth ponies infected with terminal cases of the bureaucratic strain of entitlement are sent to Canterlot quarantine to protect the hard-working blue collar (blue yoke?) ponies who actually get work done.
"You rang?" Murphy cackled maniacally to himself, rubbing his hands together in gleeful anticipation.
Not so much tempting fate as running up behind and kicking fate in the nads with steel-cap boots
3924279
I am fairly certain that is a tautology.
3947900
Unfortunately, the insurance claims adjusters are most likely from Canterlot (close enough to handle all the Ponyville claims, far enough away to feel safe), not the Everfree forest. This does not preclude them being chaos- or Tartarus-spawned, however.
Ooooo, so Pinkie isn't just going vigilante, she going vigilante as a representative of a committee. Somehow I can't help but think Veggie would appreciate that particular detail.
Ooo, but she is going to have a hard time I she takes a stand against apple pies.
Welp, explosions are always fun.
A. This is brilliant.
B. Did anyone else think of the episode of Malcolm in the Middle with the giant firework?
3922460
At least post the whole damn thing. That's as bad as the wannabe goth/satanist twits who post just the Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi.
Though methinks PDQ Bach's 1712 Overture would have been more characteristic.
3924218
I thought a clip from Archer would suit better, but this is just as good
i loved V for Vendetta, it never gets old for me and i can't wait to love this too!