This story is about a unicorn and his adventures with his friends. He is a member of the royal guard who falls in love with Twilight Sparkle. He manages to become her close friend but they are separated for a long time by his duties. Will he be able to reunite with her? And if so, will she remember him?
This story takes place along the same timeline as the show. The gore in the story is used only to describe wounds.
This is my first story so please give me advice and constructive criticism to help me improve my story.
Cover art courtesy of Raychan
Chapters (14)
I like it
Where did the prologue go? Also, I would suggest getting someone to check it for you. It's a little painful to read sometimes. Like when you change character, instead of making it a new paragraph so we know that the other one is speaking. I found myself reading a few sentences as the wrong one until after I finished the sentence.
Also lines like:
and
can be a little annoying to read.(I would copy and paste the actual sentences, but the prologue is missing atm lol).
.
Other than the usual teething issues, pretty good. But totally get someone to look it over
Thanks for the advice! The prologue will back up soon.
looking forward to more
The things I hate are in bold.
Thanks for the advice Sabban, I greatly appreciate it!
Don't bother using Zecora if you're unable to make her rhyme, it's way too OoC for her.
Same for almost every characters, they really act strangely or OoC.
You should add the Alternate Universe tag to this, if you want to continue writing it. Apart from the usual spelling errors and a couple of missed words
lol
It seems to be a good story. But there's just no way that Twilight wouldn't know about the only other pony to hatch a dragon. It's not like there are all these other ponies wondering around with dragons in the show.
Thanks for the feed back guys! I really appreciate it!
3154566 Okay I will take that into account next time I decide to write using her thanks!
I love this story. I hope the next chapter comes out soon. I would love to see when Twilight has to meet the main three.
Nice. More romance. Well worth the wait. Keep up the writing. I cant wait to see when how the three friends will grow. I think Twilight will see Dusk at the Gala.
Hi how do I submit fanart? :D
Thanks Raychan for the cover art!
Great cover art. Though I wish I knew more about Oracle. I know the Gala seems like the place for Twilight and Dusk to meet, but I predict they will barely miss each other though Twilight will start to remember Dusk a little.
Sad. It looks like Dusk won't be at the Gala. Oh well. Keep going with the story. I can't wait to see what's next.
This is coming along nicely. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Well that explains why they didn't see each other at the gala. Best of luck with the next season. What is going to have to the boys when Discord gets loose. I have got to read that.
what with all the downvotes?
3924282 I don't know. I love this story. I am betting Oracle knows about this new group of ponies though. I can't wait for the next chapter.