The Mare 6 will soon find themselves on a search for an item from another dimension in order to bring back a close friend of theirs. On the way they will recall past events thought to be long forgotten and one certain pony discovers feelings that she had yearned for years. An adventure that changes the future for two beings will soon begin; and it will all start with a purple dragon.
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An... interesting start. I will have to admit, it was a bit to... aprubt for me. Is there any chance you will be able to flesh it out a bit more? The start was good, but after the orb was found... it rather fell flat.
280906 This is more of an intro to the rest of the story. I plan to further explain the orb in more chapters. The orb has much significance. I really can't say more about it without spoiling what's to come.
280906 On second thought I think I will work on this first chapter more. The orb part does indeed seem to be lacking something.
288350
Good to here it!
288379 I've added some more details. I would love to hear your opinion. The input you gave has helped a lot already.
288658
Hmmm... to be honest it would be easier to compare if I had both the new and old version...
288694 Dangit........
288737
Sorry. I guess you can't remember how you changed it then?
291136 I added detail regarding the orb and I know I explained why he left the orb behind. I know the 200 extra words are all after he discovers the orb.
291489
Right... I've gone over the chapter now and it does seem a lot better... though I think the last paragraph the 2nd to last could do with some more work...
Just my opinion.
292441 I will see what I can do. You've really helped me out so I would really like to satisfy a reader. Especially when the reader has such constructive criticism. Thanks again for your help. I think this is a pretty good first chapter and a first story as well.
I liked this start. I hope to see mroe in the future.
1718606 I think he is dead.
4548755 Well, I had a story that I finished after about 3-4 years of hiatus
4549720 he hasn't sined in for about 84 weeks!
4550013 oh. I didn't know we could see the last time a user signs in this website.