Followers of the New Moon
“We, the Followers of Nightmare Moon, have come to announce the end of an era!” A tall pony in a black and purple cloak announced. Several other ponies in similar cloaks had entered the throne room, making the royal guards slightly nervous.
The two princesses looked at them in confusion.
“Isn’t the delegation from Stalliongrad supposed to be here now?” Luna asked, looking through her schedule.
“Do not distract from our demand!” The speaker announced “We are the Followers of eternal night! We, who hide from the tyrant Celestia’s terrible gaze! We demand to be heard!”
“Luna, I promise that I have never discriminated against your followers!” Celestia stressed “I just sent infiltrators to make sure they did nothing silly like sacrificing foals, but never discriminated.”
Luna was dumbstruck at this concept. *I have followers!*
“Ha! You have not lightened the darkness of our lines with your traitors!” the leader stated proudly. “Your days are numbered, tyrant! Nightmare Moon has returned and she will be here with us in a moment! Then your sphere on fire will no longer vanquish our wonderful night!”
“Erm... that was a month ago.” Celestia said very gently.
“No, the mare in the moon vanished one month ago! According to our calculations, even an enormous pony, like Nightmare Moon needs at least 3 weeks to get to Equestria from the moon. And we understand her well enough to know that she will strike you down under a full moon. The same moon, you banished her to!”
“You do realize that it is 10 in the morning?”
“We had to find a slot where all our members were available! We’ll return later. This is just our dramatic reveal.” The leader explained.
Luna started rubbing her forehead with her hoof. “I don’t want to shatter your dreams, but I didn’t *fly* back to Equestria. I teleported here! And I have to disappoint you further: the whole *Eternal night* thing is cancelled! I rule alongside my sister now.”
“Wait, you are Nightmare Moon?” The leader asked in confusion “But, aren’t you... bigger? And more evil looking?”
“That’s our goddess?” some other cultist asked “Why is she smaller than the established one?”
“Well, at least she is pretty...” another offered.
“But I thought she looked all cool with that star-mane!”
“Quiet!” the leader demanded. He had to overplay this. “So... why don’t we live under an eternal moon now? We kinda expected to be announced your favourites for helping with taking over.”
“Oh, I lost.” Luna stated calmly “Goodness and Harmony won. My armour was shattered and my dear sister offered me my place by her side.”
“Horseapples!” The leader muttered “I collect tomes over tomes, start this cult, organize regular meetings and even get these uniforms... and our goddess gets beaten without us even around!”
“So... what now, boss?” one other cultist asked
“Give me a moment! I have to improvise here!” the leader yelled “So, can we talk you into trying again?”
“No, sorry.” Luna answered honestly “I really enjoy not being driven by hate, spite and vengeance.”
“You might want to take some notes, dear.” One of the female cultists remarked.
“Not helping, love!”
“May I ask a question?” Celestia asked suddenly, but did not wait for a response “Do you think it is right to indoctrinate fillies into your midst? I highly doubt that their parents would agree!”
The cult leader turned and looked into the direction, Celestia was pointing.
“Them? We didn’t really indoctrinate them! They suddenly showed up and demanded to be part. We keep them as mascots, since our female members seem to like them...”
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CULT FOLLOWERS!”
“SO CUTE!”
“Boss, you are squeeing again!”
“Erm... So... do we have to face a trial or something?”
Celestia and Luna exchanged a few whispers.
“Of course not! You have not committed any crimes and it is up to every pony to dress up in silly uniforms and gather every week to plot the return of the rightful ruler!” Celestia ruled regally.
“Thank you, sister. But to be honest, I really like that hooded robe look. And that black-purple combination with the silver moon...”
At this point, somewhere in Ponyville, Rarity felt a disturbance in the fashion. As if thousands screamed “cliché” at once and were suddenly getting louder.
“Thank you, milady. I designed them myself.” The leader answered filled with pride “And I have to point to my beloved second in command, who does a wonderful job at washing and repair.”
“Erm... boss. Can we get on with this? Since there is no eternal night, I do have to get back to my shift in half an hour!” Another cultist asked.
“I guess I could give you a reward for your loyalty...” Luna offered, feeling flattered. She had followers now! That was awesome!
“Sorry, but no thank you.” The leader sighed “I formed this cult to win, not to get the pity-price!”
The leader turned to go, when Celestia rose. “The report stated 30 memebers. I only see 27, Agent Shadow!” She said with a bit of a grin.
“Oh, we counted ourselves too. And Red called in sick. He has the flu!” the second in command explained.
