An....Unexpected Visit

The 11th doctor and his companions, Amy and Rory, get whisked off to an alternate universe known as Equestria. There, the travelers meet the mane six and many other ponies. Stories will be shared, bowties will be liked, and there will be many parties in this tale of an unexpected visit.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 10 )

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Comment posted by whovianpegasisterforever deleted Sep 30th, 2013

joshuapunk3

joshuapunk3 #2 · Sep 30th, 2013 · · · Meet and Greet ·

IimWell id like to see where this goes it seems rather interesting. I'm Newton this fanfiction site but for startingnout its really good.

Cobalt Swirls

Cobalt Swirls #3 · Sep 30th, 2013 · · · Meet and Greet ·

Alrighty, I'm gonna do a very quick review for this story because it's 2:00AM and I need to get some sleep.

- Increase your chapter length. Bare minimum should be about a thousand words for each chapter. This tends to be a good rule to follow. I've seen a chapter that was over 43,000 words long (now obviously you wouldn't have to write something nearly this long, but don't be afraid to expand.)

-Be careful about just taking a piece of your story and posting it as your description. It can be done (i.e.Background Pony) but it must be done tactfully. In Background Pony that very specific piece of Lyra's dialogue helps give the reader an idea of what the story is about. Here it just seems like a chunk of the story was grabbed at random.

-"Doctor who\mlp fic"
That part of your title isn't particularly necessary. If your cover picture and description are clear enough, we'll know what you're crossing over with.

-I'd be wary about using the Doctor Who universe as well. A lot of people like it, which of course means a lot of people write about it, meaning your story can be skipped over for originality reasons.

-Read. Check out some of the big stories and authors on the sight. Here are two of my favorite authors:
shortskirtsandexplosions
Ponydora Prancypants

Alright, I'm tired. Best of luck in your writing. I gotta hit the hay.

~Check your G-Diffuser System
tcrf.net/images/6/6d/SF64_11_ArwingIcon.png

nighters

nighters #4 · Sep 30th, 2013 · · · An interrupted picnic ·

so sudden problem no build up for what wrong just tardis slips all the sudden for no real reason with out a warning? and doctor isn't planing anything alternate reality no theory or thoughts it might be an enemy or natural phenomena? hmm i don't think there much of a plot to understand for a beginning of how they got there no real build up so far in this part.
and the main six all the sudden and all the sudden rush off to confront an unknown without preparing reckless and vage on detail to what lead to them being outside panicking and no detail on background or what happening just kind of rough and fast flat at best not much impact sorry.
the third part you broke up is rush job of the main six all the sudden finding and meeting point all the sudden course the doctor use to that so that semi ok but need some work is all i like a good human hie doctor who where the time lord is still a time lord and time lord with a companion!
i wish i could try writing a story and have the guts to upload one like you do....

Ninjahzzzz

Ninjahzzzz #5 · Sep 30th, 2013 · · · Meet and Greet ·

This Seems to be going swimmingly,So then,Let us be off!

dukesofhazzardftw

dukesofhazzardftw #6 · Oct 1st, 2013 · · · Meet and Greet ·

DOCTOR WHOOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and like maybe he has a tardis or something and stuff goes haywire "not funny Jared.". OH Come on it was a little PUNNY!