“And why are you here now and not in two hours?”
“The boss tricked the ambassador from Stalliongrad into a fight with the mayor from Horstria’s capital. They changed places with us.” She added quickly.
“Diamond Shadow?” The leader yelled, after getting over his shock “How could you? I thought you loved me!”
“Can we talk about that later, hon?”
“Who is the other one?”
“That’s me!” another cult follower waved “Sorry boss! But your last speech was great!”
“Wonderful... I missed the rebellion, my marefriend is an infiltrator and I ordered 200 packages of Mushroom seeds in advance!” the leader muttered, while leaving.
“If it helps... I had ways of making plants grow without direct sunlight.” Luna intervened a bit awkwardly.
“How about we continue meeting?” One cultist offered, while leaving “I mean all we ever did was play and frolic in the night to appease our goddess... we could do that, just without the whole dressing up...”
“The robes stay!”
“Fine, boss...”
After some shuffling and disappointed muttering, only the two infiltrators were left.
“I expect a full report at the end of the week.” Celestia ordered with a mischievous smile “And, Agent Shadow. The rules are rather strict about relationships with your targets.”
“Princess, I only pursued the relationship after I ensured that the cult was harmless!” the agent answered loudly, but added silently “And I want to see you try and resist a stallion with that much charisma AND so many great mushroom recipes.”
“Dismissed!” Celestia ordered and suppressed a very regal giggle.
Luna looked over to her sister. “Tia... can I keep the cult?”
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That last line... was the best thing I've read all day.
my brain is now lying six feet from my boddy in a bloody puddle laughing its little grey ass off.
this was really funny!
lol fantastic
This was great! If this site had any Luna emoticons this comment would just be an endless spam of those
11524
This raises the question: Why are there no Luna emoticons?
Thoroughly enjoyable. I would've changed Cutie Mark Crusaders Cult followers to mere CMC Cultists but it is a minor quibble.
11537 Insufficient screentime from which to derive them? It may be rectified after episode 2-4.
Also, this was fantastic. Every deity needs a few adorably harmless cults here and there. Especially if they're the kind whose power is proportional to the number of their followers, but that clearly isn't the case here.
Anyway, this was most amusing, and I look forward to whatever else you have planned.
11384 While I am very flattered, this can't be healthy!
Brains that lie around attract Zombie Ponies
12376 I hereby re-ask the question:
"Why are there no Luna emoticons, NOW?"
Of course you should keep the cult!
12826
Don't be silly, there's no such thing as zombie ponies
Awwww....
most fics liek this i read are terrible, waaaaay too silly. but this should totally be canon!
18678
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
At least now we know where Luna got the volunteers for her army of batwinged pegasus ponies. And technically the CMC hadn't been formed yet. But still, Luna's going to need some devoted followers to fill up the rank and file of her Night Guard. "Step right up and be mutated into nocturnal ponies!"
So Luna declared, "YEA VERILY, FOUR DOTH STRIKE US AS A MOST EXCEEDINGLY PALTRY NUMBER! WE DEMANDETH MORE CHAPTERS FORTHWITH!". And there was much rejoicing.
Oh my god, this first chapter was utterly brilliant. I absolutely loved it.
Scootaloo: Hey applebloom, you think of a way to get our cutie marks?
:Girls, i'm not sure that a...
: You guys go ahead, I don't think the sanity loss will affect you.
Applebloom: Ah think so, we should try n' find this book out in Arkham. Its called the Neck-Crow-Nomnomnom-eh-Colt. Ah bet it has tons of cool ideas.
Scootaloo: THAT'S BRILLIANT
Scoot and AB: CUTIE MARK CRUSADER, ARKHAM INVESTIGATORS
This first chapter reminds me of this one glorious scene in Django Unchained. You might know what I mean.
If the rest of this is only half as funny, it'll still be twice too much.
Genius last line
.
lol, Please, Mommy? Can I keep them?
SON OF A BITCH! They'd probably do that too.
I'm certain a similar thing happened with Cadance during Lesson Zero.
That last line!!!
*reads chapter 1... realizes it's from 2 years ago*
Ok, see this people? NMM cults are so cliche that they were being made fun of right after Season 1! STOP IT WITH THE CULTS!!
The only ones not cliche now are King Sombra cults. But those are just lame. Because King Sombra is lame.
The cult of Nightmare Moon is Heresy against the the Alicorns and must be purged with faith and fury!
i.imgur.com/S5d1Cgu.png
meme.rumbaar.net/cache/weapon/1209801250387.jpg_595.jpg